wrestling / TV Reports

411’s WWE RAW Report 6.3.19

June 3, 2019 | Posted by Tony Acero
Brock Lesnar Raw 6-3-19

Hello you beautiful people!!!

Last week’s show sucked more ass than Riley Reid doing a video for DogFart.com! I’m truly hoping for something better! I also wrote something I’d love for you guys to read, even though it’s not here at the beautiful and lovely 411mania.com. I’ll link y’all in a bit, but it’s a rare appearance of my writing in something other than The Raw Report, so I’m excited to share it with you all!


We start RAW off with Smackdown’s biggest star; Roman Reigns.

He’s big, and he’s a dog.

Roman Reigns takes a full five minutes to get to the ring before Shane McMahon’s music hits. Cole claims he didn’t waste any time, but I kinda feel like we did…

Shane says, at the top of the ramp with a smug look and an ugly brown leather jacket, that he cannot wait to shut Reigns up. Shane is the best in the world. Shane says he will pin or maybe slap on the triangle choke and make him tap out for the first time ever. Shane says this wouldn’t satisfy him, though, because when the ref tells Shane to break the hold, he’s not going to. He doesn’t have to. He’s going to tighten up the triangle till Reigns eyes come bulging out of his head, and the last thing you’ll hear is Shane being announced the winner.

Reigns tells Shane to shut up. Reigns says he’s going to pick Shane’s spoiled ass up and send him through the mat. When Shane is in the ring with Reigns, he has two left feet, and the only reason Shane is still here is because he relies on people for help, like Drew. After Reigns is done with Shane, he’s going to face Drew at Stomping Grounds.

Out comes Drew, and he does not like Texas’ attitude. Everything Shane said is 100% correct. Shane will beat him, then Drew will hurt, decimate, and end Reigns. Drew says that they don’t need his partners, because they are going to take Reigns out right now.

Reigns gets attacked from behind by The Revival until The Usos come down to kick them out of the ring and help their Uso.

The bell rings, and we get our match.


I wrote this! Hope y’all love it!

JON MOXLEY AND THE PARADIGM SHIFT



Match 1: Roman Reigns and The Usos vs Drew McIntyre and The Revival

A superkick directly to Dash sends him reeling to the outside. The Usos look to dive, but we go to commercial instead.

When we return, Wilder enters the ring to prevent a tag. It’s short lived, though, because Jey gets a tag to Jimmy, who comes in and hits an uppercut, goes for a Samoan Drop, Dash lands on his feet and catches a kick, but Jimmy spins and we get an Enziguri. He calls for a butt splash, but Dawson interferes along with Drew, distracting. Dash gets a stomp, and another, tag to Drew. He stomps away at Jimmy then chops him hard in the corner. Drew stomps the hand of Jimmy. Jimmy with a whip, reversed, Drew splashes in the corner and follows it up with a belly to belly. Drew covers for 1..2..NO!!! Reigns and Jey interrupt. The ref holds them back so Dawson cheap shots jimmy in the ring. Drew lifts him up and tags in Dawson. Dawson with a stomp to the face.

Dawson lifts Jimmy up, Jimmy blocks and gets a right. Chop to Dawson. Another chop. He goes for a tag, but Dawson with a clothesline and a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Dawson goes for a submission. Jimmy fights out of the corner, hits a back suplex to Dawson. Jimmy reaches for Jey or Reigns. He is stopped by Dawson, who lifts him up and pushes towards the heel corner. Spinebuster from Scott. Pin for 1….2….NO!!!

We are back, and Reigns is hyped after knocking Drew on his ass. He calls for the Superman Punch, turns and shoots, but Drew side steps and hits a headbut. We get a blind tag. Kick from one of the Usos, Superman Punch!!! Kick to Dawson, Dash knocks one of The Usos down. Jey is on the top rope in the corner. Shane shoves him off. Reigns goes to punk him, but Drew hits a Claymore on the outside! He enters the ring. SHATTER MACHINE ON THE OUTSIDE TO JIMMY!!! Drew with a Claymore kick to Jey in the ring. Cover for 1…2…3!!!

