411’s WWE Heat Report 07.15.07

Hey guys and gals, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s WWE Heat Report.

So here we are, another week, another episode of Heat. Actually, that’s not quite true. This isn’t really just any old episode of Heat. No, this is actually one of the best episodes of Heat in recent memory. Everybody seems to agree that Raw came out on top in the recent WWE Draft, and luckily Heat came along for the ride. Heat is in better shape now that it has been in years, and I for one am PROUD to be a Heat Reporter. You can probably see where this is going. You see, while I am most certainly proud to be a Heat Reporter, unfortunately the same can not be said for 411’s OTHER Heat Reporter, Small. Lately Small’s been on this little kick where he doesn’t seem to care much for Heat one way or the other, and yeah, that pisses me off. I try not to dwell on it too much, because I know that’s what he wants. He wants to drag me into another sad little Slimmer / Small feud just to keep his ego satisfied. And to tell the truth, I really don’t care what the hell Small says about Heat as long as he still gets the job done. And that’s where the REAL problem lies. Because lately Small seems to be so dedicated to his lackadaisical attitude towards Heat that he often doesn’t even write his Heat Report. And that’s where I draw the fucking line. Small, you wanna bitch and whine and talk shit all day? Fine by me. Nobody’s really listening anyway. But the minute you stop writing your fucking Heat Report each week is the minute you start damaging 411. True, your Heat Report is pretty crappy to begin with, but it still adds content to the site. And the fact that you’ve decided it’s okay to be a lazy little bitch means that 411 is losing readers and losing hits. And maybe Ashish and Csonka are just gonna look the other way, but not me. Not me, bitch. So this is your one warning. Know your role, shut your mouth, and do your fucking job. You think I would EVER let this shit between us affect my Report? You think I would EVER skip a Report just to prove a point? Maybe you do. Maybe that’s how your feeble little mind works. And maybe that’s the only way to prove a point to you. And I will prove my point. I will show you how wrong you’ve been. I’ll see you next week, Small… or maybe I won’t.

Anyway, I think we have some wrestling to discuss. You’re probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. The video-on-demand nature of Heat allows me to screen each episode for you while still allowing you to watch all or part of the show after reading my report. I want this column to be a resource to help you decide which segments are worth watching and which segments are worth skipping. However, I also want to cover each segment in detail for those of you who do not have the time, the desire, or the ability to watch Heat yourself. I’m going to try and meet both of these goals by separating this column into a preview and a review. The preview will include the title of each segment, the tag line for each segment, the running time for each segment, and the non-spoiler bottom line on whether or not the segment is worth watching. The review will include a detailed description of all of the action in each segment. Okay kids, enough with the boring stuff. Let’s get to the wrestling.

Mail

Patterson sent the following email concerning the similarities between Heat and WWE 24/7:

Not sure if this is something WWE does regularly with the Heat program now that it’s not on TV in the states, but I was looking at WWE.com the other day to see what WWE 24/7 will be showing next month since I’m a member and this weeks heat show seemed to be taken straight from next months WWE 24/7 stuff, not sure if they do this as an advert for 24/7 or if its just hey we have this stuff together already and we need something for heat why not use it.

Yeah, I’m guessing that they like to throw those clip shows together in as little time as possible, so they probably jump at the chance to use footage that’s already assemble for use elsewhere. But hey, I’ll never argue with a chance to watch a Bret Hart match… unless it’s from WCW… cause some of them were just plain ugly…

The Preview

Segment 1: Daivari Debuts…
Tag Line: Drafted to Raw in the Supplemental Draft, Daivari makes his Heat debut against Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Running Time: 8:01
Bottom Line:: I have not been drinking. I just thought I should mention that before I say what I’m about to say. This match didn’t… this is tough… this match didn’t totally suck. And yes, I mean that as a compliment. For what it’s worth, this was actually one of the better “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan matches we’ve ever seen on Heat. Daivari was able to showcase a considerable amount of offense, and the result was much more entertaining than your typical Duggan squash match. Watch it.

