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411’s WWE RAW Report 5.11.20

May 11, 2020 | Posted by Tony Acero
Asuka Becky Lynch Raw


It is I, your Monday Night Messiah, and if this were normal times, I’d be prepping my bar for endless amounts of margaritas and booty short wearing shot girls. Ah, I miss regular America….


So, after we get a little recap of MitB, we get Becky Lynch in the middle of the ring, and she seems really emotional. The briefcase is in the middle of the ring, and she wants to chat with us about making a deal with the higher ups in regards to the winner of the Money in the Bank. She takes us bac kto 2013 first when she first came to America and says that we, as the fans, who had her back. She grabbed onto us when she didn’t have anyone else, and this is why that we deserve to hear from her first – she has to go away for a while.

The tears seem legit, but before she can explain herself, the winner of Money in the Bank is here.

Asuka is screaming her ass off, saying the briefcase is hers.

Becky tells her that Asuka has beaten her when no one else could, and this is why that shes happy this is happening to Asuka. Last night wasn’t what she thought it was. It wasn’t for a shot at the title, it was for so much more.

Becky unlocks the briefcase, and in it is the RAW Women’s Championship.

Becky can’t fight anymore, but Asuka can. She is the champion.

Asuka is elated, and shows off her title to the camera and all of the non-fans. She takes her belt to the back as Becky cries in the middle of the ring, in a very very odd moment.

Asuka dances on the announce table and shakes her ass then skirts her way down the ramp and back into the ring. Becky is still crying her eyes out.

Becky is happier than her, tells Asuka to be a warrior, because Becky is going to go…be a mother.

Asuka congratulates Becky as Becky cries. Asuka starts a Becky chant.

We return to commentary recapping what just went down. Then they show it again.

Becky is backstage, in comes Rey to cut off Charley like an asshole. Nattie is here to congratulate her, too. In come Street Profits to share their love.Truth and Ricochet come in, too, and we got all the jobbers necessary to congratulate her.

Lashley isn’t interested in this, so he comes to the ring for his most recent squash match. Apparently this is a NO DQ.


Match 1: Bobby Lashley vs Humberto Carrillo

Lockup to start and Lashley with a go behind then a a takedown. Trip up of Humberto followed by a slap to the face. Lashley sends him into the corner. Right elbow to the face. Lashley flips Humberto, who lands on his feet, then slaps Lashley. Lashley is pissed. Spinebuster to Humberto. Lashley goes for a spear, Humberto side steps, and Lashley flies to the outside. Humberto tries for a suicide dive, but Lashley clocks him a good one. Lashley goes to grab a chair and turns…right into a dropkick from Humberto!

We come back and Humberto hits a kick off the apron, rolls through the ropes, springboards and kicks Lashley out of the ring. Carrillo slides under the bottom rope, misses, but Lashley goes for a big boot. Humberto side steps, Lashley crotches himself. Humberto kicks. He flies towards Lashley, but Lashley catches him, then firemans Humberto and sends him into the post hard! Lashley presses Humberto’s face into the post. Lashley grabs a chair. He goes to smack Humberto one, but Humberto ducks, grabs the chair. Shot to the gut. Another to the back. Another. He sends Lsahley into the ring,

Humberto flies, Lashley catches him by the arm! FULL NELSON! Humberto taps.

Winner: Bobby Lashley
K…
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *1/2
Total Rating: *1/2

The Street Profits are in a locker room with a basketball, because – reasons. Apparently, they are going two on two with The Viking Raiders in a game of…Basketball.

Backstage, Ivar is poking a basketball. Erik wonders why, and it was he who said “Anything they can do, we an do better.” Ivar wonders if singing karaoke would help their chances. No, all they have to do is be physical.

Backstage, Charley is lookin all hot. She contgratulates Becky and Asuka. In comes Asuka, who thanks her, and here is Kairi Sane, who is seemingly confused. I guess she wasn’t watching. They dance and celebrate. Kairi gets on her knees, for anyone that may benefit from that image.

