411’s WWE Raw Report 04.26.10

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-Hosted by Michael Cole, Jerry “The King” Lawler, & Matt Striker

-Live from the Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, VA

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: ShoMiz © vs. The Hart Dynasty (w. Natalya & Bret “Hitman” Hart)
Miz says last night at Extreme Rules he and Big Show were forced to face three separate tag teams in three separate matches, and as a result the Hart Dynasty was handed a title match tonight. Miz says they’ve been handed everything because of Uncle Bret, and he thought being a dynasty meant actually winning Championships. He asks if Stu ever teached him to face a 7 foot giant or a “technical master of the ring” like him. No, he just taught them the same thing he taught all the Harts. How to be losers. He calls Bret the biggest loser of them all, and tells Bret to come out and live up to his end of the bargain be coming out and declaring ShoMiz the greatest tag team in history. Bret comes out and lives up to his word by declaring ShoMiz the greatest tag team of all time. He says also declares The Mountie was the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, and David Arquette was the greatest World Champion of all time. He says he can say anything he wants including Miz is a horse faced idiot, but talk is cheap. Its all about the results, and tonight they will have no choice but to declare The Hart Dynasty the new Tag Team Champions. Kidd starts the match with Miz, and they fight over a lockup with Kidd grabbing a side headlock. Miz reverses into an overhand wristlock, but Kidd is right back with a hammerlock. Miz elbows out into an armbar, but Kidd flips out on the top rope and armdrags out. Kidd hits a low dropkick to the face before tagging out to Smith. He comes in and delivers a delayed vertical suplex for a two count, and Miz bails to the floor. Smith hits a running shoulderblock on the floor and we head to break. We return from break with Miz now in control of Smith with a rear chinlock. Smith comes up with a pair of elbows and takes down Miz with a back suplex. Kidd springboards in with a dropkick off the tag as Big Show is now in. Kidd’s offense is short lived as he runs into a boot from Show who follows up with a huge headbutt. Show fires Kidd into the corner and delivers a huge open handed chop, and then stands on the back of Kidd in the corner. Show fires Kidd across the ring with a huge biel and tags in Miz who mocks Bret a bit. Kidd fights back with a series of right hands, and hits a sunset flip for two. Miz stops an attempted tag with a neckbreaker for two, and grabs a rear chinlock. Kidd attempts to kick out, and eventually kicks Miz off allowing the hot tag to Smith. Smith comes in with a series of clotheslines for Miz, and goes for the running powerslam. Miz counters into a rollup which Smith counters into another rollup for two. Smith hits the traditional powerslam for two, but runs into a big boot from Miz who goes for the Flair pin with his feet on the ropes. Bret stops that, and Show goes after him. Kidd takes out Show with a dropkick off the apron, but inside Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale. Smith is able to counter however and he gets Miz up for the Springboard Hart Attack which connects after a tag to Kidd. Kidd comes in with a sharpshooter for Miz which gets the tap for the win and the titles at approx 12:00 (no stop watch tonight kids). Seemed kind of inevitable, but not sure why they didn’t just do the switch on the pay per view. Still an awesome match however.
Winners: NEW Unified WWE Tag Team Champions-The Hart Dynasty (Kidd submits Miz-Sharpshooter ***1/2)

-During the commercial The Big Show knocked Miz out with a straight right hand. So I assume that’s a Big Show face turn?

-Recap of Sheamus destroying HHH and giving him a summer vacation.

-Josh Mathews is joined by World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger who says what he did last night screams World Champion. It was exactly what he said he was going to do, and that’s dominate Randy Orton. He says he cut the viper’s head off and watched him slither away. He calls himself not only the most athletically gifted, but the smartest superstar as well. He goes over his GPA when Edge stops by to say he should be worried about him because he’s the number one contender now. If he doesn’t get drafted back to Raw he’s got about four days left as Champion.

