411’s WWE Smackdown Report 08.22.02

WWE Smackdown for August 22, 2002, from Fayetteville, North Carolina

Report by Brendan Johnston exclusively for www.411wrestling.com

Okay. I may not have mentioned this before, but I’ll be going to SummerSlam on Sunday, live at Nassau Coliseum. Accompanying me will be my friends Tom and Jen. As such, what follows is a very special edition of my Pay-Per-View predictions feature. And away we go…

The SummerSlam Predictions Strike Back!

Prediction One: Tom and I will get lost driving to Jen’s house in Brooklyn.

Prediction Two: Jen, Tom and I will get lost driving to Nassau Coliseum.

Prediction Three: Tom will wear his Kurt Angle shirt and I’ll make fun of him for being “that guy.” (Ahhh, PCU: if you’re in college, there’s a line in that movie that will eventually apply to your life.)

Prediction Four: Jen will be embarrassed to be seen with us because in most of the matches, Tom and I will be rooting for the heels.

Prediction Five: In a shocking twist, during a melee hardcore brawl, my friend Jen- who is a four-foot-ten girl from Brooklyn- will pin Tommy Dreamer for the Hardcore Title. She will then be whisked away, signed to a contract and pushed as “Y2Jen- The Smaller Than Life Hardcore Legend.”

I’m far more proud of the last joke than I have any right to be.

In last week’s International News Report, Brian Cole mentioned a Japanese wrestler called “O.D.D.” who competes for Big Japan and uses the King Kong Knee Drop as his finisher. Here’s the thing: last year, a couple of friends of mine and I formed a “co-ed fraternity” designed to, basically, mock the Greek organizations on our campus. We pissed a lot of people off in a very short time, and actually got “permanently temporarily recognized” by Student Government, pissing even MORE people off. And what was the name we chose? Omicron Delta Delta, or O.D.D. Hence my interest in this Japanese wrestler with the same name. If anyone has any kind of information on him, or knows where I can find some, please let me know. I and the members of a quasi-fake fraternity in New York will be in your debt.

Val Venis/The Big Valbowski/Stupid Damn Name will be back soon after recovering from a freak head injury involving a barbell falling on his head. Despite his return, Venis’ morale is reportedly low, as he was hoping it would be one of those head injuries that send you back in time so people would give a crap about him again.

Raw sucked. Though in one interesting development, Bischoff did away with the 24/7 Hardcore rule, which makes my joke about Jen pinning Tommy Dreamer a little less funny, doesn’t it?

And now, on with the report…

The montage rolls, the pyro hits and Michael Cole welcomes us to WWE Smackdown for August 22, 2002. We are three days- just seventy two hours away- from SummerSlam at Nassau Coliseum.

Brock Lesnar’s music hits and Brock and Heyman come down to the ring. Heyman on the mic. He wants us to consider the fact that the Rock is the #1 box office draw in WWE, the biggest star in the history of Smackdown, the biggest action star in Hollywood, the Undisputed Champion of the World, with a fan following second to none. Heyman says that everything he was saying used to apply to Hollywood Hulk Hogan. A legend, a god, an icon… whose career was destroyed by the Next Big Thing. He says that the same thing will happen to the Rock. Before tonight is over, Heyman says, Brock and the People’s Champion will face off tonight, to give the Rock a taste of SummerSlam. Brock on the mic, says he feels the same way he felt the night he fought Hogan, and that he’s gonna make the Rock cry like a little b*tch.

“IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLL……..” WWE Undisputed Champion The Rock appears at the top of the ramp. Rock on the mic. Night after night, the Rock has told Brock to bring it, and after all the hype, Brock has brought nothing. But tonight will be a night like no other, says the Rock. No “Just Bring It”s, no “Stick it up your candy ass”es, no “If you smell what the rock is cooking.” Since Brock won’t bring it to the Rock, the Rock will bring it to him. Rock says if they’re gonna meet before the night is through… then consider the night through. Rock drops the belt and the mic and starts walking toward the ring but gets jumped by Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero while Brock laughs his ass off in the ring. Benoit locks in the Crossface on the ramp and security tries to pull him off. Brock mocks the Rock from the ring as we go to commercial.

