411 Video Review: WWF Funniest Moments

Before we get started…

I’d like to take the time to thank those of you who read my previous tape review (on the 2000 Royal Rumble). Extra thanks goes to those who took the extra time to e-mail me with their comments on what I said. Yes, to the three of you (and you know who you are), I say, “thank you”.

Also, there is quite a bit of sarcasm within this review. A rule of thumb is, if it’s all in CAPTIALS, then what I’m saying is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Anyway, on with the show.

Imitation

-First off, we have an episode of Heat from the Summer of 1999, as the Rock does his “Billy Gunn praying to God” shtick, which is actually pretty funny. Thumbs up.

-Next, we go to the Summer of 2000, and I believe the night after SummerSlam from that year. Edge and Christian are out and want to congratulate the Hardy Boyz for giving them a good fight the night prior at the TLC match. The Hardyz’ music hits, but some midgets with tiny step ladders come out. The tape clips to the Dudley Boyz’ music and pyro, and out come some midget Dudleyz, complete with a little plastic table. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find midgets all that funny. Thumbs down.

-Next up is DX’s impersonation of the Nation from the Summer of 1998. HHH as ‘The Crock’ and the Road Dogg as ‘B-Lo’ are both pretty funny, but the best part, Jason Sensation’s imitation of Owen Hart, that is right on the money, is not shown. The clipped version doesn’t do this segment justice, but it is still a funny moment. Do yourself a favour and track this down if you haven’t seen it before. Thumbs up.

-We now go to December 2000, and the build-up for the 6-man Hell in a Cell main event for that year’s Armageddon. The Rock does imitations of Kurt Angle, Rikishi, HHH, and The Undertaker. Yes, they cut out his “Backstreet Boys” quote about Austin. ‘Why?’, you ask. I don’t know. The funniest part about this is probably his HHH (“Which means-uh, he’s gonna have to beat the Game-uh, in the middle of the ring-uh.”). Even without the Austin impersonation, this is still a pretty good segment. Thumbs up. (If you can, track down this MP3, [I’m sure you can find it somewhere on one of the many file sharing programs] to hear it complete with Rock bashing Kevin Kelly, plus the Austin imitation.)

-A different Rock promo is next, although I suspect that the WWF tried to pull a fast one on us by trying to make us think it was the same one. For this one, Chris Jericho interrupts, steals the Rock’s catchphrases and his mannerisms. Eh, I’ve seen funnier with these two. Thumbs down.

-Lucky us, next up is Larry Fling Live on the Billionaire News Network. The Huckster and the Nacho Man do their thing, while Fling makes fun of their ages. Funny? No. Thumbs down.

-More midget madness is next. The Rock calls out Booker T after SummerSlam 2001 (I guess they figure a midget angle once a year is good for business). Midget does the Spinarooni, plus throws in a few “Suckas”. The best part of this segment, the “Thomas Jefferson, sucka!” Quote by Little T is cut out. That might have been enough to save this segment. Thumbs down.

-We end the Imitation portion of the tape with Pat Patterson’s best Hogan. JR, “He’s single fellas!” No thanks, Jim. Thumbs down.

Fun With Food

-First part of this has the Bushwhackers ordering their food at a restaurant. I’ll withhold judgement on this segment until I see all of it, but I’m pretty sure I know what it’s going to be.

-DX’s BBQ. Shawn and HHH talk about their “big weenies” and Chyna shows us that she brought the “big stick”. Best part of this segment, HHH’s “S*CK THE COOK” apron. Thumbs down.

-Back to the Bushwhackers at the restaurant, they throw away their utensils and start to eat like pigs.

-Commissioner Foley and Debra’s Thanksgiving 2000 party. JR brings some chicken, Debra talks about “succulent breasts” while both her boobs and the chicken are in the camera shot. JR and Foley share a laugh. Again, I’ll hold back until I see both the entire party segment.

-Mean Gene introduces us to a WWF Oktoberfest party. We are then taken inside a cheese factory, where he interviews the Bushwhackers, who tell some HILARIOUS “cutting the cheese” jokes. DAMN, farts are funny. Thumbs down.

-More Thanksgiving party fun. Debra brings in some pie and asks if anyone wants a piece of it. Everyone laughs. Funaki “much… like… pie…”. More laughter breaks out.

-Now everyone’s favourite food angle. Al Snow takes on the Big Bossman, who then steals Al’s dog, Pepper. We cut to Bossman and Snow in a hotel room, as Al is fed his ground up dog. God, that’s funny. Bossman beats on Snow, takes a bite of the dog, and leaves. Apparently he “tastes like chicken.” The funniest part of this segment is Al standing up and the chair sticking to his ass. Yeah, it’s that funny. Thumbs down.

