411’s WWE Byte This! Report 01.11.06: Mr. KENNNEDDAAY….

Hello kiddies. Well, it was certainly quite a week for wrestling wasn’t it! Titles changing hands, nudity on TV, and Kennedy on ByteThis! I’m late as it is, so let’s dive into it. I’ll spare you the bitching on the goings-on and what-nots.

As you know, before we start…

BYTETHIS NEEDS YOU!!! Yes, pretty soon, your good buddy JT will no longer be doing the ByteThis! re-cap. There are a million and one factors I won’t bore you with, but basically we’re going to need a new ByteThis! re-capper here and that means one of you could be the newest member to the 411 family! You can directly submit any ByteThis! re-cap example (of how you’d cover it) to myself or Larry. Yes, it would probably be a good idea to re-cap an actual ByteThis! archived show. Just a couple of things to keep in mind:

– Don’t be an obnoxious jackass. We have plenty of those already (myself included), and are currently not hiring for that position.

– Please submit a COMPLETE re-cap. A three paragraph example of what it “would” be like will not be considered.

– Leave the decision to us. We do not need submissions telling us how great you are or how bad we need you.

– This one is important. For our sake, and especially yours, spell check and edit. The editors here are just that, EDITORS, not RE-WRITERS.

– If you already write for us, you are banned from making jokes in your column about this. Per: Me.

Let’s get started

RING ENTRANCE

1. Byte This! is a weekly radio program hosted by Todd Grisham. He interviews superstars over the phone, and sometimes in the studio. They allow for some fan interaction via phone and chatroom. Sometimes the guest is in full character, sometimes completely out of character, and sometimes a little of both. During the commercial breaks, they show various clips. During the interviews, they show various clips and pictures of the superstar on the phone or in the studio.

2. I will provide a general recap with some of my thoughts and opinions, and a little (VERY little) witty banter.

3. Quotes will be found after the superstar recap, and for those of you who have to hear every single word out of your superstars’ mouth, a link will be provided to take you to the actual show.

4. Any typos found in the quotes or the recaps are because those are the exact words from the hosts or superstar’s mouth. (Example: ya know. Example: gonna)

THE MATCH

Show kicks off with Mr. Kennedy pulling up to the front gate of the ByteThis studios (which I believe is at WWE Headquarters):

**FYI: The entire opening skit, he is speaking in a completely normal tone of voice and voice infliction.**

GATE GIRL: Can I help you?

KENNEDY: Yeah, this is Mr. Kennedy (he said it completely normal)

GATE GIRL: Ok-

KENNEDY: Ut ut ……Kennedy. You may speak.

GATE GIRL: Can I ask who you’re here to see, Mr. Kennedy?

KENNEDY: I’m here to host ByteThis!.

GATE GIRL: ByteThis?

KENNEDY: No! I don’t even know you. Why would I bite you?

GATE GIRL: Umm…

KENNEDY: You think that’s pretty funny dontcha?

GATE GIRL: ….can you tell me exactly who you’re here to see?

KENNEDY: Uh, people are here to see me. I tell you what, open the fricken gate, hah?

GATE GIRL: I don’t see you on the list he-

KENNEDY: OPEN SESAME! Open the fricken gate. Do you understand who I am?

GATE GIRL: I’m sorry I-

KENNEDY: The kind of things that I could do to you?

*gate opens*

KENNEDY: That’s more like it! …you cute thing you. You have a nice day.

**Kennedy drives off and we see the opening “credits”**

Show “officially” kicks off, and Todd immediately pimps the fact that joining them shortly to co-host is Mr. Kennedy! But first, we have “the most tumultuous week in the history of the WWE” to talk about! First at New Years Revolution, Cena goes almost thirty minutes, survives the Elimination Chamber, and then loses the title to Edge; and as if that wasn’t enough, Batista – injured – surrenders the World Heavyweight Championship. There was a over-the-top Battle Royal in which Kurt Angle won the World Heavyweight Title (Thank you Todd. I was not aware of that and it’s Thursday… asshole). Talk moves on to Edge.

*They show a video re-cap of what happened at New years Revolution*

We’re back and it’s Power 25 time! Edge has captured number one. Kurt Angle has shockingly grabbed number two, and it’s rounded out by *gasp* John Cena!

Ishmael from Unknown is on the phone, and wants to know what Todd thought of HHH’s speech / promo from Monday. Todd gives a brief re-cap in his best Triple H voice (not bad actually), and thinks that you never know because he is the Cerebral Assassin, and he usually backs his talking up.

Todd recaps Heat for us, letting us know Viscera took on T Murdoch, and also that Gymini will be on Velocity. We’re going to a quick break, and when we get back, Todd will be joined by our co-host, Mr. Kennedy!

