wrestling / TV Reports

411’s WWE Smackdown Report 09.19.02

September 19, 2002 | Posted by Brendan Johnston

WWE Smackdown for September 19, 2002, from Colorado Springs, Colorado
Report by Brendan Johnston exclusively for www.411wrestling.com

Last week I said that Rikishi beat Chris Benoit by disqualification when the truth of the matter was that Benoit won as Angle shoved him off the top rope to counter the Swandive headbutt. Thanks to the reader who pointed it out, even though I noticed it myself upon reviewing the show.

Also thanks to everyone who informed me that Eddie Guerrero is 33 and Chavo Guerrero is 31. Even Ron Gamble, who took time away from trying to win this feud to help me. YOU’LL GET NO SUCH QUARTER FROM ME, GAMBLE!!!!! VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE!!

Raw… Rico vs. Ric Flair… I will never understand why being given a match with someone who’s supposed to be one of the best ever is considered “a reward.” Yeah, Rico won, but only due to chicanery. It’s like, “Congratulations, you did a great job, now go fight someone who’s almost definitely gonna kick your ass.” See I’d ask to fight Justin Credible or someone. Someone who I know I can beat and who won’t embarrass me out there.

Billy & Chuck appeared on Monday to take out Bischoff and the Island Boys. They were in new “hetero” mode. Apparently the WWE’s view of what heterosexuals wear is tight jeans, jogging pants and fake tans without shirts. Hey it’s what I’m wearing right now.

Looks like it’s RVD vs. HHH for the Fake World HHH Ego-Stroke Title at Unforgiven. Hmm, Triple H in a feud with a smaller, more over wrestler with better hair and a flashy set of moves… yeah, this bodes well for RVD.

If RVD falls to the dreaded Triple H sleeper hold…. oh man, I wouldn’t even care. I think it’s so funny that they’re using that as a finisher. They should change all the big stars’ finishers to lame moves that haven’t been scary since the eighties. How hilarious would it be for Brock’s F5 to not work so he has to resort to the dreaded atomic drop to put away the Undertaker? Or Test no-sells the Kane chokeslam so the Big Red Machine busts out the dreaded bodyslam to pin the UnAmerican?

Apparently Bill Goldberg and Steve Austin are considering forming a wrestling promotion of their own. However, as with a good number of upstart promotions backed by former superstars, there have already been problems: apparently they’re not sure whose backyard to use.

An impassioned pleae to the Rattlesnake and the… Jewish Rattlesnake (?): Guys… call it “Stone Gold Wrestling.” Please?

Is anyone surprised that the Road Dog put on weight? A) He hasn’t been working in like two years and B) HE’S A STONER! He was fired for pot possession, for God’s sake. Two years of not wrestling off the munchies’ll take a serious toll on a Dogg. Cut him some slack, guys.

And now, on with the report….

We open with video of Bischoff sabotaging the Billy & Chuck wedding last week. The montage rolls, the pyro hits and Michael Cole welcomes us to Smackdown for September 19, 2002. We are 72 hours, just three days away from Unforgiven on PPV.

Torrie Wilson and Rey Mysterio vs. Nidia & WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble: About damn time they put Rey against Noble.

Niddia slaps Torrie to start. Torrie gets a double leg takedown and some chops. Nidia reverses a whip but telegraphs and takes Torrie’s neckbreaker for two. Corner whip but Nidia moves and goes on the offensive with a snap suplex for two. Tag to Noble and Torrie tries to tag Rey but Noble grabs her leg. Torrie kicks out and tags Rey, who’s in with a spring board Bombs Away then a headscissors for two. Noble reverses a whip, hits a bodypress and dropkick to Mysterio’s face for two. Another whip but Noble telegraphs and takes a springboard bulldog for two. Nidia distracts on the outside and Noble clotheslines Rey for two. Torrie breaks up the three and Noble goes for a Tiger Bomb on her, broken up by Rey. Nidia comes in and gets setup for the Bronco Buster, but Toririe calls Rey off and hits it herself. Noble pulls Nidia out and asks for a Bronco Buster of his own. Torrie nods but Rey hits it instead, then the 619. Nidia tries to break up the West Coast Pop but Torrie baseball slides her. West Coast Pop misses but Mysterio rolls Noble up for the win.