Backstage, we somehow get to the convenient moment in time where they are all arguing, thus, showing dissention.


Match 2: Akira Tozawa vs Angel Garza (w/ Zelina, Andrade, and Austin Theory ringside)

We come to the match happening already. Angel removes his pants in record time, and smashes Akira’s head into the 2nd buckle. Akira bounces off the ropes for a. ead scissors. He gets lifts, and Angel kicks him in the gut, then covers for 1…NO! Garza sends him to the top rope, seated, and attacks the back. He pulls Akira back, and were get a hanging Akira. Running kick to the chest by Garza. Cover for 1.2…NO!!! Garza pulls the arm back and works the neck.

Wing Clipper from Garza, who stares Austin down and pins for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Angel Garza

Match Quality:
Personal Enjoyment:
Total Rating:

You hear Theory saying, “It was just a tweet,” as he yells at Garza. Zelina in the ring to hold them back, but Drew McIntyre is here! He tells everyone to calm donw and heads to the ring.

Drew tells them to “Bring it, bitches” and Drew Claymores Theory. Garza is next. He gets one to the face. Drew gets in the face of Andrade, telling him to be a man, and it looks like we are getting a match.


Match 3: Andrade vs Drew McIntyre

Lockup to start, and Drew backs Andrade into the corner. He gets held back by the ref. Another lockup. Andrade from behind, but Drew breaks out of it. They end up on the outside. Andrade rols under the ring. Drew, like a fool, tries to follow him, but Andrade grabs his arm and pulls it into darkness, causing Drew to hit the apron shoulder first. Andrade rolls out from under, sends Drew into the barricade, then goes on the attack of the arm. He swings it into the barricade and rolls back int othe ring at 7. He then baseball slides into the left arm of Drew. Andrade locks the arm around the bottom rope. Andrade with a cover for 1…Drew says no and shakes it off. Drew wit a over the head belly to belly. He misses a right, but big boots Andrade down like nothing. Drew to the top rope. He flies off with a clothesline. Andrade blocks a Future Shock DDT, but gets hit with a powerbomb and a cover for 1..2…NO!!! Drew looks for a Claymore, but Andrade sees and rolls out of the ring. Drew tries to grab him, Andrade pulls the arm down onto the rope. He rolls in, sends Drew into the post, left arm first! Double knees to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Andrade sets up to finish, Drew escapes. Chop from Andrade. Chop from Drew. Back elbow from Andrade. Glasgow Kiss from Drew. He gets Andrade in the corner, looking for the Alabama Slam, but Andrade kicks out of it.

Andrade hops on the shoulders of Drew, looks to head scissors, but Drew hits the Alabama Slam! Claymore! Pin for 1..2…3!!

Winner: Drew McIntyre
This was short, but really fucking good. Amazing chemistry, and Andrade looked intelligent yet cocky.
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *****
Total Rating: ****1/4

Drew on the mic. He didn’t come out to have a match, but there’s a reason he comes to work ready to go, plus he’s always down for some Claymores. He has some stuff to talk about, though. Last night, his match with Seth, it was a hell of a fight, and he brought it – but Drew is still the champion. The second piece of news – the most exciting, personally, is The Brand to Brand Invitation. Great…here we go with this shit.

So, apparently, Drew was chosen as an opponent. He says everyone hates this guy, and he is a terrible, terrible human being. Next week, live on RAW, it will be Drew McIntyre vs King Corbin.

Backstage, MVP is here to tell Lashley that his Full Nelson is impressive, and he needs to stay focused. He says no disrespect to the kid, but what is Lashley doing fighting Humberto Carrillo when we got foos from Smackdown fighting Drew. The last time he had a chance for the title was 2007, and now 13 years later, MVP is back and Lashley is in the same damn location. When is Lashley gonna let Lashley out. It’s rhetorical, don’t answer, but just think about it.

