411’s NWA TNA Report 03.26.03

– Hey folks, sorry I wasn’t around last week but I had to go see my girlfriend’s band play at CBGBs. They’re actually pretty damn good and if you want some mp3s you can head out to www.mp3.com/aefa and check them out. They’re sort of a cross between Pretty Girls Make Graves and Sleater-Kinney if I had to classify them. But yeah, that’s why I wasn’t around. Thanks to PK for filling my spot but I’m a little sad that he didn’t like the show. I got a chance to see bits of it a few days ago and from what I saw, it seemed like a real winner. Oh well, such is life.

– CD recommendation: There’s an awesome four-song split CD out on Sound Virus records with these two amazing bands called The Cinema Eye and Audion. I would definitely check them out if you like loud rock with keyboards. www.sound-virus.com

– For the new folks, just a quick refresher on the ratings system here for the 411Mania TNA Recap.

A – Classic wrestling match.
B – Really well executed match.
C – Match was alright and stuff but not anything mind blowing.
D – Match was just not very good. But hey, it wasn’t a total waste.
F – Big Bully Busick vs Giant Gonzalez in a Harvey Whippleman-on-a-pole match.

– Live from the TNA Asylum.

– Your hosts Don West & Mike Tenay.

– A.J. Styles thinks he’s Terry Funk and that it’s 1998 because he busts into the S.E.X. lockerroom with a chainsaw. Styles wants a piece of Glen Gilberti’s ass because of last week’s ladder match. Gilberti sends out Mike Sanders instead. I’m digging Gilberti in this more serious role.

– “The Phenomenal” A.J. Styles vs “A-Game” Mike Sanders
This a really nice, if slightly lethargic, back and forth outing between these two. S.E.X. interferes but that’s not enough and Styles rolls up Sanders for the pinfall. Sanders and Gilberti get into each other’s faces until Sonny Siaki breaks it up.
Winner: A.J. Styles (8:08)
Grade: B-

– Recap of Konnan’s lucha invasion.

– Jerry Lynn vs Konnan
I wonder if these two ever went at it in WCW while Lynn was doing the Mr. JL thing? Konnan whoops some ass right away and the action spills to the outside right away. Lynn goes for a springboard rana off the ring steps by Konnan murders him with a powerbomb onto the arena floor. Konnan uses tons of power moves on Lynn but then decides to do some lucha which totally backfires. Lynn keeps Konnan on the ground but Konnan regains control with the Rolling Thunder clothesline. Lynn goes for a single-arm Tornado DDT but Konnan counters with an attempt at a short-arm clothesline but Lynn counters THAT with a DDT. Lynn goes for the Cradle to the Grave piledriver but Konnan backdrops him but Lynn holds on rolls through for the pinfall. Energetic and awesome little match right there. Afterwards, some generic looking yellow-clad luchadore comes in and attacks Jerry Lynn.
Winner: Jerry Lynn (5:27)
Grade: B+

– Recap of Raven’s run in TNA. Have I mentioned that Raven is God?

– The Disciples of the New Church will be wrestling S.E.X. (XXX and The Harris Twins) tonight in a Sadistic Madness match. The only way a wrestler can be pinned is if they’re bleeding. Father James Mitchell warns S.E.X. that they’re going to bleed. S.E.X. comes in and a fight breaks out. The Sandman makes the save but they’re still outnumbered. But then PERRY SATURN runs in and suplexes the tar out of everyone in S.E.X. Hell yeah! Tonight it will be XXX and The Harris Twins against Brian Lee, Slash, The Sandman, and Perry Saturn. By the way, Perry Saturn is basically entirely covered in tattoos at this point and he sort of has a badass shoot fighter look to him, which I totally dig. Saturn rules.

– “The Ace in the Hole” Sonny Siaki vs David Young (w/ Athena)
Right off this is a pretty average power match. Siaki gets the majority of the offense in this contest but he can’t put David Young away. Sonny Siaki loses his belt and we almost catch a quick glimpse of his Si-cock-i (okay that sucked, sorry). Thankfully we don’t and are instead treated to a sleeperhold spot. The crowd actually reacts to David Young and chant “Go, David Go!” which I find pretty interesting. Young rallies back and hits a crazy looking neckbreaker variation and followed it up with an even crazier looking spinebuster. Man, Siaki is totally wearing a man-thong. That makes me uncomfortable. Athena comes in and hits a BALL KICK on Siaki. Desire runs in and the match is called off. Big cat fight ensues and David Young his handcuffed while Siaki beats down on Athena. Badass heels are decidedly less badass when their thongs are hanging out.
Winner: No Contest (5:55)
Grade: C

– The Loser Kids of Famous Rasslers (The Next Generation) come out for some talking. Erik Watts makes fun of Jeff Jarrett’s love of messy hair and lime green shirts, which amuses the hell out of me. Watts says he just wants to fuck with Jarrett and he doesn’t want a title shot. Jarrett comes from behind and hits a GUITAR SHOT FROM HELL. Man, it’s been a while. Jarrett puts out an open challenge to anyone. D’Lo Brown makes his way and says that he has a match with Chris Harris tonight but he wants a shot at Jeff Jarrett’s NWA title after that. Jarrett agrees but Glen Gilberti comes out and disagrees with this. Since Raven is the #1 contender, S.E.X. controls the title scene until he gets said shot. Gilberti says that D’Lo gets his title shot next week but he has to join S.E.X. to get that title shot. D’Lo agrees with the stipulation and Jarrett blows the dust off of the old “Don’t Piss Me Off” saying. I’m surprised he didn’t call Gilberti a slapass. Hey, this works for me because I liked D’Lo vs Jarrett from SummerSlam 99 a lot. Gilberti is definitely ruling as a serious heel.

