wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 12.29.21
Loading...It’s the final night on TNT and I’m currently hiding in the dark corner of a private room of the bar just to bring you this damned report!
Long time readers are aware of my sometimes annual 411 MANIA ROYAL RUMBLE, and considering RAW had a record breaking 300 or so comments, I was thinking moving it to the AEW Report and rechristening it:
The 411Mania Andre the Giant Over the Top Crown Jewel of Sports and Entertainment Battle Royal!!!
It’s a working title, but what do ya think?
The return of Jim Ross is official, and here he comes!
Match 1: Jungle Boy, Luchasaurus, Christian Cage, and The Lucha Bros vs FTR, Matt Hardy, and Private Party
Cash and Christian to start. They are slow to start, get a lockup. Ash is backed into the corner, he spins, Dax is nearby to cause some hesitation. Cage and Cash back up and start over. Cash tries for a go-behind, then locks the fingers, ducks under, go behind with a waist lock takedown into a front face headlock. Cage tries to turn into it, works the left arm, Cash reaches for a tag, rolls out of the hold then reveress and arm drags Cage down .Cage kicks up, stands, goes for a Killswitch, Cash leaves, flapjack from Cage! He corners Cash. Right hands to the head until Dax runs up and Cage hits him a few times for good measure. Tag to JB and he comes in to arm drag Cash with Cage. Cover for 1…NO! Cash rolls to the heel corner. Dax corners JB and chops, JB reverses, chops, Dax with an uppercut into the corner. Right hand from JB, chop, chop, another, side headlock from JB, Dax hits a shoulder, hops over, under, Da with a tilt a whirl, JB lands on his feet, hits a punch, then a back elbow, dropkick to Dax, Da thengets punched by each of the faces in the corner. Tag to Cage, he enters and works the arm, Dax whips, hits an uppercut, kick from Cage, right hand, and he steps on the back of Da, then hops over and hits a right hand. Cage hangs Dax up from behind. Tag to JB, tries for the snare trap, gets it, but in comes Cash to dropkick JB hard and get a tag. In comes Kassidy. Deep arm drag, tag to Penta, tag to Rey. Kick from JB, kick from Penta, double team, tag to JB, Quen is in. He heads to the top! Matt is in now! Side Effect! JB with a lariat drops Matt. Quick tag to Kassidy, who tags in Quen, Penta gets a tag, flies with a crossbody to Quen, slingblade to Kassidy, one for Quen, tag to Rey. Kick to the face, double kick from both men, then a superkick to the head. In comes Cash. He gets sent to the corner, high kick, running kick, Rey flies off the top rope with a senton!!!! Rey sits Quen on the top rope, looks for a finisher, but Kassidy is in to flip Quen and assists a DDT to Rey!! Tag to Dax, he drops a leg on Rey, then an elbow, then an axe, cover for 1..2…NO!!! Rey rolls to the apron where Blade is chillin. Dax lifts Rey, suplexes him INTO the ring hard! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Dax sits Rey on th top rope, chops him hard, Rey to the top rope, Cash in, lifts Dax, and Rey with a springboard moosaulr to both! Tag to Lucha! He trucks both FTR, big boot to matt, clothesline to Quen, Kassidy flies off the top, lands on his feet, hits the ropes, Lucha lifts him up and slams him down, then tosses Cash into the corner ,Dax into Cash, right hand. Lucha with aback lbow, antoher to Quen, Big Boot to Kassidy, Splash to Dax, clothesline to Kassidy, one for Quen. GOOZLE TO FTR!!! Double knee to Lucha, whip, Lucha with a clothesline, tail whip to Cash. GOOZLE! Chokeslam! Blind tag from Penta! Cage isn’t a fan. Penta misses a clothesline, gets sent to the corner, BACKSTABBER OUT OF THE CORNER! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Private Party in and JB and Cahe come in! Lucha attacks Blade on the outside then Matt sends him into the ringpost!!! We miss Rey flying over the top rope, then miss JB flying over the top rope!!!
Penta looks to finish the match. He kicks Dax, looks for Fear Factor, but Cage gets a blind tag. They argue, Cash enters, Big Rig to Cage! Cover for 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: FTR, Matt Hardy, and Private Party
There are times where multi-man matches can turn into clusterfucks, and usually when Lucha Bros are there, we see some tomfoolery, but this was crisp and a hell of an opener.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 12:33
Thankfully, we get a recap of Rey’s awesome looking dive, and the cover.