THAT MOMENT MATTERED!!!!

MVP runs into Lana, calls her a cage locking Lashley in.

Lana yells.

THAT DID NOT MATTER!!!

Alexa is here, because the brand split doesn’t matter.

Alexa and Nikki congratulate Becky. The Man becomes The Mom. Her timing is perfect, and happy belated Mother’s Day to all the moms, including Becky.

They are interrupted by…THE IICONICS!!!

We’ve to be joking them!

It appears they were forgotten, but Alexa welcomes them back, and offers them a seat as Nikki mocks their pose. Oh, convenient, there are two seats in the ring for the tag team.

Alexa asks how crazy it is that the baby stole their thunder. They wonder what’s so special about a baby. They’ve been babies, and Nikki acts like one.

Alexa says they are still big news…kinda. Peyton tells them not to disrespect them, and they need to focus on the tag team titles – because thy are going to defend them tonight.

Alexa says no.

Peyton and Billie says that they don’t need a title shot to prove that they are ready to win. The future has arrived. Nikki offers a fight. Looks like it’s going down.


Match 4: Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross vs The Iiconics

We come back to the Aussies putting in work. Peyton gets the cover on Bliss for 1..2.NO! Peyton sends Alexa into the ropes, but Alexa hits her with a dropkick. Tag to Nikki who misses a tag and gets kicked in the face. Kay with a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Peyton kicks the gut then the back. Rollup and Nikki gets a 2. Kick rom Royce, who covers for 1..2..NO!!! Peyton stomps the hand twice. She grabs Nikki and clubs the back. Tag to Billie who covers for 1..2…NO!! Blow to the back of Nikki. Another. Billie locks the chin and arm. Nikki elbows out. Knee from Billie. She tags in Peyton and sends Nikki into the corner, which sends Peyton off the apron. Billie holds the ropes as Nikki holds onto her from behind. Royce trips her up. Kick from Billie, running kick from Peyton. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Peyton slams her down head first. Jawbreaker from Nikki, and they do the double hair toss. Nikki tags in Alexa. In comes Kay. Bliss with a clothesline. Another. A slap to the face, and another. Knees to the gut, back moonsault with the knees, and a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Peyton stops the pin. Nikki in to hit her with an elbow. She rushes and tumbles to the outside as Peyton holds the ropes.

Billie checks the throat of Alexa then tags in Peyton, and they hit the weakest double team move ever. Peyton covers for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: The Iiconics
Didn’t see that coming…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Rey Mysterio is here. Charley wonders how he feels. He feels great. He kept hyping himself up last night, though, saying the risk is worth the reward, and he’s gotta admit that his life flashed before his eyes. A miracle happened, though: two seconds afterwards, he landed on a second roof six feet down, and by the time he realized he had to reach up to grab the case, his partner tonight landed right next to him. He tried his best but couldn’t get the job done.

Insert aggravation of the Mysterio variety.

In comes Seth. Rey congratulates him, and says being a father truly changes your life. He’s happy for Seth and Becky.

He extends a hand. Seth looks down on him and walks away, hair frazzled and daze confused.


Match 5: R-Truth, Ricochet, and Cedric Alexander vs MVP, Shane Thorne, and Brendan Vink

Truth starts with a dance, then clips the leg, and Truth goes full Pretty Ricky on the apron. Ricochet covers for 1..2..NO!!!! Front faced lock and a tag from Cedric makes him the legal man. He with the go behind, but Vink gets a tag. He comes in to kick Cedric in the corner then snapmare him down hard. Chin lock from behind. Cedric reaches for a tag to Truth, who is still cross eyed. Tag to MVP. In comes truth. Split to dodge a clothesline, high kick from Truth. Pin but Thorne breaks it. In comes Ricochet for a neckbreaker. Cedric hops off the apron and Vink catches him, but here’s Riccohet to hit a sick moonsault off the top. In the ring, Pretty Ricky is here. MVP hits. Right.

