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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 7.28.14 Issue #317: Firewalker (1986)

July 28, 2014 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #317: Firewalker (1986)

The 3rd Annual July: A Month of Chuck Norris: Week 5

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that isn’t a drag on the economy, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number three hundred and seventeen, The 3rd Annual July: A Month of Chuck Norris concludes with Norris’ 1986 collaboration with Academy Award winner Lou Gossett, Jr, Firewalker.

Firewalker (1986)

Firewalker, directed by J. Lee Thompson, is a strange movie in the career of Chuck Norris when you consider the kinds of movies Norris was making in the mid-1980’s. Before Firewalker Norris had appeared in two action dramas (Missing in Action and Missing in Action 2: The Beginning), two serious action vehicles (Code of Silence and Invasion U.S.A.), and an ensemble sort of disaster movie (The Delta Force). Why make an action adventure comedy that’s so completely different from everything else you’ve done up until that point? Did Norris feel the need to stretch his acting chops?

Norris stars as Max Donigan, a professional treasure hunter who is good with his hands and feet and good with knives but not so good with guns. His treasure hunting partner, Leo Porter (Lou Gossett Jr.), is a former college professor who turned to global adventure mostly out of boredom. Max and Leo have been through plenty in their adventure career but they haven’t made that big score quite yet. After surviving an almost lethal run in out in the desert with The General (Richard Lee-Sung), Max and Leo meet Patricia Goodwin (Melody Anderson), a wealthy woman with a treasure map. Patricia wants to hire Max and Leo to find a hidden temple in Mexico that is alleged to be filled with gold. Max and Leo aren’t too keen on Patricia’s pitch at first but they eventually decide that they have nothing to lose searching for this gold. So off they go to Mexico (at least I think it’s Mexico. More on that later).
So Max and Leo, with Patricia tagging along, quickly find the temple on top of a mountain in the middle of the desert. After climbing the side of the mountain and entering the temple they don’t find a pile of gold. Instead of gold they find a pile of human skeletons, a bunch of old conquistador helmets, and a gold knife with a glowing red ruby in the handle. They also find a bunch of native assassins with bows and arrows and spears. After escaping the assassins Max and Leo look for answers. Where the heck is the gold? Why were there conquistador helmets in the cave? And what’s the deal with the knife?

Max and Leo and Patricia go to see Tall Eagle (Will Sampson), an old American Indian who for some reason, knows why there are conquistador helmets in the cave. Basically, there’s an old legend about a Cyclops that needs to sacrifice an important person with the knife they found in the temple so the Cyclops can become the firewalker, an entity that will have tremendous power (the firewalker will also have access to the gold). Ridiculous? Sure, but then, when you operate in the world of treasure hunting you tend to run into that kind of thing. So Max, Leo, and Patricia go deep into Mexico to find the real home of the gold treasure. Weird stuff starts to happen almost immediately as Max is attacked by a hot babe with a knife and a bottle full of drugs and Patricia starts to have visions and feelings about the treasure and the Coyote, a monster that also just so happens to be the Cyclops in Tall Eagle’s story.

At this point any sane person would just abandon the treasure hunt and find something else to do, but Max, because it’s his job to search the globe for hidden treasure, decides to keep going. Leo wants to quit, but he knows that he can’t abandon his friend Max and, well, he wants to possess gold, too. And Patricia? She just wants to see if her feelings are real and if the treasure is real. So the three adventurers keep moving forward.

The first thing you’re likely to notice about the plot of Firewalker is that it’s incredibly muddled. It probably makes sense if you really think about it and chart it out on a piece of paper, but it never really makes any sense while watching it. You’re also likely to notice the general lack of danger surrounding this treasure hunt. Sonny Landham’s Coyote character is scary and a formidable presence but he’s barely in the movie. The Coyote also lacks a personal army of henchmen, which is what you need to provide danger for the protagonists if the bad guy isn’t going to be around all of the time. The movie is also lackadaisical in terms of its pacing. While the movie is never boring you get the sense that, with a faster pace that it would be far more enjoyable. It also would have helped if the script were tighter and the plot more focused.

And then there’s the “firewalker” legend. I still don’t understand why it’s important for anyone to want to become the firewalker. I’m also confused about where, exactly, the movie takes place. Are Max and Leo in Africa at the beginning of the movie? Are they in South America? And where, exactly, do they all end up? I couldn’t tell you with any sense of certainty if my life depended on it.

