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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Brawl in Cell Block 99

January 17, 2018 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Brawl in Cell Block 99

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #445: Brawl in Cell Block 99

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never been all that interested in getting a head tattoo (or any tattoo for that matter), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number four hundred and forty-five, I take a look at the low budget badass prison flick Brawl in Cell Block 99, which came out in late 2017.

Brawl in Cell Block 99

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Brawl in Cell Block 99, written and directed by S. Craig Zahler, is a well-made, thoughtful, low budget prison movie that probably doesn’t really need over two hours to tell its story. And yet, Cell Block 99 generally uses its time wisely and features some excellently gruesome fight scenes that will make true B-movie nerds smile from ear to ear. That’s what happened to me.

The movie stars Vince Vaughn as Bradley Thomas, a guy who can’t seem to catch a break. When we first meet him he’s just lost his job as a tow truck driver and he’s found out that his wife Lauren (Jennifer Carpenter) has been cheating on him and wants to leave him. After dismantling his wife’s car with his bare hands (and I mean with his goddamn bare hands), Bradley (don’t call him Brad) tries to hash it out with Lauren and convince her that she shouldn’t leave him. So they talk, Lauren agrees to stick around, and Bradley announces that he thinks they should try to get pregnant again. Bradley also announces that he’s going to get a job that pays better than the one he just got laid off from. It’s not the best job in the world; it’s dangerous and illegal as hell. But the job pays insanely well and it will allow him to provide for both Lauren and their eventual child. And what is that job?

Drug courier. Now, Lauren isn’t too keen on Bradley’s new job, at least at first, because it’s so damn dangerous. Driving around with drugs or money in the worst neighborhoods in the city; how is that going to end well? The story then jumps ahead 18 months and Bradley’s life is much, much better. He has a big house that he lives in with Lauren, he has a sweet black car to ride around town in, and he has nicer looking clothes. The job is, again, dangerous, but it’s clearly far more rewarding. Bradley actually seems kind of happy. Content, even. Lauren, too.

So Bradley goes to see his boss and best friend Gil (Marc Blucas) for his next assignment and finds out that Gil wants him to work with two associates of a new potential business partner Eleazar (Dion Mucciacito). Bradley is immediately suspicious of both Eleazar and his associates, but Gil convinces Bradley to work with them. So Bradley goes out on his new assignment with Eleazar’s men. The first part of the assignment goes off without a hitch, but then the entire thing goes to shit when the cops show up. A shootout quickly ensues between Eleazar’s men and the cops. Bradley tries to escape from the entire situation, but he ends up shooting at Eleazar’s men, killing one of them. Bradley is then arrested and interrogated by the police. He doesn’t give anyone or anything up. He announces that he will plead guilty to the charges levied against him and will serve out whatever sentence given to him. Bradley figures that he’ll have to serve, at most, five years in prison.

So Bradley pleads guilty, is given seven years, and is sent to a medium security prison. This medium security prison is a rather lackadaisical, easy going place that doesn’t exactly give off the hardass vibe you expect when someone says “prison.” Bradley tries to make the best of the situation he finds himself in, learning the ropes of the day-to-day prison life from lifer Lefty (Willie C. Carpenter). Outside of the too small shoes that make his feet bleed, figuring out how to wake up on time in order to be counted, and coming up with an explanation for why he doesn’t want to be a part of the prison’s boxing program, medium security life comes off as pretty sweet. He’ll eventually get a job, maybe even an education. And he knows that Lauren will be waiting for him and that, when he gets out, he’ll have a daughter to dote on.

It’s at this point in the story that Bradley meets with the mysterious Placid Man (the immortal Udo Kier) and finds out that his life is about to change in a massive way. See, Placid Man works for a major drug cartel and the cartel needs Bradley to do a job for it. If he refuses to do the job, the cartel will force Lauren, who the cartel just kidnapped, to have an abortion. What does the cartel want Bradley to do? Bradley needs to get transferred to the maximum security Redleaf prison, sent to cell block 99, and kill an inmate that apparently needs to die. How Bradley gets transferred to Redleaf is up to him, but he needs to be out of the medium security prison as soon as possible.

