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411’s WWE Raw Report 7.8.19

July 8, 2019 | Posted by Tony Acero
Shane McMahon Drew McIntyre Raw 7-8-19

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So, New York was fun! It smelled, was incredibly and disgustingly humid, there were people pissin on Subways and I think I saw a rat with a name tag, but aside from all that, I had a blast with my little sister and friends. I’m glad Larry was able to cover for me as usual, but Daddy’s back in his douchey city LA and ready to piss off new readers like only I can! Let’s gooooo


We start the show with The Man and his little bitch boy, Seth Rollins. The would-be power couple of the WWE is in the middle of the ring with their belts, ready to take on Andrade and Vega.


Match 1: Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch vs Andrade and Zelina Vega

Becky starts with the go behind. Zelina tries to escape, but Becky slams her down belly first. Vega reaches fo the ropes. Becky pulls her back, shoves her, hits a shoulder tackle. Vega tries for a pin but Becky stops her. Vega slides under Becky but Becky catches he by the foot and pulls, dropping her face first into the mat. Vega goes for a right, but Becky blocks. Right hand to the face. Vega on the apron. She tricks Becky, heads into the ring, hits a DDT and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!Whip to the corner. Becky side steps. Vega with a high kick to the face. She chokes Becky on the second rope. Vega with a shitty 619 into a crucifix submission for a few seconds. Vega kicks Becky into the ring. Becky fires back with an eblow. Kick to the chest. Becky grabs the head. Snap suplex to Vega. Vega rolls to Andrade and gets a tag. Almas gets in the face of Becky, but the ref shoves her back and Rollins is in. Andrade shoves Seth and we get a lockup. Seth works the arm, but Andrade spins him into the cente.r Seth works the arm, spinning a few times and smiling at his girl. Almas flips out of the hold and works the arm of Seth sends Andrade into the corner, who hops over the running seth. Arm drag from Almas. Arm drag from Seth. Leg scissors, kip up, reverse, same from Andrade and we get a stalemate.

Seth reaches for a test of strength. Kick from Almas. He hits a right hand to then a chop. Back body drop and Seth lands on his feet. Right to the head and a blow to theback of the neck. Rollins hits the ropes. Slingblade. Clothesline sends Almas over the top rope. Suicide dive from Seth. He runs into the ring and goes for a second one. Becky with the blind tag. Becksploder to Vega. A spinning kick. Shoulder battering ram and Becky locks in a disarmer. Vega taps and….

Zelina Vega is eliminated?

Dumb. All for the commercial shit, I’m sure.

Lacey Evans is in the crowd to taunt Becky. Becky heads down to attack her, and Seth holds her back as we go to commercial.

Back from the break, and Almas from behind. Becky and Vega are not in the match anymore, but Becky is still on the apron for some reason. What happens if Seth is eliminated?

Almas hits a knee then a knee drop and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Cravat from behind by Almas. Seth tries to turn into the hold. Right hand to Almas. High knee from Almas. Body slam to Seth. Almas goes to the top rope. Seth is up! Right hand. Seth walks up the ropes. Almas knocks ihm off. Seth rushes up again, locks the head, but Almas drops him in the Tree of Woe. Almas with the stomp! Cover for 1..2….NO!!! Suplex to Seth. Looks for a second. Gets a t—no!! Rollins with a Falcon Arrow!!! Pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Almas sends Seth over the top rope to the outside. Springboard Seth with a knee. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Seth heads to the top rope. Almas shoves him off, and Seth tumbles to the outside. Almas distracts the ref and Vega hits Seth with a head scissors takedown. Becky runs off the apron with a knee to Vega. Almas grabs Seth. Seth shoves him away. Almas goes to attack, but Becky pushes Seth out of the way and she eats a right. Seth shoves Almas. Almas is up and attacks Seth from behind. Whip to the barricade to Seth. Seth back in the ring. Almas hits the corner, runs with knees to the face in th corner. Pin for 1..2..NO!!!Almas kicks Seth to the outside. Vega is on the apron again. She flies, ggoes for another head scissors, but Seth holds on and Vega hangs. Becky with a dropkick to the hanging Vega!!!! Andrade goes for a suicide dive.

Seth with a hard right to stop him! He enters the ring. Seth in the corner. He runs. CURB STOMP!!!

Winners: Becky Lynch and Seth Rollins
Dumb ass rules aside, the match was a jam packed goodie bag. I enjoy Almas.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: **1/2
Total Rating: **3/4

Seth and Becky celebrate at the top of the ramp. Corbin comes from behind to attack!!!! Becky gets in the face of Corbin. Lacey is here to give Becky the Woman’s Right! Corbin hops on Seth and gets a few punches in then stands and smiles. Lacey ushers him to the back as Seth checks on Becky.