And what’s with the lack of cussing? You don’t need to have a script full of swearing to be badass or funny but it’s clear that neither Norris or Gossett are all that comfortable not swearing. It seems like they’re trying too hard not to swear, and that just comes off as awkward (for instance, why the hell would Max say “daggummit?” Who the hell said that in 1986?)

So what works with Firewalker? Chuck Norris and Lou Gossett are a great buddy team. They have tremendous chemistry and they’re fun to watch. It’s also fun to watch Norris be a goof ball. He’s a badass but he isn’t a dark and mean badass. He’s a fun guy to be around. It’s also fun to hear Norris say things that he’s never said before in any movie (like the opening sequence).

As for Gossett, he’s clearly having the time of his life playing a sort of swashbuckling adventurer. He knows how far to play the comedy and when he has to play second fiddle to Norris, who is the movie’s star. I’d imagine that Gossett probably doesn’t include this movie on his “best of” career reel, but then it’s still a damn good performance anyway. He should be proud of it.

Melody Anderson does a fine job as Patricia. She doesn’t really have a fully realized character to play but she makes you care about her anyway. Anderson, too, has good chemistry with Norris, although the movie probably should have pulled the trigger on their budding romantic relationship sooner than it does. As I said earlier, Landham’s Coyote character isn’t in the movie enough and should have been a bigger presence. The dude is scary, but for whatever reason the movie never capitalizes on that.

The movie’s standout performance belongs to John Rhys-Davies as Corky Taylor, an old American Marine who got into the mercenary adventurer business after the Vietnam War and ended up becoming the leader of a small village in the jungles of Central America (or South America. Again, I have no idea where, exactly, this movie takes place). Rhys-Davies is balls out funny as Corky and has absolutely no trouble mugging for the camera and being a weirdo. The man wears his old Marine dress blues as his official leader outfit. That’s hysterical. The movie could have used more of Corky. Lots more.

Despite its many shortcomings, Firewalker is a fun movie that’s worth checking out. Watching Chuck Norris do comedy for the first time in his career is a thing to behold. Why didn’t he try to do more comedy? And why didn’t he team up with Gossett again for another Max and Leo adventure? I bet the world would have enjoyed that.

Do you think Chuck and Lou would be down for doing a sequel almost thirty years later? It would certainly give both of them something constructive to do.

See Firewalker. See it, see it, see it.

So what do we have here?

Dead bodies: Maybe 5.

Explosions: One that I remember, and it’s not a regular explosion. It’s more like a big fire that grows even bigger.

Nudity?: None. It’s PG.

Doobage: A desert chase, multiple grenade attacks, a broken bottle of Perrier, an old map, crossbow attack, donkey riding, a bunch of human skeletons, a skull with glowing eyes, spear attack, attempted kidnapping, knife to the gut, kung fu hooey, a snake fire ceremony, a hot Indian woman, a cat fight, attempted knife to the throat, an airplane pilot wearing a parachute, a shitty hotel, a bad mattress, arguing, ass kicking, an epic bar fight, woman’s shoe to the top of the head, gum chewing, a sort of funny train ride, littering, a destroyed village, banana fields, attempted decapitation, a rain dance, a knife throwing contest, multiple drink salutes, booze drinking, a camo VW bug, a crocodile, dog paddling, secret passageway hooey, a pond of boiling oil, attempted sacrifice, swinging some serious rock/ledge climbing, bagging up gold, multiple attempted suffocation, a nifty man-on-fire gag, and a funny ending.

Kim Richards?: None.

Gratuitous: Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris and Lou Gossett Jr. as buddies, Chuck Norris sans the beard, Polaroids, a Perrier bottle, Sonny Landham, Chuck Norris goofing off, a ricochet, an Indian watching I Love Lucy, Apache history, flirting, suffocation via hand, pig Latin, John Rhys-Davies, “the charm,” assumed crocodile attack, a flaming body, a sailboat, and a funny ending.

