411’s WWE RAW Report 12.17.18

Hi, my name is Tony Acero. You may remember me from such columns as, “I’m a DeMarco Guy” and “How RAW Do You Want It.”

Mr. McMahon starts the show and Cole busts roughly 4 entire nuts.

Vince encourages some boos. He says everyone wants to know what’s going on. He has asked that question himself. He says that RAW has been on the air for over 25 years. One of the reasons for their success is that they change along with the times. Despite one man’s brilliance, despite his creativity, one man’s vision, he can’t do it all by himself anymore. He can do without us, though. With that in mind…..

Here’s Stephanie McMahon. Renee name drops Cardi B, and it’s as bad as it sounds.

Vince tells the crowd to be nice. Steph welcomes someone else to the fray. It’s Triple H.

Is it fray? Frey? Freigh? I dunno. Anyways, Trips is suited up, and comes out lookin pretty good in blue. Cole pimps him some as he walks down, mentioning he is the fater of the brainchild that is NXT.

Vince begrudgingly hugs Triple H. Looks like we are not done….

SHANE O’ MAC is here!

He gets the loudest pop. He hugs everyone, then puts on his curious face. Nice to be invited to Game Night at the McMahons.

Steph is out here tonight because they haven’t been doing a very good job for us lately, and that’s listen to their audience. They’ve let middle managers air grievances and suffocating their superstars. This is all going to change tonight. This is a fresh start. The days of absentee management are over. As of now, the four of them will be taking back Monday Night RAW. Shane says this goes for Smackdown as well. The four of them are responsible to insure that we all have the best possible experience that there is. Steph says they will empower the superstars and all of us. And they are going to gie us what we want. Something new, something fresh. We will be seeing new faces, new wrestlers, new matchups. As of now, WE are the Authority.

Baron Corbin has something to say about all of this, apparently, and he comes out to speak about fairness. He claims what happened to him last night was not fair.

Trips and Co give him a chance. If he wins the following match, he can be GM. And it’s against KURT ANGLE!

Match 1: Kurt Angle vs Baron Corbin
Just before the match gets going, Triple H comes out with Roode, Gable, and Apollo, making this a handicap match.

They all toy with Corbin, including Heath, until Shane comes out to make it a NO DQ match, allowing Heath to attack as well. Angle finally hits him with a Angle Slam and pins for the 123.

Sorry for the shitty report, the feed is really messin up on me. Stay tuned for your regularly scheduled recap.

Winners: Kurt Angle, Apollo Crews, Bobby Roode, and Chad Gable
Is this what I wanted…?
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

After the match, everyone gets a table, and Angle Angle Slams him onto it.

Match 2: Finn Balor vs Dolph Ziggler
Lockup to start. Finn is backed against the ropes. Ziggler shoves him. Finn hits the ropes, but Dolph cinches the side headlock and doesn’t let go. Takedown to the mat and Finn rolls into a pin for 1. Arm drag from Balor. Another one. Both men standing. Finn kicks then snapmares into a kick to the back. Finn with the whip. Dropkick to the face. Ziggler rolls to the outside.

Back to the match, and Balor kicks Ziggler. Ziggler rushes the corner with a right, but Finn prevents it. Ziggler looks to hit a Fameasser, gets it, but Drew McIntyre comes out!! Ziggler immediately attacks. Finn flips over the top rope onto Ziggler and Drew! Ziggler tosses FInn into the ring, hits a Fameasser! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Ziggler waits for Finn to stand, but Finn fires out with a slingblade. Finn rushes the corner but Drew enters the ring and hits a huge clothesline, causing the DQ.

Winner: Finn Balor via DQ
Another match ruined by feed issues. Sorry, guys.
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Drew tosses Finn to the outside. Ziggler goes to attack, but Drew headbutts Dolph! He mounts and punches hten lifts Ziggler like nothing, shoves him to the ropes, CLAYMORE KICK!!! He heads to the outside. Finn is up. CLAYMORE KICK!

Ambrose an his sirens come down to the ring after a commercial break. He claims the more things change, the more they stay the same. He claims everything he predicted would happen, happened. Seth ROllins failed all of us. He doesn’t need respect or anythign else from us because he has the title. It wasn’t too long ago when Seth had two titles and now he has none. He took the most important thing in Rollins’ life, and he’s not done. When he is done, Seth will have nothing left. NOTHING. He is going to take Rollins career and reputation and drag it through the mud and toss it in the gutter where it belongs. There is another option, though. He is the moral compass of the WWE. He has an obligation to do the right thing, to give him a chance to come out, be a man of character and integrity, and tell the world and Dean that he was right.