Segment 2: …As Does Kendrick
Tag Line: Another Supplemental draftee, Brian Kendrick, also makes his Heat debut this week against Charlie Haas.
Running Time: 10:39
Bottom Line:: This might not be the best Heat match ever, but it’s probably damn close. It’s definitely your current Heat MOTYC, and it’s going to be hard to beat. Kendrick and Haas prove that they’re both talented, entertaining singles wrestlers in addition to being decorated tag team wrestlers. Watch it.

Segment 3: Ready for the Bash
Tag Line: Take a video look at WWE Champion John Cena and his No. 1 Contender, Bobby Lashley.
Running Time: 6:02
Bottom Line:: Do you know who John Cena is? Do you know who Bobby Lashley is? If you answered, “yes,” to both of these questions, then skip it. If you answered, “no,” to either of these questions, then you’ve probably clicked on the wrong link. Or you have Mad Cow. Denny Crane.

Segment 4: Coolin’ It Down
Tag Line: It’s Caribbean Cool vs. Ladies Man in this week’s Heat main event as Carlito takes on Val Venis.
Running Time: 11:18
Bottom Line:: This was a good Heat match. In fact, on most episodes of Heat it would have easily been the best match of the show. However, this time around it is relegated to second place thanks to the classic between Kendrick and Haas. That being said, this is still a solid, well worked match, and it’s better than many of the matches we see on Raw, ECW, and Smackdown every week. Watch it.

The Review

Segment 1: Daivari Debuts…
(“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Daivari)

We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Daivari’s music hits, and the bastard child of Muhammad Hassan and Sonjay Dutt makes his way down to the ring in full politically incorrect regalia. Daivari grabs a microphone and begins to cut a promo in Farsi but is suddenly interrupted by “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan’s music. “HOOOO!” Duggan makes his way down to the ring carrying his trademark 2X4 and waving the American Flag. Duggan slides into the ring but is immediately met with a kick to the side of the head from Daivari. Daivari continues his assault with a forearm shot to the back, a forearm shot to the side of the head, a kick to the gut, and two more forearm shots to the face. The action has clearly begun, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Daivari tries to whip Duggan to the ropes, but Duggan puts on the brakes and instead whips Daivari to the ropes. Duggan waits for Daivari to rebound and drops him with a clothesline. Daivari gets back to his feet, but Duggan drops him with a second clothesline. Daivari again gets back to his feet, but Duggan catches him with a scoop slam. Daivari rolls out of the ring to take a breather on the outside while Duggan marches around inside the ring and leads the crowd in a chant of, “U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!” Daivari climbs back up onto the ring apron, but Duggan catches him with a punch to the face that sends him back down to the arena floor. Daivari climbs back up onto the ring apron and Duggan reaches over the top rope towards him, but Daivari grabs Duggan by the head and drops him neck-first down onto the top rope. Daivari slides back into the ring as Duggan bounces backwards and falls to the mat in the middle of the ring.

Duggan crawls to the ropes and begins to climb back to his feet, but Daivari runs across the ring and catches him with three forearm shots to the back. Daivari guides Duggan back to the middle of the ring and drops him with two more forearm shots to the face. Duggan sits up, but Daivari connects with a kick to the back followed by a knee shot to the back. Daivari raises Duggan up into a seated position, gives him an elbow shot to the shoulder, and locks in a seated rear sleeper hold. The crowd rallies behind Duggan and launches into another chant of, “U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!” Duggan fights back to his feet and grabs Daivari’s leg to break the hold, so Daivari switches to a standing front face lock on Duggan. Duggan gives Daivari two elbow shots to the gut to break the hold and then connects with a punch to the face. Duggan hits the ropes and charges at Daivari, but Daivari catches him with a knee to the gut and sends him down to the mat. Daivari gives Duggan three stomps and an elbow drop to the chest. Daivari covers Duggan but only gets a two count before Duggan kick out. Daivari rolls Duggan onto his stomach, lifts him up to his hands and knees, and then jumps down onto the small of his back. Duggan gets back to his feet and Daivari traps him in the corner, but Duggan fights back with four haymakers to the face. Daivari retaliates with a kick to the gut followed by a swinging neck breaker. Daivari covers Duggan but only gets a one count before Duggan kicks out.

