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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Dead Heat
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #512: Dead Heat
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never had to heroically use my car as a weapon, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number five hundred and twelve, I take a look at the classic action horror comedy Dead Heat, which hit movie screens in early May 1988 and stars Treat Williams, Joe Piscopo, Darren McGavin, and Vincent Price.
Dead Heat
Dead Heat, directed by Mark Goldblatt, is a movie that I’ve loved since I first saw it on The Movie Channel back in the late 1980’s. I rented it a few times from various video stores, too, and it was, at least once, part of the “month of horror movies” that WPIX used to do in October back in the day, so of course I watched it (and was disappointed at all of the edits that were made so the movie could air on “regular” TV). Dead Heat had everything that I was seriously into and, to a certain extent, still am into today: badass movie cops, shockingly violent action scenes, comedy, zombies, and gore. I was surprised to learn later on that the movie was not a hit when it came out, and that director Goldblatt also directed the classic low budget Marvel movie action flick The Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren. That seems insane, as Dead Heat and The Punisher are very different movies and feel very different. How could the same guy make two very different movies? The Punisher is probably the more well-known and better regarded movie between the two for Goldblatt (and he’s only directed two movies. He’s still a very much in demand movie editor), but Dead Heat deserves more love than it gets. It’s a terrific idea and a terrific, low budget action horror comedy.
Dead Heat stars Treat Williams as LAPD Detective Roger Mortis, a badass cop with a penchant for heroics. Along with his equally badass but goofball partner Doug Bigelow (Joe Piscopo), Mortis investigates a mysterious science lab after taking out two heavily armed psychos who rob a jewelry store in downtown Los Angeles and, somehow, manage not to die despite being shot multiple times (the robbers end up dying when one of them blows himself up accidentally with a grenade and Mortis slams into the other with a police car in one of the movie’s great stunt sequences). Medical examiner Rebecca Smythers (Claire Kirkconnell), who also happens to be Mortis’s sort of girlfriend, directs Mortis and Bigelow to the science lab after checking out the robbers’ dead bodies and realizing that she autopsied them at some point in the recent past. The robber bodies were filled with a chemical that the lab is known for researching/producing, and Mortis and Bigelow figure that by checking out the lab they’ll be able to figure out who, precisely, the robbers are and how the hell they were apparently impervious to multiple gunshots. So Mortis and Bigelow go to the lab, they meet with the lab’s public relations representative, Randi James (Lindsay Frost), and they take a tour of the facility. In the midst of the tour, Bigelow decides to go look around on his own and finds a room that has a gigantic, strange looking machine in it. While checking out the machine, Bigelow is attacked by a massively obese mutant biker zombie thing, and all hell breaks loose.
After hearing all of the commotion and whatnot caused by the Bigelow-biker mutant brawl, Mortis breaks away from the lab tour and tries to help his partner. While doing so, though, Mortis is shot at by one of the lab’s security guards, which is pretty odd since security guards usually don’t shoot at cops like that. When Mortis finds Bigelow, the biker mutant attacks him, too, and, in the ensuing chaos (there’s quite a bit of chaos here), Mortis is pushed into a decompression room that the lab uses to “humanely” kill lab animals. The door closes, locking Mortis inside. Suddenly, the decompression room is activated and Mortis can’t get out. Bigelow can’t help him as he’s trying to fend off the persistently violent mutant biker. Just as Bigelow finally vanquishes the biker, Mortis loses consciousness in the decompression room and subsequently suffocates. Who the hell turned the decompression room on?
So then some stuff happens, other cops show up to investigate what the hell happened, and Rebecca arrives to find out if Mortis is okay. When she finds out that Mortis is dead, she starts doing her own investigation of the facility and finds out that the big machine Bigelow found the mutant biker in is able to, somehow, reanimate the dead. Bigelow and Rebecca bring Mortis to the machine, turn it on, and return Mortis to the land of the living. Sort of. Mortis, who “wakes up” feeling great, has no idea what happened to him and can’t believe that he is, basically, dead. Dr. Ernest McNab (Darren McGavin), the city’s coroner, shows up at the scene and examines Mortis and finds out, yeah, he’s both alive and still dead (he has no heartbeat, for one thing). How the hell is that even possible?