As Seth is checking on his boyfriend, Paul Heyman heads out and looks down on him. He continues his trek to the ring as the crowd chants ECW and we go to commercial.

Backstage, Corbin does horrible with his script. Lacey is a little better. Corbin laughs on cue, and it’s bad. Anyway, they talk about how their relationship is purely professional and that Seth and Becky’s love will be their downfall.

In the ring, Heyman is wearin the shit out of.a blue suit from the McMahon – Lite set.

Heyman says that this Sunday, there is a PPV. It’s called eXtreme Rules. He happens to know something about the word Extreme. The show will eminate from Philly. He happens to know a lot about Extreme in Philly. So here it is; this Sunday, in Philadelphia, his client will cash in his briefcase against either Kofi or Seth Rollins. That’s not. Prediction, it’s a spoiler. If you think back, he hasn’t violated a spoiler since before Mania 30, so if he were to ever want to put out some misinformation, he has built up his credibility enough that this would be the time for him to lie. So, he has either given us a heads up for this Sunday, or he is screwing with Kofi and Seth. Only he knows the answer. Oh, and Brock knows too.

After a recap of last week’s little kerfuffle with Braun and Bobby, we go live to The Miz coming down to the ring.

Aaaaaaaaand we’re getting another two out of three falls. -eye roll-

Backstage, Shane and Drew walk up to “The Best Garbage Man in the World” Tony. Shane asks him if he’d like to be Roman Reigns’ tag team partner tonight.

….


Match 2: The Miz and The Usos vs Elias and The Revival

Dawson and one of The Usos start. Side headlock takedown by Scotty. He’s rolled int oa quick pin for 1. Up and shoved to the ropes, but Scott gets a shoulder tackle. Runs over then gets arm dragged by our Uso brethren. Hard elbow from Dawson. Tag to Elias. He eats a right hand. Elias with a flurry of punches against the ropes. Ref holds him back and Elias hits a kick to the stomach then a hard whip. A clothesline sends Uso down. Elias with a cheap shot to The Miz. Eli with a right hand to Jimmy. Another. He sends Jimmy down hard with a body slam, including a hard toss. Dash tags in and stomps Jimmy down near the corner. Scott works the left arm while The Miz talks shit with Elais on the outside. Miz with a right over and over then he sends Elias into the barricade.

In the ring, Dawson rushes and Jimmy sends him down hard. Miz sends Elais into the barricade near the time keeper. Right hand, but Elias kicks him then enters the ring. Elias runs out of the ring up the ramp, and Miz chases. Miz stops at the bottom of the ramp. In the ring,

The Revival hit a Shatter Machine and a pin for 1..2…3!!!

We return and Cole says Elias ran to the back. Dawson is in the ring with Jey. He drops a leg on the neck of Jey then another. Headbutt to the chest. Dawson covers for 1…NO!! Tag to Wilder. Kick to the face. Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Dawson sends Jey into the corner. Dawson rolls to get a tag. Dash in to stop the pin. He sends Miz off the apron. Tag to Jimmy. He’s in with an uppercut. Ducks a right. Goes fo a Samoan Drop, Dash stops him, Jey with a hard something that I miss cuz my sister walks by. Jesus, Sophia!

Jey up top. Flies off with a crossbody. Dash rolls through for 1..2.NO!!! Jey goes for a Samoan Drop, Dash floats off, Jey sits, pin for 1..2.NO!!! Tag to Dash. Jey with a kick from in front. Smack to the face. Goes for a Superkick. Dawson catches it. Hard right to the jaw. Brainbuster. Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Miz back on the apron. Dawson goes for another suplex. Jey floats off. Reaches for a tag. Dawson grabs the leg.

TAG TO MIZ!!! Enziguri to Dawson. Skull Crushing Finale. Pin for 1..2….3!!!

Tag from Jimmy. Superkick to Wilder. Same to Dawson. Jimmy hits the ropes. Dive over the top to Dash. Splash from Jey onto Dawson. Pin for 1…2….3!!

Winners:The Miz and The Usos

Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **1/4

We get a montage of tweet videos from Drake Maverick and his championship belt.

We go live to see his wife and her tits all in white. She’s upset she has to watch Drake hide in a crate. Drake offers getting it on in the crate. Drake says tonight when they leave, he’ll show her what a great hubby he is, then he’ll give her the honeymoon she deserves.