*During the break, they show a RAW Rebound segment from last week. They then show a commercial for the New Years Revolution replay, and WWE 24/7 On Demand Service. They finish off with a Royal Rumble promo.*

We are back and joining us is Mr. Kennedy!

TODD: He hails from Green Bay, Wisconsin; he’s one of SmackDown!’s brightest superstars; here he is. Mr. Kennedy!

*Kennedy comes from the opposite direction Todd is looking, and smacks him on the top of the head.

KENNEDY: I’m over here, dumbass. Let me ask you something. What the Hell is wrong with you? What – the – Hell is wrong with you? ANSWER ME!

TODD: Uh nothing.

KENNEDY: SHUT UP! Why can’t you do anything right, huh? Answer me!

TODD: I-

KENNEDY: SHUT UP! Stand over there; I’m going to show you how it’s done. First of all, do we have that special light tubing that I always get? There we go. I got one of these things at home, too.

TODD: Cool.

KENNEDY: It follows me everywhere, it’s pretty cool. …Ladies and Gentleman I give to you the man who is single handedly changing Friday Niiights! Without any further ado, MISTAAAAAAAAAHHHH KEENNEEDDAAAY………………

TODD: That’s pretty good. Mind if I give it a shot?-

KENNEDY: KENNEDDAAY. NEVER interrupt me. You got that. Microphone goof, bring it back down here.

KENNEDY: You want it?

TODD: Yeah can I try-

*Kennedy pulls it away

KENNEDY: You want it?

TODD: Can I have it?

KENNEDY: You want it?

*He gives it to him*

TODD: Okay I’m gonna do you.

KENNEDY: You’re gonna do me?

TODD: I mean I’m gon-

KENNEDY: Hey this is a family show.

TODD: MIST-

*Kennedy takes it back*

KENNEDY: Brutal… Brutal.

TODD: Can I try something because of the cool mic? I don’t want to take it from you, but can I just try something?

*Gives it back to Todd*

TODD: It’s my Jabba the Hut.

*Horrible impersonation*

KENNEDY: Get it out of here, get it out of here! Okay, lights up… that’s how it’s done Sally.

……….

KENNEDY: What do you got for me, *Todd*?

TODD: Well, let’s talk about your entrance earlier in the show. How was your trip to WWE Studios here in Stanford, Connecticut?

KENNEDY: Ridiculous. I mean look at me; I’m a fricken star, and I get this kind of treatment? (mocking the girl) “Ooo welcome to WWE, who is this?”. Look at this? Look at this treatment. (they’re showing the clip)

TODD: Cool car though.

KENNEDY: Well yeah, that’s how I roll. (ehehehe)

TODD: I would think a star of your caliber, that they’d have-

KENNEDY: Immediate. It should be immediate. Open. Open Sesame!

TODD: They should have like a red carpet or something.

KENNEDY: Well, I don’t want to steal MNM’s gimmick.

TODD: Anyway, what have you been up to. We haven’t seen you in the ring lately. We’ve seen you announce a lot. It that something – maybe you’re trying to give up wrestling to become an announcer? It’s pretty tough, I can tell you. It’s not as easy as it looks, right?

KENNEDY: No. No. Listen here nincompoop, obviously you know that I got hurt.. what, you trying to act like you don’t know?

TODD: No, you had surg-

KENNEDY: I tore my lat… in the middle of a match. I continued to wrestle… for TWO weeks. So what am I doing? I’ve been sitting at home. I’ve been rehabbing; I had surgery.

TODD: But now you’re announcing.

KENNEDY: Yeah.

TODD: You’re staying in the spotlight. How you liking the announcing?

KENNEDY: I like it. I like it. It’s not as good as getting in the ring and kickin ass, but – you know – it’s pretty fun.

TODD: Um-

KENNEDY: Got any other stupid questions? Huh!?

TODD: Well, I di-

KENNEDY: Whep-whep-whep (or however the Hell you spell the sound of mocking)

TODD: What are you doing in your off-time (uhhh….eh?). I know you’re rehabbing but besides wrestling; you live in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Is there anything to do in Green Bay?

KENNEDY: W-

TODD: Certainly not hit on women. I’ve been to Green Bay. Let’s be honest.

KENNEDY: ……..yeah, you’re right (they both share a chuckle).

TODD: Let’s call a spade a spade.

KENNEDY: Yeah, I actually think Green Bay’s theme music would be similar to JBL’s entrance: (A mooing sound, feel free to do your own version). But basically lots and lots of TV; catching up on a lot of DVD Box Sets, playing video games, beating my girlfriend up a little here and there; you know, kicking the dog around, stuff like that.