Winners: Drew McIntyre and The Revival
Kinda like that The Revival are getting a bit of a rub, but other than that, meh.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: **1/2
Total Rating: **1/4

After the match, Shane and his cronies attack. Shatter Machine to Reigns. Drew with a Claymore to the FACE. The Revival and Drew hold Reigns up. Shane hits the corner, mocking Reigns, and hits a huge Spear on Reigns. He then mocks Reigns some more.

Apparently, The Undertaker is here. He should start making his entrance now.

I was only half listening, but I think I just heard Cole say there was going to be a 50-man Battle Royal soon? Probably the Saudi event.

Miz is here to toot his horn just a bit before tooting Brock’s horn. Miz introduces the Universal Champion, and Sethy boy comes out.

Miz welcomes Seth to Austin, and Seth wants to get weird. Miz brings up the title match against Corbin at Super Showdown, but that can all change because Heyman promised that Brock will cash-in tonight. What’s Seth think about that?

Seth questions the validity of Brock even showing up tonight. Miz is also assuming Heyman told the truth, and that never happens. Seth says he is prepared, but he will believe it when he sees it. Miz wonders what’s on his mind, then. He brings up the MitB contract and the power it holds. It’s in the hands of Brock, and that’s scary. Seth says if Brock cashes in, he’ll be relieved. He says that no one likes Corbin, but he did win the match last week, and if Seth is the fighting champion he promised to be, then he’s gotta focus on Corbin and focus on stomping his head into the mat.

We get the big screen showing an arrival of a Suburban. Heyman is in the front seat. Brock is in the back. He slams the briefcase into Heyman after Heymn says, “Let’s cash it in.”

Rollins stands up, readying himself for the fight.

Heyman and Brock stop before the entrance, look to maybe step forward, then Brock changes his mind and makes a left, making Seth wait in the ring looking like a sad Jesus.

Lucha house Party come out for a tag match, but Lars Sullivan comes out to beat them up. He does for a little till they do something cool and he leaves the ring. If it sounds like I don’t care, it’s because I don’t care.

Backstage, The Iiconics are berating Nikki. Alexa wonders why they aren’t somewhere eating an awesome blossom. Peyton says she has a match with Nikki later, and it will be Iiconic.

Alexa says she is gonna get a coffee for Nikki. Nikki is surprised. Alexa pouts, saying no one can stand her. Nikki doesn’t care and says they are friends. Alexa says she will be in her corner tonight, then makes another Aussie joke. Is that considered racist?

Becky Lynch is here after a still of an upcoming arm wrestling match. Lol. K. Braun v Lashley.

Becky goes over the last couple of months, including her Mania moment, and the crowd chants that she deserves it. She says that all of her dreams came true, and she has never been more content in her entire life. But that’s when it hit her; contentment is the worst thing that can happen to a fighter like her. They get hurt, passed over, or beaten. This will not happen to her. When Lacey Evans fucked her over, it woke something in Becky that needed waking. Because when she is pissed off, and believe you, she is pissed off, there is not a women in this business that can keep her down. She will break her back trying to get to Lacey, and break her hands fighting, and she will fight until she cannot anymore.

Lacey isn’t interested in Becky’s passion, so she cuts her off with her music and fancy attire. She says Becky is like a dog chasing a car, and just like a dog, she wouldn’t know what to do if she caught said car. She did the Universe a favor. Becky shouldn’t represent the women of the WWE.

Well Becky does declare, maybe Lacey needs to get into the ring. Lacey says she isn’t Charlotte. Becky is not in her head, and she is not to be messed with. Lacey lost at MitB, but Becky walked out NOT a winner. When she gets her hands on Becky, she will be Becky No Belts. She will be the next Champion.

Out comes Charlotte Flair, because, you know – Wild Card shit.

She wants Becky to stop making excuses. Becky lost, and Charlotte became the 9 time Women’s Champion.

Becky says yes, she did, but where is the title?

Charlotte says she may not be champ now, but…

Lacey tells her to stop embarrassing herself, strutting out here like a peacock because she is a daddy’s girl that needs attention.

Charlotte asks if one of them can hold the ropes for her.

K.