She says until then, and only then, they can consummate their marriage. Drake is happy about getting it on with his wife.

In come the cronies.

Backstage, Shane stops a beer dude to offer him the spot of Reigns partner. Drew makes him thank Shane. Beer is $15, by the way.

Rey Mysterio is here, but I know what y’all would rather see….

Ok, so Rey makes his return, and it appears that he’s going to be having a match with… Bobby Lashley. I am late to the party cuz I took a piss, but suffice to say, Lashley squashed Rey in quick work and that’s that.

Lashley isn’t done. He drags Rey up the ramp and looks towards the stage. He lifts Rey and looks to toss him into the stage, but the ref stops him. Lashley drops Rey down behind him. Some more refs come out to stop Lashley. He lifts Rey up and tosses him into the refs.

Lashley grabs a mic, says that last week he was the only man standing, and this Sunday, he better believe he will be the last man standing.

Backstage, AJ Styles is walking with his Good Brothers. He is stopped before taking a piss by Charley, and she wants to know why he attacked Ricochet.

AJ owes no one an explanation, and tells Charley to get out of his face. He then, tenderly shoves the mic away like a single strand of hair being brushed across his brow by the wind.

No Way Jose is in the ring, and nobody cares.

Cesaro chases the Conga line around the ring. Jose stops him and hits some rights then sends him into the steps. He sends Cesaro ito the barricade then into the ring. He follows.


Match 4: Cesaro vs No Way Jose

Ref calls for the bell, and here we go. Back body drop by Jose. Right hand to the face of Cesaro. Again. Another. H keeps em going. Whip and Cesaro hits a hard uppercut.

Cesaro with another uppercut in the corner, back and forth with the left and right. Gutwrench by Cesaro. Suplex like nothing.

Cesaro grabs the legs. He goes for the swing. Gets it. Locks in the sharpshooter. Jose taps. Game over, bruh.

Winner: Cesaro
Right man won
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *

Backstage, The Street Profits are beat boxing. They remind us to never cross Cesaro, cuz we may end up in the Upside Down. They then pimp Extreme Rules, specifically Drew and Shane take on Reigns and The Undertaker. They take guesses on who will win. They also mention tonight’s stips and how Reigns can choose anyone, even Khawi. Lol. They yell at Kerwin in the truck to transition.

Recap of Maria eating a cake with her ass.

Backstage, Mike apologizes to Maria and has some flowers for her. They’re Carnations, so probably costs a total of $7 for the entire bouquet. Cheap ass. She says she loves him, and he says he loves her more. She says she also loves ice cream and pickles. Mike offers non fat, and this upsets Maria. She sends him on his way then questions his manhood for tapping out to a woman.

Corey calls this interesting. I disagree.

We switch gears to Bayley and Nikki, or – two different version of The Joker.

Cole reminds Nikki that Alexa isn’t here and she must win in order to choose the stipulation. Nikki says she owes it all to Alexa and doesn’t know where she would be.

Bayley says Nikki doesn’t see what’s going on. She is using her. Alexa has this rematch due to Nikki. She needs to figure it out. She’s using Nikki to pik the stipulation.

Nikki has had it with Bayley running down Alexa. She has been jealous of her since day 1. The more Bayley back talks, the more motivated Nikki is to beat dat ass.

Cole explains the Beat the Clock Challenge. Cole was just informed of their opponents. Bayley vs Sarah Logan. Nikki vs Dana Brooke. Bayley says he doesn’t fear chaos, and hopes Logan brings it all. Tonight, she will beat the clock.

Nikki says she wont lie, Dana is stronger than her, bigger than her, but she isn’t tougher than her. She needs to beat Dana, cuz she’d do anything for Alexa. Tonight, she will beat the clock, and tells Bayley “Let’s play.”

Backstage, Truth is looking for Drake. He has been OKIE-DOKED before. He wonders if Drake is feeding her. Hope he isn’t showing her scary movies. She needs him. Truth says he can’t wait to get alone with his baby tonight. IN comes the running Drake, followed by the goon squad. Truth runs the opposite way.

The Minnesota Viking Raiders of Oakland are here for a match that will last just about enough time to get to a commercial break. But have no fear, I’m here to give you what you sorely miss.


Match 5: The Minnesota Viking Raiders of Oakland vs Commericals

Erik deadlifts into a German one of the jobbers. Jobber 2 tags himself in and gets a backbreaker then a gut buster than a tag from Ibar.

