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411’s WWE RAW Report 1.21.19

January 21, 2019 | Posted by Tony Acero
Sasha Banks Ronda Rousey Raw 1-21-19

I bet you thought you seen the last of me…

Oh hi, guys. So we get a swank MLKJ tribute, and a ten ball salute, then immediately after, we get Brock Lesnar and his dopey mouthpiece. Admittedly, I was setting up during all of this, but the bulk of Heyman’s speech is that Brock will turn Finn into a martyr for making us believe that he could conquer Brock. He will be sacrificed for the sin of believing that he’s got what it takes to take what Brock’s got. He calls Brock the Slim Reaper somewhere in there.

Eventually, Mr. McMahon comes out! Brock stares him down and Heyman seems all too chipper. The crowd loves it. Vince says Heyman has gone a little soft, acting kind. Vince says for anyone to think that Finn could compete with Brock is kind of….passe. Vince suggests that the only way someone can believe in this is if they believe in David v Goliath. Hilariously, Heyman says “I never read the bible.” Vince claims that Finn is the reincarnation of David.

Vince calls the city hillbilly land. Haha. Heyman says he’s speaking too fast for them. If any of these people believe that Finn can beat Brock, then they definitely believe in fairy tales.


Strowman is not happy, but Brock is all smiles. Vince asks him what he is doing out here while Brock goads him to hit him near the ropes. Vince tells Brock to stop playing him. Braun says last night was the worst night of his life. He blames Corbin. Last night was also the luckiest night of Brock’s night. If Brock still has the title after this Sunday, somehow, Braun will be waiting on the otherside, and he’s going to rip him apart like another one of Vince’s limos.

Finn finally makes it out to say that this is the same ol Monday Night RAW. Braun out here doin Braun things, meanwhile Finn is the guy who beat three other people last week, including the greatesst of all time, John Cena. Heyman is quick to correct him. Finn claims he earned his chance to face Brock. He tells Vince that he’s aware Vince doesn’t believe. Vince says he doesn’t believe in fairy tales. Finn believes, though, and The Balor Club believes, and at the Rumble, he will defeat Brock and reclaim his title.

Braun laughs it off, says he knows he could have beat Brock, but doesn’t know if Finn can. Finn gives Vince a proper lesson on the David v Goliath story as Brock leaves the ring. He enlightens Vince that the giant fell, and no one. No one. NO ONE was laughing then.

Vince invites Brock and Heyman ringside to watch a real-life David v Goliath right now. Finn v Braun. Now.

Match 1: Finn Balor vs Braun Strowman

We are back and Braun is eating a dropkick. He is still standing, though,. Finn sidesteps a rush and kicks Braun in the head. Braun sees Brock and talks some shit. Finn turns him and slaps him in the face, telling him to pay attention to him. Finn goes for the legs, but Braun drops a fist on his back. Braun lifts him. Finn floats over. Kicks out the corner. He goes for a slingblade, but Braun catches him and drops a fist onto his chest. Finn is sent to the outside. Braun follows and hits a shoulder tackle into Finn. Braun sends Finn into the ring. He follows and sends Finn into the corner. Braun with a splash. Finn escapes a hold but gets splashed yet again. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Braun cinches the head then sends Finn back to the outsid.e He’s looking for the shoulder tackle again, goes for it, but Finn hits a slingblade on the outside! Balor rolls inside the ring and scoots back to the corner.

Braun gets back into the ring as Finn rises. Braun rushes the corner. Finn moves hits a right. He goes for another forearm to the face. Ano—nooO! Braun grabs him, sets up for a body slam, but Balor locks in the sleeper hold. He stares down Brock while tightening the hold. Braun backs Finn into the corner. Finn jumps back on his back with another sleeper. Braun drops to one knee. The ref is as tall as Braun is on one knee. Haha. Braun pulls the hands off of his face, but Finn drops elbow after elbow to the shoulders over and over. Stomp to the chest of Braun. Finn goes to the top rope. He looks at Brock. Braun is up! Choke! GOOZLE! He tosses Finn into the arms of Brock! BROCK WITH A BAYLEY TO BELLY TO FINN BALOR!!! Lol.

