wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 4.3.24
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...I know two things that cost $1.50 and will make you feel good for roughly two minutes before making you reconsider your entire life choices…a Costco Hotdog and my dignity! Here’s Michael Ornelas to talk about at least one of those:
Y’all! Check out my review of Becky Lynch’s book!
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
The Rated R Superstar starts off the show HOT, coming down to much love from the crowd.
Adam Copeland grabs a mic, says he came out ot talk to us. He didn’t bring the title, he’s here as Adam to talk to all of us.
He wants to talk to us about a lot of negative BS that has been spewed this week. Screw that, he says. He wants to talk about positives. If we are a fan of pro-wrestling, it’s a great time to be a fan of pro-wrestling.
He watched it all. WWF, WCW, LMFAO, BTW.
For nine years, he had this torn away, and when he finally got it back, he realized where he needed to end his career – AEW. He looked at the roster and saw murderer’s Row of talent. He has been in some of the greatest locker room, and he will put this one up against anyone.
He is careful to face the cam hard.
He can face Ospreay, Swerve, Joe, Claudio, Moxley, Omega, Darby, it goes on and on. He says AEW is the most fun he has had his entire career. So he celebrates AEW. He celebrates The Bucks, Kenny, even Cody, and Tony Khan. They are all fans of this, just like him and all of us. It’s not something to make fun of, because they love this. AEW has pushed this industry into a better palce, pushed us all to a better place, given more people to do what they love for a living. AEW makes pro-wrestling better. Makes it more fun. AEW is where the best wrestle.
Ok, now that he’s calming down.
There is a reason Okada came here, Mercedes came here, HE came here! So he now introduces…Will Ospreay!
Will Ospreay vs Powerhouse Hobbs
Hobbs (Just Hobbs for the report) with a POUNCE right out the gate, sending Will flying! Huge uppercut to the gut. Hobbs corners Will Ospreay (Will for the report), hits some hard rights, then drops him with an uppercut. Whip to the ropes, Will dropkicks low then stands to hit some forearms, he gets shoved to the ropes, jumps off the push and hit a dropkick then s standing moonsaault. Covers for 1.NO! Will attacks the hammys. Hobbs catche s a kick and hits a short arm clothesline. He stomps the chest. Will is up, hits some foerarms. Whip to the ropes, Hobbs misses, clothesline from Will sends Hobbs over the top rope! Will flies over the top to the outside with a crossbody! Will shoves Hobbs into the steps! He stops a whip, Hobbs scowls, sends Will to the barricade, Will hops onto the barricade, steps down, then hits Hobbs with a right hand. He tries to fly, Hobbs catches him, goes for a suplex, marches around a bit, then drops Will ONTO The steps! Hobbs lifts Will sideways and drops him on the apron, slamming him down over and over. Fallaway Slam onto the announce table! Hobbs yells at Don, “You signed him up!”
We come back to Will walking up the body of Hobbs and hitting a dropkick! Springboard kick to Hobbs, and Hobbs finally falls for the first time. Will kips up, Hobbs in the corner, running uppercut from Will. The hops to the apron. Springboard clothesline and a cover for 1.2..NO!! Will lifts Hobbs, hits some chops. Hobbs eats them. He corners Will, blocks a kick, Hard right to the face. Hobbs is pissed, Will is worried. Hobbs corners him, yells for him to do it again. Will hops to the 2nd buckle and hits some forearms, Hobbs catches him by the neck, then hits a belly to belly over the head. Hobbs waits for Will to stand, rushes the corner, eats it chest first, Will tries for a tornado DDT, Hobbs blocks, lifts up, Will with a Stundog! Will tries for a finish, but Hobbs catches the tights, pulls him into a lariat to the back of the head, powerslam, cover 1..2…NO!!! Hobbs heads to the apron, then to the top rope. Hobbbs flies with a frog splash, but Will rolls out of the way. He hits the ropes, CUTT—no!!!!! Hobbs catches him, Ospreay back flips, ducks under, Oscutter!~! Cover! 1,.2….NO!!! Will rips off his elbow pad. Hobbs struggles on the mat. Will waits, Hobbs to his knees, HI-NO!!!! Hobbs catches him! Tries for a slam, but Will with a cradle for `..2.NO!!! He b locks a right with a kick, kicks again, blocks another, another kick to the head, hits the ropes, HUGE lariat from Hobbs!