TODD: By the way, what’s the name of your dog? (he has this huge grin on his face)

KENNEDY: Why? …you got a problem with the name of my dog?

TODD: No, you just told me earlier, and I though…. is your dog a bitch? Is she a bitch?

KENNEDY: It’s a he! …and he’s a stud. He’s an ass-kicker. His name is Austin, although I have no idea why I chose that name.

TODD: Is he a Rottweiler, a bulldog, a lab?

KENNEDY: He’s a Wire-haired Fox Terrior. Little guy.

TODD: Hahaha…

KENNEDY: You think it’s funny?

TODD: …kind of.

KENNEDY: What? A guy like me can’t have a cute little dog?

TODD: It’s jus-

KENNEDY: What kind of dog do you have?

TODD: A Cocker Spaniel.

KENNEDY: A Cocker Spaniel? Hey who’s the audio goof? Knock it off! (There’s been a bark in the background for two minutes now)

TODD: Can we talk for a minute about an incident that took place on SmackDown! very recently where uh… where your fly was down? if you’d like to address that, here is your open forum. I think we have some footage. Do we have some footage?

*They do indeed have some footage… busted!* (I personally would have taken their word for it)

KENNEDY: aha-aha-AHAHAHAH. Beat your face (smack). Beat you face (smack). Harder. HARDER! Do you want me to beat it for you?

TODD: No (smack, smack, smack).

KENNEDY: You know something… heh… this guy. Lemme ask you this. Why exactly were you looking… how did you know my fly was down? That’s what I wanna know.

TODD: Because I saw the camera with the extreme closeup zoom. It was the only thing on the TV set, you had to see it (I apparently was using the restroom).

KENNEDY: You liked it didn’t you. You were looking. You probably paused it – rewind – pause – slow mo…

TODD: Can we take some phone calls?

KENNEDY: Yeah.

TODD: Let’s do number two; Ricky, from Alaska?

RICKY: Can you hear me?

TODD: We can hear you Ricky.

RICKY: What’s up? Hey, this is Rick from Fairbanks, and I heard you’re from Green Bay, Mr. Kennedy.

KENNEDY: Yes ma’am.

RICKY: Is it cold there?

KENNEDY: Yes ma’am.

RICKY: Oh… did you just call me ma’am?

TODD: You have to quit cooking when you call the show.

RICKY: Okay (laughs).

TODD: Do you have a question?

RICKY: You guys talked about the announcing. Do you have plans to do any on SmackDown! (during recovery)?

KENNEDY: Uh have you watched the show?

RICKY: I did.

KENNEDY: Or do you just call in and make stupid comments?

RICKY: I did watch the show and you called one match. Are you going to do any more?

KENNEDY: Maybe. You’ll just have to tune in. I kind of do whatever I want, whenever I want; and actually the Network sent me out there, and then said whenever they feel – whenever I feel – Tazz and Cole need a little kick in their ass, I’m going to be the guy to go in there and do it.

TODD: Let’s take another. Hey Rich from Unknown, you’re on the line with Mr. Kennedy.

RICH: Mr. Kennedy? (sweet a kid! About time!)

KENNEDY: Yes?

KENNEDY: Why don’t you ask for a title shot? You’d make a good champion (oh boo hiss, now he’ll be nice)

TODD: He thinks you should be a champion.

KENNEDY: Wehehehehellll… well, of course. I agree. And as soon as I heal up, I’m going to do that Rich.

RICH: I would like to see that.

KENNEDY: Would you now? I’d like to see that, too.

KENNEDY: Oh what do we have here… (they’re showing some highlights on the screen of Kennedy in action) … BAM…

TODD: Look at what you’re doing to Rey Mysterio. What’s it like being in there with the little guys? Do you like the big guys or the little guys better?

KENNEDY: I like fightin them all man. Little guys I can throw them around; big guys I can chop them down like a tree. It’s awesome; awesome.

TODD: How about Zack from North Carolina, Zack?

ZACK: Waddup?

KENNEDY: (mocking) Waddup?

ZACK: You were the last guy to face Eddie Guerrero before he died, and I was just wondering what your feelings were on that.

KENNEDY: Actually, all joking aside, I was the last guy to face Eddie Guerrero. In my mind… in my eyes I see it as an unfortunate honor to have been the one to wrestle Eddie Guerrero. I am honestly honored to ever worked with him. I got an opportunity to wrestle him three times; and… uh, I miss him. I wish I could wrestle him again. Maybe someday we’ll wrestle in the sky.

TODD: Look at that, just classic (they’re showing the match)… lyin, cheatin, and stealin… (it’s the part where threw the chair at Kennedy and fell down) …classic.

KENNEDY: He got me.