Match 2: Eddie Kingston, Santana, and Ortiz vs David Garcia and 2.0
Kingston rushes the ring, looking for blood. He waits for the belt and swipes at Garcia. Eddie is starting with Lee, but quickly swipes at Garcia, leaves the ring, and all three attack Kingston, Ref tries to break it but Santana and Ortiz run to help. Kingston back in the ring, looks to Garcia, so Lee gets a sneak attack. Tag to Parker. Kingston fishhooks Parker then tags in Ortiz. Side headlock from Ortiz. Right to the body, Ortiz hops over the top, tries for a backslide, Parker escapes, arm drag from Ortiz, leg sweep from parker. Whip to Ortiz. High hop and Ortiz shoves into the ropes, trips Parker up, high kick and a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Tag to Santana, who comes in and whips with a double team, kick to Parker, Enziguri from Ortiz, clotheline from Santana! Tag to Garcia, kick to Santana, whip from Santana, kick in the corner, enziguri from Santana in the corner, then a suplex in the middle of the ring! He holds on! Another suplex! He hits the third, then chops Garcia into the corner! EDDIE GRABS HIM BY THE HEAD!!! Ahahha. He bites him until the ref stops. Garcia kicks Ortiz, kicks Santana, tandem offense so says JR, and we get a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Ortiz is the legal man, he bites the ear. Lee gets a. blind tag, whip to the ropes from Garcia, Lee pulls Ortiz outside, Garcia runs out, slides with a kick to the head, Lee sends Ortiz into the barricade. Lee drives a knee inot Ortiz’ face, then pulls him up and whips hard into the corner.
We are back from PIP and Ortiz has a rollup for 1..2..NO!!!! TAG TO KINGSTON!
A thousand chops in the corner to Garcia!!! Parker in, he gets sent out, tag to Santana, he grabs Lee, in comes Ortiz, trips, moonsault off the back, but Lee gets the knees up, rollup for 1…2……3!!!
Winners: Daniel Garcia and 2.0
Not as fun as the opener, but man how can you not love Kingston as a character?
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 9:02
2.0 attacks Santana as Garcia grabs the ring bell! Kingston is struggling in the corner, Garcia stares Santana down, Garcia kicks Eddie away, then runs with the bell, clocking Santana across the face!
CHRIS JERICHO IS HERE TO MAKE THE SAVE!!! Hes got Floyd! He swings and hits parker, then clears the ring of everyone else!
Jericho’s music plays as Eddie helps Santana and Ortiz up. Jericho enters the ring, and Kingston is pissed. He questions Jericho’s presence, saying he doesn’t need Jericho’s help. Jericho drops the bat, he’s ready to fight. Ortiz stands between both of them, holding Kingston and Jericho back. Eddie continues to show ire, while Jericho checks on Santana.
MJF is backstage with Wardlow and Spears. He tells us to google him. He says last week, he was tossed over the top rope by the untrained hack, Sting. Who trained him? He was revered when he should have been released. If he was working for a much more professional company, maybe that wouldn’t have happened. But that’s a convo for 2024.
He then brings up CM Punk, saying he stayed away from him the entire match. Punk is yesterday’s news, he’s over it. He is a distraction from MJF’s ultimate goal. Why settle there, tho? He tells Wardlow to stop with the powerbomb swan song, and tells Wardlow that he can win the upcoming match for a shot at the title, but when he wins it, he will have to relinquish this to MJF. It’s in the contract. In comes MJF’s legal team of one, and reads the contract to show the proof. In the meantime, MJF will start ranking up and get some Ws so he can become the TNT champ and the AEW World Champ because he is MJF and he is better than us, and we know it.
Wardlow looks like he wants to eat MJF alive.
Backstage, Cage wants to talk to Lucha Bros. He wants a title shot for JB and Lucha, and Penta questions Cage being a legend when he cant even be a good tag team partner, and if JB is the future, maybe he should let go of the past. Rey tells them that they accept the match.
Sick.
Match 3: Wardlow vs Colin Delaney
Go behind from Colin, but Wardlow escapes and hits a huge clothesline. He grabs the head, sets up for a powerbomb, hits one. Crowd wants another. Wardlow grabs Colin, goes for another one! Spears is noticeably upset.
Wardlow flexes some, turns to Colin, and goes for a third, a flip, a fourth powerbomb immediately! Cover for 1…2…..3!!!
