411’s WWE RAW Report 7.17.17

Keep Refreshing For The Latest Results

This is Tony’s hot Asian girlfriend saying hi because he’s running a little late. I guess the swelling came back.

Dean Ambrose comes out with a folding chair in his hand
Recap of last Monday at the Mizzies or whatever the fuck they’re called, then Dean beating the shit out of the Miz with a chair.

He called the chair Steely Dan??? He said that Steely Dan is out of shape because of the Miz. Dean sits on Steely Dan as he waits for the Miz and homies to come out.

He be lookin for a fight. He wants to burst his Hollywood bubble so quick that his ass will be back on the Real World when he wakes up.

Seth Rollins enters. TBH why is his hair so wet all the time?
Rollins asks why Ambrose is picking a fight he can’t win on his own. Rollins says Ambrose should calm down and come up with a better plan. Ambrose calls Rollins “Mr. Architect” lol

Ambrose just happened to be in the mood to whack the Miz with a chair. He tells Rollins to scram. Rollins asks Ambrose, his “brother,” if he’s going to stand in his way or stand by his side when he challenges the Miz. Ambrose was like nah man I ain’t cho brotha. He knew a guy who looked like Rollins once, he stabbed him in the back. Rollins said that was over 3 years ago and that he’s sorry. He’s never said that before so he said it again — he’s sorry. He lives with that every single day of his life. He also remembers him and Ambrose tearing each other apart in Hell in a Cell. Other reminiscing. But all that, that’s in the past. This is the then and now. I’ve moved on, what is it gonna take for Ambrose to move on? (Rollins asked that shit to his FACE foo!!) Ambrose sees his lips moving but he hears nothing.

Tony walks through the door with a handful of Skittles and now that I’ve typed all of this in such a small amount of time, I cannot masturbate today. Thanks babe.

Welcome to my life guys….anyways, Seth and Dean stare at each other like the dying moments of a huge relationship argument. The Miz’s music hits, and he comes out looking like a cool milly. Bo and Axel are on either side of him.

Miz calls this a scene: two former brothers in odds working out deep seated issues. Touching. Could be a country song. Miz tells Seth that Dean will never forgive him. Burning bridges in this business is a no no. This is the same man Miz has owned for months. Miz says that Dean doesn’t have what it takes to do it all on her own. Miz knows Dean would come out and call out Miz.

As Miz speaks, his goons get on either side of the ring. Bo then gets on the former announcers side while Axel faces hard cam. Bo and Axel grab chairs. Miz removes his jacket. Man, that’s a nice color. Miz grabs a chair as well. All three of Miz-peeps have chairs. The crowd cheers for ROMAN for the first time in years. Dean attacks Miz. Bo and Axel attack Seth. Dean heads to the outside. Miz smack him with a chiar then tosses Dean into the steps. In the ring, Axel attacks the mid section with the chair. Miz heads into the ring and uncuffs his shirt. He’s rolling up the sleeves while Axel and Bo grab Seth. Miz with a Skull Crushing Finale into a seated up chair! Awww, it didn’t look as good as it could have.

Back to the show, and Miz is scurrying away backstage along with Bo and axel. Charley tries to chat up with them, but Miz isn’t feeling it. He seemingly leaves the arena.

Match 1: Bayley vs Alexa Bliss
Alexa starts the match with a hard slap to the face. Bayley shoots the legs and sends Alexa into the corner. Some kicks to the gut by Alexa. Alexa stops to yell then eats a dropkick. Bayley rolls forward and hits a clothesline, sending Alexa down hard. Alexa rolls to the outside as the music of Nia Jax hits.

Nia is out as we go to a commercial break. It appears she will be ringside.