Winner:

Match Quality:
Personal Enjoyment:
Total Rating:

After the match, Lashley runs down the ramp and hits a spear to Truth.

MVP wants to have a word with him. Full Nelson to Truth. Kick from MVP. He hits the ropes. Huge Kick to the face of Truth.

Backstage, Jinder is happy to be back and proud of Drew and his prosperity. He deserves to be loved.

Backstage, Charley wants to know how Shayna feels about Becky. She calls her stupid. She says 10 out of 10 mothers will claim pregnancy didn’t ruin their careers. She says that her baby is a parasite, and the kids going to suck. Know who the father is? “I rest my case.”

Hahahaha.

Backstage, AJ is staring at. A screen that says, “Undertaker The Last Ride.” I guess it was supposedly showing a trailer of the WWE special, but it really didn’t come off that way.

Backstage, we getta clip of Becky Lynch hugging Mr. McMahon.

Seth comes out looking incredibly disheveled. The bell rings, and Murphy starts with Black.


Match 6: Rey Mysterio and Aleister Black vs Seth Rollins and Buddy Murphy

Black with a go behind as Seth stares forward into space. Murphy reaches for a tag, Seth won’t budge. Pumphandle into an octopus onto Murphy. Roll up and Black with an arm drag. Tag to Rey who comes in and locks the head, but murphy sends him up and over. Rey lands on his feet. Enziguri, and Black kicks him in the chest. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Murphy works the arm, sends Black into the ropes, Black hops back, Murphy yells at Seth, he turns, and Black sends him to the outside. Black hits the ropes, springboards, criss cross apple sauce. Finally, they tangle on the apron. Black turns to Seth an they lock yes, but Seth doesn’t make a move. Murphy kicks Black into the post. Rollins continues to stand stunned.

We come back, and Murphy eats a boot to the face. Tag to Rey and he hits a seated senton. He ducks a right, springboard crossbody. Kick to the leg. Another. Whip to the ropes is thwarted. Murhpy rolls through, and Rey kicks him in the face. Muprhy goes for Murphy’s Law, but Rey reverses into a bulldog. Rey with a shot to Rollins. He lands on his feet outside.

Rey goes for a 619, but Seth catches him and swings him out of the ring, then into the barricade. The ref calls for the bell. Stupid.

Winners; Rey Mysterio and Aleister Black via DQ
Murphy is solid. The DQ was annoying and dumb. Seth’s reaction to being a father is odd. That is all.
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/2

Seth pokes the eye. He punches Rey right in the eye.Murphy sends Black into th barricade. Seth sends him over the barricade. Seth yells at Murphy to stay back. He turns to Rey. Seth grabs Rey’s face and yells that it’s not his fault. He sends Rey’s eye socket into the corner of the steps and presses on his head, continually yelling that it’s not Rey’s fault.

We go backstage where a maskless Rey is being checked on by the docs. In come Seth and Murphy, seemingly worried. He tells Black he doesn’t know what happened out there. Black attacks immediately, beating down Murphy and they tussle a bit till refs and agents come in tto break it up Seth is nowhere to be found.

Earlier today, The Street Profits and The Viking Raiders played basketball.

via GIPHY

The following mockery of Vikings, basketball, cheesy music, and scoreboards is unentertaining and unfunny, so close your eyes and picture anything. It will be much better.

Backstage, Nattie defends motherhood against Shayna. She’s going to teach Shayna some manners. Shayna says the Hart Dynasty dies with Nattie.