Hard powerbomb to the jobber, followed by a splash from Ibar. He covers for 1..2…NO!!!! Ibar lifts up Jobby while Erik grbs his partner and rolls him in. We get Erik holding up one while Ibar sits the other on his shoulders. Powerbomb/splash combo followed by The Viking Experience finisher and a pin.

Winners: The Viking Raiders

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Before the tag team can finish celebrating, the 24/7 group run out of the crwd. Someone eats ome knees. Truth gets in the ring, then escapes quickly. He runs through the crowd with Carmella.

Ricochet is backstage in a sleeveless denim hoodie that I want.

Backstage, Reigns tells Charley he has no info for her regarding his partner. The only people playing mind games is his team.

Ricochet on the mic. He says he was excited about proving himself to someone he looked up to. But before he could even celebrate the win, AJ and The Club beat dat ass. Now, he knows that he has AJ this Sunday. As far as tonight goes, we all know what’s going to happen. Gallows will not be alone. What he is trying to say is he’ll just have to fight all three.

AJ is out to give him some advice. He tells Ric to slow down and appreciate the moment. Might as well, cuz Gallows is gonna stomp a mudhole in him. Speaking of moments, let’s appreciate the one they had last week on RAW.


Match 6: Luke Gallows vs Ricochet

Gallows misses a right. Ric goes on the attack then whips. He stops in the corner, turns, kicks. Goes for a flying move, but Gallows catches him and chokeslams Ric down hard. Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Gallows with some rights in the mid section, then one to the face. He grabs Ric by the head and gets to the center of the ring. He hits the ropes.

Huge hit to Ricochet. Gallows drops some elbows. Recap of the boot shows Ricochet eatin it like a champ. Cravat from behind. Blow to the back by Gallows. Headbutt to the back of the head by Gallows. Enziguri out of the corner. Clothesline from Gallows.

Gallows goes for a body slam, Ric floats over, rolls up Gallows. 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Ricochet
meh
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

AJ gets on the apron and says they could call it quits right now, or how about Ricochet takes on Anderson right here and now.

Oh, how natural…


Match 7: Karl Anderson vs Ricochet

Ricochet with a springboard clothesline and a cover for 1..2..NO!! Right hand from Ric. AJ distracts. Karl sends him into the corner face first. Stomps from Karl in the corner. Running knee from Karl. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Cravat from behind. Karl with a takedown, cinching the hold. Ric with a right. Another. He hits a third. Whip is reversed. Ric rolls over the back, hits the ropes, tilt a wh—-hurricanrana. Right hand. Karl shoots the legs. Ric with a eight. Kick to the gut. Hits the ropes. SPINEBUSTER! Pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Karl lifts him by the nose, then hits an uppercut. Another uppercut. He hits the ropes. Ric walks up Karl, flips, then hits an enziguri to the face of Karl. AJ grabs the leg from outside. Ric turns into an uppercut. Karl whips to the ropes, ducks under, flies over the top rope onto AJ and Gallows!!! He hops on the apron. Shoulder to Karl. AJ tries to sweep the leg. Moonsault off the corner! Back in the ring,

Ric hops over a running Karl, rushes the corner with a dropkick. Up top! 630 splash! Pin for 1..2…3.!!!!

Winner: Ricochet
Better than Meh
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/4

Immediately after the match, AJ attacks! He beats down with the rights over and over. Gallows follows suit. AJ locks up for a hard suplex and hits it. Anderson is up. Magic Killer to Ricochet.

AJ on the mic after the Styles. He says he’s a good guy. He says he’ll leave a little of Ricochet left so long as he stays down so he has no excuses come Sunday.

The Club leave the ring.

Ricochet is slow to stand, but ends up doing just that, disobeying AJ’s command. The Club notice, so they head back into the ring and grab Ricochet. AJ is on the apron. Phenomenal Forearm to a prone Ricochet.

Backstage, Shane and Drew offer a man $5,000. He’d do anything for it, says Gary. Shane says all he’s gotta do is stand there. Gary agrees. Drew suggests a mask for Gary.