As we get back to the show, we get a replay of Alexa hurting Bayley’s shoulder. Alexa works the arm behind Bayley. They stand, and Alexa slams Bayley down by arm. Pin for 1..2…NO! Alexa turns Bayley back on her back, steps on her chest, and pulls on the left arm repeatedly. Kick to the midsection. Bayley grabs the boot! She swings it, sending Alexa down face first. Bayley sends Alexa to the outside on the apron. Stunner like move to Alexa! Bayley with an elbow to the face. Again. Again. She lifts and drops Alexa onto the top turnbuckle. Bayley sends Alexa into the ropes. Elbow! Bayley goes for a body slam, but the arm won’t allow it. Bayley clips the arm, then runs into an elbow. Bayley on the 2nd rope. Flying uppercut to Alexa. Bayley grabs the arm. Side suplex! Bayley to the 2nd rope. She flies off with an elbow. Before Bayley can pin, Alexa slides to the outside. Bayley follows, but Nia is there to stand in between them. Alexa with a cheapshot. Alexa sends Bayley into the ring.

From the left side, Sasha Banks is here to attack Nia!! Dropkick into the apron! Bayley in the ring with a surprise roll up. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Alexa up, goes for a right, Bayley deflects. Bayley to Belly! Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Bayley
Bayley put out a lot of energy here, looking more motivated than I’ve seen in a while. Good shit.
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

While Cole and Co talk about what’s going on for tonight, Graves gets interrupted and leaves the booth.

Backstage, Angle is stressing out. He’s having second thoughts. Graves is there. Angle wonders if he is doing the right thing by coming clean. He loves the DUBDUBEE universe, but maybe this shouldn’t be on TV. Graves reminds Angle that this is the golden age of social media, and Angle’s integrity is on the line. Graves says Angle needs to go out there and tell the world HIS truth. Angle says he’s right. This is something everyone should hear from Angle. Graves friendship means so much to “both of us.”

Backstage, Titus is talking to his crew. He tells Apollo got his ass handed to him by Braun. Last week, Tozawa pinned Neville, but on 205, he twisted Tozawa up, but don’t worry bout it. Titus says good news for Apollo Crews, and next time Nevile faces him, Neville is losing.

From the right, comes in and asks where Tozawa’s honor is. Hitting below the belt? ha! Last week, he was going to dedicate his victory of Tozawa, but Neville got involved. Tonight, he’s going to finish what he started. Titus holds them back. His hand is about as large as the entirety of Hassan’s body.

Match 2: The Brian Kendrick and Drew Gulak vs Jack Gallagher and Mustafa Ali
Jack and Brian to start. Kendrick talks some shit while Gallagher readies for a fight. Brian tags in Drew. Lockup and Gulak whips Jack. jack shoots the leg, twists the foot, looks to lock in a surfboard. Instead, he stomps the legs in a hold. Jack tries to attak Brian, and Gulak takes advantage. GUlak attacks Ali, sending him off the apron. Right arm and uppercut from jack. Julak shoots the legs and stomps the abs. Gulak with a chop. Jack twists out of a leg hold. Brain with a blind tag. He grabs Jack by the hair. Jack with a headbutt. Tag to Ali.

Ali to the corner. He’s up top. He flies off the corner with an inverted 450 splash and a pin for 1..2….3!!

Winners: Jack Gallagher and Mustafa Ali
If this felt like a commercial for tomorrow night, that’s because it is.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Backstage, Enzo is walking backstage by himself.

My boy Enzo is in the house! Enzo brings up Newton’s third law; For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. There isn’t a man in this business who could elicit a reaction on the mic like Enzo, and he does it knowing full well the consequnces. If Enzo says it, he owns it. He can’t lie – sometimes his losses outweigh his assets, but that’s fine. The same hold true in this business as does in life. You win some, you lose some. But you always gotta fight for what you believe in. Enzo honestly believes that there was a point in time when Cass believed in what they were fighting for. For 5 years, he allowed Cass lift him up and toss him at their opponents. Why? Because he wanted to win it. Cass threw him at their opponents, and it was Cass who was left standing at 7 feet tall, and he being 7 feet tall didn’t WIN THEM ANY CHAMPIONSHIPS! This ain’t the WWE and this isn’t a basketball court, so when Cass tosses him to the ground from over their head, it hurts and most ain’t getting up. Cass threw Enzo out of his life? No, what happened was, Enzo got tossed out of the ring, but he got right back up. It took everything in Enzo to get back in this ring, but he did, and made Cass finish that fight like he always had.