So Bradley basically decides, at that moment, to beat the crap out of the guards at the medium security prison. Destroying them will definitely get him moved to Redleaf. And that’s exactly what happens. After a brutal fight with a guard that leads to one of the most vicious arm breaks in movie history, Bradley is subdued by the other guards and sent to Redleaf to finish out his sentence.

Redleaf, run by the quietly sadistic hardass Warden Tuggs (Don Johnson) is the kind of prison that everyone thinks of when someone says “prison hellhole.” The place is dark, dank, and scary as hell. And Bradley learns quickly that Redleaf is no picnic, no “easy time.” After experiencing the epic Tuggs speech about how the prison is actually “a minimum freedom prison,” Bradley is searched in the prison parking lot and then sent to a jail cell that has a broken toilet filled with shit. He’s told that if he behaves himself for two weeks, he’ll get a “better cell,” presumably one with a working toilet. Since Bradley needs to get sent to 99 as quickly as possible, he ignores the prospect of a cell with a working toilet and starts shit with his fellow inmates in the exercise yard. Another brutal fight ensues and Bradley is sent to 99.

Oh, man, Cell block 99 is a place that you just have to experience. It’s actually worse than the rest of the prison, and Redleaf is a shithole through and through.

Brawl in Cell Block 99 moves along at a rather slow, deliberate pace. It doesn’t exactly waste time, but it sure as hell takes its sweet ass time getting to where it wants to go. I’m going to assume that writer-director Zahler did this in order to build suspense, and for the most part that strategy works. However, I do think that strategy may be a little too artsy fartsy for this kind of story. While the movie is never boring, there are times where you just want the scene to speed up. The movie’s runtime is two hours and twelve minutes. What’s wrong with just two hours?

And is it me, or is the conversation between Bradley and Lauren right after Bradley destroys Lauren’s car a tad too low key? I get that the conversation is all about Bradley holding in his anger and Lauren trying to remain calm without freaking out on the man who may be destroying her life, but why is the dialogue so low? And what’s with all of the pauses?

Outside of those two things, there isn’t much to complain about with Brawl in Cell Block 99 (and, hell, those complaints aren’t even real complaints). It’s about as well made as a low budget prison movie can get. The set design is remarkable, from the sequences shot on location (the garage, the docks, Bradley’s house) all look great, and the Redleaf prison, which looks like a combination real building and built set, is terrifying. How the hell could anyone survive existing there? How would the guards go to work every day? Yeah, Warden Tuggs would probably be okay with the conditions at the prison because it’s his prison and he sets the tone and he’s kind of an asshole, but everyone else? How are the guards not perpetually depressed and or suicidal?

The movie’s fight scenes are brutal as hell. When Bradley breaks the guard’s arm and we see the goddamn bone you know that this movie isn’t messing around. The final fight sequence is absolutely disgusting and a sight to behold, especially the bit where a guy gets his face scraped off. How often do you see that kind of thing in a movie? I can’t remember the last time it happened. There’s also a pretty nifty decapitation at the end of the movie that will make you cheer. It really is one of those kinds of decapitations.

The movie’s one gun battle is expertly choreographed and just as brutal as the hand-to-hand fight scenes. I do think that the police car explosion sequence should have been bigger/more visually spectacular (there should have been more orange flame and much less smoke), but that’s a minor quibble. Guns truly can be nasty things in the wrong hands.

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The cast is phenomenal. Vince Vaughn gives the dramatic performance of his career as Bradley. He’s a giant dude most people see as stupid but he’s way smarter than you expect him to be. And eventhough he’s an admitted thug and killer, he seems to have a sense of right and wrong and honor that makes you root for him regardless of his personal deficiencies. You can also sympathize with his plight in trying to save his wife and unborn daughter from harm. Because what else is he supposed to do? Not fight for them? Vaughn also handles the fight scenes like an old pro and looks damn good in them (he looks like he knows what he’s doing). If Brawl in Cell Block 99 had been given a wider release I do think that Vaughn would be in the conversation in terms of major acting awards. He really is that good as Bradley.