Diva Draft Pick Match: Smackdown-Layla & Michelle McCool (w. Vickie Guerrero) vs. Eve Torres & Maryse
Eve starts things off with Layla and grabs a rear chinlock and takes her down with a shoulderblock. Shades of Great American Bash ’91 as the crowd chants “We Want Mickie!” Okay, not really that, but still noticeable. Eve goes to tag Maryse, and gets a kick instead. They brawl on the floor, but Eve is able to beat the count at 7. Layla takes control with a low dropkick for a two count, and tags in McCool who delivers a running clothesline for two. McCool chokes out Eve on the second rope, and when the ref pulls her back Layla works her over from the outside. McCool locks in a Dragon Sleeper on Eve, but Eve is able to flip out and counter into a reverse DDT for two. Eve thinks about a tag, but instead shakes it off and makes the comeback herself with a series of dropkicks. Neckbreaker from Eve picks up two, but as she goes for her finish Maryse tags in from the outside. Maryse spends her entire time posing at Eve and turns into a big boot from McCool picking up Smackdown a draft pick at 5:00. What a tremendous display of athleticism from these ladies. Just a joy to watch this contest.
Winners: Layla & Michelle McCool (Pinfall-Big Boot ****)

FIRST PICK: SMACKDOWN SELECTS KELLY KELLY

-Kelly stands on the stage and looks pretty while McCool and Layla mock her.

Draft Pick Match: Raw-Evan Bourne vs. Smackdown-CM Punk (w. Luke Gallows & Serena)
Punk pushes Bourne into the corner and buries a series of knees which he follows with a back kick. Bourne comes back with a flying hurracanrana, but Punk catches a second attempt and delivers a backbreaker. Punk hits a series of kicks to the ribs, but Bourne finally catches one and rolls him up for two. Bourne hits the ropes but runs into a spinning heel kick from Punk for two. Punk goes for a suplex, but Bourne counters with a knee to the face. Bourne delivers another knee, and a low dropkick to Punk for two. Bourne delivers a spinning heel kick sending Punk crashing to the floor, and Bourne takes out both Punk and Gallows with a springboard splash to the floor. Back inside Bourne hits a kick to the jaw, and delivers a running knee to a seated Punk in the corner. Bourne goes for Air Bourne, but Serena distracts the official and that allows the masked man to run in and trip him up. Punk delivers the Go 2 Sleep from there to pick up the win at 4:00. Great match for what little bit it lasted.
Winner: CM Punk (Pinfall-Go 2 Sleep **1/2)

SECOND PICK: SMACKDOWN SELECTS THE BIG SHOW

-Teddy Long meets up with Big Show and wants to welcome him to Smackdown with a handshake. Show just stares a hole through him, but puts his arm around him and says don’t worry Teddy no problems. Teddy does a ridiculous dance in celebration.

-Sheamus is out and says the good news is Triple H will not be drafted to Smackdown. The bad news is Triple H will never wrestle again. He’s sure Triple H would have loved to leave the WWE on his own terms, but he made the mistake of underestimated Sheamus. His career ended at Extreme Rules with a series of kicks to the head. Now he’s moving on. He wanted Triple H out of the WWE, and he got him out but now he wants the WWE Championship. Before he can call out John Cena he’s interrupted by Randy Orton instead. Orton says no one has despised HHH as much as he has, and he has done despicable things to him and his family. But when it was time to fight at Wrestlemania (or the various other 1419 PPV matches they’ve had) he did it like a man. Instead he fought him face to face. He says Sheamus doesn’t deserve a title shot, but Sheamus rightly takes exception to that saying Orton had a shot last night and lost. He tells Orton to get out of his ring before he gets put out like HHH. Orton says he’s got a better idea. He’ll RKO him and punt his head off right now. Sheamus says he doesn’t deal with losers, and he’s going to face John Cena and there’s nothing Orton can do about it. Cena comes out to try to sort this out. Cena says we seem to have a bit of a problem. Both of these men seem to think they should be number one contender, and as a result he couldn’t think of a better opportunity to introduce tonight’s guest host. Cena does that a couple times when no one comes out, and his phone rings. Cena even gets a couple good one liners in about that being why he wrestles in jean shorts. I guess Mel Kiper was booked. After a bunch of shenanigans Cena says he’s the one who gets to decide the number one contender. They better hope neither one gets drafted because they’re facing each other for the shot at the title tonight. Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Orton ducks and goes for the RKO. Sheamus escapes trouble and it ends in a stalemate.