Enzo asks production to run the footage of Cass writing a check he couldn’t cash. We see Big Show headbutting Cass, then seeing Cass head out of the ring after a mini beatdown.

Enzo then repeatedly says Cass bounced a check. haha. Cass has one foot and 100 lbs on Enzo, but last week he was face to face with someone his size, and Cass couldn’t even look him in the yes. When push came to shove, he folded like a lawn chair. Thing about Enzo, he would have at least tried. He’s a G. In fact, Cass ain’t a lawn chair, he’s more like a big comfy couch because there’s only ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE HIM!!!

Cass interrupts the spelling and heads out angrily.

Cass then goes towards announcers and tells Corey that if it wasn’t for him, none of this would have ever happened. Cass says Enzo is always runnin his mouth. It appears Cass didn’t learn his lesson, so what he’s going to do is come down to the ring and beat some sense into Enzo. Hopefully he’ll learn to shut his mouth.

Enzo goads Cass into the ring, then tells Cass that if he wants a fight, and he’s going to hop over the barricade and someone please get Enzo a chair. He pulls a fan from the crowd, and says right now Cass is going to get smoked, and when Cass is on his back, he’s going to ask him one simple question – How you doin.

The Big Show’s music hits.

Cass rushes Big Show while he’s no the apron with a knee. Big Show drops down and pulls Cass outside. Headbutt. Big Show sends Cass into the barricade. Cass tries to fight, but another toss into the barricade. Cass is able to drive Show into the barricade. Right hand to Show. Another to the gut then to the face. Back and forth. Righ hand to the back of the neck. Show with a kick. he grabs Cass by the head and tosses him into the side of the ring hard. Show with a body slam on the outside of the ring. Show sends Cass into the ring, hanging over the apron. hard chop to the chest. Show gets on the apron. Cass sends him into the ringpost! Cass on the apron. Show on the apron. Cass sends Show into the post yet again! Cass sends Show into the ring. Cass follows. Cass with a kick to the gut of Show. Cass drops down and mounts then hits right hands to Show’s face. ASSHOLE chant. Cass with another hard right. Show shoves him off. Cass is up. He kicks Show into the corner. Cass with another kick to the gut. Another!

Enzo tries to sneak in the ring, but Cass hits him with a Big Boot again.

Cass leaves the ring.

Backstage, Roman and his tag team partner Man Bun is stretching. Charley comes up to bring up the fact that Joe has beaten Roman twice. Roman says when stakes are high, that’s when he’s at his best. Look at Mania, when he beat The Undertaker. But that’s in the past (then why bring it up?) Just like Joe’s wins are in the past. He is going to win then get the title. Because he’s The Big Dog.

Backstage, Ambrose is still trying to tell Seth that he doesn’t need his help. Seth says he’s not trying to help. Kurt Angle comes in and wants to talk to them. After what just happened, next week will be Ambrose and Seth vs any two members of Miz’s crew. Ambrose says no he wants all three of them. So Angle gives it to them.

Elias Samson is in the ring. He says he’s got a long storied history with Nashville. When he got into town today, he was inspired to write a little diddy.

Match 3: Finn Balor vs Elias Samson
I missed a majority of the beginning here, sorry. I come back to Elias hitting a powerbomb to Finn and cover for 1..2…NO! Backbreaker and a pin for 1..2..NO!! Eli sits on the top rope. Finn is up with a high swinging kick to the face! Eli falls to the outside. Balor with a dropkick through the ropes! Balor with a huge kick off the apron! Damn. Running dropkick into the barricade! Samson is nearby his guitar. Balor rushes him.