-Next, I believe we get one of those “hilarious outtakes” it talks about on the back of the box. Mideon walks into a room full of food and eyes up a stuffed turkey. He takes it out of the room, and then we cut back to him walking into the room talking to the bird. He lights up a smoke, insinuating that he committed inappropriate acts with the fowl. That was even funnier than Pepper. Thumbs down.

-We rejoin the Bushwhackers, who are still eating like pigs.

-Food fight at Foley and Debra’s party. Tiger Ali Singh gets a 3D through a table, and Debra stuffs a pie in Mick’s face. Actually, there was some pretty funny stuff during the party. Thumbs up.

-More Bushwhackers eating like pigs.

-Next up, the 1999 Thanksgiving food fight. This one occurs in the ring and at ringside. Fabulous Moolah shoves a pie in Jerry Lawler’s face. This one was OK, too. Thumbs up.

-We finish up with the Bushwhackers still eating like pigs. Yeah. Thumbs down.

Dating

-Val Venis talks about hurricane season and how that morning he was blown from one side of North Carolina to the other. He must be dating a lot of girls. Thumbs down.

-Mark Henry asking out Chyna is next. Mark has written her a poem, and D-Lo Brown is quite moved. This whole thing goes on throughout the “Dating” portion of the tape, so, again, I’ll withhold judgement until I’ve seen it all.

-Al Snow sets up Steve Blackman on a blind date. Apparently, Al met the girl in his therapy group. The girl shows up, and she talks a lot, which annoys Blackman. Again, withholding judgement.

-Henry and Chyna arrive at the restaurant. Chyna doesn’t look to pleased to be there.

-Back to Blackman’s date. He asks her if she likes fish, she does, and starts talking her pet guppy. Blackman orders the pasta, but she likes pasta, too. Blackman rolls his eyes. So do I.

-We rejoin Henry and Chyna, as Mark sings to Chyna. How nice.

-Blackman is still annoyed by his talking date. So am I.

-Mark now decides to do some dancing for Chyna. While he’s busting a groove, a group of guys come up to Chyna. One of them decides to hit on her, and call her a bitch. Chyna punches him out, and Mark attacks his two buddies.

-Kurt Angle preaches the virtues of celibacy to college students with “Olympic Heroes For Abstinence”.

-Another Mark Henry moment, this time with Mae Young. Mark carries her into a hotel room, and puts a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the doorknob. We now go inside the room (why did they let a camera man in there?), as Mark waits for her in the bed. She comes out of the bathroom and jumps into bed, as they do stuff under the covers. Again, the best part of this segment is cut out, as Mark’s “Mmm, Tooty Fruity!” quote about Mae’s edible panties is not shown. That was the only thing remotely laughable about this sketch. Thumbs down.

-The Big Show now rains on Angle’s parade, as he hands out condoms to the same college students that Kurt was campaigning to.

-The Mark Henry/Chyna stuff ends, as Chyna shows the HILARIOUS Sammy footage. Basically, for those who haven’t seen it, Sammy is a transvestite hired by Chyna to see if Mark would cheat on her. Mark and Sammy make out until Mark slides his hands up Sammy’s dress and feels her penis. Laugh a minute. Thumbs down.

Friendship

-Mankind wants to be Rock’s tag team partner, as he feels his “dozens… and dozens” of fans want to see them team up. Ah, good for what it was. Thumbs up.

-Mankind wants to use the People’s Elbow, but the Rock tells him not to steal his moves after he’s already stolen the Rock’s catchphrases. Not all that funny, really. Thumbs down.

-Christian tries to make weight so he can win the Light Heavyweight title. Commisioner Foley tells him that the easiest way to lose water weight is with a rubber suit. Mick doesn’t have a rubber suit, though, but he does have a chicken suit. The part about him telling Edge and Christian that Kurt Angle used it to help train to win the Olympic Gold medal is taken out. Cut to Christian doing jumping jacks in the suit. We then cut to Edge waiting outside the bathroom, as Christian takes a crap to lose some more weight. Christian comes out to inform Edge that he’s made weight, and goes to high five him, but Edge thinks better of it, and stops. Angle comes up to the two of them and says, “Hey, my chicken suit,” which is completely lost now, since someone who has never seen this before would never have heard Mick telling the guys where the suit came from. Anyway, Christian tells Kurt that’s he’s made weight, slaps him five, then leaves. Angle is left smelling his hand and making a strange face. Despite the editing, this is still pretty damn funny. Thumbs up.

-Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon spend the day at a zoo. Gorilla points out a monkey, and Brain quips, “So you brought Mrs. Monsoon for the weekend.” That quote saved the segment. Thumbs up.

-Mick Foley and Al Snow now for their “Vegas Invasion”. Foley wins big at the slots, so him and Al decide to head over to a strip joint. They pay a stripper with a quarter, and she gets pissed, and throws it back at them, right in Foley’s eye. Foley sells it like a champ. Thumbs up.

-More Brain and Monsoon, as Brain tries to get a walk-on part in a movie. Bobby asks Gorilla if he wants to be in the movie, too, but Monsoon says he doesn’t want to. Bobby: “You can keep your clothes on, it’s not that kind of movie.” Too damn funny. Thumbs up.

-GTV: Val Venis and Big Show are taking a piss in side-by-side urinals. Venis looks down, laughs, and goes, “And they call you the ‘Big Show’?” Big Show attacks Val and leaves. How in the hell is this friendship? Thumbs down.

Marriage Problems

-Very old Tuesday Night Titans footage, as Vince introduces Paul Vachon to come out and talk about his wedding the previous week. Footage of Vachon’s stupid wedding from the week before as a brawl breaks out. Might have been funny 20 years ago, but it isn’t now. Thumbs down.

-Triple H shows Trish Stratus some moves, including how to get out of a hammerlock. Trish is bent over in front of Hunter as Stephanie walks in and gets pissed, throws some stuff around, and storms out. Meh, HHH and Trish had some funnier moments. Thumbs down.

-Next up is a proposal from Raw (I’m guessing this is from ‘93-’94). After the guy pops the question, the King pulls the girl into the ring. She says ‘Yes’ to the proposal, and Lawler starts to make fun of her looks before planting a kiss on her. That was crap. Thumbs down.

DX

-It’s Christmas 1997, as HHH and Shawn are out in their X-Mas thongs. Announcers crack jokes about nuts, stuff like that. I guess I’m not just a fan of men in thongs. Thumbs down.

-State of the DX Union is next. HBK (President) and HHH (Vice-President) discuss the words that they will no longer say on TV, due to complaints from the networks. Shawn makes dated Clinton jokes (“Oral Office”, “Swallow The Leader”), but otherwise, this ain’t too bad. Thumbs up.

-The post-WrestleMania XIV DX does a walk around NYC, promoting SummerSlam 1998. Road Dogg asks some Japanese lady about Godzilla’s foot, get a few people (including a cop) to do the crotch chop, and get some woman to flash her breasts at them. Not too bad, I guess. Thumbs up.

Vince

-First off is the night after King of the Ring 2000. Vince gives his infamous “Genetic Jackhammer” speech. Nothing that insinuates the McMahons partaking in sexual intercourse can even be considered remotely funny. Thumbs down.

-Clips are shown of him flipping off Kane and Undertaker in September 1998. I won’t rate this one, since it leads into a later segment, which actually has some humour in it.

-The stuff with the humour in it is right now. Mankind pays Vince a visit in the hospital, and he brought some “female entertainment” with him. Vince is primed for this, until he realizes that it’s Yurple the Clown. Mankind has another guest, too, and Mr. Socko makes his first appearance on TV. Now this, is comedy. Thumbs up.

-Vince, in a wheel chair, tells Shaq to leave, since he doesn’t have a backstage pass. Shaq doesn’t need to leave, though, since he’s “Shaquille O’Neal” and he doesn’t need a backstage pass. Vince leaves. Thumbs down.

-We now take a trip with Vince down to the deep south. He’s in a redneck bar with the Stooges, and he’s looking for Stone Cold. After asking the bartender if she’s seen him, she responds, “I reckon not. Vince doesn’t like the way she talks, and makes fun of it, until she threatens him. Vince leaves again. Thumbs down (again).

-Now, Vince is training for the 1999 Royal Rumble, Rocky style. Shane plays Mickey, as Vince drinks raw eggs, chases chickens, gets dragged behind a limo, and gives guys Stunners. It wasn’t too bad, I guess. Thumbs up.

-Next is the famous “Bang 3:16” segment. Vince is on his knees in the center of the ring, as Austin pulls the trigger on a toy gun, as a flag saying “Bang 3:16” pops out. Vince pisses his pants, so Austin counters with, “McMahon 3:16 says ‘I just pissed my pants!’”. Huh, GUNS ARE COOL. Thumbs down.