Commercial Break…

And we’re back.

We get video of what just happened. During the break, the Rock was helped to the back.

Backstage, Edge ARRIVES!!! And then HE gets jumped by Benoit and Guerrero before security drag them off again.

The Hurricane and Shannon Moore vs. Tajiri and WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble (w/Nidia): Noble and Nidia will be hosting SummerSlam from the World in Times Square.

Moore and Tajiri to start, and they fight over a wristlock before Tajiri clotheslines him down and kicks him to the corner. Moore slings out and hits an armdrag, then a wheel kick for two. Tag to the Hurricane and they do the backslide/second rope legdrop double team move. Hurricane hits the top rope cross body for two. Whip but Hurricane telegraphs and gets kicked. Tag to Noble and Hurricane gets a hip toss to set up the Shining Wizard for two. Tag to Moore who’s in with a top rope hurricanrana that sends Noble out. Moore follows with a plancha and rolls Noble in but gets distracted by Nidia and kicked by Tajiri. Tajiri rolls him in where Noble covers for two. Snapmare, tag to Tajiri who’s in with another snapmare and a kick to set up a sleeper. Moore powers out but Tajiri goes for the handspring elbow. Moore counters with a backdrop suplex. Both men tag and Hurricane explodes in with clotheslines to both heels. Overcast on Noble gets two. Eye of the Hurricane countered but Hurricane ducks a clothesline, goes for the Hurri-Chokeslam, Noble elbows out. Tag to Moore and they do a double team fireman’s carry/neckbreaker that gets two before it’s broken up by Tajiri. Bench clearing brawl and Tajiri gets the Tarantula on Moore but Noble takes the Eye of the Hurricane. Tajiri walks into the Hurri-Chokeslam but Noble clotheslines him out. Noble goes for a powerbomb on Moore but Moore floats out and sunset flips him for three..

Winners: Shannon Moore and the Hurricane by pinfall (5:02)

Noble and Tajiri attack after the match and Hurricane and Moore clean house. Once the heels are gone, Matt Hardy charges the ring and starts celebrating like he just saved the world. He raises their arms and gets them to raise him on their shoulders.

Stephanie yells at Benoit and Guerrero in the back, telling them that if the Rock can’t compete at SummerSlam, it’s their asses. Then she goes off on Eddie for attacking Edge, and here comes Edge to nail Benoit with a chair and chase Guerrero off. Edge walks over to Stephanie and demands that she make Benoit & Guerrero/Edge & the Rock for the main event tonight. Steph looks surprised and makes the match.

Commercial break.

And we’re back.

Backstage, Matt talks about how great he is and how big his pop was and Hurricane says it’s because they’re in North Carolina. Matt bets the Hurricane that if he goes back out, his reaction will be twice as big as before. He walks to the ramp and tells the sound guys to hit his music, then walks down the ring to a legitimately respectable pop. He poses in the ring with the modified three-finger Hardy salute but then Chavo Guerrero’s music hits. Chavo tells him to take it easy with wasting everybody’s time. Chavo calls him “white boy” and challenges him to a match and heads down to the ring. They start slugging it out and a bell goes.

Matt Hardy vs. Chavo Guerrero:Matt gets a back elbow and flying fist to set up the corner punches. He gets to nine before dropping and clotheslining Chavo down. Whip reversal but Chavo telegraphs and get kicked, but comes back with a drop toehold that sends Matt out. Back in, Chavo hit a slingshot body splash and European uppercut, them stomps and chokes in the corner. Matt fires back with punches and whips him to the corner but Chavo gets a back elbow off a charge and a backdrop for two. Knee to Matt’s gut and Chavo grabs an octopus. Matt tries to power put but gets rolled up for one, reverses it for two. Both men down.. Matt slugs his way back up and gets a back body drop and neckbreaker for two. Whip reversal to the corner and Chavo comes off the second rope into the Side Effect for two. Matt looks pissed. Chavo fires back but gets a modified powerbomb, then goes up and hits the yodeling legdrop, then signals for the Twist of Fate. He sets him up but stalls, then Kane’s music and pyro hits. The enigmatic videos play and Matt walks around the ring, confused, then gets rolled up to put this one away.