Winners: Rey Mysterio & Torrie Wilson by pinfall (4:09)

Backstage, Steph tells Reverend D-Von to get Batista back in Smackdown or he’ll get fired. Paul Heyman comes in to state that he hired extra security to potect Brock from the Undertaker tonight. Steph says that Sara went into false labor this monring and was in the hospital, and Heyman is pleased because that means the Undertaker won’t be there tonight. Steph says that Sara’s been released and the Undertaker’s on his way. Heyman looks terrified and leaves. Bnrock is waiting outside with a bunch of cops. Heyman tells him that Taker is on the way and tells the cops that he could come from anywhere. Brock and Heyman walk off, flanked by cops.

If this Sara pregnancy thing turns out to be an angle, I’m gonna be disgusted.

Commercial break

And we’re back. During the break, Rey Mysterio and Jamie Noble walked past Kidman backstage and looked apologetic. Then they walked off talking about how great it is to be on TV every week.

Steph comes down to the ring to talk about how McMahons always get even, then they show video of the incidents from Monday. I have to be honest, I was completely shocked when Steph came out of the “horde of lesbians.” And boy howdy did Billy get some air on that FameAsser. Steph accepts the challenge for Unforgiven then says that she’ll address the stipulations later on in their live satellite feed interview. Then she introduces Billy & Chuck, who still come out to the boy-band music with the effete little dancing.

Billy on the mic, says he wants to stet the record striaght, so to speak. But after that, he says things are a little clouydy for Billy Gunn. One way is to stay teamed with Chcuk. Another is to pursue his singles career (yeah, because that always goes well. You idiot.). So what he’s saying is… Chuck interrupts and says what he’s saying is that Billy goes both ways. (Ha ha…) Billy on the mic and syshe knows how excited Chuck is to go down (HA HA!)… to LA this weekend to beat the crap out of Rosie and Jamal! And if Eric Bischoff isn’t down with that, Billy has two words for him, and starts to do a DX crotch chop but “Medal” hits and Kurt Angle appears at the top of the ramp.

Angle wants to know when Smackdown turned into a bad episode of Three’s Company? (There are GOOD episodes of Three’s Company?) Angle says last week was the worst example of a publictiy stunt he’s ever seen. He says he got some publicity back in 1996 when he won an Olympic Gold Medal with a broken freakin’ neck!

Chuck on the mic, asks what he thinks people mean when they chant “You Suck” at him. Angle says that if he’s implying that he’s gay, he’s not. Not that there’s a problem with that. Gay people love him! (D’oh!) Angle invites one of them for a match, but Steph says she wants them in tag team action. Angle says that he’ll tag with anyone, and the three in the ring can even decide who his partner’s gonna be. Steph decides that it’ll be Benoit. Angle tries to re-create the hilarity of last week’s double-entendre filled promo but it doesn’t really work. He says that he’ll see them in the ring.

Backstage, Heyman talks about how he wants Brock to finish the match quick tonight to save Heyman the stress. “Get in, F5, get out.” Heh. The cops won’t go to the ring with them. Heyman says “It never stops.”

Commercial break… The Lugz Boot of the Week is Undertaker attacking Heyman then getting chairshotted by Brock last week.

And we’re back. And here’s the Undisputed Champion in yet another mid-card match. Wonderful.

WWE Undisputed Champion Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman) vs. John Cena: Orange and blue for Cena tonight. Match is non-title.

They staredown to start. Lockup to a throw by Lensar. Gutwrench to a pin by Lesnar for two. Another rlockup, Cena grabs a side headlock to a hammerlock. Lesnar reverses and clubs him in the back, drops an elbow, works a full nelson for a second and drops another elbow to the back. Cena comes back with punches but gets kneed in the gut and belly-to-belly suplexed. Brock pounds away while Cole and Tazz talk about the Undertaker and Heyman looks apprehensively at the entranceway. Stalling vertical suplex gets two for Brock. Bearhug on the mat to a bridging pin by Lesnar for two, then back to the bearhug. Cena makes the ropes, Brock breaks the hold and pulls Cena back into the bearhug. Another pin attempt gets two for Brock. Cena fights up with elbows but Brock backdrops him then goes back to the bearhug, then the rolling rib breakers. Stomps in the corner. Heyman wants him to hurry up and Cena comes back after the distraction. Jawbreaker and punches by Cena. He ducks a clothelsine and hits a dropkick but gets speared to the corner. Cena goes for a crucifix pin but Lesnar catches him and in a cool spot, basically just twitches his shoulders to set Cena up for the F5, and that’s it.

Winner: Brock Lesnar by pinfall (5:46)

Total squash and storyline setup match, a slow plodding waste of Cena and Lesnar. The kick-ass finish wasn’t enough to save it. Hopefully after Lesnar wins on Sunday he’ll get some kind of legit main event push.