Ten Man Dual Branded Battle Royal for Three Draft Picks: Participatants-Smackdown-Rey Mysterio, Kane, R-Truth, Drew McIntyre, Shad Gaspard Raw-Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, & Ted Dibiase
Santino gets a shot from Kane to start things off and then guys in red shirts pair off with guys in blue shirts. McIntyre is first to go at the hands of Yoshi Tatsu, but Shad takes him out soon after. Santino goes after Shad, but that fails miserably. Truth ends up with Santino while Mark Henry works over Mysterio in the corner. Finally Kane and Shad attempt to put Henry out while Dibiase nearly tosses Rey when we head to break. We’re back and its still the same eight guys in the ring, but by golly AS SOON as we return Rey hurracanranas MVP out. Santino tosses Shad and Truth out and celebrates. Everyone goes out in short order quicker than I can recap, but we’re finally left with Santino and Dibiase vs. Mysterio. Dibiase hits a rebound clothesline on Rey, and goes to toss him out. Mysterio skins the cat and hits a seated senton. They both pull each other over the top, but both end up on the apron. It should be noted Santino is lurking in the corner out at the hands of Kane. Mysterio gets shoved off the top rope by Dibaise, but again holds onto the top rope. Again they both get pulled to the apron, and Mysterio charges into a boot from Dibaise sending him to the floor giving Raw the victory. Santino tries to celebrate with Dibiase, but eats Dream Street for his trouble
Winners: Ted Dibiase & Santino Marella (Dibiase eliminates Rey *)

THIRD PICK: RAW SELECTS JOHN MORRISON

FOURTH PICK: RAW SELECTS R-TRUTH

FIFTH PICK: RAW SELECTS EDGE

-Jericho is out to complain about how he didn’t deserve the attack at the hands of Edge last night. He demands that Edge be fined and suspended immediately, and he is too good to lose to anyone in this entire arena. He says its not completely Edge’s fault he lost, because some of it belongs to him. He was off his game because he lost to a nameless, faceless rookie on NXT, but he’s still the Best in the World at what he does. He promises that he will never lose to a nobody again, but demands that Heath Slater apologizes for costing him the match against Edge. Slater comes out and says he’s sorry that Jericho couldn’t be Edge or him, and he won’t beat Christian either.

Draft Pick Match: Smackdown-Chris Jericho vs. Raw-Christian (w. Heath Slater)
Slater fires Jericho to the floor, and Jericho goes right back after him. Christian attacks with a trip and fires Jericho’s leg to the mat. Jericho rolls to the floor, as Christian hits a baseball slide and we head to break. We return with Jericho in control delivering a slingshot under the bottom rope to Christian, and after talking some trash to Slater hitting a bodyslam. Christian goes for a lionsault which misses and Christian comes back with a running forearm. Christian hits a flying back elbow off the second rope, and goes for the killswitch but Jericho is able to counter. Christian delivers a drop toehold into the second rope, but after a slap gets caught with a Walls of Jericho attempt. Christian counters into a rollup for two, but Jericho is back with an enzaguri for two. Jericho delivers a kick to the ribs and a headbutt, but a bulldog attempt is countered by Christian into a reverse DDT for two. Christian goes for the killswitch again, but Jericho counters again into a Walls attempt. Christian counters with a right hand, so Jericho delivers a slingshot into the buckle. Christian is back with a sunset flip attempt, but Jericho counters into the Walls and this time locks it in. Christian reaches the bottom rope to break the hold, and delivers a right hand to Jericho from the ring apron. Christian heads to the top rope but dives into a codebreaker which connects for the win. After the match Jericho delivers a codebreaker to Slater for good measure.
Winner: Chris Jericho (Pinfall-Codebreaker ***)

SIXTH PICK: SMACKDOWN SELECTS KOFI KINGSTON

-After being drafted Kingston runs down and delivers Trouble in Paradise to Jericho. Pretty sure no one needed a move worse than Kofi.