It’s at this point that Mortis decides to investigate what the hell happened and find out who killed him. Rebecca tells him that, despite being alive again and feeling great, he only has about twelve hours to figure out what happened to him before his body rapidly decomposes into a pile of goo. While that’s certainly not enough time to figure any of this shit out, Mortis and Bigelow begin their investigation. They track down Randi James and attempt to interrogate her. What does she know about what happened? Before they can find out, they are attacked by two zombies with Uzis (easily the two scariest zombies in the movie). A shootout ensues, and Mortis is shot multiple times but, like the other zombies, doesn’t die. Mortis and Bigelow do, eventually, take down these Uzi zombies, but not before causing serious damage to the home of Randi James and the body of Roger Mortis.
So what the hell is really going on here? How can that lab be resurrecting the dead? And why are they doing it? Who the hell brings back dead criminals to rob a jewelry store?
I don’t want to say any more about the plot as the movie has some nice twists and turns that will both shock you and make you laugh out loud. If you’re not thoroughly amazed by the Chinatown market sequence, where Mortis and Bigelow do battle with reanimated ducks and meat (they are attacked by a walking side of beef), you need to go ahead and watch the scene again. Look at what’s on screen. It’s all done with practical special effects and, odds are, you have never seen anything like it before (or since, for that matter). It’s nuts, it’s crazy, and it’s hilarious, just like the whole movie.
Director Goldblatt and screenwriter Terry Black manage to set a tone that moves easily back and forth between the action and the comedy and the horror and it all feels right. Is it bizarre? Absolutely. But the movie willingly owns its bizarreness and never tries to be anything else but bizarre. Does any of it make sense? In its own way, yes, it does. The movie never really explains how you can kill one of these zombies. I’m guessing you need to do something akin to total body destruction, as we see a few zombies killed that way. Electrocution also seems viable. But is that it, grenades and lightning bolts? These zombies can be shot. We know that. Perhaps this is something a sequel would have explored if a sequel had been made?
The movie’s action sequences are exceptional. The opening bit where Mortis drives straight into a zombie head on is eye opening (you don’t expect to see him drive straight on into the zombie), and there’s an ambulance crash towards the end of the movie that looks like one of the most insane car stunts of the 1980’s (it’s all about the explosion). I’m also very fond of the “guy getting flung from the motorcycle” sequence. Even if it looks like the stunt performer shot off the bike a second or two before he maybe should have the stunt still looks phenomenal. The movie’s gun battles are incredibly violent, way more violent than I remember them being. When someone gets shot they get goddamn shot. The gun shots are also louder than in most movies of the same era. The greatest gun battle sequence has Mortis, with an Uzi and in full decaying zombie mode, taking on a bad guy zombie wielding a machine gun, and they each unload a full clip into the other one. Holy crap.
The special effects makeup all looks great, even when it’s ridiculous (the mutant biker zombie is terrifying, yes, but why does it look like it has three faces?). The zombie make-up on the henchmen zombies is gross as hell, as most of it looks like melting pizza cheese. There’s also a terrific sequence where a character melts right before our eyes. It’s heartbreaking, it will make you wince, and it’s gross as gross can be. As for the zombie make up on Treat Williams, it starts out slowly and then amps up by the end. I’m shocked that the “decayed Treat Williams zombie” is not an action figure or a popular poster right now. It really is that good looking and iconic.
And that Chinatown butcher shop sequence? I can’t talk that sequence up enough. It’s so creative and insane. That walking beef cow thing. You just don’t see that kind of movie magic in any sort of movie anymore. Amazing stuff.