Later on we get Rikishi and Edge vs. the Guerreros.

Video of Rikishi discussing a near-death experience in 1987 after a drive-by shooting. He gets teary talking about how we was allowed to live to provide for his family…

Man, how can I make fun of him after that? And how old is he if he had a wife and kids in 87?

Commercial break

And we’re back. There’s a camera positioned outside the building to wait for the Undertaker.

They run an Undertaker Desire video with some sweet old-school footage, set to that Gavin Rossdale song from XXX.

Eddie is backstage complaining about how he can’t get the stink of Chavo off his face. Eddie says that Edge has disrespected him too many times, and his pretty face won’t be the same ever again after tonight.

Commercial break… The Tuexedo looks quite good, actually.

And we’re back.

Edge & Rikishi vs. Eddie and Chavo Guerrero:Edge is in his all white jacket/tights combo which caused me and Tom to compare him ot David Lee Roth at SummerSlam… The ring announcer is pronouncing the hll out of the Hispanic names tonight.

Rikishi and Chavo to start. Chavo slaps him but gets grabbed by the neck. Eddie charges but Rikishi cleans house. Chavo goes for a sunset flip but dodges the buttdrop. Tag to Edge, who’s in wih a flying clothesline, back body drop and faceplant for Chavo that get two. Edge slugs away.but Chavo reverses a whip and tosses Edge. Eddie gets a chair and swings for the fences but Edge ducks and Eddie hits the post. Chavo baseball slides Edge and Eddie pounds away. He rolls Edge back in and tag. Eddie in with punches. Tag to Chavo, slingshot knee to the back.and Chavo stomps and chokes in the corner. Ref calls him off but Eddie chokes Edge on the mat. Backdrop by Chavo, tag to Eddie who’s in with a slingshot swanton and punches. Edge comes back with a powerslam. Chavo and Eddie work on Edge in the corner. Eddie goes for a tornado DDT but Edge just throws him off the rope. Tag to Chavo, tag to Eddie and Rikishi’s a near-death experiencing house of fire, cleaning house on Los Guerreros. Eddie and Chavogo for a double suplex but Rikishi gets his own. He Backs That Ass Up on Chavo, then on Eddie and StinkFaces Chavo, who rolls out and grabs a camera form a cameraman and kills Rikishi dead with it.

Winners: Chavo Guerrero and Eddie Guerrero by pinfall (5:39)

Edge comes in and spears Chavo, then Eddie comes in with a chair and just caves Edge’s skull in with it. Edge blades and Eddie shouts at him, smearing the blood around his face.

Wow… the match sucked but my God the Guerrero boys are one HELL of a bad-ass tag team.

Commercial break

And we’re back. Steph announces the man who neither needs nor deserves an introdution, live via satellite, Eric Bischoff. Steph asks how his “Bischoffs” are doing. Bisch says that’s kind of lowbrow for such a lovely young woman, then tries to start an “HLA” chant. Steph says that HLA is just a cheap thrill for him. Bisch says that a cheap thrill is gonna be when Jamal and Rosie beat Billy & Chuck, then Steph has to perform som Hot Lesbian Action. Steph says that Billy and Chuck will win then Bischoff will have to kiss her ass.. But if Billy & Chuck do somehow lose and Steph ahs to perform some HLA, she just might like it.

Okay, my take on HLA… Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with catering to thirteen year old boys, but Jesus… it’s just offensive. I have at least one friend who’s a lesbian and the depiction of people of that sexual persuasion as li Also, frankly, it smackd of nothing but desperation by WWE.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Matt Hardy vs. The Hurricane: Hurricane’s not wearing his shirt, for some reason. Matt on the mic, sasy that he asked for the match to give old buddy the Hurricane the honor of being in the ring with him, the man who beat the Undertaker.

Lockup to a Matt armdrag, celebrating and drawing some heat. Lockup to a schoolboy, Matt taunts with the “This close” and draws a “We want Jeff” chant. Hurrciane flip-flops out of a wristlock and rolls Matt up for two, gets slapped after the “this close” taunt Mounted punches by the Hurricane, top rope crosss body gets two.Hurricane goes for the Hurri-Chokeslam but Matt gets a neck breaker to get out of it. Punches in the corner and snapmare to elbow drop that gets two for Matt Hardy. Hardy pounds away but gets body blocked by Hurricane. Matt comes back with an elbow and gets some mounted punches. The ”We want Jeff” chants get lounder. Hotshot gets two for Matt. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, Hurrciane shoves out and hits the floating neckbreakr for the double KO. Both men up, Hardy runs into a leaping clothesline and Overcast for two. Diving legdrop by Hardy misses to set up the Shining Wizard, which only gets two. Side Effect by Hardy gets two. Backrop countered by the Eye of fthe Hurricane for two. Hurricane goes up top, cross body countered by a punch to the gut. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, Hurricane reverses to a backslide attempt, gets kicked in the Hurri-crotch, then Matt hits the Twist of Fate to end it.