Best lines: “I said left!,” “If you’ll need anything, gentlemen, just scream,” “Max there’s something I want to tell you. What? I really want you to know that I blame you for this,” “A red Cyclops, man,” “Aztecs! Mayans! Spaniards! All on an Indian reservation?,” “I don’t know why he puts up with her. If she were mine I’d cut off her nose,” “Beware of the coyote. He is very treacherous and powerful,” “Gin. We’re playing poker,” “Do you believe in witches, Leo?,” “I never turn down a good potion,” “Man, this is getting weird,” “This is the big one, Leo. I can feel it in my bones,” “Stop acting like a daggum sissy!,” “Fruitcake? I’m a fruitcake?,” “Twenty bucks for these drinks. It’s a good thing it’s your money,” “Did you get anything? Does hostility count?,” “He said your mother was a pig and your father was a dog. Did he say anything about my sister?,” “I never realized what a spunky devil you are,” “How many pictures does one person need?,” “I thought priests were supposed to be teetotalers? I thought nuns were supposed to be virgins,” “Indecision. That’s a good sign,” “I always said you were too pretty for jungle work,” “Goddamit! That sonofabitch moved!,” “Which one are we going to eat first?,” “I think I better go wash these dishes,” “Look, don’t talk to me about normal!,” “This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Don’t be such a pessimist,” “Well, fruitcake, you did it,” “Thank you, Tall Eagle. Goodnight coyote,” and “So, gentlemen, we meet again.”

Rating: 7.5/10.0

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Next week: Awesome August begins with Super (2010) and Ironclad: Battle for Blood (2014)!

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: The Facebook Page!

Please check out The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which can be seen here. There’s not much there at the moment, but, as time goes by, expect to see daily questions and musings and other B-movie hooey (this really is going to happen at some point). And it would be cool if you “liked” it, too.

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!

And please check out my interview with director Brett A. Hart about the Ain’t It Cool internet show and more!

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And now a Chuck Norris Fact

Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.

Chuck Norris Facts.com

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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1

Legendary: This low budget action flick starring Dolph Lundgren and Scott Adkins was at one time known as Tomb of the Dragon. I have no idea why the title was changed as Legendary is quite generic (at least Tomb of the Dragon had the word “dragon” in it). And it’s rated PG-13, which seems awfully weird. I mean, if it’s going straight-to-video why hold back? Still worth seeing, though.

The Protector 2: The great Tony Jaa returns to protecting stuff in this badass martial arts sequel that also features RZA, who seems to be popping up in plenty of movies lately. This looks freaking insane, which is what you sort of expect from Tony Jaa. Looks awesome.

Cuban Fury: This Nick Frost led romantic comedy didn’t get great reviews when it had a very limited theatrical release in the United States earlier this year, but then perhaps everyone was waiting for Shaun of the Dead without Shaun in it. It’s a comedy about dancing starring Nick Frost. Isn’t that enough to at least rent? I think it is.

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Theme of the Week

Enjoy.

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TV Quick Hits

NY Med thoughts: I was reluctant to give this ABC documentary reality show my time because, based solely on its ad campaign, it looked like it was going to be all about Dr. Oz. TV already has more than enough Dr. Oz during the week with his daytime talk show and the cable repeats that appear on Oprah’s channel. It doesn’t need more of that kind of thing. Thankfully, NY Med isn’t all about Dr. Oz and his heart surgery heroics. It’s about multiple hospitals and multiple doctors and nurses doing their jobs saving lives and whatnot.

Now, I didn’t watch this show when it first aired a few years ago so I have no idea if ABC changed up the feel and focus of the show. I’d imagine the only real thing ABC did was put a little more money into producing it as it is one of the best looking documentary reality shows on TV. And while it covers topics and incidents we all have seen a million times on other documentary reality shows about doctors and hospitals NY Med comes off as far more engaging than those other shows.

I will admit that I do get confused every so often about which hospital the episode is in at the moment but then I guess that’s the point. I do wonder, though, if the stories we’re seeing in each episode take place on the same day or if we’re just watching various stories from various times all meshed together. I haven’t noticed any, I guess you can call them “continuity errors,” but then I’m not actively looking for them, either. Perhaps I should start looking for them, just to see if I can figure out what the heck is really going on.

Dr. Oz has only shown up a few times, and he comes off as less of a douchebag on this show than his other show. He doesn’t talk to his patients like they’re morons and, at least so far, hasn’t pushed his organic agenda on anyone. I guess he doesn’t have time to do that kind of thing, especially when someone is having serious heart trouble and is on the table flailing about in tremendous pain (like in the first episode of this season). If Oz were more like this during his talk show I’d probably be more inclined to watch it every now and then.

