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411’s TNA Impact Report 05.31.16

May 31, 2016 | Posted by Aaron Scott

Welcome everyone, we are counting down the days to Slammiversary. Hello once again everyone in TNALand my name is Aaron, thank you for joining us as things are starting to heat up. This is your Official TNA Impact Report from 411Mania.

The Miracle cost EC3 his chance at vindication, what will Ethan Carter do next, can he find a way to regain his chances at a match at Slammiversary? And after Maria Kanellis physically beat down Gail Kim at Impact, will there finally be ramifications for the leader of the Knockouts Division?

Jeff Hardy survived the Ladder Match challenge put to him by brother Matt, Rockstar Spud and Tyrus are no longer associated with the elder Hardy and Matt will face Jeff in a Full Metal Mayhem at Slammiversary.

And finally, we have Pick Your Poison as both World Champion Drew Galloway and his future opponent Lashley will decide each other’s opponents for tonight. Neither man will know the wrestler he is facing until the bell rings.

All this and so much more as TNA President Dixie Carter has placed a special unknown person in charge of making sure the trains stay on the rails, who will it be? The card is subject to change, match times are not exact, no kayfabe needed, sound off in the comments as we bring to you the very best of Impact Wrestling from Pop TV.


Maria Kanellis and Mr. Maria make their into the ring, do you believe in miracles? The Kingdom Couple puts over Dixie’s GM and she didn’t contact him at all, even via AOL IM AND MYSPACE! Tumblr?


Maria says if anyone should be in charge, it should be her-


EC3 makes his way out, he’s our guest GM and Ethan goes face to face with Bennett. Carter wastes no time he books himself into a match with Bennett at Slammiversary. He gives him the night off to make sure he’s pristine. Bennett takes credit for the ratings wins of last week wholeheartedly. Miracle says fine.

EC3 says wait hey hold on, Bennett ain’t wrestling, but he does need to work sooo… Kenny Smith, the Custodial Director brings out the mop bucket and orders Mike to clean some toilets. Maria flips out and Ethan says because she put her hands on Gail we are going to have a good old fashioned Job Evaluation where Maria could get fired!

The fans sing Bennett and Maria out as the man kicks his mop bucket!


“Domination” booms over the PA as The Destroyer makes his arrival to the Impact Zone. Lashley is allll smiles. He threatens Ethan and Carter says he relegates his power to Drew as we have Pick Your Poison!

Backstage Bennett is complaining about the bathroom as Ethan goes over the stalls and each one is progressively worse. Mike complains about getting his yellow shoes dirty and Ethan has a cup of coffee.

Lashley stands in the ring and Drew tells him since he’s so eager to go first, his drinking buddy from Team TNA-


Lashley vs Bram

Pick Your Poison

Bram attacks to the brawling goes and pulls the headband down over the eyes! Novel. Bram gets to strike the mat with his back as Lashley overpowers him rather easily.

Lashley is just stalking the King of the Mountain Champ but runs afoul of a series of back elbows. Clothesline sends the man over the ropes to the floor and The Destroyer faces a possible count out.

Bram comes out into a kick and gets sent into the railing. Lashley with the choke then the toss inside and runs to ram him in the corner! Snaps the suplex with a cover and two.

Slams back the head forearm across the face no two only.

Chinlock and Knee to the Spine. This is how you do a resthold, 90% of the wrestling universe. Cross corner whip runs to ram but catches a boot! Bram running forearms and charging knee to the jaw, inside leg but no. Lashley has him back in the corner and rams but runs into a spinning heel kick and another kickout.

Bram for the headlock but eventually caught and spiked with a Spinebuster- no cover. Spear countered, Lashley fights with a lariat! Bram talks shit and rises but gets knocked down again! Bram talks shit again and Lashley smashes him again! Bram trying to rise and Lashley for the chair, Sends it into the stomach! Instant DQ!



OFFICIAL RESULT: Bram by DQ at 6:20, Lashley gives no fucks


He Cashes in Feast or Fired!

Bram vs Eli Drake

King of the Mountain Title Match

BRAM kicks out of the pinfall! Eli wants the title shot back but Earl says no, you gave the case up! Eli is forced to fight Bram and weakens him with a series of shoulders into the corner. Eli finally gets the fall and he is YOUR new King of the Mountain Champ.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Eli Drake in 1:05, Lashley Spear

Short with Robbie E and Jesse G poolside, getting some motivation as they watch Raquel parade around in a gold two piece. I’d go over 12 percent for that. The BroMans are told to focus, perhaps there’s something to this new business manager after all.

Backstage, Earl Hebner exits the bathroom stall and is told by Ethan Carter to help The Miracle prepare to respect referees, by refereeing our next match. Bennett is none too pleased but Earl seems to be enjoying this. It’s fitting after Bennett embarrassed him weeks ago.

We get an aerial shot of Matt Hardy’s house in Cameron, North Carolina as he has invited TNA Cameras to show “Brother Nero” what he has planned for him come Slammiversary.