Brock hops up on the apron. He stares down Bruan. He tosses the title into the ring. Finn is there to pull Brock off the apron!!! He sends Brock into the ringpost with a dropkick! Finn enters the ring. He ducks a clotheline, again! FINN FLIES OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO BROCK!!! (Nearly misses, but thankfully Brock dives into the flip). Finn runs into the ring. Slingblad to Strowman. DRopkick through the ropes to Lesnar. Finn rushes and hits a dropkick to Lesnar into the barricade!!! Braun is up in the middle of the ring. He grabs the head of Finn then pulls him up on the apron. He tosses Finn back intoo the ring. He goes for a shoulder, but Finn moves!!! Finn with a dropkick into the corner! Finn heads to the top rop!!!

COUP DE GRACE!!!! BROCK IS IN THE RING!!!! F-5!!!! This is enough for the DQ.

Winner: Finn Balor via DQ
I don’t think a loss for Braun would have hurt him here, but I still see how this got done what they wanted to get done.
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

Lashley and his manchild friend are here. Lio, after a great mini-promo last week, reverts back to his shouting self to tell us that Lashley is better than everyone. He’s not here to give an open challenge. Lashley is a fighter. Open challenges are for kids. They don’t do this for fun, they do this for the money. They came here tonight to celebrate, and what a better way than for Lashley to show off his physique.
There is a small podium and Lashley stands on it. Lio says he will place the title around Lashley’s waist before we get the great posedown. Lio asks for the lights to lower. Lio wraps the title around Lashley. Lashley begins to pose. He is interrupted by Apollo Crews.

Cole says, “This is interesting.” It isn’t.

Apollo, and his beard, congratulate Lashley on winning the title. Bobby is a stud. He wants to be real; no one paid money to see him pose. They want to see him compete. He knows there is no title on the line, but how about they dance. Lio says Apollo doesn’t belong out here. He wants to cut him a deal; if Apollo can beat Lashley in a pose-off, then maybe they’ll give him a match. Apollo laughs and says he doesn’t even know how to pose. Lio says he doesn’t know how to be a champ either.

Apollo drops the mic, says he’s down for the challenge. Lashley gets on the podium, the lights go down, and Lio tells Bobby to hit us with a double bicep. Apollo, mockingly inflates his chest and does hilarious pose. He pulls the Hogan out. Lio tells Bobby to hit the side chest pose. Lashley does it as Lio YESes. Apollo’s turn, and he hits a little cabbage patch before hitting his own version, complete with a huge smile. Lio tells him to get off, and Lio wants the MOST MUSCULAR. Bobby flexes disgustingly. Apollo, again, in hilarious fashion, does a twist, turn, and a pose of his own. Just as he flexes, Lashley attacks!!! Apollo sends him to the outside! Lio atacks but Apollo grabs him and tosses him over the ropes onto Lashley!!!

Match 2: Apollo Crews vs Bobby Lashley

The match is already going on. After a pin that didn’t go to three, Lashley sends Apollo to the corner and hits him with a right hand then whips him into the corner hard. Lashley rushes the corner with a hard shoulder then lifts Apollo onto the top turnbuckle. Apollo kicks Lashley away then dives off with a dropkick. Back kick then another kick. Lashley with a clothesline, but misses. Apollo hits one then a kip up. Apollo to the top rope, He waits. He jumps over Lashley, flips up on his feet, dives over Lashley then rolls him up for 1..2…NO!! Apollo lifts Lashley up, but he appears to be too heavy and Apollo crumbles under the weight. He goes for another press, this time gets it and drops Lashley hard. Lio hops on the apron. Apollo misses a flip, but hits an enziguri. Lio on the apron. Apollo brings him n.

Lio ducks and flips around, but Apollo grabs him and presses him above his head. Lashley is up. SPEAR! Pin for 1..2…3!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley

Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating:

Seth Rollins comes out to cut Lashley’s celebration short. We are informed he has a match next. Lashley and Lio stare down Seth as he walks down the ramp, then go on their way.

