411’s NWA:TNA Xplosion Report 07.25.04

Hello everybody. I’m back this week after not receiving my Xplosion tape for last weekend’s show. Since I have to get through two hours of material this week, I’m going to cut out the PPV recaps and such.

TNA Xplosion – 07.18.04

JT Wolfen vs. Big Vito – Holy fat and ugly on Wolfen’s part. If there’s one thing I’ve missed about WCW 2000 it definitely wasn’t Big Vito. Vito jumps Wolfen to start, scratching his face. Ohh my God. Vito, there’s nothing wrong with getting your eyesbrows waxed, but eyebrows that thin only serve to make you look demented. Clothesline to Wolfen gets two. Hard chop, and I can’t stop staring at his eyebrows. Big kick and a legdrop get two. Vito with some more really basic offense. Vito misses a splash in the corner. He misses another one. Fat ass clotheslines by Wolfen gets two. Bodyslam by Wolfen. Vito awkwardly moves himself into the perfect position for Wolfen to miss a top rope moonsault. Swinging DDT finishes the match at 3:40. I watched 90% of this match with the fast forward on, and it was still slow and plodding. Vito isn’t needed anymore; period. And neither is Trinity considering she, you know, isn’t attractive.

Delirious and Sebastian vs. D-Ray 3000 & Shark Boy – Delirious actually crawls out on his knees, making me think it was a freakin’ midget match. Thank God for Johnny Fairplay’s pranks. Delirious just continually spins around the ring before getting dropkicked by Shark Boy. Delirious escpaes a whip and flips around Shark Boy before applying a headlock. Shark Boy backsuplexes Delirious to escape. Tag into D-Ray., who ducks under a clothesline and crossbodies Delirious. D-Ray with a nice move that turns a torture rack into a neckbreaker. He goes for a pin but Sebastian attacks. Really, really fake neckbreaker move by Sebastian that isn’t even describable. Delirious tags in with some swift kicks. Small package on D-Ray gets two. Tag back into Sebastian, who spin kicks D-Ray. Sebastian misses a split-legged moonsault. This allows D-Ray to tag Shark Boy in. Dropkick for both. Hangman’s neckbreaker on Delirious for two. All four men are in the ring now. D-Ray and Shark Boy both hit their ten punches in the corner. Delirious and Sebastian try to whip their opponents into each other, only to end up being hit by the Afroram. Ass bite for Sebastian sends him to the floor. D-Ray throws Delirious into Shark Boy’s boot, and he follows it up with the DSD for three at 4:05. Not bad at all.

Scott Fowler vs. Monte/y Brown – Fowler makes the mistake of hanging around on the apron when Monte enters the ring, and as a result, gets attacked. Monte pounds away. Hard chops and punches, as you’d expect from Monte. Fowler hops up over Monte in the corner, but one Alpha Bomb later, and the match is over at 1:30.

TNA Xplosion – 07.25.04

Eric Andrews, Johnny Dotson, Matt Catalano, and Jared Steele vs. Team Canada – Ohh Jesus. I know who Jared Steele is, and that’s it. Big brawl in the ring to start that quickly leaves two of the jobbers in the ring with Johnny Devine and Eric Young. Both members of Team Canada get dropkicked, with Devine escaping to the outside. Young slides under a double clothesline attempt, and one of the jobbers gets pulled to the outside, while the other gets a swift knee to the gut from Young. Young tags into Devine, with them hitting that flipping clothesline that I love. Devine covers for two. Quick tag into Roode, who hits a hard elbow on the jobber. Nice double team move as Roode powerslams the jobber onto the knees of the awaiting Williams. Williams taunts the crowd for a few seconds, and when the jobber gets up, he tries the Canadian Destroyer, but the jobber escapes it. Hot tag time, as Johnny Dotson comes in. Dropkicks for everybody. Dotson with a nice Acid Drop into a Stunner for Devine that only gets two. Everyone comes in to brawl briefly. Hard clothesline to the back of the head to Dotson by Roode. Now it’s time for that sweet suplex/top rope ass splash from Team Canada to Dotson. That’s enough for the win at 3:10. Petey Williams brings another one of the jobbers into the ring post-match to deliver the Canadian Destroyer. Eight man tags need to be at least four minutes to be any good. Two of the guys never even got tagged, which doesn’t make an ounce of sense when you figure that Xplosion is supposed to be place for TNA to scout potential talent.