Jennifer Carpenter does a great job as Bradley’s wife Lauren. Yes, she doesn’t get to do as much as Bradley in terms of beating people up and whatnot, but she has a nice scene where she gets to wield a gun and shoot into a door. Marc Blucas is interesting as Gil, Bradley’s friend and boss. He comes off as a racist asshole at first, but towards the end of the movie he sort of redeems himself. I’m still kind of surprised at what Gil does.

Udo Kier is sleazy as all hooha as the Placid Man. He’s a total mercenary, doing what he’s told because it’s his job to do what he’s told, and you hate him for that. You do wonder, though, how the cartel found him. Perhaps that’s a movie that Zahler can do in the future, a sort of sequel/prequel to 99 where we find out how the Placid Man because the Placid Man. I’d imagine that his past is terrifying and sordid.

And then there’s Don Johnson as Warden Tuggs. I didn’t think anyone could out sleaze Udo Kier but Johnson manages to do exactly that. Tuggs is a total fucking prick that you hope to see go down at the hands of Bradley (or, really, anyone). Johnson’s “minimum freedom” speech will give you chills because it’s so damn accurate. That is what maximum security prison is all about, right? Minimum freedom? Awesome stuff.

And be on the lookout for the great Clark Johnson, good old Meldrick Lewis from Homicide: Life on the Street, as the cop that interrogates Bradley after he’s arrested. I forgot he still acted. I thought he was concentrating on directing.

Brawl in Cell Block 99 is a superb B-movie watching experience. Well made, a terrific cast, and an awesome story. It could go by a bit faster, sure, but the good vastly outweighs the bad. Brawl in Cell Block 99 is something you absolutely need to see. It really is that damn good.

See Brawl in Cell Block 99. See it, see it, goddamn see it!

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So what do we have here?

Dead bodies: Around 6.

Explosions: One small one.

Nudity?: Yes. It’s not pleasant.

Doobage: A terrific opening titles song, Miller Lite beer can crushing, getting fired, driving without a seatbelt, car window smashing, rearview mirror destruction, hood removal, headlight breaking, a long ass conversation, a time jump, a sweet new car, license plate switcheroo, a camo net, pregnant woman carrying, pool playing, a boat trip, scuba hooey, a gun battle, grenade attack, exploding cop car, diving, climbing, double machine gun hooey, shoe shrapnel, a police interrogation, a quick court date, a bus ride to prison, prison rules, clothing removal, off screen ass check, a quick prison tour, bullshit about the prison boxing program, attempted prison cell smashing, a bloody sock, window breaking, multiple tranq darts, bad news, a hellacious beating, serious arm breaking, Taser hooey, a prison transfer, a second off screen ass check, a seriously broken toilet, metal bar fight, a massive bear hug, a hidden prison, an electric shock belt, glass shard removal, metal chair to the back, face washing, food eating, show insert hooey, choking, head smashing, nightstick hooey, nightstick throwing, head stomping, face removal, teeth breaking, major league leg breaking, a disappointed abortionist, sniper rifle hooey, phone breaking, more head stomping, a decapitation, a bullet to the head and a bullet to the chest.

Kim Richards?: None.

Gratuitous: Vince Vaughn, Vince Vaughn bald and with a massive head tattoo, Jennifer Carpenter, Vince Vaughn dismantling a car with his bare hands, talk about issues with cream and coffee, 18 months later, not understanding that pool and billiards are the same thing, mineral water, open racism, a boat named “The Lazy Shark,” Vince Vaughn swimming, Clark Johnson, Vince Vaughn going to prison, Vince Vaughn’s ass, a “penis” grade, shoes that are too small, multiple conversations about boxing, Udo Kier, Don Johnson, Vince Vaughn starting shit with Mexicans, an abortionist, a gnarly prison brawl, a decapitation, and deliberately cheap special effects.