Charlotte is here to tell them that she is more than halfway to beating her daddy’s 16 time record. Lacey has been here maybe 4 minutes, and all she’s done is make tea. Last week, Charlotte didn’t even have to take off her street clothes to leave her laying.

Lacey says Charlotte is yesterday’s news, and Lacey is the face of the WWE. She tells Charlotte to run along unless she wants to be educated with a Woman’s RIGHT.

Lacey just sorta…falls into Charlotte. I think it was supposed to be a punch. Charlotte stands up. Oh look at this, a totally unplanned match. How will I be able to tell the difference between the two??


Match 2: Charlotte vs Lacey Evans

Charlotte with a huge right. She wrestles Lacey down but Lacey gets a rope break. Charltte locks the head again. Lacey backs her into the ropes and shoves her a few times. Becky is ringside, smiling, as the crowd chants for her. Charlotte with some kicks to the gut then she sends Lacey to the outside. Back in the ring, and Charlotte shoots the legs. Lacey tries to drive some elbows, but Charlotte drops her. Lacey gets the ropes again as Charlotte has a front face hold. Charlotte holds till 4 then backs up. Lacey goes for the legs, but Charlotte stops her and locks the head then drops down. Lacey is able to esape and land atop Charlotte. Crossface. They stand, and Charlotte hits some knees. She sends Lacey into the corner and Lacey rolls to the outside.

Back, and Charlotte has a front face lock again. She turns Lacey with a go behind. Elbow from lacey then a firemans carry and a cover for 1…2…NO! Lacey sends Charlotte into the corner, but Charlotte blocks and does the same. Stomps to the gut in the corner. Boot to the face. Charlotte with achop. Again. Another chop to Lacey. Charlotte struts like her daddy. Lacey then sends her face first into the corner Stomps to Lacey. Lacey escapes the corner and gets a side headlock to Charlotte. Charlotte rolls her up and gets 1..2…NO!! Charlotte with a kick to the gut. Lacey goes for a springboard elbow, but Charlotte moves and Lacey eats it. Charlotte dorps Lacey in the corner and goes for the Figure Four, but Lacyy kicks her away into the corner. Swinging neckbreaker to Charlotte, but Charlotte kicks her away. They rush the middle of the ting and hit a sloppy double crossbody.

Charlotte gets near the ropes, and Becky is seemingly tired of it all. She pulls the leg out from under Charlotte, and this is enough for the DQ.

Winner: Lacey Evans via DQ
I get what they were trying to do, but it came off as desperate and forced instead of natural and with heat.
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/4

We return to RAW with Rey. Recap of what’s been going on with Joe and Rey and Dom.

Rey says wrestling is in his blood. It’s been in his family’s blood as well. It’s something he now gets to share with his son, because he’s training to do what Rey does, and he has complete trust that he will carve a path of his own. Tonight, though, more than anything, he’s gotta make sure to set the right example and do the right thing. As a man, and as a champion. Due to his previous shoulder injury, Rey is here tonight to….

TO WHAT, REY!!?!?!? TO WHAT!!?!??!

We may never know, because Samoa Joe is here with a shirt that has his name just in case you’ve forgetten. Joe says to forgive him, he realizes what this means, but Joe was in the back and heard the word champion and he thought it was his cue. He tells Rey not to let him interrupt, this is an important moment, but he does have an addendum; let’s not ruin this pure and honorable moment by lying to the people, because Rey isn’t relinquishing the title because he’s injured, he’s doing it because Rey never pinned ihm. Shoulders never touched the mat, Rey.

Rey tells Joe not to get it twisted; this isn’t a moment, and he’s not trying to fool anyone. Rey goes bilingual on dat ass. This is not the moment he wanted it to be. He’s won championship his entire career. Through pain and injuries, and if he was man enough to do that, he’s man enough to do what he came here to do tonight.

Due to his current shoulder injury at Money in the Bank, Rey is here to relinquish his United States Championship….to Samoa Joe.

Rey unbuckles the belt and lays it down on the mat.

Rey tells Joe he’ll be back, just off the mic. He is about to leave the ring, but Joe grabs his ass and locks in The Clutch. Rey has a cute little bird face.

