411’s WWF Smackdown Report 04.04.02

WWF SmackDown! for April 4, 2002
From Rochester, New York
Report by Brendan Johnston exclusively for 411wrestling.com

Opens with Vince McMahon, lord and master of the post-split SmackDown, in his office. Vince informs us that Ric Flair’s appointment of the Undertaker to #1 Contender status on Monday’s RAW is invalid. According to the board of the directors, the winner of the draft coin toss also wins the right to name the number one contender for Backlash. Vince will announce his number one contender later tonight.
With that, the new opening montage for SD starts, featuring the likes of Billy and Chuck, Tazz, and Hulk Hogan. Same Marilyn Manson though. Michael Cole and Tazz welcome us to Smackdown in Rochester, announcing a Kurt Angle/Edge match for tonight.

Opening interview: “Medal” hits and Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring in “Angle Training Camp” civvies. Tazz and Cole compare themselves to the guys from Miami Vice. They’re still “What?”ing Angle even though Austin’s on RAW. Angle says he’s more than willing to face HHH at Backlash, and he doesn’t have to give his reasons. But he’s going to. 1) He’s beaten HHH more than anyone; 2) He’s an Olympic gold medalist (really? He’s never mentioned that); 3) Everyone loves him; 4) “BREAK THE WALLS DOOOOOWN!”
Chris Jericho’s music hits and the ex-champ makes his way to the ring in really pink and glittery clothing. They stare down momentarily, and Y2J calls Angle a pompous jackass, and says he’s the only one who deserves a shot at the Game, as he has yet to receive a one-on-one rematch. He starts insulting the crowd and says he isn’t a has-been. (He pronounces it like “has-bean.” Tazz doesn’t understand.) The “@$$-hole/has-been” chants start. He says the title shot is his and asks Angle how he likes them apples. Angle doesn’t seem pleased, and cleverly agrees that Y2J is in fact a has-been. Jericho points out that the last time they threw down, Y2J won. Jericho proposes they fight to decide #1 contender. Angle agrees.

“IF YA SMELLLLLL….” And the crowd pops like crazy. The Rock appears at the top of the ramp. He paces and the crowd chants. “Finally…” The Rock says there is no one- “and the Rock means NO ONE”- who deserves a shot more… and he pauses. Looks pensive. Then again, maybe there is someone else. And the “Hogan! Hogan!” chants start. The Rock knows that one day his shot at the Undisputed title will come. But until then, the one man who deserves it more than the Rock is… (wait for it… wait for it…) A legend, says the Rock. An icon, says the Rock.

Angle starts to thank him. The Rock shuts him up. The Rock isn’t talking about Angle. The Rock is talking about Hulk Hogan! Jericho thinks that’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t matter what he thinks. It doesn’t matter what Angle thinks either. It doesn’t even matter what the Rock thinks. He mentions it’s a new SmackDown (even though it looks the same), and it’s now “the People’s Show.” All that matters is what the people think.

On the count of three, the people will let them know who they want in the main event at Backlash. Right on cue, the “Hogan! Hogan!” chants start up again, and the Rock will not let it die. “IF YA SMELLLLLL…. WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN’!!!”

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Albert and Scotty warm up backstage. They have a title match coming up. Albert fraternally smacks Scotty on the chest. Ow.

Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert vs. WWF Tag Team Champions Billy & Chuck (w/Rico) (Title Match): Billy and Chuck and Rico make their way to the ring. Scotty and Albert are already there. Scotty and Chuck to start. He hammers away, but Scotty gets a neckbreaker for two. Chuck hugs Billy for comfort, and Scotty nails him. Billy’s in and he pounds on Scotty. The ref is distracted by a Billy/Albert scuffle, and Chuck pounds on Scotty. Scotty comes back, floating out of a running slam attempt, ducking a clothesline and superkicking Chuck. Both teams tag, Albert comes in and cleans house, gets a powerslam and two on Billy, broken up by Chuck. Albert gets a body avalanche, tags Scotty and goes after Rico, gets nailed by Chuck. Scotty gets a DDT for two, ref’s out. Scotty gets booted by Rico. (One of the highest kicks I’ve ever seen.) Billy rolls over for the pin, and Albert can’t make it in time. 1-2-3 and Billy & Chuck retain the titles.