TODD: You lost, but you hey, you couldn’t pick a better superstar to lose to.

TODD: Let’s jump into Logan from Unknown, whose been on hold for 35 minutes. This guy really wants to ask you a question.

LOGAN: Mr. Kennedy, I have a quick question for ya.

KENNEDY: Okay.

LOGAN: If you could wrestle anyone in the world, who would it be?

KENNEDY: Anyone in the world…

TODD: Star Jones? (they again share a chuckle)

KENNEDY: Well, *now* I would wrestle Star Jones. A couple months ago, no.

TODD: Yeah, she has lost some weight.

KENNEDY: She looks good.

TODD: For Star Jones.

KENNEDY: I’d have to say Austin. Honest to God, Steve Austin He’s the man.

TODD: Is he the guy that kind of got you into the business.

KENNEDY: He actually got me back into the business. I always watched when I was a kid. I was kind of a peck-off in school, and my parents kind of slapped me on the hand and took wrestling away from me. It wasn’t until ’96 or ’97 when Austin had his real big run that I got back into watching wrestling. I was at a friends house, he actually forced me into watching. I didn’t want to watch, and he said “no no, there’s this guy. You’re gonna see him, you’re gonna love him. His name is Stone Cold Steve Austin; he drinks beer and flips people off.”. Austin came driving through the arena in a big huge truck; he was drinking beer and flipping people off, and at that instant I was hooked. It was like God opened up the floodgates, and I went back and watched as much wrestling as I possibly could, and caught up on all the stuff that I had missed over the years.

TODD: Wow.

KENNEDY: And you know what, I got an opportunity to tell him that at the RAW Homecoming, and that was an honor to me.

TODD: That was a pretty touching story man. Can I hug you? Should we embrace?

KENNEDY: Are you kidding me?

TODD: Okay let’s take anoth-

KENNEDY: Hey. Hey Hey… this is the 2000’s. If you got something to tell us… you know, it’s cool.

TODD: Is it because of my blue glasses?

KENNEDY: You can come out, it’s cool…

TODD: It’s okay for-

KENNEDY: Just tell us-

TODD: -guys to share their feelings sometimes.

KENNEDY: Do you want to hug me? You’re looking at my fly… you want to hug me. Wanna gimme a kiss (man this is hilarious)? Do you?

TODD: I think Lou does.

Omar from Tennessee?

OMAR: Yes, I’m from Memphis I have a question for Mr. Kennedy. What’d you do before you got into wrestling? What was your job?

TODD: Yes, you weren’t always the fantastic looking wrestling man that we see today. You did something else back int he day. What’d you do? Deliver pizzas? Collect stamps?

KENNEDY: There was actually a time in my life where I did deliver pizzas and it was a pretty fun job, but that was right out of high school. I was actually a security guard and a nuclear plant-

TODD: Haha… the world is safe people!

*The look aka silence while Kennedy stares at Todd*

KENNEDY: -and after I did the security gig, I was working thirteen and a half hour shifts, where I would sit in a BOX and ROT… and I hated it! It SUCKED! I was waiting for little guys to jump over the invisible fence and they never did! I wanted to shoot em but I never did! So as I’m sitting there in this little box, I’m thinking to myself ‘What do I wanna do what do I wanna do what do I wanna do’; and then I started watching wrestling and I loved it. Somebody told me I could go to wrestling school to be a wrestler, so I did that, and at the same time I was still working these thirteen and a half hour shifts – seven days a week. I tried to wrestle on the side but it just wasn’t happening so I sat there and I sat there and I sat there trying to figure out what in the Hell I was going to do to get out of that place and wrestle more. So, I got a job as a personal trainer, moved my ass to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and started personally training people. When I got hired by the WWE in March of this (last) year, I moved back to Green Bay, Wisconsin, and here I am. And I understand, you had a personal trainer in here a couple of weeks again (directed to Lou) making your ass do push-ups! And sit-ups!

TODD: Didn’t you give Lou a box?

KENNEDY: Haha you said box.

TODD: So, you said it like eight times in your story (okay, I’m not getting the joke)

KENNEDY: Bring that over here with you. And I’m cool, and you’re not. That’s the difference honey. That’s why I can say stuff like that. Alright, check this out. Lou, you stand right here. What do we got here… have to make sure we have a big enough one for you.

*He pulls out a new Kennedy shirt*

KENNEDY: Ladies and Gentleman! KENNEDY-MERCH! Yup! WWE.com Shopzone, or live events.

TODD: What’s it say on the back?

KENNEDY: Put it on nincompoop… can you read? What does it say on the back?

TODD: Say it loud, Say it proud, Mr. Kennedy.