I hope that ABC doesn’t use this as only a summer series as the network could use it during the mid-season part of the TV year. I would much rather new episodes of this show than reruns of Scandal. I mean, if those Nightline primetime specials are just going to get dumped on Saturdays put NY Med on Thursday nights or whenever.

I’m surprised that ABC hasn’t put together more of these kinds of shows. Why not another “cop reality show” or a day in the life of a college professor? Or how about a show about big city garbage men? People would definitely watch that show. I know I would.

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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 2

The Den: This sort of found footage horror movie looks kind of weird (that kid in the first part of the trailer gives me the goddamn creeps) but then lots of “found footage” type movies look weird. I’m willing to rent this, just to see if it’s as freaky as that one kid. If it’s half as freaky IFC Films has a winner on its hands.

Curtains: I believe this 1980’s slasher movie was featured on the cover of Rue Morgue magazine and has some sort of reputation that I am clearly not aware of. I do remember seeing the poster above at some point, but I thought it was an advertisement for a line of scary toys or something. Has anyone out there seen this? And does anyone know why it has a reputation?

Dragonwolf: This martial arts flick from Thailand features massive throat slitting in its trailer, which automatically makes Dragonwolf a must see movie. Even if it turns out to be kind of boring and lame story wise at least you have that and other martial arts hooey to look for. I do wonder, though, how many people think this movie is about a dragon-wolf hybrid. I know that’s what I thought it was when I saw the title.

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And now another Chuck Norris Fact

Curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.

Chuck Norris Facts.com

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Babe of the Week: Melody Anderson

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Special Commentary: The End of Fearnet

Fearnet has been cancelled. And it sucks. We’ve sort of known about it for a few months now, as it was announced back in April that Comcast had purchased the property outright from Lionsgate and Sony and that the things that made Fearnet Fearnet would eventually be absorbed into Comcast’s other cable properties, mainly the Sci Fi Channel and Chiller. In this case, presumably, the movies that Fearnet aired on its TV channel and streamed for free on its website and its original content, like the sitcom Holliston, would eventually show up on both Sci Fi and Chiller and wherever else. Will any of that actually happen? I doubt it, at least when it comes to Fearnet’s original content. The movies and the TV shows, like Tales From The Crypt, will no doubt show up on Chiller in the near future, but the other stuff? I’ll believe it when I see it.

How did it come to this? Why is Fearnet disappearing? Why is Chiller, as a horror brand, more important? I’m guessing that, in the end, Fearnet just didn’t have the reach of Chiller. On my cable Chiller is lumped with the other general entertainment channels. Fearnet is stuck at the end of the premium movie channel block, the last channel before the pay-per-view events preview commercial channel. I doubt most people, once they got beyond the last Encore channel, even bothered to see what else they were paying for. Is it this way with every cable outlet carrying Fearnet? I have no idea but I wouldn’t doubt it.

I also wouldn’t be surprised to find out that, because Comcast purchased Chiller back when it bought NBC Universal, Comcast is more protective of Chiller and is far more interested in seeing it succeed than fail. It’s part of the family, so to speak, so it can’t be left out in the cold. Fearnet, though? Not that important (Comcast only owned a third of the channel at the beginning, so it only got to see it every three weeks. They just weren’t that close).

I’ve never been a fan of Chiller, mostly because it shows the exact same stuff as Sci Fi. The same movies, the same sort of TV shows. It’s like Cloo, the former Sleuth channel. Sleuth, for its first year, actually showed different programming than the other cable channels in the NBC Universal stable. It felt like its own channel with its own shows (it was meant to be a channel that focused on thriller, suspense, and mystery movies and TV shows). But then, in its second year Sleuth became USA lite. Endless NCIS reruns followed by movies that were not thriller, suspense, or mystery movies. 40 Year Old Virgin, while a funny movie, doesn’t belong on a network that’s supposed to be mystery focused. Chiller does seem to have slightly more horror content than Sci Fi but, in the big scheme of things, not enough to really make it seem as though they are two different channels. I hope that, since it will be the only game in town in a few days, Chiller will become something horror/thriller/suspense nerds can truly embrace. I doubt it will but I can still hope.

