wrestling / TV Reports

411’s TNA Impact Report 7.24.08

July 24, 2008 | Posted by Larry Csonka

TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get a video package highlighting last week’s show.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

Joe and Nash come to the ring, which has a cage set up. Joe says he comes here tonight with a proposition. Let’s throw out the refs and the rules, and at Hard Justice let’s have a Six-Sides of Steel match.

Booker T and Sharmell come to the ramp and he has something to say. Booker says he cannot believe this. He was in the back, minding his own business, sitting with his wife, sipping on some champagne, THE BEST mind you. And then he hears Joe yapping his fat ass gums talking about Hard Justice. Last week he jumped from an ambulance, scaring Sharmell. His daddy always said that shows that he is scared. He used to have a drum major in high school, so let’s add tables, ladders, chairs, and some stuff to mess up Joe’s punk ass. He’ll be back later with a contract with a contract for them to sign. Be afraid of the dark Joe…be very afraid.

-TO THE BACK as JB is with Cage, AJ and Rhino. They discuss Sting and AJ doesn’t believe it. AJ has been hearing about it for 2-weeks, and he knows Sting did what he did to Joe for a reason. AJ trusts and believes in Sting. Cage then says that Sting will go through a table if he shows up tonight. Cage reminds AJ what 3D did to them, and promises anyone on the other side is an enemy. It isn’t about wrestling anymore. Rhino says not to get sucked in and leaves.

-Tenay and West hype the show some more.

-We get a video package for Sting.

Consequences Creed vs. Eric Young vs. Jimmy Rave w/Lance Rock vs. Johnny Devine

Creed and Devine to begin as Rave and Eric pair off. Eric to the floor, Devine in control of Creed and gets a nee charge. Rights by Creed, an uppercut levels Devine. Off the ropes and a sidekick by Rave gets 2. Eric tosses Rave to the apron and they brawl, but Rave with an STO on the apron. Hoyt in and attacks Creed, but Creed manages the CREED-DT. SENTON DIVE by Creed takes out Devine and Rave! Rave back in with Eric, rights by Eric, Devine in and takes down Eric. Eric fights back against Devine and Rave, Irish whip and Eric with the Flair flip, Devine levels him. Creed with a roll up on Rave for 2. Tilt a while by Rave, ROCK THE WORLD gets 2 as Eric stops that. DVD by Eric! 1…2…Devine makes the save. DEVINE INTERVENTION by Devine gets 2 as Creed makes the save. Jabs by Creed, split and the big right to Devine. Creed-dt countered, intervention countered and Creed with a roll up for the win!

Winner: Consequences Creed @ 5:00 via pin

  • This was a basic TV match, and too short to be anything special, but it was fun while it lasted.
    RATING: *½

    -Devine, Rave and Rock all beat down Creed after the match. Devine has a chair, but here comes Abyss. PRINCE JUSTICE TO THE RESCUE~! Abyss cleans house, CHOKESLAM on Rave! Black hole slam on Rock! He grabs the chair…but drops it and leaves.

    -TO THE BACK with Team 3D and Angle. JB is there and they lay him on a table, and Ray says he has a pretty mouth. Um…ok. They discuss the tables match and Ray says they are always ready for their specialty. There is no Santa, OJ is innocent and Sting is with them; he’s a scumbag, just like them. Angle is a gold, silver and bronze medallist in being a scumbag. Devon says he doesn’t lie, they tries to make things easier, so tonight, Sting will be here and without a doubt he will shock the world. Angle says this is no surprise. Sting understands everything, and then tells AJ there are no heroes in this world, just people like them. He will picture AJ in bed with Karen as he puts him through a table. It’s damn real.

    -We get a video history of KAZ in TNA, all about him missing opportunity.

    Kaz is her guest this week. She thanks Kaz for being here, and he discusses his start in the business. He trained with Killer Kowalski, and he thanks him for everything he has achieved. Bret Hart always influenced him and was an idol. Karen says he was with TNA in the beginning, and the early days were crazy days and he never knew what would become. He made good friends, and developed as a person. Kaz discusses leaving TNA for WWE, but he learned about the ugliness of the business. He hates that side of the business. Wrestling is his passion and what he loves. TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK!

    -Taylor stretches backstage.

    Matt Morgan vs. Trevor Chavis

    They circle, Morgan stares him down and they lock up and Morgan tosses him across the ring. They discuss Morgan on Gladiators and he continues to destroy Chavis. Morgan chokes him in the ropes, charging leg to the back of Chavis and then the apron leg drop ala Taker. Running boot by Morgan, back in now and Chavis rakes the eyes. Rights to Morgan, off the ropes and a HUGE bicycle kick by Morgan kills Chavis. Morgan with a corner splash and then finishes it with the HELLEVATOR for the win.

