411’s WWE RAW Report 1.6.20

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Sorry I missed you guys last week, I was in the process of moving to another city. I hate it! Ok, I’m kidding. I’m just so damned spoiled. Prior to my move, my job was four minutes away, my super market was about five, the mall was about seven, and my favorite bar was in walking distance. Now ALL of those are more than fifteen minutes away except for the super market. Big woop.

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And in almost record time, my exclamation of being sorry for missing last week is eradicated as I am reminded that last week was the wedding of Lana and Lashley.

Brock Lesnar is here tonight to remind us that we do, in fact, have a Heavyweight Champion, and he does, in fact, work for the WWE. Heyman out the gate, calling everyone “bitches.”

He wants to kick off the new decade by making history. Apparently, Brock has been wondering who will challenge him at the Royal Rumble, and Heyman asked him who he thought was worthy. Brock, of course, replied with a big ol bowl of no one. Not one single member of the RAW, Smackdown, or NXT roster that is man enough, let alone worthy enough of sharing the spotlight with Brock Lesnar. Because of this, Brock will do something as unprecedented and “First Time Ever.”

How bout a dream match? How about every single solitary challenger that wants Brock can have Brock. Brock hereby enters the Royal Rumble. Not only will he enter…he will enter at Number ONE. Brock will win. And it’s not a prediction; it’s a spoiler.

Commentary talk about Heyman and Brock, then Brock and Heyman walk in ront of the cam. Heyman stands by with King and tells him to talk nice.

We head to the backstage area where Rey cuts a promo in Spanish, drowned out by Brock’s music, giving us a complete sense of apathy for what he’s saying.

Rey claims he has days left, not years, and wants to thank his son. He loves him, and thanks for convincing him and competing against the top of the top. He then tells Andrade that he doesn’t deserve to rep Latinos. He’s taking the title back. Right now.

It ain’t real, but my oh my, just when you thought she couldn’t get any hotter..

Match 1: United States Championship Match
Rey Mysterio vs Andrade

We start with Rey sending Andrade out quickly. He hits a kick, rolls him back in, and covers for 1. Rey sends Andrade over the top rope, holds onto the heads, Andrade lands on his feet, Rey is on his shoulders, he rolls forward and sends Andrade into the steps head first. Rey to the top rope. He flies. DROPKICK from Andrade mid air!

We come back to Rey kicking Andrade in the face. Rey blocks a right. Another. He gets another, and another .Whip is reversed , but Rey hops up and hurricanrana’s Andrade into the corner. Rey rushes the corner, Andrade sends him up and over. Elbow from Rey. Seated senton from Rey. Goes for a springboard moonsault, Andrade catches him, Rey swings for a Tornado DDT. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Andrade goes for the stomp off the corner, but Rey dodges and Andrade hurts himself on the mat. Rey slides through the bottom and splashes. Andrade sends Rey back in the ring, covers, gets a two, and then hits the three suplexes. Crowd boos. Rey is pissed. He goes Super Saiyan and gets a cover on Andrade for the win. The ref counts the 1, 2, 3, but Zelina had put Andrade’s boot on the bottom rope at the count of 2. Ref realizes it as Rey’s music hits and we head to break befuddled.

We get a restart, and cpome back after a break to see Rey sending Andrade to the outside. He runs off the apron with a hurricanrana INTO the barricade. Rey with another destroyer in the middle of the ring. Cover for 1..2…NO!! They fight on the apron. Chops back and forth. Dropkick to the chest. Sunset Bomb into the post from Rey!! He rolls Andrade into the ring. Rey jumps off the ropes. Leg drop to Andrade! Cover for 1…2..NO!!!! Reyt flies of the top, wheel barrow, and Andrade drops him face first. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Andrade grabs the head of Rey and stomps him in the corner. Rey off the top rope. He hits the ropes, climbs to the top rope after a 619! Rey hops off the apron, onto the shoulders of Andrade. Andrade catches him and sends him over the top of him ONTO Zelina. He grabs Rey, sends him into the barricade. Rey is struggling. Andrade sends Rey into the ring.

Andrade wants the Hammerlock, but Rey just falls. He leaves the ring and checks on Zelina. Refs come out to do the same. Rey climbs back into the ring. Andrade kicks him. Looks for the Hammerlock. Gets it. Cover for 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Andrade
Weird finish…
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: **1/2
Total Rating: **1/2

Andrade grabs the mask of Rey Mysterio and rips it off!!! He hands it over to Zelina.
Rey grabs a towel and places it over his head.

It looks like Rey was probably not supposed to get back in the ring prior to the hammerlock.