Both men get back to their feet, but Daivari catches Duggan in a front chancery and drags him back down to the mat. Duggan rolls to his back and sits up to break the hold, so Daivari switches to a seated rear sleeper hold. Daivari breaks the hold and gives Duggan two elbow shots to the shoulder followed by a forearm shot to the back of the neck. Duggan climbs back to his feet, gives Daivari three forearm shots to the face, traps him in the corner, and connects with three shoulder blocks to the gut. Daivari fights back with a poke to the eyes and sends Duggan staggering across the ring. Daivari follows Duggan and sends him down to the mat with a snap mare takedown. Daivari gives Duggan and knee shot to the forehead and goes for the cover but only gets a one count before Duggan kicks out. Daivari raises Duggan up into a seated position and gives him an elbow shot to each shoulder followed by a basement drop kick to the back. Daivari covers Duggan but only gets a two count before Duggan kicks out.

Duggan sits up, but Daivari immediately applies a seated rear chin lock. Daivari drags Duggan all the way back down to the mat and switches to a rear sleeper hold. Duggan fights back to his feet and break the hold with two elbow shots to Daivari’s gut, but Daivari retaliates with a knee shot to Duggan’s gut. Daivari grabs Duggan by the back of the head, guides him over to the corner, and tries to slam his head into the top turnbuckle, but Duggan grabs the ropes to block. Daivari again tries to small Duggan’s head into the top turnbuckle, but Duggan again grabs the ropes to block. Duggan catches Daivari with an elbow shot to the gut and then slams Daivari’s head into the top turnbuckle. Duggan traps Daivari in the corner and gives him four consecutive shots to the head. Duggan heads back to the middle of the ring and lets forth with a thunderous, “HOOOO!” Duggan heads back towards Daivari, but Daivari catches him with a back elbow shot to the side of the head. Daivari traps Duggan in the corner and gives him five consecutive shots to the head. Duggan tries to whip Daivari to the opposite corner, but Duggan puts on the breaks and instead whips Daivari to the corner. Daivari stumbles out of the corner, and Duggan catches him with a hip toss. Daivari slowly climbs back to his feet, but Duggan absolutely levels him with the Three Point Stance Clothesline. Duggan covers Daivari and gets the three count. Duggan’s music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Look, I know I give Duggan alot of shit that he really doesn’t deserve, but all you need to do is look at the smile on his face at the end of this match to understand how much he truly loves what he’s doing. There are alot of people saying alot of really derogatory things about professional wresting right now, but somehow none of that seems to matter when you’re watching a guy like Duggan who takes such pure joy in being a part of this business.

We finish up with the new WWE: DO NOT Try This At Home video, now featuring footage of the Shawn Michaels casket bump from Royal Rumble 1998. Sweet!

Match Result: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan defeats Daivari with the Three Point Stance Clothesline.
Match Length: 5:05
Best Spot: Duggan’s Three Point Stance Clothesline

Segment 2: …As Does Kendrick
(Brian Kendrick vs. Charlie Haas)

We start off with the WWE Slam of the Week featuring highlights of Shelton Benjamin losing his match against Paul London, coming precariously close to kissing Charlie Hass, and subsequently making Isaiah Washington… no, wait, that was Ron Simmons… a bit uncomfortable. DAMN!

We’re back on Heat, Charlie Haas’ music hits, and Mr. Jackie Gayda… or maybe Ms. Shelton Benjamin… makes his way down to the ring. Haas climbs into the ring, and off camera I’m guessing Lillian Garcia is holding on to something secure. It’s a long way down to that floor, baby. Haas hits the ropes and poses for the crowd, but at this point I’m too far lost in a fantasy about Jackie Gayda to really notice much of what’s happening in the ring. Hehe, I said “what’s happening.” Rerun! But I digress. Anyway, Brian Kendrick’s music soon hits, the Kendrick sprints down to the ring like The Ultimate Warrior on crack. Is the phrase “Ultimate Warrior on crack” a bit redundant? I mean, isn’t it safe to assume that he’s ALWAYS on crack? Seriously, have you heard him speak in the last decade? Anyway, Kendrick slides into the ring, hits the corner to pose for the crowd, and flips back to the middle of the ring. Anyway, both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway. This is gonna be so sweet…