Samson with his axe. He smacks Balor with the guitar, hard! This is enough for the DQ.

Winner: Finn Balor via DQ

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Before Balor could be helped to the back, Wyatt comes up on screen. He tells Balor that he bet he didn’t expect the guitar. He likes the look he sees on Balor’s face. Balor is hurt. That’s what real people do. You have feelings just like everyone else in this sea of humanity. Wyatt lives for it; that look of pain. It ignites the fire of his soul, and his soul is thirsty. He feels the need to put Balor in pain and agony. He feels the need to punish Balor. Wyatt bring sup Irish mythology, and says he’s not a myth. He’s real. He’s the worst nightmare Balor has ever had, the eye of the storm. He’s going to hurt Balor and he’s going to enjoy every second of it.

Backstage, Angle is on the phone saying he’s ready to do this. In come Bayley and Sasha. They are having an issue. Sasha says Bayley thinks that she deserves a shot at the title, but Sasha wants her rematch. Bayley gives Sasha props for the countout win, but she has pinned Alexa. Twice. Angle says he will not decide, but they will. Next week, they will face each other, and the winner gets the shot at Summerslam.

Recap of Revival beating down The Reborn. No, Really.

Backstage, Charley wants to know why Revival attacked The Hardyz. They said, why not? They’re the Hardyz. Tonight, they’ll do the same thing. They bring their shirts up. Dash says Hardyz pretended they didn’t know who they were, as if Revival didn’t exist. This is about respect. They don’t care about The Hardyz or their legacy, but tonight they will care about The Revival. Top guys. Out.

Match 4: Akira Tozawa vs Ariya Daivari
Daivari IMMEDIATELY goes after the shoulder of Akira. He works the hold from behind and pulls back hard. Tozawa tries to fight out, breaking the hold. Tozawa whips but it’s cut off, and Daivari hits a knee to Tozawa. Tozawa then gets tossed into the corner shoulder first. Tozawa uses some foot work to get out of trouble. Tozawa goes up to the top rope, dives off, lands on his feet, Daivari with divorce court! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Daivari rushes the corner and hits a butt splash to the shoulder. Cover again. 1..2…NO!!! He is selling the shit out of the shoulder injury. Daivari attacks with knees over and over to the shoulder. Titus gets on the apron. He yells at the ref to stop the match.

The ref gets in between Daivari and Tozawa and stops the match! The ref officially gives the win to Daivari.

Winner: Ariya Daviari

Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

The ref explains what happened and Tozawa is pissed. He screams at Titus that he didn’t want this, and that Titus doesn’t care about him. Akira says he never quits.

Kurt Angle is out here to blow the collective mind of the wrestling world.

Angle says he is a little nervous. First of all, he wants to apologize for being so distracted. He wants to update us a bit on what’s been goin on with his life. As a child, he was taught about consequences. Recently, he found out that an action in his past has had a serious consequence. It changed his life. Angle was afraid of change, because he thought it would hurt his family. But he is happy to say that his family is 100% supportive, as is the WWE. He hopes we are as well. So here we go…

When he was in college, he dated a young lady. Recently, he found out that nine months after their last date, she gave birth to a baby boy. Angle was not aware of the pregancy or the birth. This baby boy was put up for adoption, and he was brought up by two loving parents that taught him great American values. He then reads off some accolades of this kid who got a degree and excelled at wrestling. This kid decided to pursue his dream instead and become a WWE Superstar. Angle is happy he did that. Angle now wants to introduce…his son….JASON JORDAN.

Angle is in tears as Jason Jordan comes down to the music of American Alpha.

They hug it out in the middle of the ring.