Best lines: “Don’t take my art work!,” “I’ve been seeing somebody,” “Did you fall off the wagon?,” “I think we should start again,” “You’re going to be a drug dealer?,” “What are you doing? The ritual after you buy the groceries but before you eat them,” “Did your Dad pick out that outfit?,” “Sorry, but words from a stranger don’t top instinct,” “Is this yours, Blanco?,” “You stupid, stupid assholes,” “You want to burn it You want to wipe your ass with it? You want to cut it up into little pieces and send it to Putin?,” “You’re worse than the DMV,” “Looks like we’re locking up another genius,” “That necessary? Pretend like you’re talking to God,” “Thanks for the candy bar,” “Hope everything goes well,” “Sending in Bradley Thomas,” “The motherfucker’s crazy!,” “I recommend he uses his right arm,” “Why the hell did you do this? I didn’t like my shoes,” “Nathan, would you like to give him some justice?,” “Unlock Mr. Thomas so he can change into his neons,” “Walk in or get dragged in, your choice,” “I can’t eat in here! The toilet is filled with shit!,” “Which one of these guys is from cell block 99?,” “Brad, what’s wrong with you? It’s Bradley, and I’m psychotic,” “Thomas! Show us ten fingers or we’ll shoot!,” “You just lost your minimum freedom,” “Make sure he doesn’t trip on his chains,” “Look at me. Do not blink until I give you permission to blink,” “This is a surprise party,” “Want to eat something? Don’t like it dump it in a shithole,” “When I autograph that cast should I make it out to Mr. or Mrs. Bitch?,” “Give me the keys,” “Fuck you, gringo,” “Tell me your code or it’s the other leg,” “Talk correct or get raped,” “What a mess. Very disappointed,” “I always said Bradley picked a winner,” and “Mr. Thomas, you about done?”

Rating: 9.0/10.0

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Things to Watch Out For This Week

BeyondSkyline

Beyond Skyline: Finally, this sequel is on home video and available for all to see. I still haven’t seen it, but, man, I need to. The great Frank Grillo stars alongside fellow badass Iko Uwais, and they’re fighting the aliens from the first Skyline movie, which was just awful. But I have high hopes for this movie because, well, it apparently has Grillo and Uwais engaging in hand-to-hand combat with these aliens. How often are we going to see that kind of thing in this day and age? Not as often as I would like, but that may just be me. Anyway, I want to see this, and don’t be surprised if it shows up in this column as the featured review at some point soon. It could very well happen.

TheBeyond

The Beyond: So this is apparently some sort of low budget sci-fi flick that takes place next year and involves astronauts going through a wormhole for some reason. I can’t really tell from the trailer if this is meant to be sort of a pseudo horror movie about what happens when people go through wormholes and then come out of them or if it’s meant to be some sort of “contemplative” sci-fi movie where we get a bunch of decent special effects and lots of talking about what it all means. The special effects do look spectacular, though. Looks worth renting, just to find out what the heck it’s all really about.

HappyDeathDay

Happy Death Day: I missed this horror flick when it was in theatres this past fall. I had planned to see it, but it just didn’t happen. Anyway, the plot is intriguing, with a young woman living through the same day over and over again while getting killed by the same masked psycho over and over again. The “professional” critics seemed to enjoy it (they didn’t complain about it as much as they usually do when it comes to horror movies) and the people I know who saw it seemed to enjoy it, too. Anyone out there see it on the big screen? Is it a satisfying movie watching experience?

BladeRunner2049

Blade Runner 2049: This belated sequel to the Ridley Scott science fiction noir thriller was not the hit that Warner Bros had hoped it would be, although I’m not entirely sure why anyone at the WB thought it was going to be a monster hit in the first place. Yes, the original is looked at now as a masterpiece, which it sort of is, but it’s not the badass action movie everyone seems to think it is. It’s kind of slow and morose. And it sounds like this sequel is more of the same. It’s big, beautiful to look at, well-acted, etc., but it’s also almost three hours long and I doubt the movie needs to be that long. Again, this is another fall 2017 release that I missed. I had planned on seeing it, but, again, it just didn’t happen. It will be interesting to see if this movie builds an audience like the first one did, on TV and home video. Will we get a third one in another thirty-five years?

