The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: Kindergarten Cop Alum Richard Tyson

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

You know, I should be excited about the upcoming horror flick The Banana Splits Movie from Syfy and Warner Bros. The trailer is creepy, the early word of mouth on the movie is that it’s gory and insane and, as an admitted B-movie nerd of the highest order, I should be anticipating this movie with all of my being. And yet, I’m really not. I’ll likely watch it when it comes out, either on home video or when it’s on TV (or streaming or whatever). The movie actually makes me kind of sad.

Why? The whole thing seems wrong. I have no problem with someone making a movie about demonic/deranged children’s TV show mascots going batshit and killing people, but should we really have a horror movie about killer mascots from a real children’s show (granted, very old but it was still a children’s show back in the day)? This isn’t a skit or an SNL spoof. It’s a real movie. Wouldn’t it have made more sense for the Banana Splits people to make a movie featuring mascot characters that are like or very similar to the Banana Splits mascots? I think it would have.

Look at the Child’s Play and Chucky movies. The Good Guy dolls are not real dolls, but they resemble real dolls. I don’t think the franchise would have been a franchise if the killer doll was from a real doll line.

So why make a horror movie out of the animal mascots from the Banana Splits show? I don’t get it.

Again, I will likely watch the movie when it comes out, but I can’t say that I’m totally onboard with the idea. It seems cruel. Anyone else out there uneasy about this movie?

And now onto this week’s Dumpster Fire of the Week.

This week, the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to prolific character actor Richard Tyson, for his recent arrest for public intoxication and assault in Alabama. Tyson, who recently appeared as the villain in the low budget action flick Death Kiss starring big Chuck Bronson lookalike Robert “Bronzi” Kovacs and is probably best known as the villain Cullen Crisp in Kindergarten Cop, was arrested in Mobile, Alabama last Wednesday morning after getting into a fight of some sort. Once arrested, Tyson was charged with harassment and public intoxication. Tyson posted $1,000 bond and was released from custody a few hours later.

Now, why did Tyson fight the guy he apparently fought? And who did Tyson fight? At the moment, details are scarce, but much is being made of the fact that Tyson’s brother, John Tyson, Jr., was once the District Attorney for Mobile County. Did Tyson get out of jail fairly quickly because of his family’s standing in the community? No one has said that specifically, but there sure as hell seems to be an insinuation of that. I have no idea if it’s true or not. Would I be surprised if it was true? Not really, but, again, I have no way of knowing.

Of course, the release of Tyson’s mug shot, where he looks super bloated and completely out of it (check it out here), would seem to indicate that no familial favors were cashed in and the law is the law, the mug shot is a matter of public record (or no one with access to the photograph was worried about being fired/reprimanded for releasing it). The image is not quite Nick Nolte bad but, yeah, it doesn’t look good at all.

It’s a shame that this kind of thing happens. It’s a shame that people get drunk off their ass and start shit/get involved in shit in public. At the same time, no one made Tyson get shitfaced and fight someone. He could have backed down/not engaged and just gone home/thrown up in the bathroom or parking lot. It will be interesting to see how much follow up this story gets in the scandal sheet gossip celebrity press. I mean, what are the details of the fight and the harassment? Just what the heck really happened in Mobile, Alabama last Wednesday night?

And has Richard Tyson done this kind of thing before? I’ve never heard of him being involved in this kind of thing in the past. It’s always seemed like he was too buddy making movies and TV shows and whatnot.

If Tyson needs help I hope he gets it, and I hope he continues to make appearances in all sorts of movies now and into the future. It’s always a hoot to see him in something.

Anyone else out there remember his old TV show Hardball, the cop show he did with John “Sgt. John Taggart” Ashton?

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And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Musician and celebrity Justin Bieber, for wanting to fight Tom Cruise. This story has been floating around for a few weeks now and, presumably, it was all a joke of some sort. Apparently, according to TMZ, it wasn’t. It’s something Bieber and others want to make happen. Why? And why would Bieber want to fight Cruise anyway? Cruise may be older than Bieber and somewhat broken down, but does anyone think he would actually lose to that hoodlum pipsqueak Bieber? No fucking way.

-Oregon state senator Brian Boquist, for for threatening to shoot and kill state troopers sent to retrieve him after Republican lawmakers walked out of the capitol in the midst of a contentious vote regarding a climate change bill. You know, it’s one thing to leave the state during a big deal vote involving a controversial issue. Democrats and Republicans in various states across the county have done it countless times. But threatening to shoot state troopers, or cops in general, sent out to find you? That’s bullshit. If Senator Boquist wants to engage in a peaceful protest/non-violent protest and make it really, passively difficult for the cops to arrest him/apprehend him, that’s one thing. Threatening to shoot and kill those cops? You can’t do that. Again, that’s bullshit. And it’s insane.

–The 2020 Democratic Presidential field, for their showing early how they’re going to screw this election up. Cory Booker’s attack on Joe Biden for being “out of touch” is the first in a coming series of brutal attacks from damn near everyone against everyone else in the race. You will see the candidates polling poorly, like Booker, go right after the front runners, and you will see the front runners attempt to engage in a scorched Earth strategy to take out the “lesser” candidates. And then the “liberal” media will “report” on all of it, and the Republicans will use all of those attacks in their own attacks on the eventual Democratic candidate. And when the Democrat loses (and, yeah, he or she is going to lose), the Democrats will have the nerve to stand around and ask “How did this happen?”

How can all of these people be so fucking clueless?

–Those parents involved in that youth baseball brawl in Colorado, for for having a brawl at a youth baseball game. Now, sure, was it wise to have a 13 year old umpire? Probably not. But that’s no reason to have a big ass brawl. It’s ridiculous. It’s a fucking kid’s game, for the love of Christ. Everyone, please, calm the fuck down.

I’ve seen this kind of stuff up close. It’s never pretty. And it’s never necessary. Never. Again, everyone, please, calm the fuck down.

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