That was fun…

Looks like the arm wrestling match is next, so excuse me while I go eat ass for a little bit…

Cesaro cuts a selfie promo on Ricochet for their match tonight. Ricochet has a selfie promo, too.

In the ring, Braun is readying for the match of his life.


Match 3: Arm Wrestling Match
Bobby Lashley vs Braun Strowman

Just as the guys are going to link hands, Lashley messes with Braun, causing him to push the table aside pissed off.

The ref calls for a second lock up. And after a moment, Lashley slips out of the grip, claiming it was slippery. Lucky for us, they have buckets of chalk ringside. Each man chalks it up, then gets back to the table.

They lock hands again, The ref lets go, and we get Lashley nearing a win, but Braun gets the upperhand. Hahah, UPPERHAND! Great. Anyways, Braun gets the win, and we all lose.

Winner: Bobby Lashley

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Braun gets a cheap shot to Lashley and gloats towards the crowd. Lashley tosses chalk in his face!!! He shoves Lashley into the corner then goes for a running powerslam. He hits it like nothing, and that’s pretty impressive.

Recap of Jinder winning, then losing, the WWE 24/7 Title.

Backstage, Carmella is looking for R-Truth in the trash.

Following her is Drake and EC3 with his red cup.

Alexa Bliss is here to bless my television. She’s wearing white pants, and you know what they say, amirite??


Match 4: Nikki Cross vs Peyton Royce

Spinning heel kick to start from Peyton, who follows it up with a beatdown in the corner. Peyton stomps in the corner then hits a right hand. She lifts Nikki then whips her into the corner. Nikki with a surprise roll up for 1..2..NO!!! peyton with a clothesline and a pin for 1..2..NO!! Peyton grabs Nikki out of the corner and swings her onto the apron, then hit the softest knee known to man. She climbs up on Nikki and pulls back with a submission on the ropes for a 4 count. Peyton with a right. She lifts Nikki up then whips her into the corner. Nikki dodges a splash and hops up on the back of Peyton with a sleeper. Peyton swings her off over her head then locks up behind. Peyton sends Nikki down on the mat head first hard. Cover for 1..2.NO! Peyton kicks the back of Nikki then kicks her on the side.

Alexa in white pants is disgustingly amazing.

Nikki gets all hyped and sends Peyton into the corner. Splash and a bulldog. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Nikki heads to the corner. She’s on the top rope. She dives with a crossbody, but Peyton ducks!!! Nikki eats mat. Alexa turns towards the ramp, and a barista is here to bring her coffee! Peyton, apparently, finds this offensive. Alexa splashes some in her face. Peyton kicks the mug of coffee out of her hand. Alexa sweeps the legs, but Peyton moves. Billie is here to shove Alexa and her WHITE PANTS into the coffee.

In the ring, Nikki lifts Peyton onto the top rope horizontally. Neckbreaker and a pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Nikki Cross

Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Alexa is pissed. She heads into the room and hits a sick ass dropkick to Billie!!! DDT from Alexa!!! Nikki si there to hold her back! She then holds the hand of Alexa in the air, happy that she won.

Seth is in the ring after the break, and he says he knew he would have a target on his back and other stuff.

Brock’s music hits, and Seth readies himself immediately. After a time, he realizes this is Brock messing with him, and smirks. Seth says he’s sick of this, and everyone else is too. He will speak directly to Brock. He used to be one of the most feared men on planet earth. Used to be! And now, he’s just a shell of that, and if there is any shred of The Beast left, he dares him to come out here and cash in here and now.

Instead, we get Corbin.

He says Seth is all fired up for the wrong person. He needs to worry about Corbin. Seth is standing in the ring living his childhood dream, but Corbin is the dream crusher. K bud.

Seth says Corbin doesn’t stand a chance. He’ll have to pry the title from his cold, dead hands. Corbin is ok with that because he retired Kurt Angle, and he has no problem retiring Seth’s ass, too. He goes for the Fingerpoke of Doom, but Seth no sells it! How could he!? That move is so sick!