Winner: Wardlow
The slow burn of facedom for Wardlow continues, and I’m lovin it. This is coming from a guy who hates squash matches as a continued push for people.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:21
As Colin walks out of the ring with the help of the ref, Spears lets him, then smacks him across the back with the chair.
Backstage, Cole is standing in between Young Bucks and KOR and Fish. He says this will be the most powerful group of all time, but Matt says that this is not harmonious because KOR hasn’t even said hello. KOR says hi. He wants to talk to Adam alone.
He tells Adam they have heat, but this is AEW, and the key to thriving is factions. Him, Cole, Fish, they are three dangerous individuals. Tonight, he knows Fish has his back, and we’ll find out tonight if Cole does, too.
Brandon, cut it!
Lambert is in the ring with Scorpio and Page. He says there is nothing cool about Cody and his entourage. He sees Arn with Cody, and it makes him sad. He’s a guy trying to make a couple of dollars sucking up to a guy who sucks up to THE GUY. Arn used to be a horseman, now he’s just a whore. Which is a perfect segue to Brandi, and if that’s her real name, she’s the first Brandi he knows who isn’t a stripper.
Lambert goes back to Cody and says he tattood a transformer on his neck. Lol. Cody skipped the line over more deserving talent backstage. AEW fans may be idiots, but even an idiot doesn’t like the taste of the shit sandwich being shoved down our throat.
Brandi comes out to call Lambert the less talented version of Paul Heyman.
Lambert says he prefers Cornette, but the sound of Brandi’s voice makes him wish he was getting his balls stapled to his leg by Jericho.
Brandi wants to know when the last time he was beat up by a woman and didn’t have to pay for it, because she’ll do him a solid and do it for free.
Lambert calls her bambi, says he is a black belt in BJJ and there’s not a single soul watching that doesn’t wanna reach through and slap her, but if he’s the lucky one to get this done, let’s go.
Brandi says, “Oh, so youy’re a black belt? Well I’m a black bitch, let’s go.”
Here comes Dustin to stop the fight, but he gets cheap shotted by Ethan Page, then they leave.
A video package of Bryan v Page is shown with some comments from – get this – commentary.
Match 4: Thunder Rosa vs Jade Cargill
Jade leaves the ring, Rosa tries to baseball slide into her, but Jade moves Sterling in the way. Rosa with a cannonball off the apron to Sterling. Jade attacks from behind. She sends Rosa into the apron the hard way. Jade smirks, then waits for Rosa to stand on her own. Backbreaker, Rosa stands, dropkick to the knee. Rosa kicks the back of the leg. Again, again, spins Jade onto the floor, then breaks the count and heads back outside. She lifts the leg, hangs it over the barricade, kicks Jade hard, then attacks the back of the thigh. Jade sends Rosa into the barricade. Jade drops a boot to the back. Jade and Rosa go back and forth until Jade sends Rosa into the ringpost. Jade sends her back into the ring, then hops to the apron to fle. Jade rolls into the ring, Rosa is up in the corner. Jade rushes the corner, does a weird dribble, misses a splash. Rosa hits a right, hops on the apron, puts her head in, Jade drops an elbow, but Rosa hits a Dragon Screw in the ropes! Rosa to the top rope! She drops down and hits a back elbow, but Jade hits a HUGE FUCKING BOOT TO ROSA!!
WE are back and Rosa blocks a boot in the corner, then kicks Jade on the inner thigh, and hits some swinging hooks to the left leg. Rosa hits the corner and flies with a clothesline, another, Jade drops to her ass. Rosa back to the corner, runs and dives with a dropkick to the inner leg! Rosa with ANOTHER DIVING DROPKICK TO THE LEG!!! She drags Jade into the center, kicks the legs, then stacks for 1..2..NO!!!! Jade drops an elbow onto the leg, another, another, she looks to lock the leg, Jae kicks her away, then lifts Rosa up and hits a Samoan Drop and kips up, THEN sells the leg. Rosa kicks, Jade catches, hits a kick, locks the waist and gutwrenches Rosa onto her shoulder with a backbreaker. She then drops Rosa as her knee gives out. Rosa tries to pull herself up, Rosa lands on he rfeet. Go behind from Jade, reverse, and Rosa hits a kneebreaker! She spins the leg, looking for the Figure Four! Rosa locks it in! Jade reaches for the ropes, then opts to spin out of the hold. She pulls herself towards the ropes! She gets it! Rope break! Sterling gives Jade some water. Ref tells him to back up, Sterling argues on the ramp, Rosa attacks the back, Rosa pulls the leg, goes for a Figure Four, Jade kicks her away,
A hooded figure comes up and clocks Rosa hard across the head!!! Jade with the finisher and cover for 1…2….3!!!!