Eli Drake is celebrating his title win, popping the champagne, all over the dummies in the back. Glorious! Yeah.

Spud & Tyrus vs The BroMans

Number One Contenders’ Match

Mike Bennett is reluctantly in the ring as The BroMans have Raquel at ringside. Robbie and Jesse double team Spud for a bit, trying for a pin but only a two. Robbie gets in Mike’s face and Tyrus attacks from behind saying there was a tag. Bennett says sure and Tyrus tosses Robbie with the Explodah!

Spud tags in to wear down and Jesse gets into a yelling fight with Bennett as Tyrus tags in and crashes into Godderz! Tyrus lands the Big Ending on Robbie as Spud tags in… Raquel is distracting Tyrus!

Spud is distracted, and gorilla pressed by Jesse! Jesse throws Spud into Tyrus and Robbie dives off the top to take both down! Inside the ring they hit the BroDown on Spud! Adonis Crab and Spud is tapping but Bennett doesn’t doesn’t want to call it. Finally, he calls the submission and The BroMans are going to Slammiversary.

OFFICIAL RESULT: The BroMans at 4:04, Adonis Lock

Backstage, Maria is bitching to Billy Corgan on her cell phone. Ethan walks in, takes it and hangs up. Maria demands he punish Gail for attacking her, and Ethan says they’re both going to the ring to mediate this, up next.

They show Jeff Hardy driving his dirtbike to Cameron to confront his brother Matt.

Maria’s Job Performance Review

Maria arrives with Sienna and Allie in tow. Ethan Carter III is already in the ring. Allie tells everyone Maria needs her and Ethan tells her people to depart and also shoo. The fans sing them out as Maria is angry.

Maria says she was doing what she feels is right. She is doing a wonderful job. Ethan says he doesn’t think so, it’s what Gail Kim thinks actually.

“Puppets on a String” kicks up over the PA System as Gail makes her way to the ring. Maria mocks her for being a wrestler and if the wrestlers called the shots we’d have anarchy. Ethan says Maria putting her hands on Gail is grounds for dismissal.

Ethan says instead since the Irvines are friends of his, it’s up to Gail. Gail says from the first day she stepped into the federation, she wanted a fight. Maria says no but Ethan, says yes. He makes it official and books the fight for Slammiversary.

Maria says she is going to cement herself in the Hall of Fame by kicking Gail’s ass. Ethan approves and announces Maria’s people to face off with Gail and brings out Jade as her tag team partner! The Knockouts Champion arrives!

Jade & Gail Kim vs Sienna & Allie

Ethan makes Maria sit near him as Allie takes forever getting ready. Gail slams Allie around the ring who finally ducks out and tags in Sienna. Sienna jumps on Gail to pummel her but Gail fights back and tags out to Jade.

Jade hits Sienna and Gail sails for the shot! Jade hits the German on Sienna but Allie distracts for the pin. Jade picks up Gail and swings her into Allie but Sienna takes advantage to attack from behind.

Sienna runs Gail into the corner and hits a delayed vertical to the incessant shrieks of Allie. Sienna taunts Jade with the shake and bake then the spit as Jade runs in and Allie rushes in to choke Gail. They both pick up and slam Gail but Allie only gets two.

Gail kicks her in the head and Allie runs to tag out. Sienna comes in and eats a lungblower! Jade in with the kicks and strikes, jumping dropkick! Roundhouse KICKS and the cover no.

Jade up top and MISSILE TO SIENNA!

Allie breaks it up and runs out as Jade dropkicks Sienna and Allie tags in? She pleads her case but Jade beats her silly and kicks her face off. Sienna wraps Jade but takes an Eat Defeat from Gail! Jade finishes off Allie with the package piledriver!

Maria is furious but Ethan is pleased.

Gail Kim & Jade at 5:26, Package Piledriver

In Cameron, Jeff Hardy arrives at Matt’s mansion and runs past Reby who’s leaving with Maxell and mad at both of them. They argue and she drives off as Jeff goes inside. Matt is playing the piano phantom of the opera style, and taunts Jeff about signing the contract. Jeff shouts at his brother to sign it but Matt says not hear and leaves making Jeff follow.

Inside the Impact Zone, Mike Bennett freaks out on Ethan. He yells in the ring about the abuse to him and his wife. He says he’s the best damn wrestler in the world and should be treated as such. Ethan agrees- and announces he lied about Mike not wrestling. He will face The COWBOY James Storm right now!


“God’s Gonna Cut You Down” kicks up as the fans cheer, and James boozer cruises his way to the ring to beat the tar out of Bennett!

James Storm vs The Miracle

Storm is punching Bennett and socks him down! James is all punchayoufaceuh and puts the shades on Mike to sock him down! Storm gets taken down with a clothesline!

Mike removes his ridiculous jacket and is all kicks with the silly gold shoes. Lariat in the corner and a kick to go for the pin- no.