Winner: Chavo Guerrero by pinfall (4:01)

After the match, Matt says that the match should have been thrown out after the pyro hit. Matt says it’s the biggest travesty since the Montreal screwjob.

Wow… WWE uses a Kane promo to set up a Matt Hardy angle. WWE must be catering to me and me alone these days I guess. I’m really digging Hardy’s egotist gimmick since he jumped. It’s easily the most berflgxp gimmick I’ve seen in a while. (One person in the entire world will appreciate that, but that’s okay.)

Smackdown’s #1 announcer Funaki is backstage with a mic and promises to take us where no man has ever gone before after the break: the women’s locker room.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Smackdown’s #1 announcer goes into the women’s locker room. Nidia’s changing and is happy to see him but Molly is disgusted that he’s there. Molly and Nidia start arguing and Nidia says that after she beats Molly for the Women’s Title, she’ll take her shirt off and expose her breasts to everyone in the arena. Molly’s disgusted and walks off.

At the announce table, Tazz says he’s rooting for Nidia tonight. Rey Mysterio joins them from backstage to talk about his match with Angle at SummerSlam. Rey says he pinned Angle two weeks ago, proving he can hang with the Olympic Hero. And here’s Angle. He thinks Mysterio’s tied the mask on too tight. Angle says reality apparently doesn’t reach that far down so Angle will give him a dose of it. He says that Mysterio should grab a high chair or a booster seat or something and watch the match Angle requested against Mysterio’s fellow cruiserweight Billy Kidman. Angle says that if Mysterio shows his face… er, mask during the match, then not only will Angle make him tap at SummerSlam, but Angle will break Mysterio’s freakin’ ankle.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Kurt Angle vs. Billy Kidman: Lockup, Angle gets a fireman’s carry and armbar, then another fireman’s carry that Kidman floats out of and hits a headscissors and dropkick, but Angle grabs a quick ankle lock. Kidman drags himself out of the ring, flips back in but Angle gets three German suplexes and celebrates. Mysterio’s pyro hits at the top of the ramp and Mysterio explodes out. Angle goes to chase him while Mysterio just stares at him. The ref starts counting and Angle goes back in to charge Kidman in the corner. Kidman gets the boots up but charges into a belly to belly. In the corner, Angle stomps away and hits a backbreaker for two. Angle stomps away and Kidman comes back with punches. Corner whip but Kidman slings out and ‘ranas Angle through the ropes. A fan in a Mysterio mask gets attacked before Angle realizes what’s going on, then he turns around into a top rope cross body from Kidman. Back in, Angle slugs away and whips Kidman but takes a flying forearm . Angle goes for a German but Kidman rolls him up for two. Angle goes for the Angle Slam but Kidman floats out and hits a top rope bulldog for two. Swinging DDT off a whip gets two for Kidman. Enzuigiri sets up the Shooting Star Press. Angle pops up and hits the top rope belly to belly and it only gets two. Kidman floats out of the Angle Slam and Angle charges but clotheslines both Kidman and the ref. Angle gets a chair but Kidman dropkicks it into his face (the Van Kidmanator?) and covers. Kidman covers and the ref wakes up to count two. Kidman whips him to the corner and goes off the ropes into an Angle Slam, then Rey Mysterio appears on the top rope and hits that crotch to the face takedown thing. Kind of like a top rope Bronco Buster without all the gay. Angle gives chase but gets counted out just as he gets back to the ring.

Winner: Billy Kidman by count out (8:23)

Angle German suplexes Kidman and hits some mounted punches, then Angle Slams him over the top rope. Before walking off, pissed. Tazz and Cole call him the Red White and Blue Buzzsaw, and backstage, Tajiri starts to cry.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

The Rock gets checked on by the trainer and we do a Brock training video. I now realize why they had Heyman talk for him for so long. The guy’s got the voice of a complete wuss.