Hobbs hits a huge clothesline in the corner. Hobbs sits Will onto the top rope. Hobbs climbs, locks up for a possible fallaway slam, but spins midair and hits a huge powerslam off the 2nd rope!!! Cover! 1..2…NO!!!! Hobbs drops the straps! He lifts up Will, whips, lifts up for a slam, but Will hits a sloppy DDT! To the top rope!
Will flies with a….spinning ass I’m a burrito but English in the air onto Will! HIDDEN BLADE!!!!! COVER! 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Will Ospreay
Awesome opening match, and Ospreay continues to prove he is the real deal. Hobbs more than did his part. Good shit.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:18
Don Callis goes into the ring to hold Will’s hand up in the air, but Hobbs is pissed. He tries to back Will into the ropes. Don plays peacekeeper, telling Hobbs to leave the ring and Will that he had a great match. They all leave on opposite sides.
Bryan Danielson’s music hits, and he makes his entrance before Ospreay can even make it to the back. He’s in action, next.
Bryan Danielson vs Lance Archer
Archer starts off by beating Bryan into the corner. He scrapes Bryan’s head against the 2nd rope. Archer corners him then hits a huge chop. Lance stands above Bryan and beats down on his chest. Archer with a huge whip, knocks Bryan on his ass. Archer lifts Bryan by his head, locks it up, then hits a suplex, complete with a toss. Lance in the corner. Bryan is hurting. Bryan stands and turns, lace rushes the corner with a back elbow. He goes for another, hits it. Bryan drops to his knees. Bryan dodges another, then dragon screws Archer. Again. Bryan locks Archer’ leg up around the ropes and dropkicks it! Archer sends him outside with a toss, Arche follows. Bryan rolls back in, tries for a suicide dive, but Archer catches him and hits a chokeslam onto the apron! Archer grabs a crew member, lifts him up and body slams this guy onto Bryan! Lol. Sick.
We are back from PiP and Archer has Bryan cornered. He hits a huge chop. Bryan hits his own chop, tries again, again, archer with a hard right drops Bryan to his knees. Bryan is pissed. He fumes, trying to Hulk up. Chop and kick and chop and kick corners Archer. Chop, high knee from Archer. Whip to Bryan, Bryan hops over, lands on his feet, hits the ropes, ducks under, crossbody from Archer! Archer grabs Bryan by his nose and drags him to the corner! He puts the boot to the neck until the ref stops him, then does it again. Archer attacks the back, locks up the fingers, and walks the ropes ala Taker. But Bryan shoves his leg and crotches Archer on the top rope! Bryan hypes himself up. HUGE KICK IN THE CORNER FROM BRYAN! AGAIN! An—NO!! Archer with a bear hug!! But Bryan gets a guillotine! Into an arm bar! INTO A LABELL LOCK!!! Archer looks to tap! He almost does! Bryan pulls back! Archer reaches for the ropes! He uses his legs! He gets to the ropes! Bryan breaks the hold and Archer rolls to the outside. Bryan hits the ropes and….Dropkick through th ropes! To the apron! He runs off of it with a HUGE KNEE to the face! Bryan sends Archer back into the ring. Bryan climbs. He waits, he stands, DROPKICK drops Archer on his ass! Bryan with kicks to the chest! Archer catches a kick! GOOZLE! CHOKESLAM! COVER! 1`..2….NO!!!! Archer sits Bryan on the top rope! He wants Blackout! Bryan with elbows over and over! He shoves Archer away, but Archer runs up with a knee to the chin! BLACKOUT ATTEMPT! Bryan drops into a sleeper! Archer tries to fling Bryan off of him. He does, creating separation. Bryan out of the corner.
BIG KNEE!!!!! Archer drops to the knees. Bryan gets some love from the crowd, the Yes Chants in full affect, ANOTHER GOOZLE!! Nryan with a kick to the head! Another! A third!!! KNEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! COVER!!!1……….2……3!!!