Mic shot to the head from Rollins. They o at it for a bit. Corbin misses a clothesline. Kick to the sie of the face. Corbin rolls to the outside. Suicide Dive to Corbin.

Brock’s music hits. Seth gets ready. END OF DAYS to Seth from Corbin.

Brock’s music hits for the third time, and here comes Brock with a ref.

Low Blow to Seth! Brock has a chair. He smacks the shit out of Seth’s back with it. Another. Another. Brock lifts Seth. GERMAN! He grabs the chair. Another smack across the back. Heyman asks NOW? Brock screams NOT NOW!!!

Brock sends Seth to the outside. He follows and goes for an F5 on the outside! He hits it! Heyman looks on, wondering when the right moment is. Brock rolls Seth back into the ring. Seth goes for the chair, but Brock stops him and smacks him in the back with it. Another. Heyman screams NOW! Brock locks up. ANOTHER GERMAN!!! Heyman screams “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Brock looks over to him. He says Friday. Heyman questions it. Brock yells again, “FRIDAY!” He goes to the title and grabs it, then drops it on Seth, who is bleeding from the back.

Brock heads up the ramp with Heyman. He then grabs the briefcase from Heyman and runs back down to the ring. Brock smacks Seth’s back with the briefcase and laughs. He then grabs the chair again and smacks Seth hard across the back. Again! Again!

Brock finally leaves, and we focus on Seth for a while. Ah, we’re getting the stretcher job.

We come back to Becky Lynch jumpin in the ambulance with her mans.

Firefly Fun House is back, y’all!

Bray wants to talk to us about something. He rips off his clothes and has workout gear and a pink fanny pack on. He puts a headband on and heads over to a pig puppet called Huskus the Pig Boy. The Pig sounds like Lana. He wants food. Bray says success and gluttony will come to destroy him, but one day he could be great, he’ll be called a genius, and people will say he’s got the whole world in his hands. Really? Says the pig….yes.

A door opens, and a FUCKING puppet Vince is there!!! He yells for Husky to get his act together or he’s FI—

NOOOOO. Bray stops him! He knows the perfect way to start getting into shape!

And we have…

A WORKOUT MUSIC VIDEO JIG THAT I DON’T THINK I CAN PROPERLY DESCRIBE!!!

This video of Bray doing what he calls The MuscleMan Dance includes him shaking his butt in front of disco lights, and running in place as he multiplies.

Back to the funhouse, and Huskus feels better already. Bray will always light the way, and all we have to do is let him in.

Bye! See ya!


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Triple H, Outfit 3, comes out to Entrance Music 2.

Crowd chants for NXT and Triple H smirks, but says he is here to talk about Randy Orton.

Orton, perhaps thankfully, comes out immediately after that.

HHH says it’s been a while since he’s stood here and stared Orton in the eyes. Here’s the thing, they know why they do this, it’s to hype up a match. HHH says with everything they’ve been through, there’s nothing either of them will say that they haven’t already, so he won’t waste our time. He’s going to say one simple thing; it’s been a while, don’t let this suit fool you, he is coming to Saudi to kick Orton’s ass.

Orton sys that sounds good to him, but Hunter needs to understand one thing; he is not Batista. He is the Legend Killer, and HHH knows that better than most. Orton would gladly beat HHH this Friday, and gladly put another notch on his belt.

HHH says Orton is a diamond. He is one of the best ever to step foot in this ring. H means it. The best ever. Here’s the thing; a lot of people have tried to put him down. They’re all gone, and he’s still here. HHH tells him that Orton is not the one.

HHH goes to leave the ring. Orton stops him on the apron and wants HHH to promise him something. Can he promise that Friday before they get into the ring, that HHH retrieves his balls from Steph’s purse?

HHH is all smiles on the apron. Orton smirks. HHH re-enters the ring. Orton gets ready for a fight. HHH says that is a hell of an idea. He thinks he’ll do just that. They’re just so big…it’s such a burden carrying them around. He’ll check and see, maybe he can fit them in the overhead. It’s a burden. Orton wouldn’t know about it though, because Orton never had any.

HHH throws the mic at Orton and his music hits.