Rollins gets some mic time before his match. He brings up MLK. He claims that we can learn a lot from Dr. King. He brings up the “ultimate measure of a man” quote. He brings up how not too long ago, he had two titles and two brothers by his side. Now he has no titles and a broken family. He says that we have to focus on what he does have. He’s got his first love, his last love, THIS. As long as he has this ring, this mic, and this fire, he is telling us that he’s winning the Royal Rumble match. It sounds crazy, like a longshot, but he doesn’t give a damn. His whole life has been a longshot. He’s not as big as Drew, as powerful as Lashley, that’s not him. He’s just a kid from a small mid-west town, kinda like OKC. His folks were working class. He could be working on a farm or in a factory, could be drivin a truck, and the only reason he’s not is because of this. Heart, passion, love, determination, call it whatever you want. It’s in his soul. Every fiber of his being. There will be one man left standing on Sunday, and that man is Seth Freakin Rollins.

Drew McIntyre doesn’t agree. He says he’s going to kick his head off and beat him, but he will not stand by and let Seth lie to these people. There is a 0% chance that Seth will win. It’s his style. He doesn’t care about his body and his elimination will be inevitable. What would happen if he took all that heart and harnessed it and put it in a 6’5” terminator? You would get Drew McIntyre. He knows how much this means to Seth. It’s his life. So he hopes that it’s Drew v Seth at the very end, because he wants to look him in his eyes right before he toses him over the rope and hears Drew announced as the winner.

Match 3: Seth Rollins vs Drew McIntyre

Back to the third match that has already begin, and Seth is suicide diving his way into Drew’s heart. He tosses Drew back in the ring and hits a springboard clothesline. Cover for 1..NO!!! Chop from Seth. Whip to the ropes. Kick from Seth. Right Elbow from Drew. Seth flips Drew over the top rope to the outside. Seth climbs the corner. He gets to the top. Seth dives….and eats the barricade! Drew sends Seth into the ring then pulls his back across the post. Drew rolls in. He covers for 1..2..NO! Drew grabs the hair and works the arm from behind. Cole says Cena is questionable being in the Rumble match due to Drew’s dastardly deeds last week. Drew continues to work the arm from behind, pressing on the chin of Seth. Seth turns into the hold and jaw breaks out of it. He hits the ropes. Drew with a back elbow. Cover for 1.2…NO!!! Drew grabs the head of Seth. Chop to the chest. Seth whips and Drew reerses, sending Seth into the corner. Seth flips up it then right down and gets covered for 1..2.NO!!! Drew stomps Seth. Drew with a chop. Belly to belly to Seth. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Seth hops up in the corner, and Drew kicks him right in the mid-section. Seth rolls to the outside. Drew follows. Drew with a chop to the chest. He lifts the leg of Seth, the other, looks for the Alabama Slamma, and he HITS IT!

Back from a break and Drew misses a chop. Seth hits one, an elbow, ducks under a hit, slingblad, he’s in the corner. Kick! Seth with a blockbuster off the 2nd rope. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Seth sets up for a buckle bomb, but Drew rolls through, reversal, rollup from Seth for 1..2…NO!!! He’s on the shoulders off Drew and oes for another rollup for 1..2..NO!!! Seth goes for a stomp, but Drew shifts momentum, tornado-nooo, yes, Seth with a Falcon Arrow and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Seth calls for the stomp. He kicks Drew in the gut, goes for the stomp, Drew moves, hits theback, Seth flips and knees Drew into the corner. Seth sits Drew up on the top rope, Drew elbows back, Seth falls to the mat, then hops over the top rope and hits a high kick to the face. Tree of Woe for Drew. Seth climbs to the top rope. Drew pulls up and rabs Seth’s head to pull him off the corner, but Srth lands on his feet! Seth runs for a spear, but Drew moves and Seth eats corner! Drew goes for a Claymore, but Seth hits a SUPERKICK!! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Drew up first. Right hand. Chop from Seth. Chop from Drew. Right to the head. Back and forth. Seth gets the upperhand, but Drew hits a huge headbutt! Both men fall to the mat. Drew up first again. He fireman’s Seth over to the corner. Drew heads to the top with Seth on his shoulders. He goes for a White Noise. Hits it off the top rope! Pin for 1..2…..NO!!!! Drew with a gutwrench. POWERBOMB! 1…2…..NO!!!