Seth doesn’t show. Dean calls him a coward. He says Seth lost the title, and he can’t even come out and show his face. Since none of this worked, he has a new idea – he’s going to steal a page from him. He is foing to have an open challenge for the title for anyone not named Seth Rollins.

Tyler Breeze responds.

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match
Dean Ambrose vs Tyler Breeze
Breeze tries to get the upperhand just before the break. When we come back, we see he didn’t do that well. Ambrose covers after a clothesline for 1..2..NO!!! Cravat from behind. Ambrose slams Breeze down hard, head first and keeps the hold on. I should mention that there are dudes surrounding the ring wearing gas masks. Breeze with high kick to the head of Ambrose. Ambrose is shocked. Breeze hops up, frankensteiner and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Kick from Breeze out of the corner. Ambrose posts himself and Breeze covers for 1..2..NO!!! The Beauty Shot Kick! Breeze goes to the top rope. He flies with a crossbody. Pin for 1….2…NO!!!! Superkick from Breeze. 1….2…..NO!!!! Ambrose kicks out and Breeze is frustrated.

Ambrose with a Dirty Deeds! Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Dean Ambrose

Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Ambrose gets on the mic saying this is what a champion looks like, and Rollins is a little punk for not coming down to the ring. Seth’s music hits. Ambrose assembles his team of gas dudes. ONE OF THEM IS SETH! Did Watry see that coming?! Seth attacks the crew, kicking a few then yelling at Ambrose, who crawls up the ramp with his title.

Backstage, Shane is with Charley. He says there will be lots of new faces. Opportunity has come a knockin. He is interrupted by Drake Maverick and AOP. They are the rightful tag team. He is sure Shane is aware that their titles were stolen from them. He knows Shane is all about the tough decisions, but he’s got an easy one for him now. The mandatory rematch. Shane says that’s a little antiquated. Corbin handed the titles to these guys, so here’s what we can do. We can create an opportunity. They can take on The B-Team, The Revival, and The Lucha House Party in a Fatal Four Way for a future opportunity at the titles.

We get a graphic of some new faces coming to the WWE next. EC3 sighting among others. Joining him is Lars, Lacyy Evans, Nikki Cross, Tucker Night and Otis are coming too.

In the ring, Lashley and Lio are chillin. Lashley has himself a guitar and he’s ready to play a tune. Elias isn’t the only one that can play sweet sounds with a guitar. In fact, the greatest music Elias has ever heard was the sound of the guitar cracking over his back last night. We all came here to witness a true performance and work of art. But, before they begin, please silence our cell phones, hold our applause, and most importantly, shut our mouths. Lashley hands over the broken guitar to Lio. Lio tells Lashley to hit em with that double bicep. Lashley poses. Comparing Lashley to Elias is like comparing the Golden State Warriors to the Sacremento Kings. Next is Bobby’s favorite pose. Lashley bends over and smacks his ass. Ah, this must be what they were talking about t the top of the show.

JoJo introduces Elias, who is behind Lashley. He smacks Lashley with a guitar then leaves the ring, all smiles.

Match 3: The Revival vs The B-Team vs AOP vs Lucha House Party

Winners:

Match Quality:
Personal Enjoyment:
Total Rating:

We get an interview backstage with Seth Rollins who talks about the crowd last night, and takes that as his responsibility. He needs to end Dean Ambrose. Corbin comes up and says that Seth is the reason why he lost his spot, why the roster hates him, and why McMahon is back in charge. The things Dean said about him were true, and if half the locker room didn’t already attack him, he’d take Seth’s title. Oops, Dean already did that.

Seth punches him square in the face.

Ronda is in the howwwwssseeee. She told Nia she was gonna end that hand, told Charlotte she would write the next chapter of their story, and told Becky that she is the last woman on earth that she should provoke. She didn’t come here to justify her actions, she came here to define what a real champ is. A champion, a real one, is so much more than just a title someone puts in front of your name or an object you can hold in your hands. A real champion is so much more than the winner of a match or decision from a ref. Those are symptoms. A real champion represents the limit of human potential, the best of the best, physically, mentally, morally. The best that the human race has to offer and that’s why she is here tonight.

She’s losing the crowd.

She suggests that we start a new tradition. Every night, after a PPV, the champ shows up and defends their title. She came here for a fight. Open challenge. Right here, right now.

Wow….

So backstage, we see all the girls bickering and screaming until their lord and savior Stephanie McMahon yells enough and tells them to follow her. They head to the ramp, and Seth says all of these women want a match against her, and they are all deserving, but Steph isn’t playing favorites anymore. Each of these girls will have the opportunity to get the title shot. The eight woman GAUNTLET MATCH starts….now.