Backstage, Charley wants Corbin’s reaction to Seth leaving in an ambulance. He is pretty shaken up, apparently, and he needs to get out of here….

TO CELEBRATE!

OOOOO swerve!

Seth doesn’t stand a chance. Corbin has a message, he is the new and next Universal Champion.

Cesaro’s music is epic.

Renee says we have a rubber on our hand.

Rubber Match. Sorry.


Match 1:

Ricochet hops off the top rope onto the shoulders and goes for that head scissors flip but Cesaro drops him then hits a shoulder tackle. Rope work. Tilt a whirl. BACKBREAKER! Pin for 1..2..NO!! Uppercut in the corner. He sends Ricochet into the corner face first. Punch to the back. He chokes Ricochet up on the bottom rope. Cesaro drops Ricochet. Stomp to the corner. He sends Ricochet to the corner again then chokes him up from behind. Whip to the ropes. Cesaro misses a punch. Ricochet hops up, spins in the middle of the fucking air, and hits a head scissors toss!! He heads to the outside. Ricochet runs across the barricade for another head scissors. He goes to toss Cesaro into the ring btu Cesaro hits an elbow. Leap frog to the apron. Kick from Ricochet. Moonsault from the 2nd rope!

Back from the break, and Ricochet goes for a sunset flip, but Cesaro grabs him by the head and Ricochet rolls through for a 1..2..NO!!! Cesaro rushes the corner, but Ricochet slips out of the ring and Cesaro hits the post hard. Riochet to the top rope. Cesaro up. UPPERCUT!!! Cesaro to the top rope. He deadlifts Ricochet into a suplex. Cover for 1…2…NO!!!! Ricochet rolls to the outside Cesaro grabs him by the head. Shoulder from Ricochet. Cesaro misses a right hand. Hangman from Ricochet. Ricochet front flips up the apron, ands on the shoulders of Cesaro, goes for a flip, but Cesaro counters only for Ricochet to turn around. Cesaro holds the legs. He goes for an Alabama Slam but Ricochet holds on, lands softly on his back. Cesaro grabs the legs! CESARO SWING!!!! Clothesline from Cesaro. Pin for 1…2…NO!!!

Ricochet with a high knee. He kicks up Cesaro’s body. High kick to the face. Springboard crossbody, but Cesaro rolls through for a pin!! 1…2..NO!!!!

Ricochet goes for another pin, gets 2, hits the ropes, twilrs everywhere, then goes for a rollup to Cesaro, lays across the legs as he stacks him. 1..2….3!!!!

Winner: Ricochet
Vince, THIS is GOOD SHIT
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *****
Total Rating: ****1/4

Cesaro attacks from behind!!!

He leaves the ring then goes underneath to find a ladder. He tosses it aside then grabs a table. He pulls the table out from under the ring, and R TRUTH IS laying on the table!!!! Cesaro is confused as hell. Carmella comes down to grab Truth. Ricochet kicks Cesaro from the ring! Cesaro flies over the barricade. A bunch of jobbers come out to go after Truth. Cedric Alexander hits the ropes and dives over the top rope on top of everyone!!! Maverick is in the ring behind Truth. Carmella enters the ring and hits a Superkick to Maverick! He tells Truth to run, and they head out into the crowd while Cole mentions a specific street near the arena to prove that he knows a lot about where they are currently located.

We return to the return of the returning Deadman, and it’s a shame that at one point, this music and entrance literally gave me goosebumps.

The Undertaker makes it into the ring with about 22 seconds left in the show.
Do we ever wnder what happens when we come face to face with death for the first time? Does the sky grow dark? Does the ground rip open? Or do we choke at the stench of the souls that are already gone? Goldberg, this Friday, you will get the answers to all of those questions. When he stands across the ring for the first time, he doesn’t want Goldberg, the family man, smiling as his wife and son look up beaming with joy. No, he wants the unstoppable, mythical icon GOLDBERG. The Undertaker will open the gates of hell and unleash an inhumane level of brutality for which Goldberg has never felt. When the reaper beckons, you answer his call. The Undertaker will claim Goldberg’s soul for all of eternity. Goldberg….

You’re NEXT!

End Show.

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