Bennett slams the chinlock and a series of knees to punish James, taking out the night’s frustrations. He punches James in the corner as Maria grins with an evil gleam. James battles back to fly with the forearms!

He gets sent over the side, flying kick from the outside and inside off the ropes, hangman’s! Kicks away the shot and Side Russian! Up and Around and Around, EYE OF THE STORM!


James flies with the calf wrangler and the lungbower! He gets set for the- Maria is on the apron. She has the beer bottle and James grabs it to take a Slap Of Doom! Schoolboy by Mr. Maria and this match is over!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Mike Bennett, 6:07, Schoolboy

Ethan comes out and promises if Bennett is God, he is the Devil and he will burn the church down! But he leaves The Miracle with this- a kick to the face!


Bennett is out and all Maria can do is look on. Storm celebrates as Ethan leaves, preparing for his chance at vindication.

“I know what you’re all saying! THANK YOU! THANK YOU AL!

Thank you for taking control of this sport and making it what it needs to be!”

Snow says he went to his school in London to find people are the quality athletes. The fans chant “Boring” and he says yes wrestling is boring- and he credits himself to taking the steering wheel away from the stupid fans. He brings out Dax and Baraka, The Tribunal.

They thank Al Snow in English and French. Al says he doesn’t need weapons, unlike that meatbag of suck- Grado. He shows the end of the fight where he pinned Grado with the Snowplow!

Grado enters and shows the rest of the footage, showing Al using a weapon and getting the pin with the help of the Tribunal. Al goes all Luddite and insults Grado’s parents. Shera yells he loves his parents and Al says his mom loves him. That did it.

Grado and Shera run the ring and brawl with The Tribunal until Al beats them from behind with a chair and they overwhelm the rookies.

We will see what went down with the Brothers Hardy, but first, Lashley will pick the opponent for Galloway, next.

Interview time with Braxton Sutter, the former Pepper Parks. He talks about how his break took awhile. He went to his family and thanked them for their support. He always believed in himself, and he didn’t work so hard to be mediocre. He wants to take it to the next level and his life is TNA.

Josh and Pope run down the card for Slammiversary:


Drew Galloway vs Lashley,
Tap out or Knockout for the World Title

Jeff Hardy vs Matt Hardy,
Full Metal Mayhem Match

Ethan Carter III vs “The Miracle” Mike Bennett

Gail Kim vs Maria Kanellis

Decay vs The BroMans
World Tag Team Titles Match

Back in Cameron, Matt Hardy makes Jeff follow him to a barn and inside, the wrestling ring they grew up in.

Back in the Impact Zone, Drew Gallloway arrives and awaits Lashley to come on out and announce his opponent… and that wrestler is?

Drew Galloway vs Decay

Pick Your Poison

Steve attacks Drew! Drew fights him and Abyss jumps Drew! Rosemary attacks Drew as he beats down Abyss and Drew goes to the floor, sending Crazzy Steve into the railing! He brings him over the railing from the crowd and unloads with chops!

Rosemary jumps on Drew and distracts him as Abyss runs the Champ over! Steve is on Drew, the Deathdealers launching Drew into the ringpost!

Galloway is sent in the ring and Crazzy Steve mauls the man’s face with crossface shots! Abyss tags in and he has the hair- huge headbutt on Drew!

Drew kicks Abyss and gets sent for the ride ABYSS HITS THE HO TRAIN!


Abyss clamps down the neck vise, eventually Drew fights up to a vertical base, Abyss makes the tag.

He takes them down with a double clothesline! He crashes into Steve in the corner and hits a flying lariat off the top into Abyss! Overhead suplex on Steve!

Rosemary jumps on Drew! She strikes him! Drew has her and Steve leaps off the top to get caught in a tilt a whirl backbreaker!

Drew wastes time stomping for the Claymore! He rushes Steve but gets caught by the Chokeslam!

Rosemary has Janice at ringside and the Ref is distracted! Lashley enters the ring and charges Drew! Galloway sidesteps and Lashley SPEARS Abyss!

Drew avoids the schoolboy and he hits a Claymore on Steve! FUTURE SHOCK THIS MATCH IS OVER!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Drew Galloway at 6:25, Future Shock DDT

Lashley is angry and stares down Drew from the ring.

In Cameron, Matt Hardy signs the contract on a table near the ring. Jeff says why wait and enters their ring, urging Matt to face him!

Reby Hardy enters the gym and THROWS THE BABY up at Jeff! Jeff catches the baby but it’s a doll and Matt hits Jeff from behind! He locks his brother from the apron and delivers a SIDE EFFECT DOWN INTO THE TABLE!

And scene.

Thank you everyone for reading 411’s Official TNA Report. My name is Aaron and I invite you to join us next time, as well as for our LIVE Report each and every Tuesday Night LIVE here on the 411. Keep abreast for all the latest updates to Slammiversary, as well as Csonka’s Impact Review. It’s been my pleasure, thank you so much, see you next time.