411’s WWF Raw Report 1.7.02

411’s WWF Raw Report 1.7.02
Live from New York
Announcers are JR and King
I’m PK, I’ll be doing this report

First, big ups to the Chicago Bears capturing the NFC Central! My parents were at the game, and they said the place erupted! I only wish I could be there…which reminds me, Carlos will be here next week, I’ll be visiting my parents in Chicago….Hey Eric S, gimme you phone number, we can hang out…you can show me the good nudie bars!

I hear that N*SYNC will be appearing as extras in Star Wars Ep 2. That’s not all the bad news, apparently they will be JEDI KNIGHTS!!! All this to make his 2 daughters happy.

One last thing before Raw starts….9 words to put us all in the loony bin. “Scary Movie 3: Episode 1: Lord of the Brooms.” Splendid.

RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Triple H U2 Video, apparently he comes back tonight.

Intro….Rock and Stone Cold take on Booker T and Bossman.

Vince comes out with a gift in his hands to start. He has something more important then HHH to talk about, his match with Flair. He put together a montage together of Flair. It is put over “Cocky” by Kid Rock. It doesn’t seem to fit. He then shows us a recap of Flair announcing he co-ownership, then he showed clips of Flair attacking him last week on Smizcak to the Dizown. He then says that he is indeed the man, and Flair has to defeat him. McMahon puts on a white wig and a Nature Boy robe, then walks around mockingly. He pretty much gets in McMahon’s face and bitches him out. He rips the wig off McMahon’s head, then demands the take off the robe. When McMahon started to disrobe, he whipped it out…and nailed Flair with a pipe! KICK ASS! McMahon then beats the snot Flair a bit.

Commercials.

Recap of Vince beating the shit out of Flair.

RVD vs. Test
Test dominates the beginning of the match. Test has a sleeper locked on, RVD tries to fight out it, but Test drills him. Test goes for the Meltdown, but RVD flips out of it, nails the inside enzaguri. RVD goes to the top, but Test pushes Ref Timmy White in the ropes to crotch RVD. Test goes out to get a chair, RVD catches him, nails a Van Daminator, then a 5*.
Winner – RVD

Coach awaiting the arrival of Triple H. Angle shows up, pissed that everyone is talking about HHH. He has an announcement to make, and he wants everyone to spread the news that tonight is his night.

Commercials.

Trish Stratus shows up in WWF NY. Terri then pops out of nowhere. She gloats that she is a better co-host of Excess….a show that no one watches…except Flea. Terri challenges Trish to a wet T-shirt contest.

Billy & Chuck (Their formal Tag Team name). Billy on the mic, says he thinks they should be in a wet T-shirt contest, not Trish and Terri.

Billy & Chuck vs. Zoo Crew
Wait a second, are B&C supposed to be gay?? DAMNIT!!!! I can’t concentrate on recapping this. Billy nails a Famasser on Scotty. Wow…I think I can now officially say Billy Gunn is no longer my favorite wrestler.
Winners – Billy & Chuck

Commercials.

Sharmel interviews Y2J. He has a non-title match against Rikishi. He runs down Flair, and applauds Vince.

Cole says it’s been a great night so far. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT!?!?! Stone Cold doesn’t want to wish Triple H good luck. He also wants to enter himself in the Royal Rumble. Then he runs down Booker and Bossman.

Commercials.

King will get to spray water all over Terri and Trish tonight.

Edge (c) vs. Lance Storm – IC Title
Hmmmm, this was short. Edge destroys Storm, hits a Edgacution.
Winner and Still Champ – Edge

Regal comes out and drills Edge with the brass knucks.

Commercials.

Kurt talking to Christian. He mentions how much he hates “Beautiful Day” by U2. He then says he tears his quad all the time, in fact, he did it this morning, and he’s fine and jumping around. Christian tells Kurt to make it his own Beautiful Day.

Booker T & Bossman vs. The Rock & Stone Cold
Austin and Rock start off quick, Rock jumps Book on the outside, Austin and Bossman on the inside. Bossman gets a Lou Theiz press, Austin then stomps BBM down in the corner, tags in Rock, who continues to beat down BBM. BBM reverses an irish whip, tags in Booker. Booker sends Rock to the outside, BBM goes out and drills Rock with the nightstick. Rock back in, hits the belly to belly, then a spinebuster, goes for a People’s Elbow. BBM breaks it up, and Booker nails a Book End, Stone Cold comes in, gives Booker another spinebuster. Rock and Booker both back up, Rock nails a DDT. Both men tag, Austin takes out both Booker and BBM. Rock takes out Booker, Austin hits a Stunner and BBM, and thank god this match is over. They drink beer to celebrate.
Winners – Austin & Rock

Jericho getting ready for his match.

Commercials. Is it wrong to rather watch reruns of Sex in the City?

Rewind – Rikishi giving Test a Stink Face.

Rikishi vs. Chris Jericho
Nothing of note. Rikishi misses the Banzia drop, gives Ref Nick Patrick a Stink Face, Jericho gives him a belt shot for the win. Yawn….where is HHH?
Winner – Y2J

Commercials.

Big Show talking to Tajiri and Torrie Wilson about Triple H. Angle comes in, calls them teenagers at a Ricky Martin concert. He reminds them how miserable HHH made everyone else.

Recap of Vince kicking Flair’s ass.

Spike warming up. Bubba and Dvon get in his face. Enter Tazz. Bubba tells Tazz he forgot where he came from. Bubba: “Beat us if you can” Tazz: “Survive if we let you.” This could be good.

Commercials.

Dudley Boyz (c) (w/ Eric’s Beloved and Beautiful) vs. Tazz & Spike Dudley – Tag Team Titles
Really good match, too short, but good, Spike nails a Dudley Dog through a table on Bubba for the win, while Tazz has Dvon locked in a Tazzmission.
Winners and New Champs – Tazz & Spike

Trish getting ready for the wet T-shirt match.

Commercials.

Taker welcomes Triple H back. He says that us fans only want him to get reinsured, and that we have no respect.

Trish Stratus vs. Terri Runnels – Wet T-shirt Contest
Terri gets soaked first, then King went get Trish, Jazz came out and delivered a sickening DDT.

Commercials.

Triple H comes out. He parades around for about 5 minutes, he then announces that he officially has entered the Royal Rumble. Angle then comes out to interrupt. He makes his major announcement, that he too will be in the Royal Rumble, his first RR, because he was too busy kicking HHH’s ass at last years event for the Title. HHH then attacks him, and gives him a Pedigree.

Non-wrestling Trivia Question for 2 weeks ago – How many men did it take to lift the Duff Beer Beeramid?

I don’t remember actually, I think it’s 4.

Non-wrestling Trivia Question for this Week – What two words are the earliest documented in the English language?

Non-wrestling Fun Fact of the Week – German lawmakers have approved new rules intended to improve the lot of Germany’s 400,000 prostitutes, removing what the government sees as discrimination in the fields of health care, pensions and life insurance. The industry generates an estimated $4.5 billion annually in Germany. Some of the new rules:

Pimping becomes legal, provided there are formal contracts and the women enter the deal willingly. Prostitutes will now be able to sue their clients for non-payment if they can identify them. But the men themselves will have no legal recourse if they are not satisfied with the service.

I’m PK, and I’m on vacation!