Johnny Curtis vs. Alex “Baby Bear” Shelley (w/Goldylocks) – Goldylocks needs to go. Please, just let it end. I’m glad to see Shelley getting a singles match on this program. Chain wrestling to start, with Shelley selling the holds nicely. Spin kick by Curtis. Ugly, ugly spot where Shelley was supposed to throw the back of Curtis’ head straight down onto his knee, but barely swipes him. Shelley delivers some kicks to his back. Neckbreaker, followed by some typical offense. Curtis tries to escape a headlock, but only winds up getting kneelifted in the head and stomach several times. Snap suplex by Shelley. Shelley goes to a sleeperhold. Why? Curtis jawjackers him to escape, but Shelley promptly dropkicks him in the back. Nice. Shelley runs into a boot. Curtis with a clothesline for two. Shelley combats quickly with a very ugly fisherman’s suplex Roll the Dice. Shelley with another ugly looking move best described as a brainbuster with the leg crossed. That gives him the win at 4:10. Wow, what a mess. Shelley had no heat, didn’t work the crowd at all, was hitting crappy moves left and right, and just sucked the hope I held for him right out of me.

Marcus Falk vs. “The Undefeated” Monte/y Brown – Another one? Yeah, we’re just going to forget those losses to Ron Killings and Sonny Siaki during his first TNA run. Falk is gonna get raped. Falk and Brown have a short staredown. Once they lock up, Monte quickly dumps Falk to the floor. Falk gets dropped on the guardrail, and then gets his head smashed into the announce table. Into the guardrail he goes again. Back in the ring, Monte hits two consecutive back suplexes. Snapmare, and Monte goes to some beautiful hook jabs. Falk escapes a resthold, but is promptly taken out with a short arm clothesline. Fallaway slam then sets up the PUOOOOOOOONCE! That’s it at 3:35. Your usual Monte Brown squash, one that we’ve been seeing a tad bit too much lately.

Congratulations once again to Xplosion vets The Naturals, who deserve all their success. I just hope they’re made into more than just transition champs.

New strategy for the TNA Cams, as they’re all very fast moving, with none going more than twenty seconds.

TNA Cam with Triple X, complete with flashing lighting. They restate that XXX is back together, and will win the Tag Titles. I’m still waiting for an explanation as to why they got back together after all that backstage nonsense.

TNA Cam with The Naturals, who say that no one thought they would win over AMW, and that they’ll prove their doubters wrong once again on Wednesday.

TNA Cam with Michael Shane, who promises to survive this Ultimate X match just like his first.

TNA Cam with Frankie Kazarian, who says that the belt will return to him.

TNA Cam with AJ Styles, who is sure he will reign in the “House of Styles.”

TNA Cam with Monte Brown, who promises that Jeff Hardy will get PUOOOOOOOONCED!

TNA Cam with Jeff Jarrett, who says that the King of the Mountain will be watching.

This Wednesday on TNA…
The third Ultimate X will take place, with AJ Styles defending his X Title against Kazarian and Michael Shane.
Jeff Hardy and Monte Brown will go at it in order to determine who is the new number one contender to Jeff Jarrett’s World Title.
XXX will do their best to unseat Tag Team Champions The Naturals.
With Coach D’Amore returning, Team Canada plans to take out America’s Most Wanted.
Goldylocks will put up her money against D-Ray and Shark Boy’s contracts when they face Abyss & Alex Shelley.
David Young will try to avoid his 100th loss when he takes on referee Mike Posey.
And will Raven and Sabu finally come to blows?