Match 5: The Revival vs The Hardy Boyz
Matt and Jeff attack right off the bat, sending the guys out of the ring before the match can officially start. The Revival get properly prepared on the outside of the ring, removing shirts and pumping themselves up. The match starts official with Matt and Dash. Tag to Scott immediately and Matt smacks Dash then attacks Dawson in the corner. Matt sends Scott into the corner and tags in Jeff. Jeff with an axe handle. Whip to Jeff but Jeff comes off the corner with a right hand. Tag to Matt. Matt with a whip to the corn—no, they pull back and send Scott back first into the corner. Headlock takedown from Matt. Gallows and Anderson are watching backstage. Tag to Dash who sends Matt into the heel corenr with a right hand. Tag to Scott who comes in with a kick. Chop to the chest. Right hand to the head. Chop. Right from Matt, Matt grabs the head and gets the Delete Headbash. Matt hits a splash in the corner. Bulldgo. Cover for 1..2…NO! Tag to Jeff. They send Dawson down on his back hard. Hit the ropes. Leg drop/Splash combo. Cover but Wilder is in. They swing him back and down. Both Dash and Dawson are on the outside as The Hardyz stand tall.

Back after a break, and Dawson is working the left knee. Elbow drop to the knee of Matt Hardy over and over again. Leg drop to the head and a cover for 1..2.NO! Dawson sends Matt in the corner. Tree of Woe. tag to Dash, and they beat Matt down a bit. Dash mocks Jeff then turns around. Jeff attacks from behind. Dash and Dawson douible team Matt in the corner. Scott with a kick to the back of the knee. He pulls the ankle of Matt, keeping him in the heel corner. Dawson works the left knee. Tag to Dash. Punch to the knee. Dash locks the leg up on the ropes for a few seconds then run and kicks the knee. Matt tries to fight back, but Scott works the leg, sitting int on the rope then dropping his ass on it. Tag to Dawson. Dawson grabs the leg again. Elbow drop to the leg into a leg lock. Matt fights out, looks for a backslide, gets it for 1..2…NO! Tag to Dash and he is in to prevent a tag. Tag to Dawson who dropkicks Matt to prevent a tag. Dawson grabs the leg and drags Matt into the center of the ring. he looks for a lock, but Matt kicks Dawson, sending him outside of the ring. Dash heads down, grabs Dawson, and sends him into the ring. Tag! He rushes in, tries to stop the tag, but Matt gets it! Jeff is in with a dropkick. Inverted Atomic! Dropkick to the face! Cover for 1..2.NO!! Whip by Jeff. Jeff lifts the feet. He’s up top. Splash. Cover for 1..2..NO! Jeff calls for Twist of Fate, but Dawson pulls the hairt to distract. Scott with a right, sends Matt off the apron. Tag to Dawson, Jeff ducks under. Matt pulls Scott to the outside, Jeff rolls up for 1..2..NO!!! Jeff with a kick. Twist of Fate. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Dash in to break up the pin! Matt with a right hand. He sends Jeff to the ocrner. Poetry in Motion to Dawson!!! Cole calls it Whisper in the Wind. Because Cole is an idiot.

Jeff goes to the top rope. He’s looking for Swanton. Dash pulls the legs! Rollup! Dawson has the tights! Pin for 1…2….3!!!

Winners: The Revival
I know the Hardyz are slower than we’d want them to be, but I can’t help but stand by the idea that they can still go and put on some good matches.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***

Backstage, Charley wants to talk to Joe. She says Reigns has been on a path of destruction. Joe says he is not a man who possesses qualms. He showed the world he doesn’t fear Brock Lesnar then came within inches to beating him. Reigns has a skewed perspective. Where Joe exists, in the real world, the world is far bigger than a “yard.” Joe is far more than an obstacle. He will blow through Reigns on his way to slaying the beast. The first two times they met, Joe was on top of this. The third time will be a CHARM.

Further backstage, Titus is trying to talk to Akira. He says he knows Akira wouldn’t quit, which is why he did it. Daivari was about to damage his shoulder, permanently. He knows Akira is mad, and he’s ok with that. What Titus isn’t cool about is if Akira is injured or out. He was thinking about next week, next year. That’s why Titus stopped the match. Akira says tomorrow, he wants a match with Daivari. Akira leaves the locker room.