Winners: Billy & Chuck by pinfall (3:00)

Rico’s in to congratulate and gets intimidated by Albert. Scotty’s back, bulldogs Rico, and goes for the Worm. Albert cheers, but midway through, slams him down and starts pounding away and choking him on the ropes! Albert screams about how he’s been held back and how Scotty made him dance for six months. Albert gives Scotty the Baldo Bomb, takes off his shirt to reveal… another, very similar shirt (seriously) and stalks away. Well… I didn’t see that one coming.

Commercial Break. I’ve never seen RVD’s 7-11 commercial before. Funny stuff.

Mark Lloyd is interviewing Vince McMahon. Vince doesn’t know who he is, and neither do I. Of course, I don’t run the company; I can be excused. Anyway… Vince couldn’t care less about what the people want for Backlash. Vince couldn’t care less what the Rock wants. All Vince cares about is what he wants. Then he gives the title shot at Backlash to… Hulk Hogan.

Jericho is elsewhere, watching on a monitor. Jericho stalks off, runs into the Rock and runs down Hogan’s accomplishments or lack thereof. The Rock challenges Jericho for tonight. Jericho says he’ll beat the People’s Champion on the People’s Show. The Rock says “Get ready.” It is implied that Jericho’s ass is next.

Commercial Break. A “Forceable Entry” promo showing a Benoit montage is shown.

And we’re back.

Cole talks about Benoit’s impending return. Christian is already in the ring. Video of the whole Christian-DDP storyline is shown.

Christian vs. Diamond Dallas Page: DDP ducks a clothesline, punches Christian and leapfrogs a charge. DDP tosses Christian and plays to the crowd. Christian gets a guillotine and is back in, stomps away and gets a Russian leg sweep for two, then locks in a sleeper. DDP elbows out and they trade pins for two. DDP boxes with a dazed Christian, hits a discus clothesline then a sit-down powerbomb for two. Christian gets a reverse-DDT backbreaker for two. DDP misses the Diamond Cutter but gets a small package for two. Christian gets a backbreaker-less reverse DDT for two, then throws his tantrum. DDP mocks him, then walks over into an eye-rake (!) into the Unprettier for the 1-2-3. He makes his way up the ramp, throwing a celebratory tantrum. (I don’t get it either.)

Winner: Christian by pinfall (4:00)

Angle is backstage, complaining about Hogan getting the shot. Edge shows up with some pictures from when they hung out together. Angle looks at them. On the back, so the audience can see, are some derogatory messages. Edge walks off, chuckling to himself. Angle is pleased as punch until he looks at the back of the pictures.

Triple H is pacing backstage, with the spiffy new Undisputed Title around his waist.

Commercial break. The Scorpion King is coming soon. Apparently everyone on the set was afraid of the Rock. Ha ha.

And we’re back.

First-hour interview: “TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!” HHH makes his way to the ring in T-shirt and jeans. He does the water trick and poses on the turnbuckle. Tazz and Cole talk about the last year or so of HHH’s life; the quad, the return, the Rumble, the break-up, the win at WrestleMania, et cetera. The Game talks about having to face the Undertaker by Flair’s edict. Then, for those who weren’t paying attention or were in the can or something, he says Vince overruled the decision in favor of Hollywood Hulk Hogan. (Bout time someone called him that.) Triple H doesn’t seem to care. He addresses the Undertaker, who he assumes is at home watching and pissed. When Triple H is done with Hogan, he’ll be waiting for the Deadman. As far as Hogan goes…
“Voodoo Child” hits, and Hogan comes out… in red and yellow! (Still got the boa, but whatever.) I have to turn the TV down because the pop woke my father up in the next room. The Hulkster makes his way to the ring and poses. He’s got a mic, and the chants start up. Triple H looks genuinely pleased. Hogan was just as surprised when McMahon made the match. Hogan calls him “Hunter!” Then he calls him “brother”! Hogan says he thought it couldn’t get any bigger than WM I, with him and Mr. T taking down Orndorff and Piper, or WM 3, when he slammed Andre, or WM X-8, when the fans brought Hulkamania back. But it really doesn’t get any bigger than the Undisputed Title. Hogan says if the fans say he deserves a shot, then he’s gonna take it (brother).