I also hope that Chiller, at some point in the future, develops its own Video On Demand channel that features uncut versions of the movies it shows on its basic cable network. That was one of the big draws for Fearnet.

So where do we go from here? I’m not sure. While it’s true that the coming death of Fearnet is part of a heartless corporate strategy to make more money, it’s also true that the horror nerd world needs to get its act together. When cool things like Fearnet or wide release low budget horror movie get wide theatrical releases we have to show up, we have to talk about it, we have to watch, and we have to spend money. Money is the only thing the business world understands. So we have to make an effort, too. Even if, in the end, the thing in question isn’t all that great and isn’t an instant classic we still have to show up and make the money people aware of what we want to see. We still want to see this kind of stuff, don’t we? We all say that we do. So where the hell are we?

Rob Zombie’s House of 1,000 Corpses will be the last movie on the Fearnet schedule this Wednesday night at 10pm EST. And then it will be over. Fearnet will sign off at midnight and the world will suddenly be a little less cool. And, as I said at the beginning, that sucks.

I’m going to miss Fearnet. It was a great channel.

God, that’s depressing.

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And now a Moment of Chuck

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week

Douchebag

This week, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week goes to Ken Ham, President and CEO of Answers in Genesis, founder of the Creationist Museum, and ultra-right wing Christian psychopath, for saying that NASA should stop looking for aliens in outer space because, even if they do exist, they’re going to Hell. And why are aliens going to Hell? Because the Bible says so.

Yes, the Bible, according to Ken, says that aliens are going to Hell. Ken wants you to believe that, because the Bible is true and real and “historically accurate,” only the “descendants of Adam” can gain salvation under God/Jesus. Aliens won’t be “descendants of Adam,” so, yeah, they’re going to Hell.

Ridiculous? Of course. But then when has that stopped anyone from listening to people who believe in incredibly weird shit? And if the fact that this guy owns and operates a “creationist museum” didn’t make you go “what the fuck?” I think it’s high time you sit up and take notice.

What the fuck?

And then there’s Jody Hice, Republican Congressional hopeful in Georgia’s 10th district (he apparently just won a Republican primary last week), for claiming that the “homosexual movement is out to destroy America.” As far as I know Hice and his enablers at Fox News (check out Media Matters for the details) haven’t explained what, exactly, the “homosexual movement” is, but that fact won’t stop Hice from continuing his assault on the idea that the country is falling apart because of gay people.

Ridiculous. When is this bullshit going to stop? And why are people so goddamn scared of gay people? And what the hell is the “homosexual movement?” Is it the same thing as “the homosexual agenda?” Isn’t it about time one of these psycho douchebags put out a book about this?

And finally there’s the ultra-right wing media machine, for its recent “Bill Clinton may have a mistress!” rumor mongering. While promoting a new series of “Bill Clinton had sex in the White House” books, it looks like the URWMM is looking to gin up sales for these books and, more importantly for the machine, test the waters to see just how receptive its audience is to what amounts to the rehashing of old “Clinton scandals” bullshit. It worked before so why wouldn’t it work on Clinton’s wife and presumptive 2016 Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton?

How long do you think it will take for “Hillary Clinton had multiple lesbian affairs while in the Senate” stories to pop up? About two, maybe three months after Bill Clinton’s mistress is “revealed?”

Jesus Christ. Am I the only one cringing at the thought of having to live through this “Clinton scandals” shit again?

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NASCAR and Indycar thoughts

The 2014 of the Brickyard 400 was one of those races that started out okay, got kind of lame in the middle, and then picked up at the end. I was shocked there wasn’t a multi-car accident on the first lap, and I was also shocked that each restart didn’t end with several cars in the wall, especially the last one with less than twenty laps to go. Eventual winner Jeff Gordon had the fastest car all day, but I didn’t think he was going to win. After Kevin Harvick faded and the three car Penske team failed to show any real speed (what the hell happened to Juan Pablo Montoya? Where did the speed he had in qualifying go?) I figured that Kasey Kahne was going to pull off the upset win, or maybe Deny Hamlin or Kyle Busch would surprise everyone with pit strategy and track position. But Gordon was just too fast and too good in traffic to lose. Kahne’s team probably needed to play a different pit strategy to get ahead of Gordon, but even then, with how fast the #24 was, that plan might have failed, too.