KENNEDY: Put it on (to Lou). Put it on. You (points) come here. Put it on.

TODD: Isn’t that Sherman Williams theme? Say it loud, say it proud?

KENNEDY: Sherman Williams?

TODD: I thought that was their theme. What is their theme? (sings) “Say it loud, say it proud, we’re Sherman Williams”.

KENNEDY: I’m going to start giving you pain crushers in a minute. Do you want em?

TODD: No.

KENNEDY: Sherman Williams… Here we are talking about wrestling, you have Mr. Kennedy in the Studio. KENNEDY, and you’re talking about Sherman Williams Paint. Hey you, clown, put a shirt on, dammit! ….Todd!

TODD: Okay, I’ll put it on.

KENNEDY: What do you got, corn cobs in your ears?

TODD: Well, I’ve got all these wires sticking out of me.

KENNEDY: That’s right ladies and gentleman. Look at this T-shirt. Look at this fricken be-yoo-tee-ful shirt right here. Wouldn’t you just love to own one of these, huh? I wish I had that one clown from that one wrestling promotion here to pimp my merch. Say it loud, say it proud-

TODD: “We’re Sherman Williams”… ehehehe. What? How’s the shirt look on me?

KENNEDY: Looks pretty damn good.

TODD: Even makes me look good eh?

KENNEDY: You look better than Chimmel…

TODD: Yeah, what’s the deal between you and Chimmel? Is there some animosity between you and him?

KENNEDY: No, there’s no animosity. Why would you think that?

TODD: Well, look at this footage where you were about to smack him.

KENNEDY: No, I was just shooing him out of the ring.

TODD: Oh.

KENNEDY: I was a little upset there… you know something. I don’t feel that he does it justice. (They chuckle together as they’re showing a clip of Kennedy popping Chimmel below the belt).

TODD: We’ve got tons of people in the chatroom and-

KENNEDY: Hang on a second, look at this…

*He “distracts” Todd and pops him in the manhood*

KENNEDY: HA HA HA HA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry Ric.

TODD: aaaaaaaaaaaaa

KENNEDY: You alright?

TODD: Yes, go to break Ken.

KENNEDY: You wanna go to break?

TODD: Yeah.

KENNEDY: Why?

*Apparently, he got him a little better than he intended, as Todd’s voice was a little scratchy and he fell down again trying to get back up*

KENNEDY: Okay, walk it off (laugh).

*During the break, they show a commercial for the Ultimate Warrior DVD. They then show one for Billy Graham’s autobiography, “Tangled Ropes: The Billy Graham Story”. They then show the Rob Van Dam returns at the Rumble video.*

TODD: Thank God I have small testicles.

KENNEDY: Zip it… lights! Microphone. Ladies and gentleman, once again for your viewing pleasure, MISTAAAAH KENNEDAY…. KENNEDAY. Up. Lights.

TODD: Royal Rumble is right around the corner, but before we get to-

KENNEDY: What was that? Royal Rumble?

TODD: Everyone in the chatroom wants to know when you’re going to be back in the ring? When are you gong to be back in action?

KENNEDY: I actually don’t have a return date. The doctors say it will be about six months, however I’m hoping it won’t be that long. We’ll have to see. They said six months from the day of the injury, which was about a month ago.

TODD: No wonder you got injured (they’re showing clips of his finisher). Where did you come up with this move.

KENNEDY: Actually, I also do a very devastating move called the Kenton Bomb, similar to Jeff Hardy’s Swanton Bomb. I was working a match at an independent show, and the match right before that match, a guy did the same move, so I decided I wasn’t going to do that.

TODD: Switch it up.

KENNEDY: Mix it up a little bit. And I had always worked the Finlay Roll… Regal Roll, whatever you want to call it – in the middle of the ring, and my opponent at the time was Austin Aries (did he just drop TWO TNA names???). He decided to go up and fly through the Air-ees, and I caught him, looked down, and it seemed like a good idea, so I did it, won the match, and it’s been my finisher ever since.

TODD: I had to hold my breath the first time I saw it.

KENNEDY: I’m a professional. Don’t try this at home kids!

TODD: RVD will be back at the Rumble. I understand you’re kind of an RVD fan, is that right? What do you think about him coming back?

KENNEDY: When I used to watch ECW, I was watching Rob Van Dam. The guy is amazing. He does some absolutely amazing thing. The VanDaminator, the VanTerminator; clearing an entire WWE ring. I remember there was the match where she smashed the garbage can into Shane McMahon’s lid from across the ring. He’s a Hell of a talent, it’s a shame he’s been gone so long, and it’ll be great to hopefully get him back on SmackDown!; would like to one day get in their and whoop his ass.