We get a recap of last week’s pull apart brawl then come to real time where Charley interviews Joe and Kevin. She says that both of these men are individualists according to Seth. Owens says this is true. Owens has proven that neither of them play well with others. The fact is, the enemy of his enemy is his friend, and against a force like The AOP, Joe needs him as much as he needs Joe, and that’s what they’ll do tonight.

Joe calls himself a prideful man, but he recognizes when backup is neeed. He has a proposition tonight: the three of them versus the three of “us.” Owens assumes Joe doesn’t mean Charley. Joe says he’s gotta guy and tells Kevin to trust him.

Back from a break, and Seth is walking backstage with AOP. Seth says that they live for chalkenges. He has faced them every single day in his life. The one he’s most concerned about is taking RAW to the next level. He didn’t ask to be the chosen one, the WWE has made him the chosen one. He has sacrificed it all to be this person, this visionary, The Messiah of Monday Nights. As for the challenge, if anyone stands up to The Messiah of Monday Night, THE AOP will take care of that.

Street Profits get some promo time in the ring. I don’t like that their jackets are an off colored version of their trunks.

King is actin real “OK, BOOMER” right now…

Match 2: The Viking Raiders vs The Street Profits vs The OC
Erik starts off with Karl Anderson by beatin dat ass. He tags in Ibar who clubs the chest and tosses Karl into a knee. Cover from Ibar. 1..2…NO!!! Tag to Erik who comes in after a shoulder from Ibar and hits one of his own. Tag to Ibar. Ibar in, Anderson floats over, blind tag from Dawkins, sending IBar to the outside. Side headlock from Dawkins. Rope work and Dawkins sends Anderson into the ropes. Dropkick and a tag to his partner. Ford with a high dropkick, and a kip up. Anderson tags in Ibar quickly and rolls to the outside. Side headlock from Ford, who calls his shot. He slides under and goes for an arm drag, but Ibar is too strong. Cartwheel and a flip away from Ibar. Ford dodhes a right hand, IBar rolls over Ford, Ford hops over Ibar, cartwheel from Ford, cartwheel from Ibar, cartwheel from both. The OC come in to stop the fun. Kick to Erik. They send Ibar int othe post. Tag from Gallows. He gets the unnecessary punches in the corner to Ford. Gallows sends Ford into the corner. Tag to Anderson who comes in with elbows. He scratches the face. Anderson with a right to the face. Knee to the face in the corner. Tag to Gallows. Underhook and we get a butterfly suplex. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Elbow drops ot the chest of Ford from above. Cravat. Ford fights out but gets a knee .Tag to Anderson. Back suplex/neckbreaker from The Oc. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Dawkins breaks up the pin. Anderson shoves him off the apron. Ford with a high kick to the back of the head. Tag to Gallows. Gallows locks th hips, Ford floats over, tag to Erik, and he blocks a right. Kck and a knee, hsrd right, ducks a right hand, hts a suplex. Dawkins in, and Erick hits another suplex. In come Anderson who gets flipped over and eats a knee to the face .Knees to Gallows. Angelo gets hit with a body slam, then Erik drops Ibar onto Anderson. Clothelsin in the corner by Ibar. Erik lifts him and drops Ibar in the corner. Ford in the ing. He’s the legal man. He hits the ropes. VIKING EXPERIENCE! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Anderson breaks the pin. He gets sent right outside. Ibar flies onto Anderson and Dawkins! Erik tries to fly, but Gallows catches him and sends him over the barricade.

Back from the break, and Anderson hits an uppercut to Erik, then mounts him to give him a bunch of rights. Pin for 1…NO! Cravat from behind. Tag to Gallows who comes in with some stomps. He head butts the back of Erik. Right to the kidney. Tag to Andreson. Snapmare and a cravat. The crowd wants the smoke. Anderson up. Erik elbows out of the crowd, goes for a tag, but Anderso grabs him. Too bad cuz Erik is able to roll forward and tag in Ibar who comes in with a slam and a crossbody. He sends Anderson in the corner. Anderson side dodges but gets sat on. Cartwheel dodges a kick. Clothesline to Gallows. Ibar in the corner, he calls upon the power of Minnesota and runs for a Bronco Buster, but Anderson moves!!! Dakins gets a tag on Anderson. Erik gets one on Ibar. Dawkins with a sick suplex to Ibar, he pounces Erik, sends Gallows of the apron, spins with a right, then hits a bulldog. Tag to Ford. He and Dawkins double team, but Ford gets sent up and o er. Dawkins with a spinebuster. Ford with a frog splash! Anderson gets a quick tag!! He sends Ford to the outside. Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! IBAR IS IN !!! Dawkins with a spinning uppercut. Big Boot from Gallows. Ford with dropkick, Anderson sends Ford ot the ropes, Ford dives over the top rope onto Gallows and Dawkins! In the ring,

Anderson hits a kick, runs with an uppercut. Goes for a kick in the corner. Tag from Ibar. Powerbomb from Erik. Ibar with a huge splash. Cover for 1….2….3!!!