Kendrick and Haas circle each other to start before going for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Haas ducks underneath Kendrick’s arms, hooks a leg, and slam Kendrick stomach-first down to the mat. Haas drops down to the mat and locks up Kendrick with a front chancery, but Kendrick takes Haas over with an arm drag from the mat. That shouldn’t be physically possible. Haas quickly reapplies the front chancery but decides to spin around on top of Kendrick and lock in a front chancery from the other side. Shit is happening way too quick right now. Haas rolls Kendrick to his back and then on over to his stomach again. Kendrick fights up to one knee to break the hold, but Haas responds by bitch slapping Kendrick across the face. Yeah, I’m definitely referring to him as Ms. Shelton Benjamin from now on.

Anyway, both men get back to their feet, but Kendrick immediately catches Haas with a pair of STIFF kicks to the back of the leg. Haas drops to one knee and grabs the ropes to steady himself while Kendrick goes right back to selling the bitch slap. Yes, that’s right, he remembered to sell the fucking bitch slap. Brian Kendrick rules the world. Haas gets back to his feet, and Kendrick and Haas circle each other for a second time. I shit you not, Kendrick is holding his face and Haas is holding the back of his leg as they circle each other. This is the kind of stuff that makes you honestly love to watch professional wrestling. Kendrick and Haas lock each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Haas quickly transitions to a standing side head lock. Kendrick muscles Haas to the ropes to break the hold, whips him to the opposite ropes, and waits for him to rebound, but Haas levels Kendrick with a running shoulder block. Haas hits the ropes, leaps over Kendrick, and hits the opposite ropes as Kendrick springs back up to his feet. Haas charges at Kendrick, but Kendrick leapfrogs over him. Haas hits the ropes and charges at Kendrick, but Kendrick catches him with a standing drop kick right to the jaw. Kendrick tries to go for a cover, but Haas had the presence of mind to roll towards the ropes and out of harms way. This is everything that a professional wrestling match should be.

Haas gets back to his feet, and Kendrick and Haas circle each other for a third time before going for a second collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Haas instead opts to give Kendrick a front kick to the gut and then send him down to the mat with a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Kendrick gets back up to his hands and knees, but Haas grabs one of Kendrick arms and then sends him right back down to the mat with a second clubbing forearm shot to the back. Haas maintains his hold on Kendrick’s arm, drags him off the mat, and then sends him right back down to the mat with a third clubbing forearm shot to the back. Haas maintains his hold on Kendrick’s arm, drags him up to his knees, and wrenches on the arm. Haas steps over Kendrick’s arm and drives his weight down onto Kendrick’s shoulder. Haas regains his hold on Kendrick’s arm, drags Kendrick all the way back up to his feet, and applies an arm wringer, but Kendrick fights back with a straight punch to Haas’ face. Haas refuses to relinquish his hold on Kendrick’s arm, so Kendrick nails him with a second punch to the face. Haas still doggedly refuses to relinquish his hold on Kendrick’s arm, so Kendrick pops him with a third punch to the face. Haas maintains his hold on Kendrick arm, grabs Kendrick by the hair, and flings him down to the mat, but Kendrick immediately kips back up to his feet and connects with three more punches to Haas’ face. Haas still manages to maintain his hold on Kendrick’s arm, again grabs Kendrick by the hair, and again flings him down to the mat, but Kendrick once again kips back up to his feet. Haas transitions to a standing overhead wrist lock on Kendrick and muscles Kendrick down to one knee. Kendrick fights back to his feet, flips backwards to relieve the pressure on his wrist, and sends Haas flying with an arm drag.

Haas rolls out of the ring to take a breather on the outside as Kendrick gets back to his feet in the ring. Kendrick hits the ropes and charges towards Haas as if he were going for some sort of aerial assault, but instead he moonsaults off the second rope back to the middle of the ring and lands on one knee in an attempt to get inside Haas’ head. Haas slides back into the ring and gets to his feet as Kendrick hits the ropes, charges towards him, and connects with a flying cross body block. Kendrick’s momentum damn near carries him out of the ring, but instead both men get back to their feet only to have Kendrick catch Haas with a tilt-o-whirl head scissors takedown. Kendrick gets back to his feet, traps Haas in the corner, drags him back to his feet, and applies an arm wringer. Kendrick tires to whip Haas to the opposite corner, but Haas reverses and instead whips Kendrick to the corner. Kendrick slams back-first into the top turnbuckle and absolutely crumbles to the mat.