Match 6: Roman Reigns vs Samoa Joe

SAH-MO-AHHHH!!

Lockup to start. It’s a bit of a stalemate until Reigns gets a side headlock. Push to the ropes and Reigns hits a shouylder tackle, but no one moves. Joe with a slap to the face. Joe hits the ropes, Reigns dodges and hits a tackle, this one knocking Joe down. Joe heads to the outside, runs back on the paron, Reigns punches him off. Joe hops on, and Reigns hits another one.

We return after a break, and Joe gives a wonderful kick to the face of Reigns. Joe grbs the belt of Reigns and covers for 1..2.NO! Joe with a knee to the chest. Right hand. We get a few punches in the corner with Reigns seated. Joe grabs the head, hits a right hand. Joe with another right to the face. He hits a jab, Reigns with a quick rollup for 1..2..NO!! High elbow to Reigns! Cover for 1..2..NO! Joe with a double chop to the shoulders of Reigns. Again. One more time. Joe cinches the head. Joe will not release it. He’s squeezing head to chin and twisting the head a bit as well. Reigns tries to stand out of the hold. He gets on one knee. Reigns tries to break the hold, but Joe kicks and hits a snap suplex. Pin for 1..2…NO! Joe works the head again, right back into the hold. Reigns escapes. Right hand to the face. Clothesline. Another. Whip to the ropes. Reversed. Reigns goes for a clothesline, but Joe catches him. Goes for Uranage, but Reigns escpaes, hits the ropes. Clothesline! Cover for 1..2..NO! Reigns with clotheslines in the corner. He gets to 10 and Joe staggers forward. Reigns hits the ropes. Big Boot. Reigns calls for the Superman Punch, but Reigns rolls to the outside. Reigns follows, runs around the ring, and JOE WITH A CLOTHESLINE AND REIGNS LANDS ON THE APRON!! Reigns with a clothesline of his own!

We’re back from another break, and Reigns lifts Joe for a Samoan Drop! Cover for 1..2..NO!! Joe escapes. Hits a running senton! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Joe is up first. He looks down on Reigns. Joe grabs Reigns by the vest. He looks for a Uranage, but Reigns elbows out and tries for a side suplex. Joe with elbows, goes for it again, but Reigns counters into an arm drag. SUPERMAN PUNCH! Pin for 1..2…NO!! Joe kicks out! Reigns crawls towards the ropes. Just as he reaches them, BRAUN STROWMAN SCREAMS!!!

Winner: WWE Universe
Welcome back Braun
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

Braun is here! His arm is wrapped! he marches down the ramp. He grabs Joe off the apron and pulls him to the mat. Braun stands over Joe. He then looks to Reigns in the ring.

Braun hops on the apron. Reigns right hands him. Braun isn’t phased. He grabs Reigns by the neck and just tosses his ass back into the ring! Joe is up, and he’s pissed. He walks over to Braun. They stare each other down. BEATDOWN!! Joe with a kick, another, goes for a whip, but Braun is too strong, and hits a clothesline! Braun enters the ring. He shoves Reigns away into the corner. Splash in the conrer. Right hands beating Reigns down to the corner. Boot to the chin. Joe is in the ring. Splash to Joe! Splash to Rei–NO!! Reigns with the boot up. He hits a right. Joe with THE CLUTCH!!! Reigns goes for a spear, but Braun kicks him away. Joe has the hold in. Strowman is fading. REIGNS WITH A SUPERMAN PUNCH!!! Reigns goes for another, but Strowman catches him. SPINEBUSTER! Body slam to JOE! He lifts Reigns. Braun sends REIGNS down with a running powerslam! Braun is about to leave, but notices Reigns moving around a bit. He grabs him by the head, and security rushes out in full force. Braun holds onto Reigns like a baby dear and he the lion. He brushes security off. He lifts Reigns for another powerslam.

End Show