Drew crawls over to Seth. He grabs him by the face and pulls him up. Ripcord but Seth rolls him up and stacks. Pin for 1..2…..3!!!

Winner: Seth Rollins
Not bad there, Drew and Seth
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ****
Total Rating: ***¾

Backstage, The Revival are complaining to Vince about the last few weeks. Vince wants to know what they are proposing. They want one more title shot, and this time they get a special referee. Someone with perfect vision, who will call it down the middle.

Someone is calling Vince. It’s Hawkins. Vince says he can’t have a match, he’s lost too many of them. Vince offers him the referee spot for the tag team match. The Revival butter him up a bit.

Ambrose is backstge amongst a lot of fences. He says that Seth’s talk of MLK was cute, but he has a quote, too, and he speaks of injustice. The fact that he no longer has his title is injustice. He calls Lashley “Bend Over Bobby.” haha. He says he will elbow both in the throat and kick them both in the balls, then pick them up and dump them both over the top rope. 2018 was not his year. Come Sunday, justice will be served.

Lucha House Party faces Jinder Mahal and The Singh Brothers, but I have no desire to cover that, so how bout instead, we celebrate the 2 year anniversary of Riley Reid biting my girlfriend’s ass:

EC3 Video package that we’ve seen countless times already.

Backstage, Dana is asking EC3 about some health/foodtips. Elias walks. Jesus wept.

Elias comes to the ring, plays the guitar, and gets ready to sing us a song but is cut off by Baron Corbin. He tells eeryone to shut up. He calls the crowd hillbillies. Elias has someone cut Corbin’s mic. He sings a song wherein Corbin loses the Rumble and is required to shut his mouth to hear that no one cares about him. This, of course, is enhanced by the wonderful and astute announcing from Renee Young, claiming: “BURRRRRNNNN!”

Match 4: Elias vs Baron Corbin

Elias walks the ropes when we come back from the show and arm drags Corbin off of it. Corbin rolls to the outside. Dropkick through the ropes to Corbin. Elias heads to the outside and sends Corbin into the barricade. Elias hops on the apron where Baron is and gives him a right hand. One from Corbin. Kick. Elias catches a kick, but Corbin forces him into the post back first. Back in the ring, Corbin is dropping Elias a few times with some hard hits as the crowd chants that he got fired. Elias with right hands. Whip to the corner and Corbin does the whole slide in and out thing. Clothesline and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Corbin tries the in and out thing, but elias hits a knee to the face. Swinging neckbreaker and a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Elias stands. Corbin is in the corner. Kicks to the gut then a beatdown. Ref breaks it up.

Corbin holds onto a whip. Ref breaks it up again, and Corbin hits a right to the throat. End of Days. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Baron Corbin
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Alexa is here to welcome us to a moment of bliss. She reminds us of the prize at stake for the rumble. She then announces some of the participants. We get a video package of some of the ladies. There’s like 20-22 on the graphic, leaving plenty of room for surprises. She then welcomes her guest, Nia Jax. Oh, this is going to be great…

Thankfully, before Nia can say a word, Ember Moon comes out. She snatches the mic from Nia. Nia stands up and tosses her chair. Ember is tired of waiting for an invitation that was never going to come. She is taking this moment to make her claim. This Sunday, she will win the Royal Rumble.

Alicia Fox is here to take the mic from Ember. She, of course, comes off as annoying as one would assume, and acts weird and dumb, and…

Ok, here’s Mickie James to basically the same shit differently. So these four argue and bicker then The Riot Squad comes out to argue and bicker as well. Nikki Cross is there. Alexa stands on a chair to yell at everyone, saying this is her show. She says that this is embarrassing, and they are ruining her reputation as a legit talk show host. ALexa steps off her chair, and says let’s al calm down. For her. Just chill. Nia shoves Ember into the girls, and of course, we get a brawl.

The brawl spills backstage where all of the women go after each other. Alexa stands by on the stage, says that was unexepcted, and says that the only thing she can say is that the women this year are very passionate. This will be a Moment of Bliss you will never forget, because she….WILL BE COMPETING IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!