Winner: Jade Cargill
100% Jade’s best match to date, but a bulk of the credit goes to Rosa who, both made her look amazing and worked her ass off to lead the match.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:55
Jade celebrates, but here comes Rosa to attack with a Thesz Press until Hoodie Girl comes up to attack!!!
She removes the mask! The bandana! It’s Mercedes Martinez! Looks like she’s finally getting her….RETRIBUTION!
Her and Jade attack Rosa with a bunch of punches as Sterling watches on.
Here comes Ruby with a big ass lead pipe! Lol. The heels make a run for it!
We go back to Friday where Leyla and Statlander had themselves a battle and Leyla smacked her hand away.
Punk is up next! He says he’s never been here! Where is Jim Ross?
He comes out and immediately gets to thinking how awesome it is to see JR back at the booth. JR is the best to ever do it, and he’s glad JR is back to work. Awesome to see him. He’s all about giving people their flowers when they deserve it now. He gives Jim his flowers, and gets to thinking about t his place – this home for AEW. It gets him thinking about Brodie Lee. If there is anyone out there who sys anything to try and minimize the impact that man had, it makes him feel sorry because it means they never met him. He sat at home and watched the tribute show, and that made him want to come here. So then he gets to thinking about maybe someone not worth his time, someone who doesn’t want to be here. Speaking of internet trolls, he is talking about MJF. He is a twitter troll in the flesh, someone who talks a big game, but never to someone’s face. He hides behind a keyboard or Dax and Cash. We saw it last week. Someone smart enough to say the people want to see CM Punk get hands on MJF, but dumb enough to say that he is good as Piper in Portland. Piper laced up his wrestling boots, while MJF laced up his running shoes.
MJF is done with Punk? He’s fine with that; he got to team with Sting and Darby. They beat FTR and MJF. So hey, he understands if MJF is afraid. Punk is looking towards bigger and better. He heard him say it; he’s talking about the gold, becoming the AEW Champion. JR will attest; you’ll hear it always, that if you don’t wanna be champion, you probably shouldn’t be here. So Punk wants to be champion. There are beginnings and endings, and being here for the first time, the last Dynamite on TNT, there is always bigger and brighter for Punk, so MJF – you are a waste of my time and a bigger waste of Khan money than Tim Tebow. MJF found out the hard way that on this mic, in this ring, even on commentary, nobody can touch me. NICE callback.
Sooner or later, he’ll see MJF in the ring, but it would be a real shame if someone interfered with his quest for gold.
Starks and Hobbs is backstage. They welcome JR back, because now Tazz is free to help Hook become better. Now, he wants to talk to Dante. When he screwed Starks, he screwed over Team Taz. He will now no longer have a successful career. If Ricky cant win the ring, Dante cant win a damned thing. Ever since he started working with Lio, his progress has stalted.
Hobbs wonders if Dante really wants a round two.
Last Friday, Cody won the TNT Title from Sammy Guevara.
Here comes Sammy, live, and he’s got his cue cards.
His cue cards go over his time as a TNT Champion ala 12 Days of Christmas.
He acknowledges losing the belt, saying it’s one memory he won’t forget. With the new year upon us, he has a resolution. He’s going to beat The American Nightmare.
Pillman is in the ring with Tony. He wants to talk about protecting his brother last week. He doesn’t remember the kick, only that he was laid out. So congrats, Black, on your big cheap shot on Pillman Jr. He’s been busting his ass every day, from day one here in Daly. He says it’s his turn to take a trip to The House of Black, but he wont barge in. You only get one life, and he aint giving Black his. Next week, you’ll see a new Brian Pillman Jr.
LIGHTS GO OUT!
It’s Black with his horns! Lights out again, and Black is gone when t hey come back on.
The Acclaimed have a nice promo where Max rubs some oil on Bowens.
Sting and Darby got a response for em.
Next week is lookin STACKED!