-More Austin, as we revisit Vince in the hospital. Stone Cold, disguised as a doctor attacks Vince, hitting him in the head with a bead pan. That’s enough to make me laugh, right there. Thumbs up.

-We finish up Vince’s portion with the Rock giving him a Rock Bottom after the “Genetic Jackhammer” promo. What? Thumbs down.

Stone Cold

-Austin, just after taking over as CEO talks to a receptionist at Titan Towers. He corrects her method of answering the phone. Thumbs down.

-Prior to Christmas 1997, Santa is in the ring talking to some kid. Santa is rude, so out comes Stone Cold to defend the kid’s honour, beating up good ol’ Saint Nick. Thumbs up.

-Vince is talking in his office with Debra, upset with the Alliance invading the WWF. Stone Cold comes in with his guitar. Vince thinks that its for hitting someone over the head with, but Austin tells him that violence is not the answer. Stone Cold starts singing ‘Kumbya’, but Vince is not impressed, so Austin does his own version of ‘We Are The Champions’. Austin from mid to late 2001 is some of the funniest stuff you’ll ever see (wrestling wise). Thumbs up.

-Stone Cold, continuing his CEO role, calls a Board Meeting. It’s beer drinking contest time. This ain’t Alliance Austin. Thumbs down.

-CEO Austin talks to the WWF’s bookkeeper. He changes Vince’s salary to the beer budget and makes Shane’s salary Mick Foley’s. Thumbs down.

-SmackDown from September 2001. Austin, wearing his WCW shirt, starts yelling “What?” over and over again at the crowd. Once the crowd starts yelling along, Austin says, “You’re doing exactly what I wanted you to do. You’re a bunch of jackasses, that’s what you are!” You can’t get any better than Alliance Austin. Thumbs up.

-The Austin part ends up with his hugging Vince with the VERY weird look in his face. It’s not really all that funny, but, damn, is that one strange looking face Austin makes. Thumbs down.

Oops & Poops

-Tony Schiavonie throws to Mean Gene, who is ready to interview Rick Rude, but the SummerSlam sign falls off of the wall. Gene’s look is priceless (although his swearing is cut out of this video). Thumbs up.

-Rock cuts a promo on Mankind, asking for his money back, but his voice keeps cracking. No amount of water can fix it. Rock: “Must be puberty.” Neither of the guys can keep a straight face at this point. Man, I just love “oops”. Thumbs up.

-JR gets set in interview Sid. Sid messes up (what a surprise!), and asks to start over again, only to be informed by JR that, “it’s live pal”. A funny “oops”. Thumbs up.

-Trish and Stephanie brawl in hay and horse manure, before Trish dumps some type of slop all over Steph’s head. Man, I hate “poops”. Thumbs down.

-Halloween party. Roddy Piper accidentally knocks down Brother Love. Not too much there. Thumbs down.

-More Halloween. Brain is dressed up as the Genius, Monsoon is dressed up as Brother Love. Heenan is mad at the way Monsoon is disrespecting Brother Love, and gets up to leave, but his microphone is stuck to his costume, and he can’t get it unattached. Gorilla tosses some insults Heenan’s way. There’s funnier stuff between these 2 guys on this tape, but this wasn’t too bad. Thumbs up.

-We return to the Rock & Sock Connection. Mankind is basically Rocky’s bitch at this point, and Rock gets Foley to scoop some dog poop onto a board for him. Rock tells Mankind that he’s going to shine the poop up real nice. Foley tells him that he doesn’t think you can shine poop. Foley is great in a straight man role. Thumbs up.

-Al Snow attempts to enhance Steve Blackman’s personality by getting him to milk a cow. The cow squirts milk in Blackman’s face, so Blackman attacks the cow (off camera, of course). Man, animal abuse RULES! Thumbs down.

-Shawn Stasiak flubs his lines while attempting to show his appreciation for Steve Austin. Funny for what is was. Thumbs up.

-Mankind brings down the “doo doo” (as Michael Cole calls it) to the ring for his and the Rock’s tag team match against the British Bulldog and Val Venis (if I remember correctly), and we cut to the end of the match, as Bulldog is Rock Bottomed into “the dog poop, the dog poop, the dog poop!” (another Coleism). Did I mention that I hate “poops”? Thumbs down.

-We finally see the movie that Brain was talking about earlier. He asks a lot of questions before the scene starts. He hits some guy in the head, and then is thrown through a window. Wait, so that wasn’t intentional? Thumbs down.

