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The Man Movie Encyclopedia: Tombstone

August 16, 2019 | Posted by Caliber Winfield

What’s good, beautiful people?

You may have noticed there hasn’t been too many MME articles as of late. Well, truth being that I’ve kinda run out of movies to keep this going steady, heh. Now, unlike my homie Bryan, I can’t just watch whatever .I’m gonna need it to be good, or at least so bad-it’s-good.

However, there’s been a lot of love given to my Mt. Rushmore article series I do over in the wrestling section, so, I’m gonna start doing a few of those, but over here in the world of action movies. Stay tuned for those bad boys.

Now, let’s head out west, where it’s a little wild, and a little strange. When you make your home out on the range, so grab your horse and come along. Cause ya can’t get a ride, if ya can’t hold on, singin…


We start off with some old school footage, informing the viewers of how Tombstone became a big deal, because it was smack dab in the middle of a silver-rush. At the time, this brought a bunch of bad-cats from Texas, known as “The Cowboys”, which this film says is the first real example of organized crime in America. They’re marked by the red scarfs they wear.
From there, we see a wedding going on in a small chapel, where the Cowboys have come to crash. A rival gang member is getting married, a gang that has at one point killed 2 Cowboys. They then proceed to smoke just about everyone. They then kill everyone. Afterwards they feast, because they may kill like it ain’t no thang, but they ain’t about to waste food. As for the groom, before being shot he clearly thought “Well, could be worse, I could have to actually be married”.
We head on over to Tuscon, where Wyatt meets up with his 2 brothers, Virgil & Morgan, and their wives, as they talk about how great and grand life will be in Tombstone. We then catch up with the uber-bad ass of bad-asses, the man from which all men need to be based upon; Doc Holiday. The drunk, womanizing, gambling, shit-talking, bad-ass himself. Dude plays it like he’s a simp, but flips the script at any chance, and shows he’s always, forever and a day, a total bad-ass. He wins a shit ton of money, then him and his ladyfriend blow that popsicle stand.
We catch up with Wyatt, and he pops into a bar/casino, where he throws out a dealer that’s basically an obnoxious, piece of shit that’s driven out the good business. Because of this, Wyatt secured himself 25% stake in the games. Wyatt and the gang catch up with Doc Holiday in the middle of the street, and while this is going on, some dudes come rustling out of a local saloon, with 2 of the 4 getting killed. Then the remaining 2 just come on over like “hey, Doc, Wyatt, what’s good?” before explaining that these guys HAD to die, because one of them called the other a cheat. Well, of course. They’re just so casual, it’s hilarious. I mean, I was legit waiting for one of them to go “huh? Why’d I kill him? Bruh, that was 15 seconds ago, I don’t remember!”


Later that evening, they attend a local the theater, where a bunch of random skits and things go on. Dudes applaud by firing their guns into the air. Wow. To think we’ve come from that, to college kids doing “spirit fingers” because “applause is triggering”.
Wyatt’s got a wife, and she’s been complaining of headaches, which I do believe will turn out to be cancer. However, Wyatt has his eye on this local performer chick, who also has an eye for him. They end up meeting out in the woods and going on a horse ride before sitting down and having a talk. This sucks. Let’s get back to drinking, smoking, str8 west coasting. This romance ish is for the birds, man.
People love themselves some opium in Tombstone, including the head of the Cowboys, Curly Bill. He’s high as all get out, popping off shots in the street. The Sheriff is a pussy and doesn’t do a damn thing, so the Marshall does. He ends up dead, whether by accident or intention, I’m not really sure. Naturally, Wyatt has to take charge, him and his crew. The crowd wants to hang him, but Wyatt says he’ll stand trial. However, the judge says there were no witnesses, so, no murder. Afterwards, Wyatt and his brothers are basically guilted into becoming the new law. Although Wyatt has nothing to do with it, Virgil takes up the mantle of Sheriff, and the youngest brother, Morgan, becomes his deputy. Wyatt is super pissed.
Meanwhile, Doc is being Doc, drunk as fuck, up dranking, gambling, for 36 hours straight. This starts off a chain of events where one of the Cowboys gets offended, and eventually he gets a few of his boys together, and they come looking to kill the new law in the town. Welp, Wyatt, his two brothers, and Doc head over to the OK Corral to hopefully settle this beef peacefully. We of course get a shoot out, some folk do some dying.
A few days later, the Cowboys convene on the town, and look to settle the score. They shoot up the wives houses, they clip his brother Virgil, and he’s gonna lose his arm. His other brother is shot in the back while playing pool and dies. He heads outside, which I mention, because it’s raining, but it looks like shit, because rain machines look like shit. Hell, it’s only raining on one side of the street.


They act like they’re packing up and moving out of town, which they are. Except Wyatt, Doc, and a few former Cowboys are all deputized as Marshalls. They go around and just slaughter any and all who wear a red sash. I mean, it’s straight up 80’s action, man. Crashing horses through windows, blasting fools while they shave. They even get caught in a crossfire, pinned down, but Wyatt ain’t no bitch, he stands up and just keeps saying “No”, with no bullets touching him, and starts blasting fools with a shotgun and his 6 shooter. Dude is straight up Robocop.


The baddest Cowboy, Ringo, who’s a super slick shooter, wants to have it out with Wyatt, end it, once and for all. However, before Wyatt can show up, Doc does, and he’s Ringo’s huckleberry. Shoots him straight in the dome like it ain’t no thang.
Afterwards they hunt down the rest and put’em down. We then fast forward to Doc’s last days as Wyatt comes to visit one last time before Doc dies, and then we see Wyatt meet up with the actress chick, and they legit live happily ever after. Well alright then, dig it. Oh, and the wife, who you think they’re foreshadowing a cancer story-line, it’s never mentioned or brought up and the narrator from the beginning just tags in with “oh, and uh, Wyatt’s blonde chick, she died of an overdose or something at some point” cause she was always sippin’ that opium drank. Now, the words may not have been verbatim, but that was the spirit.

1-Liners: 0
Guys Beat Up: 2
Guys Killed: 34
Swear Words: 13
Boobies: 0
Explosions: 0
Chase: 3
Broken Bones: 0
Fight/Shoot-Out At Motel?: No
Guy Get Girl? Yes
Guy/Girl Smoke?: Yes

The original director, and writer, Kevin Jarre was fired, and Rambo: First Blood Part II & Cobra director, George P. Cosmatos was brought in. However, it was actually Kurt Russel who did the directing, and George was brought around to make sure things remained smooth.

Doing the research, this film was pretty damn accurate with it’s depiction.

Tombstone is one hell of a movie, and burly as all get out. In terms of burly, it holds up next to classics like Die Hard and Predator. It’s just a bunch of dudes in the desert, drinking, gambling, and killing. The romance portions with the actress chick seem a bit out of place, and I could honestly do without’em, but it’s true to Wyatt’s life story, so there we go. Obviously Val Kilmer steals the show as Doc Holiday, a character I wish was featured a lot more, however, I think that would ruin the specialness of the role. If you haven’t seen it, mos def have a look guys, because it’s a hell of a fun movie.
****1/2 Head-Butts out of 5

Any questions, comments, drunk-ramblings, feel free to send them my way, I always dig hearing from you, the beautiful people.
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