Back in the locker room, Edge asks how the Rock’s doing. Edge says Benoit and Guerrero are out of control, the Rock flips out on Edge with a trademark impossible to follow but highly entertaining Rock ramble, which culminates in him pantomiming (pay attention now) throwing one of his testicles in the air, then catching it in his mouth and spitting it into his opponent’s face before taking his boot, shining it up real nice, turning it sideways and… Edge finishes the catchphrase and they walk off. Ahhh, Edge: Main-Eventer Sidekick to the Stars. The Rick Jones of the WWE.

Commercial break… Video of Heyman getting a StinkFace last week.

And we’re back.

Tazz talks about watching Heyman take a Stink Face while eating dinner with his family. I think it’s great that all the ex-ECW guys just openly hate Heyman.

Rikishi & John Cena vs. Reverend D-Von & Batista: Video of Batista attacking D-Von last week. While they come down the ring, the two barely acknowledge each other’s presence.

D-Von and Cena to start . Cena with a wristlock, reversed by D-Von. D-Von is yelling at Batista the whole time. Cena floats out of a body press off a whip and tags Rikishi,. Whip but D-Von goes for a sunset flip, backs off before he can get sat on. Rikishi legdrop sets up a corner whip but D-Von gets the elbow up and gets a flying forearm. Slaps Batista’s hand hard to tag him in and they continue to yell at each other even as Batista clotheslines the hell out of Rikishi and pounds away in the corner. Cross corner whip reverses and Batista gets splashed and Samoan dropped Blind tag by D-Von off a whip and Cena comes in with a forearm and they brawl outside. Batista takes Double Chin Music, then Rikishi Backs That Ass Up and signals for the Stink Face. D-Von comes from behind and Cena dropkicks Batista out. Rikishi DDTs D-Von, then Backs That Ass Up and hits the Stink Face. Batista comes back in and clotheslines Rikishi down, then Cena comes in and takes a reverse DDT drop from D-Von. Batista and D-Von argue and D-Von grabs Batista’s face, pissed about the Stink Face. Batista hits his finishing spinebuster on D-Von, looks at Rikishi and Cena, then just walks out. Rikishi drags D-Von to the corner and hits the Banzai Drop as a formality.

Winners: Rikishi and John Cena by pinfall (5:45)

Cole and Tazz talk about the tension between Batista and D-Von. Jesus, pull the trigger on the face turn already. Enough of this “tension” crap.

Backstage, Nidia and Noble walk and Nidia flashes a random fat old guy who’s just kind of sitting there.

Commercial break… WWE Rewind: Jamie Noble clotheslines Torrie last week during the match with Nidia

And we’re back.

Nidia (w/WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Molly: Lockup, Nidia grabs a wristlock to a hammerlock but Molly fireman’s carries her out Another lockup, Molly grabs a side headlock. Nidia shoves out but gets shoulder blocked. Molly goes off the ropes but gets grabbed by Noble and rolled up for two. Backslide gets two. Double leg takedown and bridging pin get two. Corner whip but Molly moves and takes control. She goes for a suplex but gets small packaged for two. Hair takedowns by Nidia, double leg takedown and slingshot set up a school boy that gets two.. Cross corner whip reversed by Molly, who misses a handspring elbow and gets DDTed for two. Nidia puts Molly up top and goes for a superplex but gets shoved down. Noble charges, gets kicked down and Molly hits the Molly-Go-Round to retain.

Winner: Molly by pinfall (3:38)

Noble on the mic, says that she got robbed. He says he’s still the champ, Nidia’s still the prettiest girl he knows (aww… that’s sweet) and that she should give the crowd what they want. Nidia starts to undress but Molly comes in to dropkick Noble into Nidia, knocking her down. Molly walks up the ramp, screaming about people keeping their clothes on.

So far this is only the second match of the night to end on a regular pinfall without any plot developments causing the finish.

Commercial break… HBK/HHH video for SummerSlam… man, the commercials suck tonight

And we’re back.