Treat Williams is excellent as Roger Mortis. He’s a badass cop who will do whatever it takes to take down the bad guys, but he also has an unassuming aura about him that make Mortis incredibly likeable. It’s actually sad when he dies in that asphyxiation chamber. And when he’s brought back, he’s confused by what the hell is going on, but he knows that he has a job to do and he’s going to do whatever it takes to find out who killed him. That’s admirable. Williams clearly knows that the movie is, at its heart, ridiculous (in a good way), but he still treats the material with respect and is totally dedicated to the character. Williams is also quite good in the action scenes he’s asked to do and looks credible holding a gigantic handgun. And check out that goddamn makeup he has to wear at the end of the movie. Holy crap.
Joe Piscopo gives one of the best comedic performances of his career as Doug Bigelow. He’s the goofball character in the story and he’s always chiming in on the story with funny quips that work most of the time (some of his lines are clunkers but you don’t mind that those jokes stink because it’s clear that Piscopo is having the time of his life playing Bigelow). Piscopo is super jacked in this movie and his physique somehow makes his quips and jokes funnier (I do know that he was super into bodybuilding at one point in his career. He did a joke about it during an HBO comedy special that he did around the same time that Dead Heat came out). I’m surprised that he didn’t get to do more horror related material in his career after this movie. He was good at it.
Darren McGavin does a great job as Dr. Ernest McNab, the LA coroner. McGavin knows that the movie is ridiculous, the subject matter is ridiculous, and he manages to have McNab straddle that line between winking at the audience and treating the whole thing super seriously. Granted, he doesn’t have that many scenes in the movie, but when McNab shows up McGavin is having a ball. That’s always fun to watch.
Vincent Price doesn’t have that many scenes in the movie as the old rich guy Arthur P. Loudermilk, but he does his usual outstanding job nonetheless with what he’s given to do. I’d love to know why he made Dead Heat. What made him go “Yeah, I’ll do this movie about the zombie cops”? I think I need to listen to the commentary track on the Anchor Bay DVD to see if Price’s participation is explained in any way. I will say that his presence adds a goofiness to the movie that it probably wouldn’t have had if he wasn’t in the movie.
Lindsay Frost does a decent job as Randi James, the science lab PR person that gets caught up in this big hooha crazy scheme. You will never forget her final scene. Ever. Clare Kirkconnell does a solid job as medical examiner Rebecca Smythers, but she really only has a few scenes and is there to help explain some of the movie’s weird science (if you want to call it that). Mel Stewart has a nice scene as the police captain that chews out his rambunctious cops (you really can’t do a cop movie without a scene like that). Robert Picardo shows up briefly at the beginning as a cop who really can’t deal with Mortis and Bigelow (they never do things by the book, dammit!). Keye Luke shows up as an old bad guy that, I imagine, would have had a bigger part in a sequel (he’s instrumental in the creation of the resurrection machine). And the great Professor Toru Tanaka shows up as a butcher and does the usual Professor Toru Tanaka job (it doesn’t really matter what he does you end up remembering him anyway). The man always elevates whatever movie he happens to be in, no question about it. And be on the lookout for both Judo Gene LeBell as a security guard and Shane Black as a motorcycle cop (screenwriter Terry Black is his brother, so that explains why he’s in the movie).
It’s a damn shame that we didn’t get a Dead Heat 2, either with the same cast or a different one. The concept of a zombie cop still has legs to this day, and I’m shocked that we haven’t had a remake by now. Dead Heat is a bonafide B-movie classic of the highest order, and it’s a movie that you absolutely need to see. And if you have already seen it but haven’t seen it in a long time, track it down and give it another look. Dead Heat is brilliant. Dead Heat is awesome. Dead Heat is a must see.
See Dead Heat. See it, see it, goddamn see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: At least 30.