Match 7: Natalya vs Shayna Baszler

Lockup and side headlock takedown. Leg scissors and a kip up, and Nattie calls Shayna a fake wrestler. Nattie esapes a hold, Shayna side steps, shoulder tackle from Nattie. Shayna hits the ropes. Side headlock takedown again by Shayna. Nattie escapes. Shayne works the arm, Nattie slaps Shayna, calls her a bitch a few times, flips out of the hold, but Shayna trips her up. Right hand. Nattie locks the head. Shayna backs her into the corner. Shayna trips nattie up. Nattie seems shocked. Shayna trips her a few times again, then hits a suplex. Suplex again, and this time she covers. 1..NO! Nattie kicks out immediately. Shanya grabs her from behind, Nattie drops down and rolls her up for 1..2.NO!!! Natie drops down, rolls the leg, looks for a Sharpshooter, but

Shayna grabs the arm, stalls like crazy, looks to stomp, but Nattie moes and rolls her up. No. Big knee to Nattie’s face for 1..2…3!

Winner:
Nattie is so not consistent. How is she shocked that Shayna would trip her? How does she start angry and out for vengeance, then applaud as if she is giving showmanship? How many times will she say “bitch” as if it lowers the HP of Shayna? Ugh…I’m annoyed. Such solid wreslting masked and marred by Nattie’s horrible character work.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: ½*

And Nattie decides to throw a massive tantrum after the match.

Backstage, King Corbin is here. He says last night, he proved he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get the dub. He saw RED, and thoughts that what it was going to take to become King MitB.

Charley brings up him tossing people off the roof.

Corbin says there was a secondary roof six feet below.

Charley brings up next week. Does he have what takes?

Of course he does, which is why he is here. Drew knows. Brock didn’t make Drew, King Corbin made him. He rode Corbin’s coattails for over a year. Next week, he’ll prove why they call him the king.

Next week, The Iiconics get a title shot.

Charley is in the middle of the ring, and good lord does she look great.

She introduces Edge, who is here in jeans and a t-shirt that reads GRIT.

Edge says it’s been six weeks, then brings up Mania as his first in 9 years. This is a miraculous comeback, says some people, but he’s lived in a world where there are no what-ifs. He said the night after the Rumble that he came back here to retire on his terms. So what’s next? He knows that Mania is not the end for Edge. If you watched RAW last week, you saw the promo video that he was coming to hunt the viper, but clearly they didn’t talk to him about that. At Mania, he got his pound of flesh – he got his closure. Orton gave him the fight of his life, but he and his fam are ready to move on. He looks In the locker room and –

Orton is here! Charley gets to introduce him. Cute.

Orton came out here to say one thing: “Congratulations.”

He says at Mania, the better man won. Edge looks on in stupor. Orton then leaves the ring. He stops at the bottom of the ramp, hesitant to walk up, stops midway, turns, and chuckles, then heads back to the ring. He slides in, laughs, and says he tried to be the bigger man, bite his tongue, but he can’t. He tried to come out with the idea that they’d be friends again, but he can’t lie to himself or to Edge. The better man did win at Mania, but the better wrestler didn’t.

At the Royal Rumble, Edge made his miraculous return. A little convenient, wasn’t it? He entered with the ability to hid behind 29 other guys. Then at Mania, he had a Last Man Standing Match, where there is one rule only; and maybe Orton didn’t get up by ten but it didn’t take Orton nine years to get back on his feet.

Nine years, Orton repeats. That’s almost a decade. In Orton’s opinion, they didn’t have traditional wrestling matches, so it’s been since 2011 that they’ve actually wrestled, and Orton doesn’t think he has it in him anymore.

Edge looks on, and Orton knows said look. There’s doubt in Edge’s eyes but he has grit, doesn’t he? That’s what brought him back. All this grit doesn’t come close to his natural ability, though. The passion won’t knock off the ring rust. No chance in hell that his grit and passion will help him now. Edge once went on record to say Orton is one of the best, and a future Hall of Famer, and he even said now that he was back on RAW, he’d make Orton a better performer, so Orton thinks this story writes itself.

Orton challenges Edge in a straight up wrestling match at Backlash.

Charley asks for a response.

Edge doesn’t reply, but Charley is sure to say that if this does happen, it may just be the greatest wrestling match ever.

Lol.

End Show

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WWE Raw, Tony Acero