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B-Movie News

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John Wick TV show The Continental happening at Starz: And so the much talked about John Wick TV show based on the world of the assassin hotel The Continental is set to happen at the Starz cable channel. Lionsgate, which now owns Starz, is producing the show. Now, I think it’s interesting how this show is going to appear at Starz and yet both John Wick movies are on HBO. Is that going to change at some point? And while I know that Lionsgate wouldn’t want to create TV content for a direct competitor like HBO, isn’t it going to be weird when Starz runs the TV version of John Wick but can’t show the movies?

I’d imagine we’ll be getting more details on the show, who will star, and how it will work the closer we get to the show going into production. Is it going to be an anthology movie or some kind of ensemble deal that showcases multiple assassins hanging out at the hotel? Or are we going to get a main character, a John Wick who isn’t John Wick, that the show revolves around? I think I’d watch whatever idea they come up with. And, too, how will the actual John Wick figure into the show? Will Keanu Reeves end up “guest starring” a few times?

Now, since this is happening at Starz, will this new show affect a potential fourth season of Ash vs. Evil Dead before ratings on season three even come in? I wouldn’t be surprised if it did simply because that’s how these things tend to work out. The world can have both, but it won’t allow it because that’s just not how these things work.

Anyway, this The Continental thing sounds cool, and I will definitely be tuning in when the show pops up. Anyone else excited?

CrittersTVShow

Critters is being turned into a TV show, too!: Now, who the hell saw this coming? A goddamn Critters TV show? I know I didn’t.

Now, is it a cool idea? Sure. A TV show sequel about little aliens that attack people because that’s what little aliens do? Who the hell wouldn’t want to watch that? I’m not too keen on the idea of it being a comedy, as the original Critters, while funny and kind of goofy, was still deadly serious when it comes to the carnage the krites can do. Will the TV show understand that and do that? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

This proposed show is set to appear on something called the go90 app, which is apparently something Verizon is involved with. I know that it’s all about streaming and the internets and all that, but wouldn’t it be nice if more of these kinds of shows appeared on actual TV? This Critters TV show would be perfect for the El Rey Network.

I think I need to do a Critters franchise marathon at some point. There are four movies, all four of them weird as hell. I think it would be cool checking out the whole thing before this TV show happens.

Oooh, who do you think will show up from the movies on the TV show? Scott Grimes? M. Emmet Walsh? I’m sure Billy Zane would do it, eventhough his character dies in the first movie. Billy Green Bush retired from acting seventeen years ago, but he could come back in some form, right? Maybe Dee Wallace Stone? Lin Shaye? Terrence Mann is still kicking around and he was in all four movies. I bet he could be compelled to come back in some way.

Man, a Critters TV show? Who knew?

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Who is the Douchebag of the Week? Go here and find out!

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Next Issue: the low budget sci-fi flick Blue World Order!

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Interviews

david j. moore
Jino Kang
Vladimir Kulich
Paul Mormando
Michael Matteo Rossi
Tyrone Magnus
Hector Barron
Jeffrey Orgill
Michael Baumgarten
R. Marcos Taylor
Don “The Dragon” Wilson
Paul Kyriazi
Eric Jacobus
Juju Chan
Luke LaFontaine
Marco Siedlemann
Sam Firstenberg
Amariah Olson
Alexander Nevsky
Mathias Hues
Kristanna Loken
Steve Mitchell
Albert Pyun
Brad Thornton
Mathieu Ratthe
Damien Power
Kelsey Carlisle
Mike Dwyer
Nicholas Bushman
Brahim Achabbakhe
Etcetera
Richard LeMay
Andrew David Barker
Cynthia Rothrock
Leslie Simpson
C. Courtney Joyner

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Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.

B-movies rule. Always remember that.

Brawl in Cell Block 99

Vince Vaughn– Bradley Thomas
Jennifer Carpenter– Lauren Thomas
Don Johnson– Warden Tuggs
Marc Blucas– Gil
Udo Kier– Placid Man
Clark Johnson– Detective Watkins
Willie C. Carpenter– Lefty
Dion Mucciacito– Eleazar

Directed by S. Craig Zahler
Screenplay by S. Craig Zahler

Distributed by RLJE Films and RLJ Entertainment

Not Rated
Runtime– 132 minutes

Buy it here