    Winner: Matt Morgan @ 2:00 via pin

    -Lauren is with the Machineguns. Sabin says that Beer Money like to act tough, where in reality they are a dumb chubby cowboy and a prick with a ponytail. Shelley and Sabin agree that they would nail Jackie. Tremendous. They claim they are the future, and that Beer Money is a made for DVD movie with Zack Morris. Detroit is a violent city, a MURDER city. They were born and bred there, and tonight they plan to point and shoot with the straps. They are the Motor City Machineguns, the greatest tag team on professional wrestling and will take them out tonight.

    -Lauren is with Sharky, Curry Man and Super Eric. They are making plans for the PRICE JUSTICE club. They want to make up a motto, and Sharky wants to make good merchandizing choices. Super Eric says, “We come in peace, they leave in pieces.” Curry Man approves, he RIKES IT. Sharky loves it too. Yeah.

    Strap Match: The Motor City Machineguns (Sabin and Shelley) vs. Beer Money (Storm and Roode) w/Miss Jackie Moore

    Back from commercial and we begin. They are connected at the wrists with the straps, Storm and Roode are both wearing the green trunks now, nice touch. The Guns strap away at Beer Money, Roode tries to run and is slammed back into the post. Same for Storm. To the floor we go, Shelley ties up Storm and slams him to the post repeatedly. Sabin slams Roode to the railing, and then chokes him out. Back in the ring they go and a neck breaker by Sabin gets 2. Shelley and Storm back in, double team by the Guns and they are in complete control. Camel clutch variant by Shelley, Jackie distracts them and he breaks. The crowd is hot for the Guns, as they continue to control the match. They crotch Beer Money with the straps in a great comedy spot and continue the beat down. Shelley up top and Jackie tosses him off. Roode gets a spinebuster on Sabin and Beer Money takes control. Roode and Sabin to the floor as Roode beats him down. Storm lays the boots to Shelley, and covers for 2. Storm now chokes him out as Sabin is tossed to the apron. Storm to the apron, Roode dropkicks Shelley and Storm covers for 2. Double suplex on Sabin. BEER…MONEY! Double slams by the heels, to the corners and the Guns get atomic drops Clothesline to Roode, one for Storm. They slam them repeatedly to the corners, the tie them up! Double kicks to Beer Money, and then Roode gets slammed into the crotch of Storm. They get slammed together, double wishbone by the Guns! Jackie is in and tries to break it up and gets trapped in the middle. The ref takes her out, she wants to stay and Shelley gets tossed into the ref. Jackie gives Storm handcuffs and Storm LAYS out Sabin. Roode covers and that is all.

    Winners: Beer Money @ 8:15 via pin

  • That was a really fun match, good comedy as well as sound spots with the straps. LAX, Beer Money and The Guns on the outside are three great teams to build the division around.
    RATING: **½

    -After the match Shelley gets beat down as well. He gets whipped until LAX makes the save.

    -Ike Taylor and James Farrior from the PITTSBURGH STEELERS are in the crowd!

    TNA Knockouts Title Match: Taylor Wilde © vs. Velvet Sky

    Taylor Wilde rolls her up and wins. That’s all. BWAHAHAHA!

    Winner: Taylor Wilde @ 0:05 via pin

    Sky complains that she wasn’t ready, and dares Taylor for another match.

    TNA Knockouts Title Match: Taylor Wilde © vs. Velvet Sky

    Back in, Sky attacks and Taylor gets another roll up for the win! It doesn’t take long for Sky to get on her back, eh? (CREDIT: STEVE COOK) BWAHAHAHAHA!

    Winner: Taylor Wilde @ 0:20 via pin

    -Angelina Love is OFFENDED by this and says Taylor is dating someone in TNA to get special treatments. Love says she has $5,000 that says Taylor won’t get back in there.

    TNA Knockouts Title Match: Taylor Wilde © vs. Velvet Sky

    They brawl on the floor, backing and rights by Taylor. Irish whip, reversal and a cross body by Taylor misses. Sky covers for 2. Rights by Sky, chokes Taylor and then tosses her to the floor. Love lays the boots to her, Sky distracts the ref and then goes to the floor. Sky slams her to the apron, back in and Sky covers for 2. Chops by Sky, octopus hold now applied and she BITES her arm! The ref busts her, and Taylor rolls her up for 2. Clothesline by Sky and a cover for 2. Off the ropes, and Sky gets a hand full of hair and slams down Taylor. Both ladies are down and working to their feet, leg kicks by Taylor, rights by Sky. Forearms by Taylor, chops, off the ropes and a clothesline by Taylor. Another, forearms now and then a dropkick and a cover for 2. To the corner, monkey flip by Taylor. She kicks Love, northern lights to Sky gets 2 as Love draws the DQ making the save,.