Worth it.

Before Alexa can smile fully, Lacey Evans is here to class up the joint. She calls the girls a bunch of nasty, classless, little girls. Luckily for the WWE Universe, the winner of this Sunday’s Royal Rumble match will not be a sawed-off girly runt. Thie winner will be Lacey Evans, a classy, sophisticated lady.

Titus O’Neil is entering the Rumble. IN comes a stagehand to interrupt him. Haha. Outraged Titus is funny.

Match 5: The Ascension vs Heavy Machinery

Otis and Viktor to start. Vik shoves Otis, Otis misses a splash, Viktor chops him then sends him into the corner headfirst. Otis hip tosses Viktor then lifts up and spins a few times before dropping Viktor down with a body slam. Tag to Tucker and they hit a double headbutt to the arms. Tucker runs into a kick. Chop from Viktor. Whip and Tucker hops off with a splash from the 2nd rope. Tag to Otis They double team again with a mrch around Viktor ala Bushwackers. They splash Viktor then drop Conor. Otis dances his way to the middle of the ring and drops an elbow. He splashes Viktor in the corner then hits…..THE WORM! WTF.

Cole calls it the Caterpillar. Tag to Tucker. They hit a double team assisted splash into. pin or 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Heavy Machinery
Good for them. Somewhat uninteresting for us.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Match 6: The Revival vs Bobby Roode and Chad Gable (Special Guest Referee: Curt Hawkins)

Dash and Gable to start. They do some nice wrasslin that results in an arm bar from Gable. Tag to Roode but Hawkins says Roode didn’t have the tag rope in his hand. Tag from Wilder. Dawson with a chop in the corner. Right hand to the fce Uppercut from Scott. Gable rolls to the outside. Scott grabs HGable and drags him back in. Gable fights back with some rights but Scott tosses hi into the ropes then meets him wuth an uppercut. Right hand to Roode. They double team Roode, but he moves out of the way and Gable flies off the corner with a clothesline to both men. T-Bone suplex to both Dash and Dawson! They roll to the outside. Gable hits the ropes. He gets an assist from Roode to flip over the top rope onto the Dash. Dawson from out of nowhere with a clothesline!

Back from a break, and Wilder goes for a back suplex, but Gable lands on his feet nd tags in Roode. Cltohesline. Another. Back body drop to Dash. Dawson flies off the top rope and Roode catches him, then plants him down hard. Shoulder to Dash in the corner. Roode on the 2nd rope. FLies, lands on his feet, clotheslines Dawson over the top rope. Spinebuster to Dash! He rolls to the apron. Roode catches him and suplexes, but Wilder holds the ropes and ends up pressing Roode down for a pin!! 1..2…DAWSON IS HOLDING HIS FOOT DOWN!! Hawkins catches him, though, and stops the pin! He shouts and Dawson. Some more rope work and Dash uses the ropes, but Hawkins is there to stop the pin again. Tag to Dawson. Tag from Gable. Dawson sends Roode over the top rope. Rollup from Dawson. 1…..2…HAWKINS SEES THE TIGHTS HOLDING. DAWSOn shoves Hawkins.

The Revival try to stop a pin with a cheat, but Hawkins breaks their hands apart. Gable with aroll up for 1..2..3!!!

Winners: Bobby Roode and Chad Gable

Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *1/2
Total Rating:

The Revival argue with Hawkins. Hawkins points to the replay of the cheating antics of The Revival. So they do this for the special guest ref, but none of the regular ones. K buddy. Dawson punches hawkins, then they double down on the beatdown.

ZACK RYDER IS HERE TO HELP!!!! He sends Dash down! Then attacks Dawson. Dash locks up from behind. Ryder with a clothesline. He sends Dash down. Sends Dawson out. Both of The Revival are down outside. Ryder looks to hawkins. He reaches out hishand. He helps Hawkins up. Renee says “WOO WOO WOO” I hate her.

Backstage, Ronda realizes she doesn’t owe Sasha a damn thing. She kinda messes up a bit back there. She wonders what Sasha wants her to do? She says she’s the best, but where is the proof. She’s too busy livin the lifestyle of a boss than to actually be a champion. Ronda says that The Boss has to answer to somebody. She’s the boss’s boss. Eeek that was rough.

