411s NWA:TNA Xplosion Report 08.01.04

ARE YA’LL READY FOR ‘DIS?????????

Dallas vs. Cylus Young – Thank you very much Don West for saying the jobber’s name. Young tries to get off to a valiant start, but Dallas immediately attacks him. Dallas tries to pull Young out of the corner by his boots, but Young flips out of it. Young gets backdropped to the apron, punches away at Dallas, and TWENTY-FIVE SECONDS into the match, it’s a blown spot as Young springboards in with a crossbody. Dallas was, of course, supposed to catch him, but Young winds up getting brought down to the mat directly on his neck, with Dallas covering for two. Nice one numbnuts. And Dallas, showing how much he protects his opponents, immediately kicks Young square on the top of his head. After dropping someone on their neck, even a worked kick to the head isn’t a good idea. Young gets caught trying to score a crossbody, and Dallas hits one of those big, fliptastic slams that everybody loves. Big surprise; boot choke! Side slam! Dallas tries to get a cover twice with no luck. Young fights back, only to be dealt more Kevin Nash-like offense. Young escapes a powerslam attempt and tries a roll up. Fate isn’t on his side tonight, though. Dallas picks him up in a double arm choke, throws him up in the air, and delivers a sit-out powerbomb. Begrudgingly, I’ll admit; that was impressive. This would’ve been the perfect time to end the match. Dallas, however, goes to the outside, throws Tiny the Timekeeper around, and brings the fat man’s chair into the ring. This prompts the referee to take it away from him. Young comes back with two clotheslines and a top rope missile dropkick. None of this is enough to get Dallas off his feet. Big clothesline from Dallas. Big boot! 1-2-3 at 3:40. Are you telling me that after busting out both a fliptastic slam AND a double arm choke into a sit-out powerbomb that they ended the match with a freakin’ big boot? The referee gets tossed to the outside to further the idea that Dallas is mad at… Something?

Scott Hudson’s interview with Jeff Jarrett airs.

The Naturals win again!

John McChessney vs. Sonny Siaki (w/Desire) – I’m fairly certain they spelled McChes(s)ney’s name with an extra ‘s’ tonight. Remember when people used to care about Sonny Siaki enough to bitch about him? Those were the days. Chain wrestling to start. McChessney runs into a stiff elbow. What in the hell was that? We get a back angle of Siaki hitting some sort of spin kick that looks nice when he’s up in the air, but looks terrible when he goes to the mat. Siaki covers for two. Siaki boots McChessney in the stomach, and he rolls to the floor. McChessney taunts Desire in order to lure Siaki to the floor. McChessney attacks, goes back into the ring, and springboard crossbodies Siaki after briefly balancing himself on the top rope. Back in the ring, McChessney lands another springboard move, this time a dropkick. Siaki rebounds with a sloppy move made sloppier by McChessney. Siaki with a double crosschop followed by a Samoan drop. McChessney catches Siaki with an elbow, but Siaki rebounds with several chops. Siakalypse, which has dropped the “Now” I suppose, finishes the match at 3:15.

Scott Hudson’s interview with Monte/y Brown airs. One of the 411 writers yelled at me for spelling Pounce wrong, but I must attest to the fact that I type it as it is pronounced. And you know how that’s pronounced? PUOOOOOOOONCE!

Sadly, Monte didn’t utter that fantastic word in that interview, but there’s still twenty-nine minutes left in the program.

Nick Berk, M-Dogg 20, and Big Bully Douglas vs. 3 Live Kru – Holy crap! It’s Nick Berk and M-Dogg 20 of CZW fame. Killings does a full rap on the way to, and inside, the ring. Konnan throws out the usual spiel. Why wouldn’t TNA just let him out of his contract? The heels lurk on the outside of the ring until the bell rings, and once 3LK turn around, they jump them. It doesn’t take long for Bully and Berk to be dumped to the floor, though. Snapmare by Killings to M-Dogg. Berk gets knocked off the apron. James and Konnan hold M-Dogg’s legs apart as Killings goes off the top with a legdrop to the crotch. M-Dogg eye rakes Killings, but it’s not long before Killings is able to deliver a kind of awkward cradle backbreaker (?) to him. Berk runs in without being tagged. Killings winds up backing himself into his own corner, which is exactly what you’re NOT supposed to do when you’re playing a brief face-in-peril. Killings hops up over Berk off a corner whip. He splits under a clothesline, and while Berk is held up by BG, Killings goes off the top rope with a spin kick. James covers for two when Bully jumps him. Bully decides to just stay in despite being tagged, and then M-Dogg also runs in. This is barely making sense. The trio of heels keep up with quick tags, but never do anything more than punches. Berk winds up accidentally clotheslining Bully. Konnan tags in. Hip toss for M-Dogg. Inverted DDT for Berk. Sloppy and lazy carpet muncher for Bully. Berk gets met with a rolling clothesline. M-Dogg jumps off the top rope with a shooting star press, lands on his feet, and immediately gets clotheslined. Since Konnan can’t be bothered to move his opponent, he applies the Tequila Sunrise, which M-Dogg has to submit to despite being two inches away from the ropes. That’s the end at 2:20. Wow. This was terrible. I love Berk and M-Dogg, but they both weren’t allowed to do anything here besides punch and get hit with terrible maneuvers from 2/3s of 3LK.

Hype for the Sabu/Raven match on Wednesday.

Scott Hudson’s interview with a (literally) very green Michael Shane and Kazarian airs.

TNA Cam time!

Kid Kash – With Dallas standing behind him, Kash says that he’s coming back this Wednesday to take Styles out.

AJ Styles – Styles says that Kash can start by finishing last when he faces “The Phenomenal One.”

Michael Shane and Kazarian – With Tracy in tow, they say that it’ll be a pleasure to take out Geriatric Lynn and Chris Sabin.

Team Canada & Scott D’Amore – D’Amore tells AMW that they’re going down, all while whipping his team members.

America’s Most Wanted – With both of them looking like Johnny Swinger thanks to being shirtless, they talk about how Team Canada is crazy for wanting to take them on in a Country Whipping Match.

This Wednesday on TNA…
Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy will go Face to Face. What that means exactly, I don’t know.
For the first time ever, Sabu and Raven are set to go one-on-one.
After losing the X Title last week, AJ Styles will face Kid Kash.
Team Canada will face America’s Most Wanted in a Country Whipping Match.
X Co-Champions Michael Shane & Kazarian will take on Jerry Lynn & Chris Sabin in a match that is set to show how dead Sabin’s career is.
And because we always need silly gimmick matches, Pat Kenney and Big Vito will fight it out in a Luck of the Irish Weapons Match.
In another Contract vs. Money Match, Goldylocks’ unloved monster Abyss will face Sonny Siaki.

At the time of this writing, the OMG HUGE announcement has not yet been made, but by the time you read this, it likely will have been. And all I can say is that I’ll see yah next week.