Haas drags Kendrick back to his feet, traps him in the corner, and beats him down to the mat with two punches to the gut and four more punches to the face. Haas drags Kendrick back to his feet but immediately goes back to work with another punch to the face, two more punches to the gut, and four more punches to the face. Haas drives his knee into the side of Kendrick’s head and sends him between the ropes and down to the arena floor. Haas climbs out of the ring, drags Kendrick back to his feet, lifts him up into the air, and drives him shoulder first into the ring post. WE’VE GOT ACTION ON THE OUTSIDE ON HEAT! WE’VE GOT ACTION ON THE OUTSIDE ON HEAT! Haas rolls Kendrick back into the ring and then slides back into the ring himself. Kendrick gets to his hand and knees as Haas gets to his feet, but Haas catches him with a kick his already injured shoulder. Haas stomps on Kendrick’s shoulder and applies an arm bar to further the damage. Kendrick rolls to his stomach and fights back with five forearm shots to the side of Haas’ head, but Haas maintains his hold on Kendrick’s arm and retaliates with a knee to Kendrick’s gut. Haas flings Kendrick to the corner and sends him sailing shoulder-first into the ring post. Kendrick falls between the ropes and once again tumbles down to the arena floor.

Kendrick slowly begins to crawl back into the ring, but Haas catches him by the arm and yanks him back to the middle of the ring. Haas pins Kendrick’s arm to the mat and drives his knee into Kendrick’s shoulder two times before flipping over and applying a sweet inverted Fujiwara arm bar. Think of it as a Fujiwara arm bar where Haas has rotated one hundred eighty degrees so that his feet are on the opposite side of Kendrick’s targeted shoulder. Just trust me, it’s REALLY sweet. I think Kendrick really has resigned himself to the fact that he’s going to die here. Haas rolls Kendrick to his back and goes for the cover but only gets a one count before Kendrick kicks out.

Haas goes back to an arm bar before switching to what I can only call a Funk spinning arm lock. Yeah, that’s right, it’s just like a Funk spinning leg lock, only applied to the arm. I REALLY hope Kendrick doesn’t wipe with this arm. Because he’s not going to be able to use it for months after this match. Haas then switches to a key lock before once again driving his knee into Kendrick’s shoulder. Haas drapes Kendrick across the second rope, wraps Kendrick’s arm around the rope, and then kicks Kendrick’s shoulder. Haas applies a standing hammer lock before switching to an arm bar / chin lock combination and muscles Kendrick back down to one knee. Kendrick fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with a punch to Haas’ gut, but Haas immediately switches back to a standing hammer lock. Kendrick grabs Haas by the head and flips backwards over him to finally break the hold. Dude, that was almost a standing Sliced Bread #2. Kendrick pushes Haas to the corner and rolls him up from behind but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out. Both men immediately get back to their feet. Kendrick catches Haas with a school boy pin but only gets at two count before Haas kicks out. Both men again immediately get back to their feet. Kendrick goes for a crucifix pin on Haas but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out. Both men again immediately get back to their feet, but this time Kendrick connects with a kick to the back of Haas’ leg, a punch to Haas’ face, a second kick to the back of Haas’ leg, and finally an enzuigiri. Kendrick begins to drags Haas back to his feet, but Haas pulls Kendrick over and sends him throat-first into the second rope. Haas gets back to his feet and gives Kendrick one of the most brutal German suplexes you’ll ever see. Yeah, Kendrick’s dead. Haas bridges, has Kendrick pinned, and gets the three count. Haas’ music hits as the referee raises his arm in victory. Haas hits the corner to pose for the crowd as Kendrick, um, continues to be dead. This right here is your current Heat MOTYC and probably better than like half of the pay-per-view matches we’ve seen this year. The world NEEDS a full London & Kendrick / World’s Greatest Tag Team Feud, and we need it NOW. Seriously, put those four guys in the ring, let them go for half an hour, and show the world the tag team wrestling isn’t dead after all.