Undead bodies: 13
Explosions: Several, both big and small
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: Aerial stock footage of Los Angeles, zombies with Uzis robbing a jewelry store, attempted purse snatching, a sweet old car, hot dog eating, a massive shootout, exploding robber zombie, grenade hooey, a massive car crash, dart throwing, city morgue hooey, a guy looking at a porno magazine, a science lab tour, fucking around with a door that uses a keycard to open it, giant mutant biker zombie attack, a full on brawl, beating via fire extinguisher, “accidental” asphyxiation, resurrection hooey, a total lack of a heartbeat, a VHS tape featuring Vincent Price, more zombies with guns, multiple punches to the balls, hot tub electrocution, metal pipe through the gut, mild sexual harassment, badge wallet cutting, dead animals that are no longer dead, dead pig attack, dead bird attack, liver attack, giant beef cow attack, chicken thrown through a meat grinder, hand stitches, old newspaper hooey, a really bad fat ex-wife joke, mausoleum hooey, lock shooting, fish tank used as a weapon, of screen shower, face melting, gooey arm removal, a passive decapitation, a freak out, a terrific exploding car/ambulance/truck stunt, body bag hooey, motorcycle stealing, a great motorcycle stunt, an awesome dueling zombies with machine guns scene, of screen exploding zombie, a shocking confrontation, gun eating, exploding villain, exploding resurrection machine, and a funny walk into heaven.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: An opening titles theme that’s cool but doesn’t seem like it belongs as the opening titles theme to this movie, zombies with guns robbing a jewelry store, Treat Williams, Joe Piscopo, Joe Piscopo “playing drums,” Robert Picardo, Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo getting chewed out by Mel Stewart in a typical and classic 1980’s cop movie scene, Joe Piscopo eating junk food, Darren McGavin, office smoking, an asphyxiation room, Treat Williams dying, Treat Williams being brought back to life, Treat Williams putting on makeup, Joe Piscopo doing his Sulu impersonation, a great zombie mirror jump scare, Omni Magazine, Professor Toru Tanaka, Keye Luke, giant side of beef attack, Treat Williams checking out the obituaries, Vincent Price, a picture of Vincent Price and Ronald Reagan, D.O.A. on a TV, a terrific exploding car/ambulance/truck stunt, Treat Williams unzipping himself out of his own body bag, Shane Black, Vincent Price doing a “poor people are supposed to die” speech, Judo Gene LeBell, and a funny walk into heaven.
Best lines: “You wanna be dead? Here’s the chance of a lifetime!,” “Ah, you old, cheap bitch!,” “You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain disgusting,” “Call me Thursday,” “So, what did you learn from this little adventure, Dorothy?,” “You ever wonder about your death day, Roger?,” “Hey, doctor, what is this for, anyway? Eh, you don’t want to know,” “Don’t you believe in fish that swim?,” “Sorry to interrupt your erection, pal, but we’d like to talk to your manager,” “Didn’t I see one of these at Disneyland?,” “What is this thing? Very ugly!,” “This is how they do it, Doug, this is how they resurrect the dead!,” “What about the soul, Becky, what about the soul?,” “Hi, guys. You’re alive! Of course I’m alive,” “Mortis! I thought you were dead?,” “Wait a minute, I’m no deader than you are!,” “Going somewhere? Extra panties? Dead giveaway,” “We have something on the monitor, captain,” “Remember the good old days when guns killed people?,” “That’s really disgusting,” “Roger, you were under water for a solid five minutes. You’re right, I was. Could you teach my girlfriend how to do that?,” “You oughta write fortune cookies, pal,” “I don’t know what it is but suddenly I’ve lost my appetite,” “That’s it! From now on I’m a vegetarian!,” “How do you fight this thing? Maybe we can drown it in A-1 sauce,” “Okay, now I’m gonna puke,” “You’re hurt! Lady, I’m fucking dead,” “You can never find anything really good until you trash a place, “So this is what a library looks like, huh? I’ve never seen one of these things on the inside,” “Nobody’s got all of the time they need, Roger. Nobody,” “I’m good and I’m dead,” “So what’s the verdict? How long do I have not to live?,” “I love that guy. I can tell,” “Nice place to spend the rest of your life,” “Sonofabitch!,” “Well, Rebecca, I always thought we would end up together but not like this,” “Wow, this is going to be great!,” “Take it easy, mister, you’re not well,” “Detective Mortis, homicide,” “We all die, Arthur,” “Sit down,” “That’s okay, don’t get up. Told ya not to get up,” “You’re dead, McNab. You’re deader than I am,” “Kill this guy, would you?,” “Go on, kill him! Kill him you dead sonofabitch!,” “Hi, Doug. Welcome to zombie land,” “Kill him! Why can’t you kill him? Shut up you old fart!,” “Oh, you bastards aren’t going to take me!,” You want to see what happens when you resurrect someone twice? Not really,” “Man, Roger, you are a mess. I’ve seen meatloaf that looks better than you,” and “You know, Doug, this could be the end of a very beautiful friendship.”