What the heck happened to Harvick? He, too, like Montoya, had all sorts of speed in both practice and qualifying and looked like a threat to win the race, but then during the actual race everything seemed to fall apart. Harvick did manage to finish 8th (Montoya finished 23rd) but I really expected more from him. I also thought that Tony Stewart, a two-time 400 winner, was going to be more of a factor but he never really figured it out. And what the hell happened to Kurt Busch? Why did he get a lap down so quickly and why didn’t he ever get that lap back?

Poor Danica Patrick. She qualified just outside of the top 12, she was generally fast, and it looked like she was going to be a top ten car at the end of the day. So, of course, she broke a driveshaft in the pits and had to go to the garage. She didn’t finish last, but, man, after such a god start she should have had a better day.

Kyle Larson pulled off a top ten finish. Austin Dillon finished in the top ten, too. Lots of people picked rich kid Dillon to be the rookie of the year, but it looks like Larson is going to be the one for 2014. If he doesn’t win a race before the Richmond Chase cut off he’ll probably make the Chase on points. Dillon won’t. I think that’s pretty amazing, especially since Ganassi’s NASCAR team, in general, blows.

Various news reports have revealed (I saw it on yahoo’s NASCAR page) that Carl Edwards will not be with the Roush Fenway team in 2015. It’s assumed that Edwards will become the fourth official driver for Joe Gibbs Racing, but nothing official has been announced by either Edwards or Gibbs at the moment. If JGR is Edwards’s 2015 destination what company will sponsor him? Will he bring his RF sponsors with him or does JGR have its own deal for Edwards? I guess we’ll know soon enough.

The Nationwide race on Saturday at Indy was okay, although the finish was disgusting. I’m fine with rich kid Ty Dillon winning the race, his first career Nationwide win, but I wish they would have backed off the “thank the Lord” stuff. Say it once if you absolutely have to and then get on with your sponsors.

I didn’t get to see the Camping World Truck Series feature race at Eldora but I did get to see most of the qualifying heats. The drivers were clearly more confident slinging their trucks into the corner than they were last year, so that was good. The qualifying procedure for the race, however, was once again overly complicated and ridiculous. The top 20 in owner’s points were guaranteed starters? What kind of bullshit is that? Eliminate guaranteed spots and provisionals, eliminate time trials, draw for heats and then do a top 12 redraw for the feature. How hard is that? Congrats to Darrell Wallace on his third career win.

NASCAR Sprint Cup returns to Pocono for its second race of the year, and the Nationwide Series races Saturday night at Iowa. The Trucks race Saturday afternoon at Pocono.

Over in Indycar, everyone is gearing up for this weekend’s race at Mid-Ohio after a week off. Charlie Kimball picked up his first career Indycar win at the road course in 2013 and you would expect him to be fast once again. The entire Ganassi team is still searching for a win and some speed, and Mid-Ohio could be the place where the Ganassi team turns its year around. Scott Dixon has won there before, and both Tony Kanaan and Ryan Briscoe have run well there, too.

NBC Sports Network will show the race this Sunday afternoon. It should be an okay race, although I’m sure we’ll have to endure several “this is Graham Rahal’s home race” things before the race. I can’t stand those things. Rahal is terrible. Why am I the only one who can accept it?

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And now a final (for 2014) Chuck Norris Fact

When Chuck Norris sweats it rains.

Chuck Norris Facts.com

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Well, I think that’ll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

If there’s anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I’m always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

And don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.

Firewalker

Chuck Norris– Max Donigan
Lou Gossett Jr.– Leo Porter
Melody Anderson– Patricia Goodwin
Will Sampson– Tall Eagle
Sonny Landham– El Coyote
John Rhys-Davies– Corky Taylor
Ian Abercrombie– Boggs
Richard Lee-Sung– The General

Directed by J. Lee Thompson
Screenplay by Robert Gosnell, based on a story by Jeffrey M. Rosenbaum, Norman Aladjem, and Robert Gosnell

Distributed by Cannon Film Distributors and MGM Home Video

Rated PG for violence, brief language, and thematic elements
Runtime– 104 minutes

Buy it here and here

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July: A Month of Chuck Norris will return in 2015!

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Bryan Kristopowitz