We finish up with a commercial for The Great American Bash, live on Sunday, July 22nd, at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match Result: Charlie Haas defeats Brian Kendrick with a bridging German suplex.
Match Length: 7:44
Best Spot: Haas wicked awesome German suplex. Wait, why did I just use the phrase “wicked awesome?” I’m not the one that moved to Boston.

Segment 3: Ready for the Bash
(Preview of John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley)

We start off with a video package featuring highlights of Bobby Lashley’s career.

We move on to a video package featuring highlights of John Cena’s career.

We finish up with a commercial for The Ladder Match 3-disc DVD set, available now.

Segment 4: Coolin’ It Down
(Val Venis vs. Carlito)

We’re back on Heat, and it’s time for our MAIN EVENT! “I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool.” Carlito’s music hits, and the only man in the world who might be as stupid as Billy Kidman makes his way down to the ring. Seriously, fuck that “it’s better to have loved and lost…” shit. Those two guys straight up lost the best thing going. Morons. Anyway, Carlito rolls into the ring and seems to let his glance linger in Lillian Garcia’s general direction. That’s right, brother, you get right back on the horse. Just remember that Viscera has also been on this particular horse, so remember to use protection. “Hello, ladies!” Val Venis’ music hits, and the man that Ron Jeremy lists as a reference on his resume makes his way down to the ring. Screw Hogan and Stone Cole and The Undertaker. This right here is the greatest gimmick of all time. Venis climbs into the ring and hits the corner to excite the ladies. Venis strips off the towel, climbs out of the ring, and presents it to a MILF at ringside. Dude, her kid was sitting right there. He’s gonna need therapy for YEARS after that. Anyway, Venis climbs back into the ring, the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Venis and Carlito circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie up. Venis quickly switches to a standing rear waste lock, lifts Carlito up into the air, and slams him chest-first down to the mat. Venis maintains his hold on Carlito’s waste, drags Carlito back up to his feet, lifts him up into the air, and again slams him chest-first down to the mat. Venis continues to maintain his hold on Carlito, but Carlito rolls over Venis and makes it to the ropes. The referee calls for the clean break, and both men get back to their feet. Venis and Carlito circle each other for a second time before locking each other up in a second collar-and-elbow tie-up. Carlito quickly switches to a standing side head lock on Venis and muscles him down to one knee, but Venis fights back up to his feet and muscles Carlito to the ropes to break the hold. Venis whips Carlito to the opposite ropes and waits for him to rebound, but Carlito levels him with a running shoulder block. Carlito hits the ropes, leaps over Venis, and his the opposite ropes as Venis springs back up to his feet. Carlito charges at Venis, but Venis catches him with a hip toss. Carlito gets right back to his feet, but Venis catches him with an arm drag takedown. Venis hangs on to Carlito’s arm and transitions to an arm bar, but Carlito fights up to his knees. Venis gives Carlito two knee shots to the ribs followed by three knee shots to the gut as Carlito finally gets back to his feet. Venis whips Carlito to the ropes, gives him a knee shot to the gut, whips him to the opposite ropes, and gives him another knee shot to the gut. Venis guides Carlito back to the middle of the ring and drops him with a Side Russian Leg Sweep. Venis covers Carlito but only gets a one count before Carlito kicks out.

Venis drags Carlito back to his feet and connect with a forearm shot to the face followed by a chop to the chest. Venis tries to whip Carlito to the ropes, but Carlito reverses and instead whips Venis to the ropes. Carlito ducks his head to telegraph the back body drop, so Venis puts on the breaks and kicks Carlito right in the chest. Venis hits the ropes and charges at Carlito, but Carlito catches him with a back elbow shot to the jaw. Carlito hits the ropes and charges at Venis, but Venis catches him with a nice spine buster. Venis looks like he’s got that lovin’ feelin’, so head heads out onto the ring apron and climbs up to the top rope. Venis readies himself for the Money Shot, but Carlito gets back to his feet and lands a double ax-handle shot to the top of Venis’ head. Venis crotches himself on the top turnbuckle, and Carlito follows up with a punch to the face. Carlito climbs up to the second rope and sets up for the superplex, but Venis fights back with four punches to Carlito’s ribs. Carlito retaliates with four punches to Venis’ ribs and then connects with the superplex. Carlito covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out.