Rating: 10.0/10.0
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Things to Watch Out For
–Furie: This is a Vietnamese action flick that has been getting good notices since it came out earlier this year. It’s apparently about an ex-gangster who has to rescue a kidnapped girl and so has to go back to the old world that she left. It’s a story that I’m sure we’ve all seen, in one form or another, a million times before, but since this is a Vietnamese action flick (how often do we get to see one of those?) and the trailer is chock full of badass fight scenes, why the heck wouldn’t I want to see this? A definite must see at some point in my life. Anyone out there see this?
–Night of the Creeps Collector’s Edition: This Collector’s Edition comes to us from the fine folks at Shout! Factory/Scream Factory and is brimming with special features. Yes, many of the special features are the same ones that were part of the Special Edition DVD that Lionsgate put out several years ago, but Shout! Factory has added several new ones, mostly new interviews with the cast and crew. I like this movie quite a bit (check out my review of the movie here) and while I already have that Lionsgate DVD I think this Blu-ray is worth getting. Shout! Factory Collector’s Editions are never not worth it. Anyone out there order the Blu-ray version that came with the Tom Atkins action figure?
–Robowar: The fine folks at Severin Films are behind this special edition release of the low budget Italian sci-fi action horror flick that rips off Predator, Robocop, and likely plenty of other prominent genre movies of the 1980’s, stars Reb Brown and is directed by the immortal Bruno Mattei. While the special features on the release are, no doubt, terrific (plenty of interviews with the cast and crew), the most important aspect here is the movie itself. Apparently, the transfer here is the best the movie has ever looked, which is great because there are just too many low budget Italian sci-fi action horror movies out there with shitty transfers. I think I need to get this and check this movie out. It looks awesome. Why the hell haven’t I seen this yet?
–The New York Ripper: The fine folks at Blue-Underground are behind this mega release of director Lucio Fulci’s early 1980’s slasher flick about a man running around New York City, killing women and taunting the police. Known for being incredibly sleazy and super upsetting (you know, in a good way), this is the kind of movie that, based on its reputation alone, is something we should all own. BU has loaded this with special features out the ass, including a CD of the movie’s soundtrack (I’d imagine that won’t be around for long), so on that fact alone you should want this. I know I want it. Any New York Ripper fans out there?
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Check out my Widow’s Point set visit report!
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Dead Heat
Treat Williams– Roger Mortis
Joe Piscopo– Doug Bigelow
Darren McGavin– Dr. Ernest McNab
Vincent Price– Arthur P. Loudermilk
Lindsay Frost– Randi James
Clare Kirkconnell– Rebecca Smythers
Keye Luke– Mr. Thule
Mel Stewart– Captain Mayberry
Robert Picardo– Lt. Herzog
Professor Toru Tanaka– Butcher
Directed by Mark Goldblatt
Screenplay by Terry Black
Distributed by New World Pictures, New World Video, Starmaker Entertainment, Anchor Bay Entertainment, and Image Entertainment.
Rated R for horror violence, gore, and language.
Runtime– 86 minutes