TODD: RVD, back January 29th – Miami – Royal Rumble. We know a couple of guys who are going to be in the rumble. I’m going to throw them out there, and you tell me the first thing that pops in your mind. Just snap back. Ready?

KENNEDY: Snap back.

TODD: Chavo Guerrero.

KENNEDY: Eddie.

TODD: Feel free to … have a sentence. Doesn’t have to be one word.

*The look*

TODD: Do whatever you want, I was just…. looking at my note-

KENNEDY: You got a problem?

TODD: No.

KENNEDY: eheheheh just kidding.

TODD: Shelton Benjamin.

KENNEDY: The greatest athlete on RAW today, bar none. (Mr. Kennedy, you forgot ‘and most underused’)

TODD: Wow… Kurt Angle’s on RAW you know.

KENNEDY: I thought he was on SmackDown! now.

TODD: We don’t know.

KENNEDY: Oh, we don’t know?

TODD: We don’t know what he’s on.

KENNEDY: What are you on right now?

TODD: I’m on valuum.

KENNEDY: Oh REALLY!? You got a prescription for that? We have a new drug policy here.

TODD: I understand that. I don’t do any drugs. Look at me, you think I do anything.

KENNEDY: No.

TODD: Kane.

KENNEDY: Kane. The Big Red Machine. He’s a monster. I liked him better with his mask on. (as did I)

TODD: Triple H.

KENNEDY: You said it all before. He’s The Game. The Cerebral Assassin. He’s the man to beat in this business, and someday, that’s gonna happen.

TODD: Let’s take some more phone calls. Luke from Alabama, here’s Ken Kennedy. Go ahead.

KENNEDY: What do you want Luke!?

LUKE:Ken I was wondering if there was some fluke thing when you had your injury or if it was a random mishap or some big dramatic event type thing. What exactly happened?

KENNEDY: I was standing on the apron during a tag match. I got Drop-kicked off the apron, flew back about eight feet; turned because I didn’t know what was behind me, and I landed on concrete. Felt like I landed about thirty miles per hour. I landed on my side with my arm outstretched like this and BAM! I felt it go. Like I said I continued to wrestle on it for a couple of weeks. I thought it was just a deep bruise, and when I finally got home and had an MRI done, they told me it was completely torn off the bone.

TODD: Oh look we have a woman! Vanessa from Unknown?

KENNEDY: Vah-nesss-a!

VANESSA: Hey.

KENNEDY: This better be Vanessa Williams.

VANESSA: Umm, I just wanted to know when you get back to SmackDown! who you’re going to go after.

KENNEDY: Whoever the World Heavyweight Champion is at the time. That would be ideal would it not.

TODD: Yeah. Go right to the top. Anything else Vanessa? Your on the phone with ..what did you call yourself ealrier? The greatest superstar alive?

KENNEDY: That was you.

TODD: Oh that was me. I called you that.

KENNEDY: It was pretty cool, too.

TODD: Say it loud.

KENNEDY: Say it loud, say it proud, MR. KENNEDY!

TODD: You do that pretty good.

KENNEDY: Well, thank you. That’s my job.

TODD: Let’s hear you announce your name, Vanessa. Your full name. This is your chance, you’re on ByteThis!; the whole world is watching.

VANESSA: Ummmmm

KENNEDY: And she chokes.

TODD: We’re running out of time here… Dakota from Unknown?

DAKOTA: Mr. Kennedy, how do you feel about SmackDown! getting screwed by losing their title. What do you think about that?

KENNEDY: What are you talking about?

DAKOTA: Well, because Kurt Angle won the belt, and they don’t know if he’s staying on RAW or coming to SmackDow-

KENNEDY: And do you know? You got Vince’s number? You been talking to him?

DAKOTA: Yeah… I wish.

TODD: So Mr. Kennedy are you happy that Kurt Angle is champ? or-

KENNEDY: I don’t care. I’m not wrestling right now so I don’t really care. I think it’s pretty cool. I like Kurt Angle. He’s a nice guy. He’s got a lot of morals, values; he’s a good guy.

TODD: Yeah, come on… anyway, did you sympathize at all with Batista when you saw the footag-

KENNEDY: Did I sympathize with Batista? Do you know what I’m going through right now. Do you think I’m going to be sympathetic towards Batista? Huh? I’m sitting at home, nursing an injury, playing video games. I’m gonna sympathize with Batista? No, I didn’t sympathize with him at all. You alright with that?

TODD: Your life, man. Let’s jump in with Mike from Texas.

MIKE: Who do you think is better at announcing your name, Lillian Garcia or you? (ummm… hello 9 year old, she’s on RAW!)

KENNEDY: Lillian has never done it.