-Rock and Mankind (Tag Team champs at this point) are together in the ring. Rock does his neck-move type thing, and his glasses fall of his face. Foley graciously picks them up for him. Rock thanks him. God, these two were gold together. Thumbs up.

-CEO Austin feels that since Vince’s office is figuratively filled with bullshit, it should be literally filled with the stuff. Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of the BS is carted in, and Austin

finishes it off by pouring a beer on the pile. That was supposed to be funny? Thumbs down.

X-Tremely Funny

-Jerry Lawler talks to Isaac Yankem (aka Glen Jacobs, aka Kane). There are 4 Lawler/Yankem segments here, and none of them even come close to being funny. Thumbs down.

-Mae Young gives Bubba Ray Dudley a bronco buster (or, as JR says it should be called, “an old mare muster”). The Dudelyz are soooooo pissed, that they put Mae through a table. This is more disturbing than funny. Thumbs down.

-Pat Patterson hits Chyna with a low blow, which for some reason has no effect. To retaliate, Chyna grabs hold of Patterson’s and Gerald Brisco’s crotch. Who considered *this* funny? Thumbs down.

-At SummerSlam 1999, Billy Gunn unveils a heavyset woman and claims that the Rock will have to kiss *her* ass after he loses the “Kiss My Ass” match. We cut to the end of the match, as Gunn thinks he has the match won, but Rocky gets up, and shoves Billy’s face into the fat chicks ass. The question for Billy should be, “Who’s better: The fat chick, or Chuck?”. Thumbs down.

-Kaientai tell Val Venis they will “Choppy-choppy your peepee!!”. Kaientai then attack Val in the ring, and we cut to them doing the deed in a back room. HI-FRIGGIN-LARIOUS!! Thumbs down.

-The end of the Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler “Kiss My Foot” match. Bret Hart wins, and shoves his foot down the King’s throat, before making the King his own foot. Who decided what made it on to this tape? Thumbs down.

-We get even more Bushwhackers (I thought we were done with them), as Luke and Butch go lingerie shopping for their mother. This is getting worse by the second. Thumbs down.

-Finally now, we get some real comedy. We start in a cemetery, as the Big Show stands over his father’s grave. In the background, you can hear the Big Bossman’s voice start to approach, and the camera pans to show him arrive driving a car with large speakers attached to the top. Bossman gets out of the car, and attacks Big Show, before hooking up the Big Show’s dad’s casket, which has not yet been buried, to the back of his car. As the Bossman drives off, Show jumps on to the coffin, and rides along for a few seconds before falling off. This is worth it, just to see the Show go casket surfing. Thumbs up.

-The final segment of the tape. You think they saved the best for last? Think again. Mae Young interrupts the bikini contest at the 2000 Royal Rumble, and proceeds to show everyone her “puppies”. Really, who DIDN’T laugh at this? Thumbs down.

Final Thoughts: Well, for a “Funniest Moments” tape, they sure dropped the ball. Where’s the Showster? Only 1 Edge, Christian, and Foley moment? Surely they could have found some rambling Ultimate Warrior promo to stick in there somewhere. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m sure somewhere along the line, they forgot that it was supposed to be “funny” moments. A senior citizen getting put through a table isn’t funny. If they wanted to show the Dudleyz give a chick wood, why didn’t they show “Momma Fay” (I think that was her name)? I’m sure that the producers for this video have some sort of vendetta against Kane. What other possible reason could there be for the inclusion of crappy Isaac Yankem segment after crappy Isaac Yankem segment. Fact is, if you want to see a more complete recap of the hilarious DX imitation of the Nation, track down the Best of Raw Vol. 1 (VHS, since the DVD was released after his death, I’m pretty sure that it’s not on there), where the Owen Hart stuff is left intact (although I can see why it was left off of this tape). If you want more Christian, Edge, and Foley stuff, then find yourself a copy of the Mick Foley: Hard Knocks, Cheap Pops VHS or DVD. That was some of the best stuff the WWF did in 2000, and for some reason is almost completely forgotten on this tape (no kazoos? no streamers?). Do yourself a favour and save youself the $10, this tape is not worth it (unless you really like “poops”).

~Brainwave~ I’ve got an idea. You guys, the 411 readers, e-mail me what you think are some of the WWF’s funniest moments. Then, I will compile a list, and we can mass e-mail it to the WWF and request, nay, demand that they make *our* funniest moment tape (hey, it got the Blue Meanie rehired, didn’t it?). Also, contact me via AIM at TimMoysey and let me know there, too.