Winners: The Viking Raiders
Everything before the break was boring, lethargic, and kinda messy. Everything after the break was amazing.
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **1/2

Owens wants to know who Joe’s third man is, but Joe is holding it close to the chest. He asks if it would make Owens better if he showed him. Charley decides to follow.

We come back to Joe opening a door to a dark room. Owens walks in and is all smiles. Charley wants to know who’s in there. Joe tells her that good things come to those who wait. So wait.

Becky Lynch is wearing an all yellow top and I dunno how I feel about it.

She’s happy to hear our voices. She’s been walking around for months, wonderin what kind of champ she is. She forced the higher ups to give her a match with Asuka at the Royal Rumble, but to be honest, she’s a little doubting her wisdom on that on.e Her life has changed so much in the last year, but over the holidays, she finally got time to think about what it really means to be The Man. Should she just be happy and content with her current success?

A video package is next.

Afterwards, Asuka comes out to berate Becky. Becky punches her in the mouth.

After the break,we get Mojo running into Erick Rowan. Mojo wants to see what’s under the cover. Rowan allows it, says he can look, but just don’t tell anyone. Mojo looks, and blows a freakin gasket, scared as shit.

Vega and Andrade get interviewed, and Vega pretends like the hit JUST happened. Andrade cuts a promo until a bald headed child runs in and attacks Andrade! He steals Rey’s mask and puts it on and…oh it’s REY!!! He continues to maul Andrade over and over, then grabs his title. Refs show up. Rey wants Andrade to stand.

Rowan comes out for a match; the jobber in the ring gets his ass beat then looks under the cloth and gets his nose bit off like that dude in Batman Returns.

Match 3: AJ Styles vs Akira Tozawa
AJ goes starts with a hard whip then runs and misses a slash. Kick out the corner. He lands on the apron. Right hand from AJ. Phenomenal Forearm connects! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! AJ stops the pin. He grabs Tozawa by the head and sets up for Styles Clash, but thinks better of it, stops and grabs the head.

AJ sends Akira to the apron and hits Orton’s DDT. He stomps the ring, being sure not to break his hand, and hits an RKO to Akira! Pin for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: AJ Styles
Extra Points for AJ just bein great.
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *

Lashley and Lana are here, and there’s the wedding official from last week in the middle of the ring. He’s holding a bible and a SAG card.

There’s a LANA <3’s BBC sign facing hard cam. Lol.

Lana says that they are going to get married right here and right now. The sign is taken away. The priest announces them as husband and wife and tells Bobby he can kiss Lana. They kiss, this time with no removal of makeup, and Bobby is all smiles…

Lana grabs the mic from the priest, and calls him boring. She is supposed to feel happy but she isn. She then shows off her ring and calls everyone basic, pathetic civilians. Everyone that is at fault at making her feel sad and frustrated. It’s unbelievable. Lashley says that the most miserable one of all is Lana’s sorry excuse of an ex husband. Rusev ruined it, and for what?

Rusev is on the screen. He’s in Hawaii, only not really. He congratulates both Mr. and Mrs. Bob. They should consider a joint bank account. Lashley has been calling everyone else miserable, but look at them two. Since they’ve decided not ot take their honeymoon, he decided to take his own. He is at the beach, right next to a big restaurant. He forgot to give them two a present, so he has a special Lana and Bob wedding album, and they’re going to like it.

Lana yells that she hates Rusev over and over, and says that they ruined everything. Lashley then tells Lana to shut up.

Uh oh.

Rusev used to be a man, says Lashley, but it appears Lana stripped him of his manhood, so if Rusev has any balls left, why don’t he show up next week so Lashley can “SHRIP” them off and shove them down his damned throat.

Rusev says no…it is not going to happen. Next week will be the return of THE BULGARIAN BRUTE, and he will brutalize every portion of Lashley’s body, and if there’s anything left, it’s all Lana’s.

Truth is backstage for an interview, but Liv comes up and Charley has tons of questions. She heard about next week, which means that Lana will be in Lashley’s corner, which also means Rusev will nee someone in his corner, and that’s a moment she’d Liv for.