TODD: OOO that’s not what I heard ahahahahaha. Remember that time when you guys were overseas I heard-

KENNEDY: Hey, hey, woah woah woah… (cut signal at his throat) …alright? …Next question.

Michael from Canada you’re on with Mr. Kennedy.

MICHAEL: I want to see you so bad, you’re so crazy-good.

KENNEDY: Crazy-good?

MICHAEL: Yes. Crazy-good.

KENNEDY: Is that good.

MICHAEL: You have your own class of good, that’s how good you are.

KENNEDY: I like this guy. Mike-

MICHAEL: You’re my favorite wrestler on SmackDown!.

TODD: So you have a question for Mr. Kennedy, or are you just trying to inflate his ego, Mike?

MICHAEL: I do have a question. Who do you think has the potential to hold the gold longer – Kurt Angle or Edge? And I was wondering if I could get one of those awesome Kennedy shirts.

KENNEDY: I feel that Mr. Kennedy could hold on to the belt the longest.

MICHAEL: Well, I know that already.

KENNEDY: And if you want a shirt, go to WWE.com shop. Click on new releases. Kennedy T-Shirt. 25 bucks. Buy one for yourself. By one for your fricken girlfriend – or your boyfriend, it is the 2000’s as we found out earlier tonight. Buy one for everybody man.

TODD: How about this. How about you ask a trivia question of your choice, and whoever calls in and gets it right gets a signed Ken Kennedy T-shirt?

KENNEDY: Sounds good to me.

TODD: Alright, go ahead and tell our viewers. Anything you want.

KENNEDY: Who was my very first opponent on SmackDown! (….Booker T?)

TODD: There you have it, I actually know the answer.

KENNEDY: You already have a shirt.

TODD: You’re right.

Kevin from Unknown, Mr. Kennedy’s trivia question was who was his first opponent on SmackDown!; give us a guess.

KEVIN: I’m going to go ahead and say Funaki?

KENNEDY: DING DING DING DING DING (dammit), you won a free T-shirt! And KENNEDY: I got another question for you nincompoop. What color was the red car that I drove in today? Huh?

KEVIN: Uhhhh…. red?

KENNEDY: YAY!!!!!! (both Kennedy and Todd are clapping and celebrating)

TODD: Stay on the line Kevin, we need your info. By the way, this is not the first show you did today, am I right?

KENNEDY: Yes.

TODD: Now, I understand you speak nine languages-

KENNEDY: I do.

TODD: -however Spanish is not one of them (the fuck?); which caused problems earlier on when you were on the Spanish version of ByteThis. Let’s take a look.

*They show a clip from the Spanish version of ByteThis, and judging from the cluttered desk, I’d say they give away a lot more shit than Todd does. During the clip, Todd and Kennedy are commenting and making little jokes

TODD: Okay, we’re going to take two more phone calls, and then we’re going to let you go. I know you’re a busy man and I think the McDonald’s here closes in about fifteen minutes.

KENNEDY: McDonald’s? Do you eat McDonald’s?

TODD: Maybe twice a day.

KENNEDY: Did you get a happy meal? It would be cool if they had some WWE merchandise in the happy meal.

TODD: Like a Ken Kennedy doll? Yeah, that’d be cool. Okay, Michael from Ohio.

MICHAEL: Mr. Kennedy! You are by far the greatest SmackDown! superstar.

KENNEDY: I agree. I agree. And you are a brilliant caller, sir.

MICHAEL: I was wondering about your special move, I don’t know what it’s called yet – with your injury, does that make it worse?

TODD: I think what he’s saying is can you still do it. And what is it called by the way?

KENNEDY: I don’t know yet.

TODD: I heard it was the Lambeau Leap, but then-

KENNEDY: Nah, I can’t use the word Lambeau Leap because-

TODD: That’s two words.

*The look*

TODD: I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get mine in! I’m getting mine in.

KENNEDY: Are you finished? Lambeau Leap is actually trademarked, so I can’t use that. So if any callers want to call in, and give me a name for my finisher, you’ll go down in the history books!

TODD: Well, his question was, will you still be able to do this move when you come back from injury?

KENNEDY: You won’t get credit, but you’ll go down in history… Ah, well yeah. Of course. I… Yeah. I can’t do it right now obviously… I mean, you know how they say there’s no such thing as a stupid fricken question? Well, you just proved everybody wrong. Next caller.

TODD: Alright one more. Anthony from Unknown.

ANTHONY: Um, Mr. K, if you could have any stipulation in a match with RVD, what would it be.

KENNEDY: First Blood. First Blood. I like to make em bleed. That alright with you?

ANTHONY: Yeah.

KENNEDY: Yeah, does that answer your question.

ANTHONY: Yeah, kind of.