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Archer was NOT winning this, but he didn’t make it easy. Solid back to back matches to show us what we’re in for at Dynasty.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 15:28
We come back to Chris Jericho at the top of the ramp with Renee. He calls out Hook, and out he comes!
Jericho says he understands Hook’s hesitation to team with Jericho. Jericho quotes his song, then says there is a reason for his bad habits. When you play the game at the highest of levels, the rules are different. Once you understand that, you’ll know what he’s trying to teach him. Jericho isn’t asking Hook to trust him 100%, but he is asking to believe in him as much as Jericho believes in him.
Hook believes in him, so much that he got them a match. Collision. Hook says he’ll be keeping his eye on Jericho. Jericho wouldn’t expect anything less. They dap it up and Hook leaves after Jericho says, “Bet.”
Backstage, we hear from Shane Taylor Promotions.
It’s Lee Moriarty and Shane Taylor, and they’ll be facing The Ocho and Hook on Collision.
Jay White makes his entrance in the dark. From out of the shadows, Billy Gunn shows up and clocks Jay in the face. He attacks Jay down the ramp, then sends Jay into the barricade. Jay tries to get into the ring, but Billy catches him and sends him into the barricade again. Billy beats Jay all the way around the ring into the crowd, and up the steps. Billy drags Jay towards the barricade and tosses him back towards the ring.
Jay crawls away, but Billy is right there to stop him. He sends Jay inot the barricade yet again, and this is going on a bit too long.
Jay FINALLY gets some offense, sending Billy into the guardrail stomach first. He crawls some more, but sees Billy following him on the tron. Billy grabs him, sends Jay into the steps. Billy rolls Jay into the ring and tells Aubrey to ring the bell. Jay rolls out of the ring. Billy steps to the apron. He looks down on Jay, the ref chats with Billy. Jay crawls back into the ring. Billy grabs the boot. He asks for a rope break, but this isn’t a real match. Billy clotheslines Jay out of the ring.
At some point this becomes an actual match, with Aubrey stopping Billy from attacking with the chair and admonishing him, urging him to get it into the ring.
Billy Gunn vs Jay White
As I am not sure when this actually started, I’ll begin coverage after the PiP here with Billy entering the ring from the apron to miss a splash in the croenr. Jay with a running uppercut, he hits some shoulders over and over. Jay with right hands over and over and over, some stomps. Jay pushes his thumbs into the eyes. Jay White dropkicks Billy down. He screams for Billy to Suck it! Billy lifts Jay up and hits a huge slam down. Jay rolls out of the ring as we see Max and Anthony laid out on the tron.
Billy lifts Jay on the outside, Jay slinks behind him, rakes the eyes, and sends Billy into the post. Jay sends billy into the ring, follows, grabs the arm, flits up and tries for Blade Runner. Billy switches, The One and Only! Fameasser! Billy kicks Jay, tells him to suck it, and hits another Fameasser! Billy doesn’t cover! He wants one more!
Billy heads outside, grabs a chair, and slides into the ring, but Colten and Austin are there to beg their father to stop. Billy shoves his kid, turns, LOW BLOW FROM JAY WHITE and that’s a DQ!
Winner: Billy Gunn
This went on for waaaaaay too long. Not only that, but it was essentially a squash match with Jay looking pretty damned horrible.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: NR
The Acclaimed run down to even the odds. Jay tries to leave, but Acclaimed grab him and send him back in. They enter the ring and thesz press the Gunns then attack with right hands. Billy hits Jay with a big right hand.
Billy grabs Jay on the outside, taking the paneling off of the desk. Billy sends jay over to Anthony, who is waiting on the steps. Max is there, too, and they both lift Jay for a suplex, but The Gunns stop him and they all run away.
Earlier Today, The Young Bucks arrived suited and booted. Nothing else of note happens.
Also Earlier Today, The Best Friends and SUE! arrived.
Willow Nightingale is out with Kris Statlander and Stokely. She tells Renee she is feelin motherfluffin great. She shows some love to Mass, then says she loves this city. For years, she was bustin her butt in this town. She packed herself into a car, drive up and down, a lot of times with Kris, and they’d wrestle at a placed called The White Eagle. A very special place. So many of them have had great nights there. To her, this is a home away from home. This is where she learned who she was, where she figured it out. Every time she questioned if she belonged, wondered, she heard the fans and their love reassured her that she belonged. This applause is what helped water her and made her blossom into the woman in front of us today. She will be challenging Julia Hart at Dynasty. We have all made her so confident. She knows she will be the smiling face of TBS.