Draft Pick Match: Smackdown-Jack Swagger vs. Raw-John Morrison
Swagger takes down Morrison with a single leg takedown, but Morrison is able to kick him away. Swagger then pushes Morrison into the corner, but Morrison fights back with a series of knees to the midsection. Swagger hammers Morrison down with a forearm, and takes him down with a go behind holding on to the bearhug on the mat. Morrison fires back with a forearm, and ducks a boot delivering an enzaguri for two. Morrison grabs an armbar, but Swagger fights free and takes him over with a headlock. Morrison tries to counter with a headscissor but Swagger fights that off and holds on to the headlock. Finally Morrison works to his feet and shoves Swagger off, but runs into a shoulderblock. Morrison comes back with a dropkick sending Swagger to the floor, and delivers a corkscrew plauncha to Swagger on the floor. Back inside Swagger kicks out at one, and whips Morrison to the buckle. Swagger delivers a shoulderblock to Morrison through the buckle sending him crashing through the ropes and into the ring apron as we go to break. We’re back with Swagger still in control with an armbar on Morrison. Morrison tries to kick free to no avail, but is able to deliver a forearm and counter into a victory roll for two. Morrison delivers a kick from the apron, but Swagger comes right back with a rope aided abdominal stretch before breaking at four. Swagger connects with a boot to the face of Morrison, and connects with a straight right hand before stomping Morrison down. Morrison tries to fight back, but Swagger lifts him up and sets him on the top rope. Morrison ducks a clothesline and hits a one legged dropkick, before connecting with a standing shooting star press for two. Swagger comes back with a headbutt to the ribs, and tosses Morrison across the ring. Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb, but Morrison moves and Swagger lands on his feet. Morrison slingshots Swagger into the buckle for two, and connects with a Flying Chuck. Morrison hits a running kick to the face for two, and Swagger rolls to the floor. Morrison rolls outside and fires Swagger into the barricade before heading back inside. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench, but Morrison grabs the ropes and counters into the Side Russian Legsweep. Morrison goes for Starship Pain, but Swagger is up and catches him up top with the Gutwrench Powerbomb picking up the win for Smackdown. Match started slow, but got good time and really picked up at the end.
Winner: Jack Swagger (Pinfall-Gutwrench Powerbomb **3/4)

SEVENTH PICK: SMACKDOWN SELECTS CHRISTIAN

-Game Show Host Wayne Brady hosts Raw next week.

-Carlito and Dibiase chat in the back, and Dibiase wants him to take an offer so he can get exposure on Raw. Carlito says he’d rather sit on the sidelines than take his offer. Dibiase goes to R-Truth, and wants to know he’s looking for someone to be his confidant. R-Truth says he wants a Virgil, but Dibiase says he’s nothing like his father. Dibiase says they’d have a different relationship, and Truth wants to know how so. Dibiase says he’d tell him what to do and he’d pay him a lot of money. Truth says he’ll think about it and get back to him before immediately smacking him. Truth don’t play that.

-John Cena loves the troops. Nickelback plays. Internet geeks cry.

Draft Pick Match: Smackdown-Dolph Ziggler vs. Raw-Hornswoggle
Poor Swoggle hasn’t quite got the memo that DX is finished. Swoggle runs and Ziggler chases him before catching him on the floor. Dolph fires Swoggle inside but Swoggle throws his shoes and helmet at him keeping him from getting inside getting him the count out victory. After the match Ziggler attacks Swoggle and puts him out with the sleeper. Jerry Lawler goes to check on Swoggle and chase off Ziggler.
Winner: Hornswoggle (Count Out)

EIGHTH PICK: RAW SELECTS CHRIS JERICHO

-Batista is out before the number one contender match, and he’s in his gear. Batista grabs the microphone, and says he’s the number one contender. He says he should be WWE Champion, and says John Cena can’t beat him. Duct tape was a joke, and a no one embarrasses him or humiliates him like that. He says Cena owes him a match, and he’s not leaving the ring until he gets one. Sheamus comes out and says he doesn’t think so. He asks when he’s going to get it through his skull that he lost. He says Dave is exactly like Orton. They’re both a bunch of losers. Orton comes out next and says for the last seven years he’s had to listen to Batista whine, complain, and make excuses. He wants to make Batista a deal. He’ll beat Sheamus one on one and beat him, and then he’ll face Batista and beat him too. Sheamus says neither of them deserves a shot because they’re losers, but Cena is out here to solve things. Cena says the match is now a triple threat, and orders the ref to ring the bell.