Winner: Matt Hardy by pinfall (5:46)

Best match of the night so far, really picked up at the end.

The Benoit “Feel my pain” video is shown, then footage of out back, waiting for the Undertaker.

Commercial break… at this point I start reading Hellboy: Seed of Destruction because the show is not holding my interest

And we’re back.

In the locker room, Heyman convinces Lesnar to leave, then convinces himself that the Undertaker is waiting in the parking lot for them, and sits back down.

They run down the Unforgiven card, which reminds me that I didn’t do my predictions yet.

The Unforgiven Predictions of Doom

1.) I don’t care at all about this PPV.
2.) No one else does either because the build to it has been the worst ever.
3.) In a shocking swerve, Jericho’s beard turns on him and joins Ric Flair, winning the IC title for the Nature Boy. Flair and the beard form a new incarnation of the Four Horsemen.
4.) The entire Cruiserweight division will take a nap backstage because they haven’t been on PPV in months and no longer care.
5.) I won’t be watching it because I’m going to visit my sister at college.

There you have it.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit vs. Billy & Chuck: Rulon Gardner and Kevin Jackson, also American Olympic Gold Medalists in wrestling, are in the audience. Billy & Chuck still have their red ring gear but no bandanas or robes.

Benoit and Angle argue over who gets to start. Benoit wins. Benoit and Chuck to start, lockup into the corner and Benoit slugs away. Chuck reverses a whip, gets a belly to belly and a dropkick. Angle laughs at Benoit and Benoit slaps him for the tag. Angle charges Chuck and gets tossed. Angle reverses a whip and gets a back elbow, plays to Benoit but gets clotheslined for two by Chuck. Tag to Billy Angle slugs away. but Billy reverses a cross corner whip and clotheslines him, then hits a tilt a whirl slam for two and dumps Angle. Billy gives chase outside and gets clotheslined by Benoit. Tag to Benoit, who hits some rolling German suplexes on Billy. After three, Benoit plays to Angle and kicks Billy in the head, then tags out. Angle counters the FameAsser with some rollling Germans of his own. Angle covers for two and grabs a front facelock. Billy powers out and slugs away but runs into the belly-to-belly from Angle. Angle knocks Chuck off the apron. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, Billy counters with the One and Only for the double KO. Both men tag and Chuck murders Benoit with clotheslines and punches and a powerslam, then gets Angle Slammed. Billy in with the FameAsser to Angle. German suplex by Benoit to Billy, belly to belly by Chuck to Benoit and he sets Angle up for the superkick, which is caught and turned into the ankle lock. Benoit breaks it up and grabs the Crossface, broken up by Billy. Billy whips Benoit into the Chuck superkick and that’s enough to put the Crippler away.

Winners: Billy & Chuck by pinfall (7:30)

After the match, Angle grabs the Ankle Lock on Benoit, who taps. Angle goes for another and Benoit grabs the Crossface. Angle taps.

Backstage, the Undertaker arrives.

Commercial break

“Dead Man Walking….” Undertaker comes down to the ring. Taker says that Tonight has nothing to do with business, it’s strictly personal. Taker’s there to teach Brock a lesson, so he better come out or else Taker’ll go back there and find him. Last week Brock said that life’s a bitch, but Tkaer’s here to tell him that payback’s a bitch. Lesnar’s music hits and Lesnar comes down, with Heyman trying to call him off. Brock shoves Heyman aside and charges the Underaker. Shoulder thrusts in the corner and Undertaker revesres to a flurry of punches. Heyman class Matt Hardy down and Taker tosses Brock, manhandles Matt. Heyman and Lesnar retrat and Matt attacks again, getting the crap kicked out of him. Undertaker goes to the back after Heyman and Lesnar, where Brock is surrounded by police, who have Brock handcuffed in protective custody. Brock gets in the back of the squad car and they speed off.

Well that was a really bad show.

Thanks for reading. See you next week. Enjoy Unforgiven

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Brendan Johnston

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