Match 4: Gauntlet Match
Alicia Fox vs Bayley
Bayley works the center and tries for a rollup for 1…NO! Lockup and Bayley works the left arm. She cradles. 1…NO!!! Alicia locks up on the ropes. Alicia kicks out of the corner. She hits an elbow then slams Bayley down and pins for 1…NO! Alicia sends Bayley’s face into the corner hard. Kick to the gut. Another. A third in the corner. Snapmare from Alicia then a cover for 1..2.NO! Cravat from behind. Bayley turns into the hold. Alicia attacks the back, Alicia goes for the Axe Kick, but Bayley locks up from the side and hits a suplex! Pin for 1..2..NO!!!

JUST FOR MEN is our sponsor for this match. No joke there.

Bayley hits the shoulder off the apron then gets kicked and Alicia chokes her up. Alicia attacks Bayley’s ponytail. She removes the headband then tries for the rubberband. Bayley fights back, but Alicia kicks her and stops the momentum. Whip to the corner and Alicia covers for 1…2…NO!!! Bayley is able to send Alicia into the corner hard. Whip from Alicia but Bayley hops over, lands on her knee wrong.

Alicia with a big boot. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! BAYLEY REVERSES. PIN FOR 1…2….3!!!

Dana Brooke vs Bayley

Dana with a springboard elbow and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Another cover for 1..2….NO!!! Right hands then she locks in a sicssor from behind. Dana clips the knee from behind. The ref checks on her but Dana grabs Bayley and sends her into the corner. She kicks a few times. Whip to Bayley, but Bayley drops down hurting her knee.

Dana from behind with a cravat. Bayley escapes. BAYLEY TO BELLY!!!

Mickie James vs Bayley
Mickie with a cover off the commercial break. Bayley kicks out at two, but she is hurting. Mickie chokes her up on the ropes. Mickie hits the ropes, dives, and Bayley moves. Mickie crashes into the ropes. Cover from Bayley for 1..2…NO!!! They trade hands in the center of the ring. Mickie misses a right, Bayley rolls her up for 1..2..NO! Single handed flapjack by Mickie. Kip up, and Mickie goes to the top rope. She dives with a mount and pins for 1..2..NO!!! Bayley reverses for 1..2..NO!!! Reverse. 1…2…NO!!! Mickie is up. Kick to the face. 1….2….NO!!!! Bayley kicks out again! Mickie kicks, calls fo the DDT. But Bayley with a saito suplex!!! Bayley is up! She grabs the leg. Mickie kicks her out of the ring! Mickie hits the ropes. She slides, Bayley catches her! Spins her. Knee to the head! Bayley fixes her ponytail then heads to the top rope. Bayley back in the ring, slips a bit on the ropes, as her knee gives out a bit. Bayley on the 2nd rope. Crossbody!!! Bayley lands on the kne. She’s standing. Bayley runs with a kick to the face in the corner. Bayley hops to the top rope. Elbow drop to Mickie James! Pin for 1..2….ROPE BREAK!!! Bayley hangs Mickie up on in the corner. Kick. Bayley tightens the ponytail. Goes for the Bayley to Belly. Mickie holds the hair. Bayley sends her into the corner. Mickie with an elbow. She hops up with her legs, Bayley dumps her onto the apron.

Mickie clips the leg. Bayley eats the ropes. MickieDDT in the middle of the ring. Pin for 1..2…..3!!!

Mickie James vs Ember Moon

Mickie James immediately hits Ember Moon with a huge dropkick, stopping Ember’s run into the ring. Mickie with a slap in the middle of the ring. Ember fights back with a kick. Whip to the ropes. Ember reverses the arm drag and hits her own. Leg sweep to Mickie. Ember goes for a dropkick, but Mickie side steps and Ember drops. Pin for 1..2NOO!! Ember with a kick. Crossbody off the ropes for 1.2…NO!!!! Mickie rolls to the outside and calls for a time out. Ember hits the ropes. She slides out, Mickie climbs back in. Ember on the apron. Kick from Mickie. She locks the head and goes for a DDT but Ember shoves. Mickie slides under her, and looks for a powerbomb. Ember holds on. She slapms Mickie’s han. Mickie clips her foot, and Ember eats the apron face first.

Back from a break, and Mickie hits a hard right hand. Ember fires back with one of the same. She blocks one, and Misses a hit, Mickie misses a kick, Ember kicks the mid section then an eniguri. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Mickie uses the ropes to get up in the corner. Ember goes for a splash but Mickie moves. Mickie rolls up for 1..2.NO!!! Mickie tries to use the ropes right in front of the ref. Dumb. Anyway, Mickie with a flapjack and a kip up. Ember is laid out. Mickie heads to the top rope. Ember is super far. Mickie points in the air.