HHH agrees that it doesn’t get any bigger than the Undisputed Title, and says it’ll be an honor to square off with “the immortal Hulk Hogan.” But it’s a sad honor, because Triple H doesn’t want to have to hurt someone he’s looked up to his whole life. And hurt him badly. HHH will not hesitate, he says, not for one second. In that ring, says the Game, Hogan is not an icon. Not a legend. Not immortal. Just an obstacle to be run down. But that’s not a threat, not a warning, just a fact. Nothing will come between HHH and HHHis belt, not even the Immortal Hulk Hogan. Because, “brother”, he is the Game, and he is that damn good. (Guess now we know who the heel is, don’t we?)

But whenever the experts say Hulkamania is dead, says the Immortal, it rises up again. And when it rises up at Backlash, Hogan has one question. What’s the Game gonna do, brother… What’s he gonna do, “when Hulkamania runs wild on you?!” Hogan tears his shirt and poses. HHH grins and leaves as “Voodoo Child” comes back up and poses.

Up Next: Edge vs. Kurt Angle.

Commercial Break.

The Lugz Boot of the Week: Edge’s photo gag on Angle from… about ten minutes ago. Okay…

And we’re back.

Edge vs. Kurt Angle: Edge is out first. Angle’s out, in his black tights. (I like those tights, by the way.) Angle stomps away. Edge reverses a whip for a wheel kick. Angle gets a German suplex, then a vertical suplex for two. Angle chops in the corner. Edge reverses for chops of his own. Angle reverses a cross-corner Irish whip, but gets booted. Angle gets a belly-to-belly and goes for the Olympic Slam, Edge floats out and faceplants Angle. Angle’s tied up in the ropes and takes two spears from Edge, then clotheslined outside. Angle goes for a chair. Edge double axe-handles him off the apron and drags him back in. Back body drop by Edge. Edge goes for the spear and Angle gets the chair up for the DQ.

Winner: Edge by DQ at 5:00

Angle’s still got the chair, and Mike Chioda tries to get it away from him. Angle shoves Chioda around. Edge chases Angle out of the ring with the chair, and hangs on the ropes looking all werewolf-like as Angle walks up the ramp.

Torrie Wilson is applying lotion, and here comes Kidman! He’s got a match against Tajiri for the title. Kidman references their past in WCW, and wishes both Torrie and Tajiri luck anyway. They hug, and here comes Tajiri, asking for a kiss for luck. Then another one for more luck. (Smart man, that Tajiri.) Kidman watches them go.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

WWF Cruiserweight Champion Yoshihiro Tajiri (w/Torrie Wilson) v. Billy Kidman (Title Match): Wristlock exchange and Tajiri gets a standing head-scissors for two. They trade armdrags, Tajiri kicks Kidman out of the ring and follows him out with an asai moonsault. Tajiri puts him back in and goes up top, and Kidman dropkicks him in midair for two. Tajiri gets a wheel kick for two. They go back and forth in the corner, and Kidman misses the Shooting Star Press and takes the Stiff Kick to the Head for two. Kidman powers out of the Tarantula. Tajiri’s outside and gets his belt. Kidman stomps away, but Tajiri gets the Tarantula this time. He goes for the belt, but Torrie’s moved it. (?!) Tajiri babbles at Torrie, and Kidman comes from behind to roll him up for the win!

Winner, and NEW WWF Cruiserweight Champion: Billy Kidman by pinfall (4:00)

After the match, Tajiri looks maniacal, grabs a mic and shouts at Tajiri in Japanese. Torrie enters the ring. Tajiri’s getting “What?”ed and rightfully so. They actually bleep some of Tajiri’s Japanese! Ha! Tajiri tosses the mic down and leaves the ring. Torrie looks devastated.