Match 5: Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly, and Bobby Fish vs Best Friends
KOR and Trent to start! They trade forearms. KOR with ak ick, chop to KOR, kick to Trent, chop from Trent, KOR locks the arm, Trent hits a rolling fist, knee from KOR, tries to kick, Trent chops, they both kick, another kick from both men! Trent backs up, tag to OC. Tag to Fish. OC tosses his glasses. He’s pissed. He feigns a lockup, then does the soft kicks. ROLLUP!! 1…2.NO!!! Fish kicks the back of the leg, body shot, snapmare. Fish to the apron, flies over, but OC rolls outside. He’s too quick, goes for the pockets, but rolls inside instead and does so inside! Cole punches Cassidy, and Fish is able to hit the tope over the top rope to the inside. Tag to Cole. Whip to OC who floats over the ropes, then dives into the ring, shoves Cole into the corner. Tag to Trent, who tags in Chuck, they double team, all three wind up, Chuck hits a right, Trent runs, all while Orange slowlywalks over to Cole, then sends him into a double shoulder tackle, then an elbow drop. KOR and Fish enter the ring, they work on Trent and Chuck. KOR and Fish are sent outside, we’re going to get a hug, but Cole stops it! In comes Fish and KOR. They go man-to-man. Cole sends Chuck over the top rope, he runs the apron to attack Fish, then Cole, but KOR hits a Dragon Screw! Fish kicks the leg out from under Taylor. Cole celebrates in the middle of the ring.
We come back and we have been told by Tony who has been told by TNT that we will stay on this match as long as it takes.
Superkick to Orange Cassidy from Cole. Tag to KOR. Cole gets sent outside by Chuck, tag to Trent. He hits KOR, Cole pulls ihm down, Trent hits a right, KOR flies over, eats shit, Trent with a clothesline to Fish, half and half suplex! In comes KOR, he locks the head, locsks the hips, but Trent powers out! Trent sends KOR into the corner, he rushes it and hits a back elbow. Locks the head, runs up the ropes and hits a tornado DDT! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! KOR kicks Chuck off the apron, then he and Fish take turns beating Trent’s ass in the corner. Tilt a whirl backbreaker from Fish. Knee drop from KOR! Cover from Fish for 1..2..NO!!! Fish rushes the corner, Trent stomps him down hard. ORANGE IS ON THE APORN!!! He reaches for a tag. Gets it! Tag to KOR! Orange to the otp! Crossbody!! Hits the ropes, sucide dive to Fish on the outside!! Cole in the ring.! KICK! Supe—NO!!!! Stundog MIllionairre!!!! KOR pushes Cole out of the way of an Orange Punch, locks the head, Fish in. locks up behind, KOR kicks him INTO A GERMAN!!! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Tag to Fish, tag to Cole. Superkick to Orange from Cole! Fish cirlces the ring, hits the ropes, dives and we get a Hi-Low!!! Cole covers! 1..2…NO!!!! Chuck breaks it up! He sends Cole outside! Fish sends Chuck outside Trent sends Fish outside! Kick to Trent on the outside. He drops Trent on the top rope. Superkick from Chuck! Cole is near the tunnel. SUPERKICK TO CHUCK!!! Cole is up one step, goes for a Panama Sunrise, but Chuck back body drops Cole! Chuck sees Fish and KOR ringside and dives off the stage!!! SPEAR FROM TRENT TO COLE ON THE RAMP!!! He sends Cole inside, Orange is on the top rope! DIVING DDT! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Chuck with a piledriver, send Cole into a piledriver from Trent!!! Ornge in, grabs COLE! BEACH BREAK! Cover for 1..2…N!O!!! Fish and KOR are in the ring to stop it!!!
KOR in, Orange stands up, grabs the boot, he is pissed. KOR ain’t too happy either. KOR hits a knee, stomps the back of the head, right hand, Orange moves and KOR kicks Cole off the apron on accident!! Rolup for 1..2…N!O!!! Right form Chuck, tag to Chuck, knee strike! Soul Food and a half and half from Trent and Chuck! THEY HUG!!! GOTTA GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!!!
Cutler comes outwith his cold spray, enters the ring, hit from Chuck and Trent.
Here comes The Young Bucks. SUPERKICK TO CHUCK AND TRENT!!!
Fish with a kick to the back of the head! KOR suplexes! Cover for 1..2……3!!!
Winners: Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly, and Bobby Fish
Dude, these guys are all just so damned crisp. They pack so much in so little, and do it with great efficiency. It’s like a dance, and everyone trusts one another. I’m in awe.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 14:37
Fish and Bobby in the middle of the ring while Cole chills seated outside, holding his chin. Bucks help Cole stand up and walk him up the ramp while Fish and KOR stand in the ring. Bucks look to be shouting at Fish and KOR for the mistake.
They all talk shit back and forth.
End Show