Stephanie McMahon’s music hits and Steph comes to the top of the ramp. She welcomes everyone to Smackdown, the greatest show on television today, (especially if you’re Hispanic.) Steph says that at SummerSlam, the Smackdown superstars will steal the show. (That’s a lot of alliteration.)

Video package runs down the card: HHH/Shawn Michaels; Flair/Jericho; Lance Storm and Christian/Booker and Goldust; Undertaker/Test; Angle/Mysterio; Benoit/RVD; Brock/Rock.

Mix of “Latino Heat” and Benoit’s “Whatever” theme play Radicalz 2002 down to the ring. Backstage, Heyman and Brock take a seat to watch on a monitor. And we go to commercial.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge and WWE Undisputed Champion the Rock: Edge charges the ring and attacks immediately. Rock’s music hits and he charges down to save, dumps Benoit while Eddie and Edge go at it. Edge slugs away. Eddie reverses a whip and goes for a dropkick, gets slingshotted into Benoit. Clothesline gets two for Edge. Guerrero powers out of a corner beatdown and hits some kidney punches. Tag to Benoit, who stomps on Edge. Benoit chops in the corner. Edge reverses and gets some chops of his own. Cross corner whip reversed but Edge clotheslines Benoit down and faceplants him for two. Eddie and Benoit double team and Benoit tags. Eddie in with a slingshot swanton and stomps away. Eddie pounds away and gets a back elbow off a whip, tells the Rock to kiss his ass. Edge reverses a whip and Eddie ducks a clothesline, snapmares him and stands on his face. Tag to Benoit, backbreaker gets two on Edge. Backstage, Heyman and Brock watch. In the ring, Benoit pounds away. He hangs Edge on the second rope and Guerrero pounds away. Tag to Eddie, goes for a brainbuster but Edge floats out and they both go for cross-bodies for a double KO. Both tag, and Rock explodes out at Benoit with punches and the implant DDT. Rock dumps Eddie. Dragon screw sets up the Sharpshooter on Benoit, broken up by Guerrero. Rock kips up and spinebusters Eddie. People’s Elbow gets two, broken up by Benoit. Benoit drags Rock out and hotshots him on the announce table, puts him into the post. Back in, Benoit covers for two. Benoit works the ribs with stomps. Tag to Guerrero who works the ribs with corner shoulder thrusts. Snapmare out of the corner gets two. Eddie stomps away Rock comes back with some punches but goes off the ropes into a dropkick. Tag to Benoit, who covers for two. Knees to the gut, Benoit knocks Edge off the apron and grabs the Crossface on the Rock. Rock tries for the ropes and looks like he’s fading. Guerrero pulls the rope away from the Rock. Ref raises the Rock’s hand once… twice…. Rock keeps it up on the third try and grabs the bottom rope. Benoit drags him to the center of the ring and grabs the Crossface again, broken by Edge, who gets dumped by Benoit after getting a shot in on Eddie. Tag to Guerrero, who covers for two. Scoop slam and Guerrero goes up top. But Edge interrupts the frog splash. Both men down, Rock tags Edge despite Eddie pulling on his leg. Edge is in, back body drop to Eddie, faceplant to Eddie, spear to Benoit in the corner. Edge misses the spear on Eddie but hits the Edge-o-cution for two, broken up by Benoit. Rock in, Rock Bottom to Benoit. Edge spears Guerrero and covers.

Winners: Edge and the Rock by pinfall (12:00)

After the match, Edge and the Rock celebrate but Brock slides into the ring. Rock sends Edge away and the Rock and Brock stare down. Rock tells him to Jjust bring it and startslsugigin away. Knee to the gut and Brock shoulder thrust the inred ribs.. Rock comes back with righst and Spt Punche Lesnar out. Brock tries to get back in the ring buyt Heyman holds him back. We close on Cole and Tazz hard-selling SummerSlam and Rock and Brock staring down.

Average, plot-heavy show, with three of the five matches ending screwy because of angle advancement. Good main event, as is par for the course the last few weeks, saves it.

Thanks for reading and see you next week. Enjoy SummerSlam.