Triple Threat Number One Contenders Match: Batista vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
Batista slides outside and lets Sheamus attack Orton in the corner with a series of stomps and choke. Orton fights back with a series of right hands, and a European Upper Cut. Sheamus is back with a bodyslam, but Batista breaks up the count and fires Sheamus into the ringpost. Orton attacks Batista from behind and hammers him down in the corner delivering a series of stomps. Orton delivers a pair of European Upper Cuts, and then his Garvin like stomps. Orton hits a kneedrop for two, and Batista rolls to the floor. Orton slides out after him and fires Batista into the barricade, but Batista fights back with a rake to the eyes. Back inside they go and Batista takes control with a corner clothesline, and an Irish Whip to the buckle. Batista goes back outside to fire Sheamus into the announce table before heading back inside. Orton delivers a kick to the mid section, and chokes out Batista Diesel style in the corner with his boot. Batista charges into a boot from Orton which picks up two, and then he catches Sheamus coming up on the apron and fires him into the ringpost again taking him out. Batista fires Orton into the turnbuckle to regain control, and delivers a snap mare. Batista hits a running boot to the face for two, and grabs a rear chinlock. Sheamus slides back in and drops a knee on Batista, but gets attacked by Orton with a series of forearms before again getting dumped to the floor. Orton gets whipped to the ropes by Batista who connects with a spinebuster as we head to break. We return with Sheamus in control of Orton going for a cover and a two count. Sheamus grabs a rear chinlock, and a knee to the midsection connects. Sheamus hits a boot to the face for two, and drives a knee to the face in the corner. Sheamus goes outside for Batista and fires him into the ringsteps. Meanwhile Orton slid outside and was waiting for him firing him into the announce table. Now Batista comes back to slam Orton back first into the apron, and he and Sheamus head back inside. Batista connects with a clothesline for two, and buries a series of shoulders into the midsection of Sheamus in the corner. Sheamus stops a backdrop attempt with a boot to the face, and an Irish Hammer sends Batista flying to the floor. Orton is inside, but he gets hit with a Rock Bottom Back Breaker for two. Sheamus grabs an armbar , but Orton fights free and delivers a boot to a charging Sheamus. Orton hits clotheslines to both Sheamus and Batista and takes Dave out with a powerslam. Orton goes for the hangman’s DDT on Sheamus, but he counters into a backdrop sending Orton to the floor. Batista takes out Sheamus with a clothesline, and then connects with a protoplex. Orton stops a cover by pulling Batista to the floor, and covers himself for two. Orton catches Batista coming back inside and this time the hangman’s DDT connects. Orton calls for the RKO on Batista, but gets caught with a running knee to the side of the head by Sheamus. Sheamus sets up for the Razor’s Edge (now called Pale Justice…seriously), but Batista breaks it up with a spear. Batista goes for a Batista Bomb, but Sheamus breaks it up with a pump kick. Orton connects with an inverted backbreaker on Sheamus, and hits an RKO which looks to finish. Out of nowhere Edge runs in and spears Orton allowing Batista to drape an arm over Orton to pick up the win. Edge face turn…ABORT. Cena and Dave get one last match, and we’re getting a little Rated RKO feud. Thank god someone pulled the plug on the Edge face turn. This was an amazing triple threat by the way.
Winner: Batista (Pinfall-Edgerference ****)

-Someone else will be with you starting next week. I know you’re all disappointed. I may still pop up from time to time to hate on the diva’s like only I can, but this is my final regular report. It’s been fun all.