Sasha is on the mic before the match. She wants to speak on resentment, wondering who the hell Ronda thinks she is. Sasha is a four time champ, she lasted 54 minutes at last years’ Rumble. Ronda got handed everything. They put their heart and soul in the ring every damned day. The world already knows she’s worthy, and Ronda didn’t give her anything. She made Nia tap out, and that’s what she is going to do to Ronda at the rumble. They go cray cray and the ref tries to hold them back so that they can….fight?

Match 7: Sasha Banks and Bayley vs Ronda Rousey and Natalya

Sasha to start. Nattie, too. Sasha with a chaep shot to Ronda. She takedowns Nattie and gets a front face lock as Ronda enters the ring. Ref holds her back and Sasha works the arm. Tag from Bayely and they send Nattie into the corner hard. Suplex to Nattie from both girls. Cover from Bayley. 1….NO! Tag to Sasha who hits a poetry in motion like clothesline. Tag to bayley. Whip and an arm drag then an elbow and a knee from Bayley then Sasha. Ronda enters the ring, clotheslines Bayley down. Takes down Sasha. Both girls go to the outside. Ronda talks some shit from the ring.
Back and Nattie is lifting Bayley to drive her into the corner. Tag to Ronda, and she heads to the ropes, hits a clothesline to Bayley. Sasha tries to smack her in the back. Sasha is ready for the ight. Ref holds her back as her little booty bounces. Tag to Nattie. Bayley is on the outside. Nattie stomps her then rolls her inside the ring. Bayley drags herself to her corner but Nattie is there to stop her. Natie locks the head and hits a suplex. Stomp to Bayley. Cover for 1.2..NO! Bayley with a ight. Tag. Knee to Nattie. Swinging knees into Nattie. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Sasha goes to talk some shit. She grabs Nattie, sends her into the corner, then sits Nattie on the top rope. Tag to Bayley. Bayley is up with a frankensteiner but Sasha gets a tag. Knees from Sasha. Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Sasha goes for another cheap shot, but Ronda dorps down. Nattie rushes her, and Sasha gets on her shoulders. Electric Chair Drop. Ronda rolls onto Sasha and gets a firemans. Sasha elbows out. Backslide for 1..NO! Kick to Ronda’s arm. Banks with a Side Russian Leg Sweep into The Bank Statement! Nattie breaks it up. Sasha sends her to the outside. Ronda rolls her up. 1..2.NO!!! kick to Banks. Ronda is ready for afight so Sasha kist kicks the shit out of her. Back Stabber! Bayley wants the Bayley to Belly ,but Ronda counters into an arm drag. Pin for ..2…NO!!! Ronda grabs the arm of bayley. Knee to Bayley. Another. She tugs the arm. Another knee. Another. Kick to Bayley, sending her into the corner. Sasha is in the ring. She stands in front of Bayley. ROnda goes after her, and Sasha dives out of the way. Ronda beats her down. Ronda goes for a diving punch but Bayley grabs the leg!!! She sends Ronda into the corner. Tag to Sasha. Sasha dives of right onto the arm. Sasha goes for a slap, but Ronda grabs the arm and goes for an arm bar. Sasha rolls to the ropes and escapes by sliding to the outside. Ronda tries to grab her off the apron. Kick from Sasha. Tag to Nattie. Nattie locks the head and suplexes Sasha into the ring. Running step to the back of Sasha. Dropkick to the face. Nattie wants the Sharpshooter. She gets it locked in! Bayley in to stop the hold. She sends Ronda off the apron. Clothelsine from Nattie to Bayley! She grabs Sasha. Sets her up .

Sasha with a high knee! Camera goes black! Sasha’s booty was exposed! Back Stabber! Bank Statement!!! Natalya taps!!!

Winners: Sasha Banks and Natalya
Kinda sloppy and yet….I liked it.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ****
Total Rating: ***1/2

After the match, Ronda and Sasha get in ech other’s face. They talk some shit as Bayley and the ref try to hold the girls back.

End Show

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411's WWE RAW Report, Tony Acero