Mickie flies, Ember with a sloppy knee to the face as Mickie flies down. Ember up top. Eclipse. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Natalya vs Ember Moon
Ember rolls up Nattie as soon as she enters but Nat kicks out and goes for the Sharshooter. Ember kicks her away. Discus punch is attempted but missed. Ember drops Nattie. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Resthold from Ember, but Nattie gets her on her shouylders. Whip to the corner is reversed. Ember kicks out of the corner .She’s on the 2nd ropes. She locks the head and goes for a suplex off the corner. Hits it. Pinfor 1..2…NO!!! Ember chops Natalya then goes to the top rope. Ember flies, lands on her feet. Natalya with a huge clothesline! Pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Nattie with a stacked pin! 1..2….3!!!
Mickie flies, Ember with a sloppy knee to the face as Mickie flies down. Ember up top. Eclipse. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Natalya vs Ruby Riot

We are back, and Ruby ha a chinlock on Nattie from behind. Leg scissors from Ruby, Nattie turns into the hold and attacks the gut. Ruby locks the head and keeps the leg scissors on. Nattie stands up and is able to body slam Ruby down hard. Double clothesline in the middle of the ring! Ruby with a running kick to Nattie! She slams Nattie’s face into the mat. She sends Nattie into the corner. Natalya turns. Ruby kicks her in the corner. Another kick. Nattie rolls her up out of nowhere for 1..2.no11 Clothesline from Ruby. 1..2…..NO!!! Ruby with a cravat from the side. Nattie drags her out of the hold. Ruby gets a hard hit to the face and covers for 1..2..NO!!! Ruby slaps Nattie. Natalya slaps her back hard. Rollup from Ruby for 1..2.no!! Ruby with a kick. Natlya is up, she lifts Ruby. Ruby gets stacked for 1..2..NO!!! Nattie to the mat. Nattie with a clothesline. Again. A kick to the gut. She grabs the head, attacks the back. Suplex to Nattie. Another! She slaps Ruby hard. Whip to the corner, Nattie goes for the spinning clothesline again, but Ruby with a surprise STO! Ruby drags Nattie to the corner. Ruby goes for the back senton but Nattie moves. Nattie with a rollup! 1…….2…3!!!!

Mickie flies, Ember with a sloppy knee to the face as Mickie flies down. Ember up top. Eclipse. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Natalya vs Ruby Riot

Sasha runs down the ramp, hops on the apron, and Nattie knocks her right off. Sasha enters the ring and pins for 1..2..NO!! Nattie runs her into the corner. She hits a few shoulders in the corner. A third is missed as Sasha hops onto the apron and hits a right hand. She’s on the top rope, flies off, lands on her feet, Nattie rolls her up for 1..2..NO!!!! Sasha runs, climbs up Nattie, DDT!!! Pin for 1…2…..NO!!!!

Back from a break, and Sasha kicks natalya away. She rolls Nattie up and gets 1..2..NO!!! Backslide by Banks for 1..2..NO!!! Kick to the chest, but Nattie with the spinning clothesline! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Nattie looks for the sharpshooter, pulls Sasha into the center of the ring, then locks it in!!!! Sasha drags herself to the ropes. She nearly gets it, but Nattie pulls her back to the middle of the ring. Banks is stressed. She crawls again. Sasha pushes forward, rolling Nattie right into the turnbuckle!!! Sasha tricks Nattie into a half crab!!! We’re in the middle of the ring. Nattie migh tap! Sasha works in the hold. Nattie gets near the ropes, but Sasha gets the Bank Statee—noo!! Crucifix pin!!! 1….2…NO!!! BANK STATEMENT!!!!! Nattie ain’t tapping! Sasha won’t let go! Nattie gets closer. Closer! They roll through, and Nattie gets Sasaha on her shoulders. Sasha drops off. Nattie catches her. GERMAN SUPLEX!!! SASHA IS DED!!! Nattie rushes the corner. Sasha gets the leg up and kicks Nattie in the shoulder .Elbow to Nattie. Knees off the top rope onto Nattie!!! 1…2……NO!!!! Sasha goes for the backstabber but Nattie holds the ropes. Banks goes for Bank Statement but Nattie esscapes. Banks goes for the rollup DDT but Nattie counters this time and drops her on her head.
Sharpshooter!!! Nattie locks it in. Middle of the ring. Sasha taps!!!

Winner: Natalya
Nattie may have just won me the fuck over….
Match Quality: ****
Personal Enjoyment: *****
Total Rating: ****

Ronda Rousey comes down to the ring as Nattie celebrates. Nattie hops off the corner and Ronda holds her hand in the air. They stare each other down. Nattie stares at the title. Ronda extends her hand out to shake. Nattie shakes it. They hug. Nattie celebrates. Ronda stands aside.

End Show.