In McMahon’s office, Vince rants about Maven losing the Hardcore title. Bob Holly is there, in ring gear, and says if he’d trained Tough Enough One, Maven wouldn’t have lasted a second. McMahon sends Holly to teach the kid a lesson. Holly leaves, and here’s Stacy Keibler, offering her services as executive assistant. She sticks her ass in the camera because… well, just because she’s Stacy Keibler, damn it. They have a seat, and we fade out.

Commercial Break.That guy from Real World Hawaii’s in Van Wilder. My sister’ll be pleased.

And we’re back.

D-Von Dudley is in Vince’s office, and wants to know why the hell Vince split up him and Buh-Buh Ray. (So do I, actually.) It’s time for Vince to testify, says D-Von! Vince explains that it’s all Flair’s fault, and that he drafted D-Von because he thought his time had come. But apparently, Vince was wrong. He throws D-Von out, telling him not to come back until he’s ready to step up and be a WWF Superstar.

Al Snow encourages Maven. Snow talks about Maven’s accomplishments for the last year. Then Snow tells him that a year ago, Maven would have had to go to the worst part of town and find the lowest of lowlives to mug him in order to get the beating Hardcore Holly’s about to give him. Snow makes the Sign of the Cross, kisses him twice and says that God is always with him, and now Maven’s really gonna need him. Snow walks off, and Maven looks nervous.

Commercial break.Jericho’s band, Fozzy, is at WWF New York this week.

The WWF Smack of the Night is brought to you by Foot Locker: Tommy Dreamer helping his mortal enemy Raven beat Maven for the Hardcore title.

And we’re back.

Maven v. Hardcore Holly: They grapple, and Maven gets a wheel kick for two. Holly pounds away, choke and chops in the corner. Holly hangs Maven up on the ropes and kicks him in the gut. Maven gets whipped off the ropes and Holly hits him with the Best Dropkick in the Business and plays to the crowd. Holly misses the double-stomp and Maven gets two. Maven gets another two-count with a missile dropkick from the top. Holly gets the Alabama Slam for the win.

Winner: Bob “Hardcore” Holly by pinfall (4:00)

Up next we’ve got the Rock and Jericho. We see video of the argument from before.

Commercial Break. The Tough Enough 2 kids are going to RAW tonight and hanging out with Angle and Albert.

And we’re back.

Main Event: Chris Jericho vs. The Rock:
Jericho jumps the Rock on his way down. Rock dominates and they go into the crowd. Y2J rams Rocky’s face into the barricade, and the Rock tosses him over. Jericho slingshots the Rock into the turnbuckle. They go to the ring, and the match officially starts. Rocky’s down. Jericho props him up for a choke and chops in the corner. Rock sells like mad, then comes back with some wicked-looking chops of his own. Y2J reverses a whip to the opposite corner, and hits a wheel kick for two. Jericho goes for the mounted punches. Missile dropkick gets two. Suplex into the Arrogant Cover for another two count. Rock rallys, but Jericho goes for the Walls. Rocky gets the ropes and “senior Smackdown official” Tim White (Hebner’s on RAW) calls Jericho off. Jericho goes up top, gets crotched on the ropes as the Rock staggers up. The Rock gets a superplex, and can’t cover. Rock clotheslines him twice and gets the DDT for two. The Rock ducks Jericho’s flying forearm and is down. Rocky spears Jericho and locks on the Sharpshooter. And here comes Angle with a clothesline to the Rock! The Rock pounds away, getting the Spit Punch to send Angle over the top. Y2J scoop slams the Rock and goes for the People’s Elbow. The Rock kips up mid-run and gives him the spinebuster, goes for a People’s Elbow of his own. But here comes Angle again with the Olympic Slam! Jericho covers. 1! 2! The Rock gets his shoulder up! Jericho can’t believe it, and neither can Kurt Angle. Edge runs down to brawl with the Olympian outside. Jericho and Rock are both down in the ring. Now they’re both up. The Rock rallys, gets the Spit Punch and goes for a Rock Bottom. Jericho elbows out, bulldog, but he misses the Lionsault. The Rock Bottom gets the win for the People’s Champion.

Winner: The Rock by pinfall (8:00)

The first edition of the new SmackDown! fades quickly with the Rock celebrating.

(This has been my first report. Thanks for reading.)