The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: Melania Trump

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

So who else despises the idea of the self-checkout at the grocery store or, really, anywhere? I avoid them at all costs and, in some cases, refuse to use one at all. Yes, I have dropped everything I was set to buy because I don’t want to use the self-checkout. The few times that I have used them I’ve openly wondered how long it will be before the store has me stocking their goddamn shelves despite not being an employee. Because that seems to be “the future” of brick and mortar retail. Either I, the customer, do it, or some robot does it. And that’s just bullshit.

I hate having to figure out how to use the self-checkout, as not all self-checkouts are the same. I hate having to strain to listen to the machine tell me what to do next on a busy day when the store is packed and no one can shut the hell up. And I hate having an issue with a self-checkout and having to find a human employee to figure out what the hell is wrong with the machine. Had that person been allowed to check me out of the store, if there were issues he or she would have been able to spot them early and I wouldn’t have to wait for someone to figure out what to do.

And then there’s paying for shit. Maybe I don’t want to use my credit card to pay for the $11 of whatever I want to purchase. Maybe I want to use cash instead. Sometimes the dollar bill machine won’t take a bill because the machine can’t “read” it. You don’t have that kind of problem with a human checker.

So why do stores do this, beyond relentless greed? If there’s a reason beyond greed I have no idea what it is.

So, again, who else wants to end the whole self-checkout thing? Who else hates this shit?

And now onto this week’s Dumpster Fire of the Week.

This week, the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to current First Lady of the United States Melania Trump, for her complete failure to, once again, live up to her “Be Best” campaign when it comes to her husband’s incessant online bullying. And, well, any sort of bullying generated by her husband’s ultra-right wing loonbag base. While no one should be surprised by any of this, it’s still pretty awful. And galling.

Last week, Time magazine named teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg its “Person of the Year” for 2019, and Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, 2018 Dumpster Fire of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, flipped out about it on Twitter. According to the president, naming Thunberg “Person of the Year” was “So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to an old fashioned movie with a friend. Chill, Greta, chill!” That tweet wasn’t the first time that the president has attacked Thunberg on Twitter ( he also did it in September). And just like in September, multiple people and entities took the President to task for his attack not on Thunberg’s climate change message, but her appearance and demeanor (Thunberg has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome). One person who didn’t is the President’s wife, Melania Trump. According to the First Lady, it’s okay for her husband to attack Thunberg because she’s an activist travelling the globe giving speeches.

Now, the First Lady’s big hooha First Lady project is the “Be Best” initiative, which apparently has three “pillars”: well-being, social media usage, and opioid abuse among children. When it comes to “social media usage,” the focus is on online bullying and, I guess, just not being an asshole online. The First Lady doesn’t want anyone to be an asshole online. She wants people, both children and adults, to be their best selves. At least I think that’s what Be Best is supposed to be all about. The only person who doesn’t have to worry about being an asshole is her husband. President Trump can apparently do and say whatever he wants and it’s okay.

Does any of that make sense? Of course not. But then, again, as long as the president does it, it’s okay. That’s the message that’s being sent here and it’s wrong. It’s just wrong.

But doesn’t the First Lady have a point? Shouldn’t the president be allowed to debate climate change activists if he has a different opinion/position on the subject? Yes, the president, like anyone else, should be allowed to express his opinion on major issues. If the president doesn’t believe in climate change he should express his opinion. If the president wants to say that climate change is a hoax and that climate change activists are wrong, fine. But should he attack an activist’s physical appearance/the way an activist speaks, especially when that activists has a form of autism? No, he shouldn’t. And the First Lady, who wants all of us to “Be Best,” should be leading the fucking charge on that. She should remind people, day in and day out, that they need to stop being assholes to one another.

And that includes her husband. You know, the man who is so thin skinned that he abruptly left a NATO meeting when fellow world leaders talked shit about him. He doesn’t like it when people do it to him, so why not lead by example and “Be Best?” Why isn’t she emphasizing that with her husband?

Because it’s all just bullshit?

Remember when no one made fun of the First Lady’s son, Barron Trump, but the First Lady acted like someone called Barron a shit head on live TV and it was a big deal?

The First Lady should clearly change her “Be Best” initiative to “It’s okay if I do it, but you can’t.” Because that’s what seems to be happening here.

Just let it sink in that we’re going to have to put up with another term of this fucking shit after the 2020 election. Are you all really prepared for that?

**

And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, right wing radio show host, and drug addict Rush Limbaugh, for his recent claim that the Democrats use disabled people to get their message out because you can’t criticize disabled people. No one is stopping anyone from going after activists on the facts and or merits of their positions. If drug addict Rush wants to tell people that they shouldn’t listen to Greta Thunberg or Michael J. Fox or whoever because they are wrong, no one is going to complain about that. People will complain if someone like drug addict Rush makes fun of a disabled person’s appearance/public demeanor. So why not just hammer a person for their beliefs/political positions and leave it at that? Think about that. Please.

-Fox Business News show host and professional right loonbag Lou Dobbs, for his recent claim that the Democrats are colluding with the Russians on impeachment. What? The Democrats are colluding with the entity that wanted them to lose in 2016? Why would that happen? How would that happen? Is it safe to say that Lou has fucking lost it?

–The Hallmark Channel, for pulling a commercial featuring lesbians getting married because a group of ultra-right wing lunatics complained about it. The loon group in question, the One Millions Moms, threatened to boycott the Hallmark Channel if it continued to air a Zola commercial where two lesbians get married and kiss, because apparently that’s the end of the world. Hallmark could have, and probably should have, told One Million Moms and its owner the American Family Association, to go fuck themselves, but Hallmark thought it was better to just stop running the commercial. Pretty lame, Hallmark. Pretty lame.

–Tommy Calaway, the Georgia youth minister who slapped and grabbed a female TV reporter’s ass on air, for slapping and grabbing the reporter’s ass on air. If Calaway had just yelled like an idiot in front of the camera as he ran by it he wouldn’t have been recently arrested for assault. That’s what everyone else did when they ran by the camera. Why did Calaway think it was okay to do this shit? What a douchebag.

**

Thanks for reading. Agree? Disagree? Sign up with disqus and comment. You know you want to, so just go do it.

Please “like” The Gratuitous B-Movie Column on Facebook!

Oh, and B-movies rule. Always remember that.