– Bunkhouse Brawl: David Flair vs Dusty Rhodes
Hey, we got to see Flair beat up Dusty’s kid on Raw this Monday so why not the reverse? In fact, we should have Stevie Ray teaming with David Flair against Dusty Rhodes and uhh… I dunno… Chyna? Man, Bunkhouse Brawls suck and Don West points out why they suck albeit enthusiastically and without irony, “This is like a cowboy hardcore match!” I’d also like to point out David Flair’s entrance theme which is like a new age version of the ol’ 2001 theme which is hilarious if that was the intention. David Flair would get over if mastered two things: The Flair Flop and the Flair Turnbuckle Flip Spot. He needs to get on those because his dad can barely even do them anymore, so somebody might as well. Dusty wins the match and grabs the NWA title belt that is supposedly Ric Flair’s (but is obviously either a copy or Dusty Rhodes’ personal belt) but Next Generation jumps him and steals it back. Wow, Dusty you sure showed Ric Flair who the man is. I think Dusty Rhodes has officially overstayed his welcome and I would now like him to fuck off and die.
Winner: Belly Splotch (2:30)
Grade: F

– Goldylocks interviews Chris Harris and plants the seeds for what could be an awesome singles heel run as he downplays the significance of requesting a singles match with D’Lo while convincing Goldylocks to not look over at James Storm and to wish him luck. Really good stuff here. I’m excited about Chris Harris’ future in TNA.

– Mixed Tag Match: The Amazing Red & Alexis Laree vs Kid Kash & Trinity
Kash and Red kick this bad boy off. Man, I hope Vince doesn’t try to sign these guys. Do you really want to see Kyd Kash and The Amayzing Redd jobbing to Bill DeMott on Velocity every week? Not to downplay this match, but it’s sort of exactly what one would expect. Trinity once again steals the show and pins Alexis with after a moonsault. Kid Kash doesn’t seem pleased as he also had a pinning situation going on with Red. Trinity rules.
Winners: Kid Kash & Trinity (5:00)
Grade: C+

– “Wildcat” Chris Harris vs D’Lo Brown
I am liking the improved mixes on the entrance music (even if they’re still a little generic for my taste) and the nice entrance videos that TNA has been implementing. The production values have definitely gone up quite a bit and it will only get better if they stick around. D’Lo and Wildcat size each other at the beginning. Harris works a methodical Bret Hart-style on D’Lo as he takes control. This match isn’t as fast paced as I would have expected but despite this is really technically sound. D’Lo goes for the Sudden Impact but Chris Harris counters it with ease because that happens to be identical to his finisher, the Catatonic (nice psychology!), and the announcers make a great point in pointing all of this out. This is why Mike Tenay is the best in the business. S.E.X. run in and make the assist allowing D’Lo to get the win. The crowd doesn’t know what to make of this.
Winner: D’Lo Brown (7:02)
Grade: B-

– Sadistic Madness Match: Christopher Daniels, Elix Skipper, & Harris Twins vs Disciples of the New Church, Perry Saturn, & The Sandman (w/ Father James Mitchell)
I absolutely love XXX’s entrance theme by the way. In case you skimmed by it, the only way someone can be pinned in this match is unless they’re bleeding. The Sandman starts off the match with a bloody forehead so I would totally just roll his ass up if I was in S.E.X. Don West agrees with me as I type this. Saturn kicks it off with Elix Skipper as Saturn absolutely wails on him. The match breaks down immediately and it’s just a big clusterfrick with eight dudes brawling all over the place. Slash gets busted wide open so two of the babyfaces are now eligible for a pinning. Christopher Daniels gets busted next via Slash and a spike. That was a pretty violent spot. Ron Harris bleeds too. The Twins hit an H-Bomb on Sandman but don’t go for the pin (he’s bleeding guys). Lots of bleeding and near falls and I gotta admit this no pin without blood stipulation. Then Ron Killings comes out and beats on the Harris Twins and he brings with him… oh dear lord no… Viscera/Mabel. Viscera hits the Fatso Bomb on Ron Harris which allows Perry Saturn to score the pinfall to end this pretty decent match. Why would you saddle Ron Killings with someone like Viscera? I hope I never have to see him, y’know, attempt to wrestle matches or anything. Because that would depress me. Match was entertaining if a bit sloppy and overbooked.
Winners: The Disciples of the New Church, Saturn, and The Sandman (15:22)
Grade: C

– After the match, S.E.X. comes out to beat on the babyfaces but Jeff Jarrett makes the save.

– Another really good show from TNA. I’m sad I didn’t get to see Raven bust ass this week but despite the abscence of Jesus Christ Scott Levy it was another really good show. And yeah, I’m not excited about that tub of shit Viscera being on my TV, but you gotta take the bad with the good sometimes. It’s no different than having Nathan Jones, Undertaker, A-Train, Big Show, and Rikishi shoved down my throat on the same show. And that’s on the WWE show that I consider the good one. Don’t even get me started on Raw. Plus next week we get Jeff Jarrett vs D’Lo! Okay, that doesn’t look like much on paper but I bet it delivers when it gets down to putting on an awesome NWA title match. The fact is, if you’re going to enjoy TNA you’re going to have to check your pre-conceived notions about certain workers at the door. WWE used D’Lo and Raven as jobbers but their legit World title threats here because they’re charismatic and bust ass in the ring. I think that gives them both more credibility than someone like Scott Steiner. But if you want big names instead of good wrestling, I can understand thinking TNA isn’t as good as WWE. I agree that TNA isn’t as good as WWE, it’s much better. See you in seven.