Carlito gets back to his feet and gives Venis four stomps to the lower back before dragging him back to his feet. Carlito whips Venis to the corner, and Venis slams back-first into the top turnbuckle before falling to the mat. Carlito covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out. Carlito raises Venis up into a seated position and gives him four clubbing forearm shots and a stiff kick to the back. Carlito applies a front face lock to Venis and raises him up to his knees, but Venis fights back with a pair of punches to Carlito’s ribs. Carlito responds with five clubbing forearm shots to Venis’ back. Carlito drags Venis back up to his feet but sends him right back down to the mat with a suplex. Carlito covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out.

Carlito raises Venis up into a seated position and applies a surfboard. Venis fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with a elbow shot to Carlito’s ribs. Venis hits Carlito with a forearm shot to the face and chop to the chest. Venis hits the ropes and charges at Carlito, but Carlito goes for a running clothesline. Venis ducks underneath Carlito’s arm, hits the opposite ropes, and charges at Carlito, but Carlito spins around and connects with a standing drop kick to Venis’ jaw. Venis rolls out of the ring to create some distance between himself and Carlito, but Carlito quickly rolls out of the ring to follow him. Carlito drags Venis back to his feet and slams his lower back into the ring apron two times. Carlito rolls Venis back into the ring before sliding back into the ring himself. Carlito covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out. Carlito gets back to his feet and lands three double ax-handle shots and a clubbing forearm shot to Venis’ back. Carlito drags Venis back to his feet and levels him with a single punch. Carlito covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out.

Carlito begins to apply a Boston Crab to Venis, but Venis grabs Carlito by the hair and tries to fight him off with two punches to the face. Carlito retaliates with three punches to Venis’ ribs and finally locks in the Boston Crab. Venis valiantly refuses to submit and slowly crawls towards the ropes. Venis eventually grabs hold of the bottom rope, and the referee forces Carlito to break the hold. Carlito drags Venis back to his feet and tries to whip him to the ropes, but Venis reverses and instead whips Carlito to the ropes. Carlito springboards off the second rope and goes for a flying back elbow shot, but Venis ducks down causing Carlito to crash to the mat. Both men get back to their feet, but Venis immediately levels Carlito with a running clothesline. Carlito gets back to his feet, but Venis drops him with a running back elbow shot to the jaw. Carlito again gets back to his feet, but this time Venis catches him with a double ax-handle shot to the chest. Venis drags Carlito back to his feet, gives him a chop to the chest, whips him to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and catches him with a big back body drop. Venis covers Carlito but only gets a two count before Carlito kicks out. Venis drags Carlito back to his feet and connects with his patented Half Nelson Slam. Venis covers Carlito but only gets a two count before Carlito kicks out. Venis drags Carlito back to his feet and goes for a hangman’s neck breaker, but Carlito rolls through and pushes Venis to the ropes. Venis comes off the ropes and Carlito goes for a front kick to the gut, but Venis catches Carlito’s leg. Venis spins Carlito around and lift him up for an atomic drop, but Carlito flips all the way over, lands on his feet behind Venis, rolls backwards, and gets to his feet in the corner. Venis charges towards Carlito, but Carlito catches him with a knee to the gut. Venis staggers back to the middle of the ring, and Carlito sneaks up behind him to connect with the Back Cracker. Carlito covers Venis and gets the three count. Carlito’s music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. The MILF with Venis’ towel is NOT happy. Sign in the crowd: “Eat! Spit! Repeat!” Nice. Carlito rolls out of the ring and heads back up the ramp as Venis lies motionless in the ring.

Match Result: Carlito defeats Val Venis with the Back Cracker.
Match Length: 8:26
Best Spot: Venis’ Half Nelson Slam

Okay kids, that’s it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I’ll see you back here next weekend… or maybe I won’t.