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The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: President Donald Trump

November 19, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Donald Trump

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

I really don’t have a proper introduction for this particular edition of the Dumpster Fire of the Week, so I’m just going to ask two random questions about cereal because, hey, why not?

One, does the world really need a “Twinkie flavored” cereal? In fact, does the world really need any kind of cereal that tastes like something else other than cereal? I know that we have things like Count Chocula, which tastes like chocolate, and cereals that have berries and whatnot in them, but chocolate isn’t a brand name thing. It’s chocolate. Twinkies are a brand name thing. Why would someone want their cereal to taste like a Twinkie? Or Pop Tarts, for that matter?

Cheerios

And two, how many people put their cereal in plastic containers? And does doing that make sense if you’re buying cereal that’s already in a box? It sort of makes sense if you buy that “cheap” cereal that comes in a bag, but if you buy a box of Cheerios, should you really take the Cheerios out of the bag in the box and put them in a different box?

And now onto this week’s Dumpster Fire of the Week.

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This week, the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, 2018 Dumpster Fire of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States Donald Trump, for tweeting about an impeachment witness in the middle of an impeachment inquiry hearing, despite telling people that he wouldn’t be watching the inquiry at all that day. The witness in question, former ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch, was able to react to the President’s tweet in “real time” during the hearing, as the tweet was read to her by Democratic Representative Adam Schiff. To say that the tweet didn’t go over well would be a massive understatement.

Now, should anyone be surprised that the President lashed out via social media while the hearing was taking place? Not really. Yes, he did say that he wouldn’t be watching the hearing (either he said or one of his representatives said that if he watched anything it he would be the hearing’s opening statements but that’s it because he’s got shit to do as President), but the President says lots of things that turn out to be just bullshit. I don’t think anyone thought, though, that he would flip out on any of the witnesses, at least until well after the hearing was over. Attack Adam Schiff and the Democrats? Expected. But a witness, while that witness was testifying?

The Democrats didn’t like it. The Republicans didn’t like it. Even the people on Fox News didn’t like it. And now there’s a chance that this incident could become an article of impeachment (potential witness intimidation). Why the fuck would he do this? Why wouldn’t he just leave it alone?

Because, as we’ve seen time and time again, the President just can’t keep his fucking mouth shut. He just can’t allow his lawyers, his spokespeople, the people charged with somehow defending him, in the case of impeachment the Republicans in the House of Representatives and his allies in the ultra-right wing media machine, to do their job. He, himself, has to get involved and, amazingly, make things even worse. He just can’t stop.

It’s just mind boggling that the President hasn’t figured this out yet. It’s also mind boggling that anyone wants to work for him. He just keeps setting fires.

Of course, since he knows that the Republicans in the Senate aren’t going to abandon him and that he’s going to win re-election in 2020 (and he will) he believes he can just do whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter. It’s still disgraceful, though, that it’s come to this. It’s disgraceful that the President is a real deal criminal and he will never be held accountable for his actions. Ever.

So what do you think will happen next? Will he just hate tweet the entire next section of the impeachment inquiry, from start to finish? I think that’s a real possibility. And who else will he attempt to intimidate next?

Yes, folks, this is the President of the United States.

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And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

Prince Andrew, of the British royal family, for his recent, absolutely ludicrous BBC interview where he attempts to explain his relationship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. I’m just going to assume that the prince thought that by doing this interview he could somehow make people believe that his relationship with Epstein was innocent and that nothing happened with Virginia Roberts Giufre, the woman accusing the prince of having sex with her when she was underage. It’s simply baffling that he thought anyone would believe any of it. I mean, if he didn’t have sex with Giufre, why does he have his hand around her waist in that way (we’ve all seen the photo)? It’s ridiculous. There’s no way he doesn’t know who she is. No way in hell.

Man, Bill Clinton, Alan Dershowitz, Bill Richardson, George Mitchell, Glenn Dubin, and Donald Trump and God knows who else better hope that there aren’t photos of them with any of Epstein’s victims. It will all come out eventually, won’t it?

Roger Stone, for being convicted on all seven counts in his recent trial in Washington D.C. Stone was convicted of witness tampering and making false statements, and could receive 20 years in prison, although the consensus at the moment is Stone will likely receive far less time than that. Of course, he could also be pardoned by President Trump, who flipped out on Twitter after news of Stone’s conviction broke, although I’d suspect that won’t happen until after the 2020 election or after Trump’s eventual Senate trial after being impeached. Do you think Stone now regrets that picture of him circulating the internets where he’s holding up the “Hillary for Prison 2016” T-shirt?

Those three Indiana judges, for being suspended after getting into a drunken brawl outside of a White Castle. The actual brawl in question apparently happened back in May, but the judges were officially suspended this past week. Just go ahead and read the story at the link and be amazed at how insane the whole thing is. I mean, it doesn’t even seem real, does it? It seems like a plot point in a movie comedy of some sort.

-Cleveland Browns player Myles Garrett, for getting suspended after attacking Pittsburgh Steelers player Mason Rudolph and essentially instigating a brawl. Would Garrett have been suspended indefinitely if he hadn’t attacked Rudolph with Rudolph’s own helmet? Maybe? Swinging the other guy’s helmet at his head certainly didn’t look good on television, and the brawl that ensued directly afterwards didn’t help things.

Man, if football operated within the rules of pro wrestling, the Browns could give Myles Garrett a different number, make him wear a mask under his helmet, and act like they have no idea who he is, he’s some new guy named “Demon Dog” or some bullshit like that. Wouldn’t that be cool?

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