    Winner: Taylor Wilde @ 4:00 via DQ

  • While she is a great character along with Love, keeping Sky’s in ring time limited is for the best. Taylor getting the quick wins was a crowd pleaser, and the Beautiful People still were able to keep some heat afterwards.
    RATING: *

    -The Beautiful People beat down Taylor and brown bag her. ODB and Gail Kim are out and chare the ring. ODB eats a turkey leg and spits it at Sky. They clear the ring and check on Taylor.

    -We get a video package for Sheik Abdul Bashir, formerly known as Daivari. He is royalty you see, he overcame the odds against a racist society to be an American who made good on his life. But while he is treated poorly, he is actually more of an
    American than we are.

    -JB was at the hospital with Sonjay. The GURU-ITES are there and so is Val. He says Jay did this with the “chair shot” from last week. He asks about the replay and she says she didn’t watch it because she hates violence. He had been in a coma for three days thinking of her. He offers to apologize, and she says they need to put it behind them. The doctor brings a bedpan and they leave. Sonjay has a ring, in order to propose. That sly dog.

    Tag Team Tables Elimination Match: AJ Styles, Christian Cage and Rhino vs. Kurt Angle and Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon)

    Team Good Guys go on the attack at the bell. Cage and Angle pair off in the ring, they trade chops as Rhino and Devon brawl in the crowd. Back elbow by Cage, 2nd rope uppercut connects as well. Unprettier countered into the ankle lock. Cage escapes, to the apron and a kick by Cage sends Angle to the floor. Ray and AJ in the ring, dropkick by AJ and then a PLANCHA to the floor to wipe out Ray. They brawl all around the building now. Rhino is tossed into a wall as Cage bites Angle. Devon has a cable and chokes out Rhino. Cage and Angle back in the ring, AJ in as well and they double-team Angle. Double suplex on Angle, Ray and Devon back in and so is Rhino. 3D in control, reverse 3D to Rhino and Ray now goes for a table. Devon out as well, they get a table but Cage and AJ dropkick it into their faces. AJ and Ray back in, AJ sets up the table, Ray is up and Rhino moves the table, saving AJ. Rights by Rhino to Ray, but Devon pulls him to the floor. Ray has a new table, Devon in and they have AJ. Chops by Ray, lays AJ on the table and Devon tot hr 2nd rope…Cage in to make the save and Rhino back in They set up the table and they flapjack Devon through the table! Devon is gone @ 5:00. Superman forearm by AJ to Ray! Cage with a trashcan shot to Ray. GORE by Rhino! They good guys stand tall until Angle comes in with a chair. He lays them out and we head to a commercial @ 6:00.

    Back from commercial @ 9:00 with Ray and Angle in control. Rhino gored himself through a table and was eliminated. Dumb ass. Cage cleans house, takes down Angle and then gets a table. He sets it up and Angle fights back, but Cage lays him on the table. Cage up top and Devon is back and crotches Cage! Angle distracts the ref, 3D OFF OF THE ROPES through the table and Cage is eliminated @ 11:00. Ray and Angle beat down AJ and do some celebrating. Off the ropes, double clothesline by AJ. PELE to Ray! AJ gets a table as someone yells PUT HIM IN A BODY BAG~! AJ sets up a table, Ray begs off and Devine is in, tosses powder and Ray take sit. Ay powerbombs Devine through a table, AJ dropkicks Ray to the floor and as Ray tries to come back into the ring, AJ sidesteps Angle who slams into Ray, putting him through a table @ 13:00.

    AJ and Angle are left, AJ fights him off and gets a table. He slides it in the ring and sets it up. Rights by AJ, lays Angle on the table and goes up top. Frank Trigg is out and NAILS AJ with the kendo stick! Angle grabs AJ, Angle slam through the table and that is all!

    Winners: Angle and Team 3D @ 15:20

  • A fun match, not as good as the PPV but a really good TV main event. Trigg screws AJ again, which should lead to his wrestling debut.
    RATING: ***

    -Booker walks in his pimp robe.

    Booker and Sharmell make their way to the ring in their evening outfits. Joe and Nash follow. Booker says he has his wife and Joe has his with him as well. Booker says he has the contract right here, and says that Joe cannot beat him. The contract has some stipulations. Tables, Ladders, Chairs, ANYTHING to mess Joe up will be available. First he says to ask Nash to leave because this has nothing to do with him. Joe says Booker is a punk and to look at him when they speak. Joe says he will send Kev to the back, but Booker has to send his wench to the back as well. Booker asks if Joe is afraid of Sharmell, and kisses Sharmell. Booker then says that Joe can feel free to do the same, go ahead. Joe replies that he would, but Sharmell isn’t a good kisser. NASH APPROVES and leaves. Booker signs, hands it to Joe and…


    Back on and Joe is laid out while Booker is holding a bat. West and Tenay question why Sting would do this…

    -End scene…

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    Larry Csonka