Logan attacks before the bell, stomping away and sending Charlotte into the post shoulder first. Logan with a running knee on the outside. Logan attacks from behind as the ref yells for her to stop. Logan is about to send Charlotte into the barricade, but Charlotte reverses and sends Logan instead. They umble over the barricade int othe crowd. Charlotte spills her back over the barricade to the other side. Flair grabs Logan but Logan sends her into the post. Logan attacks until the ref holds her back, but Logan with another attack. Logan rolls into the ring. Lgoan grabs the robe of Charlotte Flair and starts slamming it around everywhere, then steps on it and wipes her boots on it. King claims that robe was given to her by Ric Flair. Logan leaves the ring. Charlotte with a spear. She sends Logan into a barricade. Charlotte with a toss into the barricade. Charlotte asks for her robes and stands tall.

McIntyre has a match next with No Way Jose. Jose is out first. Drew gives a huge headbutt ot the front man of the Conga Line.

Match 4: Drew McIntyre vs No Way Jose
The bell rings and Drew kicks Jose as he tries to jump over him. Belly to belly to Jose. Drew leaves the ring and catches another one of the members of the line. He chops him hard then hits the Alabama Slam, sending the guy face first into the corner of the apron. Drew hops on then gets kicked by Jose. Rights, but Drew kicks him in the face. Drew misses an elbow and gets rolled up for 1..2..NO!

Future Shock DDT from Drew. Claymore Kick. Pin for 1..2..3!!

Winner: Drew McIntyre

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Drew asks if the crowd dares him to hit another Claymore. Who Double Dares him? He hits it. He says he has always hated Conga Lines. He then wants to give us a not so fun fact. He has never gotten an opportunity to fight for the World Title.

Match 5: Aleister Black vs Shelton Benjamin
Shelton misses a kick, tries to grab the head, but Black blocks. Stale mate. Test of no! Shelton with the go henid. Black leaps up and locks the legs from behind for a pin. 1…2..NO! Black sits and Shelton slides into a choke, but Black escapes. Shelton shoots the leg, Black locks the arm, tries to lock the face. Shelton is able to turn and lock his hands. He lifts Black up, up, up, up, annnd down!! Black kicks Shlton away and Shelton comes back with a forearm. Another. Shelton whips and Black goes for a moonsault, but Shelton moves and they stand to stare.

They strike back and forth but Black hits an elbow. High kick from Shelton. High knee from Aleister. Black lifts Shelton with the boot, Black Mass.

Winner: Aleister Black

Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **1/2

Buddy Murphy comes out of nowhere to attack Black! Murphy with a hard elbow. Murphy tosses Black into the timekeepers area. Murphy with a huge kick to Black! He goes under the ring and grabs a chair. He sits Black on his knees. Sets the chair under his chin, and Murphy pulls Black’s face into the knee.

Seth gets promo time before his six man tag and it’s garbage, so I won’t repeat it.

Just kidding, he says he doesn’t know what’s good for us, but he does. He knows what’s best for you. Hm, sounds familiar…

He says what’s best for all of us is to eliminate people who impede progress. Tonight, that is Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe and the third man.

Match 6: Kevin Owens, Samoa Joe, and The Big Show vs Seth Rollins and The AOP
We start with Akam and Show. He fails at kicking, and Show destroys him. He knocks off the AOP and brings Seth in. Chop to Seth.

Back from the break and Joe is choppin down Seth in the corner. Whip, clothesline, high kick to Seth. Tag to Owens. Owens in with a cannonball! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!. Owens whips seth, reversal, Seth hits the ropes, titl a whirl backbreaker. Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Owens to the top. Akam distracts. Razar shoves Owens off the corner. Seth tags in Razar, who drops down and grabs Owens. He sends Owens into the barricade, then into the post. Droppin big fists on Owens. Tag to Akam. Double team to Owens complete with a boot to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Akam stomps the arm of Owens. Hard right to the chest Owens is up with a chop. Right hand to the face. Akam shoots Owens down and continues with the hard fists. Tag to Seth. Seth springboards. Knee to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Seth pulls back on the face. Cravat from behind. Tag to Akam who comes in and sends Owens into the corner. Kick form Owens. Owens reaches for a tag. Elbow from Owens. Enziguri to Owens. Razar gets a tag. He goes to attack Show. Show no sells. Superkick from Owens! Clothesline from Owens. Tag to Show! Tag to Seth! Show with a clothesline, he sends Razar down, another one to Seth. Whip to the corner. Back splash, he hits the ropes, shoulder tackle to Seth. Seth to the top rope. AOP on the apron.

Show catches Seth for a chokeslam, AOP enters. Show kicks Seth out of the ring. He goozles AOP. Seth has a chair! He smacks Show a good one, then AOP attacks.

Winners: The Big Show, Kevin Owens, and Samoa Joe
WELLLLLLLLL
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

Owens and Joe are in, they fight AOP on the outside. Seth calls for the Stomp! Owens holds the boot. Show with a KO punch!!!

End Show