Match 8: Bayley vs Sarah Logan

Lokcup. Bayley with a go behind into a pin with a kickout before the 1. Rights on top of Sarah. Sarah lifts Bayley, Bayley floats over and rolls her up. 1…NO! Sarah from behind. Shoves ayley. Bayley hops off the ropes with a splash and a pin for 1…NO! Running knee to Sarah. Sarah up. Swings Bayley to the apron. Bayley rolls under, hits the ropes. HEADBUTT from Logan. She dropkicks Bayley to the outside. Bayley enters the ring at 6, and Logan covers for 1…NO! Logan grabs the head, hits a right elbow. Whip to the corner. Bayley reverses, Sarah reverses, sends Bayley into the corner. Dropkick to Bayley. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Bayley fights from the gorund. Whip to Bayley. Bayley catches Logan and hits some rights down on the mat. Cover for 1..NO!!! Dropkick from Logan. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Logan looks for a modified cloverleaf. Gets it. Bayley gets to the ropes. Logan drops a knee on her face. Bayley leaves the ring, slides back in, hits a clothesline, ducks a right, but gets hit by another! Pin for 1…NO!!!! Bayley with a rollup for 1…2…NO!!!! Knee from Bayley.

Bayley runs, sunset flip bomb into the corner. Cover for 1..2…..3!!!

Winner: Bayley
Good shit, Sarah. Good shit, indeed.
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/4


Match 9: Nikki Cross vs Dana Brooke

Dana quickly runs to the outside and starts clapping. She rolls in to break the count, then back outside. She then comes to high five Bayley, who is ringside. Nikki leaves the ring, chases Dana into the ring, then attacks the mid section. Dana tosses Nikki to the outside. Nikki gets back on the apron.Shoulder then a swinging kick into the ring and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Dana with a pin for 1..2….NO! Dana with a hard right. She attacks the head of Dana. Nikki sends Dana into the corner. Some stomps in the corner. Nikki twists Dana up on the corner, but Dana lands on her feet and shoves Nikki away. Dana goes to the top rope. Dana goes for a swanton, misses, and Nikki covers, but Dan rolls through for 1..2.NO!!! Dana lifts Nikki, Nikki floats off, backslide, Dana escapes, rollup for 1..2..NO!!!

Kick from Nikki. Neckbreaker. Pin for 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Nikki Cross
The best Dana has ever looked, and yet still….
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Nikki on the mic. She says that Bayley doesn’t understand what a real friendship means. It’s ok, though, Nikki is going to show her at Extreme Rules when Alexa lets her make Bayley’s title match a 2-on-1 handicap match. Nikki will help Alexa take Bayley’s Smackdown Women’s Title. Here’s some free advice for Bayley: Go and find a friend of her own. Someone as loyal and honest as Alexa. Someone to really slap some sense into Bayley.

Bayley with a right hand.

BAYLEY TO BELLY!!!

Bayley ain’t done!!! ELBOW DROP!

Backstage, Maria is excited about the appearance of pickles. She asks if Mike would impregnate her if she wasn’t already. He sys yes, and then she says that she isn’t so sure that he is the one that impregnated her this time. Mike is confused. Maria screams, says look what he’s done to her, and throws something.

Backstage, Corey thinks he’s better than Charley, and is backstage interviewing Becky and Seth. He brings up Corbin and Lacey, then wonder how their personal relationship will fuck with their match this Sunday. Some say it’ll be the downfall. How would it feel if Becky loses Seth’s title.

Becky says he’s got an emo head and stop trying to act like a proper journalist. The only difference about this Sunday is that there are no rules. No handcuffs, and the other two have no excuses. They are getting no more chances when they lose. They are walking out the same way they are walking in. Mr. Emo head.

Seth is all smiles, then says, “What she said, and walks away as Corey says this will be an implosion.

And Corey knows all about imploding relationships.

Oh, I get it….Shane found an old dark man to represent Taker.

So, apparently, Gary, the gainfully employed person, has a limp? Why was that added tidbit necessary? t


Match 10: Roman Reigns and Gary the Goat Garbutt vs Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre

Drew whips Reigns, eats a clothesline, and Reigns scares Shane off the apron. Drew with a kick. Samoan Drop from Reigns. Reigns calls for a Superman Punch. Drew with a kick to stop it. Right hand from Drew. Drew with a headbutt. Blind tag from Gary?? Drew sends Reigns out of the ring. Drew grabs Gary and flips him into the ring. Tag to Shane. Shane enters. He does a little jig. Gary rolls to the apron. Shane lifts him up and Gary hits a kick. Springboard clothesline that is sloppy as hell. Springboard kick to Drew. He attacks Shaen over and over. Back elbow to Shane. He hits the ropes. Plancha over the top rope!

Gary does a little sweeping then springboards into a crossbody to Shane. CLAYMORE KICK TO GARY! Cover from Shane. 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre
k…
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Reigns in the ring to send the heels scurrying. Rowe announces the winners. Reigns helps Gary up. The mask is removed and it’s….Cedric Alexander.

And the crowd goes……..mild.

End Show

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