KENNEDY: Oh kind of. How would you like me to answer you.

ANTHONY: I’d like you to beat the snot out of him.

KENNEDY: You want me to beat the snot out of him?

ANTHONY: Yeah.

KENNEDY: ….Okay.

*That actually was funnier than it reads because this kid had to be no older than like seven.*

TODD: Someone in the chatroom wants to know if you liked being on the Spanish ByteThis! better. Which was better? My show, or their show. Who had the better host?

KENNEDY: Normally, I would never do this, but I gotta say your show man.

TODD: YEAH!!

KENNEDY: But it’s because I can actually understand what the heck you’re saying.

TODD: There you have it folks. He joined us. He said he’ll be back in a few months. He said he’s going to “kick ass”, take names-

KENNEDY: I’m not gonna take names… just kick ass.

TODD: Thanks for being on the show, we’ll see you soon.

KENNEDY: The pleasure was all yours.

*During the break, they show a commercial for the Royal Rumble, and another for the Eddie Guerrero book – Cheating Life, Stealing Death. The usual WrestleMania Anthology DVD Set commercial. The then show a commercial for WrestleMania 22 in Chicago.

TODD: Okay, we’re back and if you’re just joining us, you just missed a big time guest. Mr. Kennedy was-

KENNEDY: KENNEDY!!!

TODD: -Mr. Kennedy was here, and now he’s gone.

***

Todd pimps Kennedy, and we’re taking a few phone calls before we end the show.

Michael from Unknown is on the phone, and wants to know if Todd prefers RAW, or would like to be traded to SmackDown. Todd is a RAW guy, and thus, he likes RAW better. He pimps RAW, their superstars, great ratings.

***

*Mr. Kennedy walks back in.

KENNEDY: What was that about all the big superstars being on RAW?

TODD: No. Well. I’m just saying that we have a lot of them. SmackDown! does too, such as yourself.

KENNEDY: I don’t recall you saying that SmackDown! did too.

TODD: I did… I think I did. I… I thought you were gone? …you kind of like me don’t you. Just admit it, you want to be my friend.

*He walks out again.*

***

Todd runs down the SmackDown! card, along with again reminding us that Kurt Angle wins the Battle Royal. He goes to end the show-

Kennedy walks back in, calls Todd a jackass, tells him to bend over, puts one of his shirts over his back / ass, yells KENNEDY, and walks off.

Again, Todd reminds us of SmackDown!, pimps RAW, reminds us that Stacy is on Dancing with the Stars, a little banter between Todd and the producer, and apparently, we’re taking one more call!

Matt from New Jersey is calling because he has a name that he would like to suggest for Ken Kennedy’s finisher. Mr. Kennedy doesn’t like it.

Todd gives us some shot-outs from the chatroom, thanks us for joining him, and ends the show.

THE FINISHER

I really would encourage anyone reading to go listen / watch this. I can’t explain how great Kennedy was. It wasn’t particularly anything specific, it was all of the minor details that I couldn’t explain without making this entire too long. The hand gestures, the manurisms, the looking at the camera, the silences while staring at Todd; it was all very very entertaining.

I have to admit, I said in the beginning that I wasn’t hopping on his bandwagon, but at this point, I’m not sure it can be called a bandwagon. It is a flat out recognition of talent. This guy has got what it takes. The way he was able to break in and out of character at will is something it takes some people YEARS to master.

Kennedy has a natural charisma that he MAKES you recognize. It is literally impossible to see him and not feel the presence. As long as he can stay healthy (once he gets back), and Vince doesn’t complete waste him, this guy is going to the top, and will be around for years to come. I might be just on a Kennedy high right now, but that in itself is the point.

I cannot wait for him to get back.

Have a good one folks, and remember… always mark for Christian Cage.

PROMOS

Cook couldn’t figure out why he felt off this week. Here’s a hint. The Bengals lost.

Randle, when you said cultured, did you mean like living overseas for eight years and actually stepping foot in the country of France? Or did you mean having never left Canada? Touche.

Larry gives you all the warning signs you may watch / enjoy / love wrestling too much. You forgot one Larry.

– When you’re girlfriend bends over to pick something up, you figure “fuck it”, and hit her with a stunner.

Sullivan filled in for me a couple of weeks ago, and can predict the future. Read him!

Staff hits you with the Roundtable for tomorrow’s PPV.

JP has started defending Scott Hall. I must admit, I’m a Scott Hall fan. I try to be objective always, but JP is starting to sway me.

And Hidden Highlights is actually up before me! Yay. One day, I’ll share the week that has been, but for now, let’s just worry about wrestling. If I need to babble and whine about something, I have a blog.

Entire interview can be seen / heard here