Stokely has something to say, too. He has something special to say. Last week, she had a “Banger,” and knocked it out of the park. Willow is something special.
THE MUTHAFUCKIN CEO CUTS STOKELY OFF!!
Mercedes Mone comes out with a mic and shows some love to the crowd, too. She wants them to say hello to their CEO. Willo stands, a bit annoyed. Mone cant wait to watch Willow tear it up with Julia at Dynasty.
She stops long enough for the crowd to chant for her.
She then says whoever will be TBS Champion at Double or Nothing, she gets next. IN Vegas, money changes everything.
The Young Bucks vs The Best Friends
Nick and Trent start us off. They trade shoulder tackles, with Trent getting the better of it. The best wrestler in the world enters the ring, and they double tackle Nick down. Elbow drop from Trent and OC lazily covers for 1..NO! OC locks the head, hits a suplex. Tag to Trent. Double suplex to Nick. OC rolls outside. Trent covers for 1…NO! Nick with a monkey flip to Trent, sending him int othe ropes. Tag to Matt who comes in to ask if Trent is ok then shake his hand. He hits the three northern lights but Trent hits him with a tornado DT. Tag from Nick wh mises a right, hops over, under and Trent slams Nick down with the knes! Both Bucks outside. Trent to the apron, Nick pulls his legs out and Trent hits the back of his neck! OC tries to dive but gets powerbombed onto the apron! The Bucks grab Trent and powerbomb HIM onto the apron!
We are back, and the buckle pad is off in the heel corner. Trent with a bck body drop to Nick, OC gets a tag, he flies with a crossbody. He corners Matt and flies over onto the apron, right hand, to the top rope, OC flies, an elbow. He ducks under both Bucks, gets lifted, tries for a rana, but they catch him and shoot him off, fake a Superkick, Matt hits a DDT! Kick to Trent! They grab OC for the EVP Trigger, but mock the OC kicks instead. EVP T—NO!! OC ducks and they crash knees! OC hits the ropes, DDT to Nick! Ducks under Matt, a DDT for him! OC rolls to the apron, heads to the top rope, flies off the top for a diving DDT!!! Cover! 1..2…N!O!! Tag to Trent. Trent in for an Alavam Slam but Nick escapes, shoves Trent into th corner where OC is seated. Tag to Matt, they try to double team but Trent sends Matt into Nick and he gets crotched. Trent grabs Matt, and they get a modified TK Driver! Cover for 1..2NO!! Nick breaks it up! OC almost superkicks but puts his hands in his pockets instead. Eat Defeat and a half and half from OC and Trent!
THEY HUG!!!!!!!!
SUPERKICK FRO NICK! Trent grabs him, sets up for a bomb, but Matt Superkicks him and Nick gets a Code Red! Matt rolls outside, kciks Trent! Sue is standin by! Matt almost kicks her, but instead extends his fist for some love. SUE SLAPS MATT! Matt is pisaed, but here is OC to hit Orange Punch! He rolls Matt into the ring, running knee from Trent! Suicide dive from OC! Trent grabs Matt. OC with stomp to assist the piledriver! Pin for 1..2.nO!!! Nick stops it! OC sends him outside! SUiciDE DIVE TO NICK! Sue goes over tyo Trent and whispers something in his ear and gives him a kiss!
Trent grabs Matt, but Matt with a catapult into the exposed buckle! Matt rolls him uP! Grabs the tights! 1….2…..3!!!
Winners: The Young Bucks
That was fun
Total Rating: ****3/4
Match Time: 12:25
Trent and OC are in the ring, disappointed. In comes Chuck Taylor to stand above both men. He claps for them, trying to let them know it’s alright. Trent is seething. OC is up first. He goes over to Trent. Sue is shown on the apron saying it’s ok. Trent stands, OC hits the corner, they all hit the corner. We’re gonna get a hug…..
BUT TRENT WITH A RUNNING KNEE TO ORANGE CASSIDY!!!!
Chuck looks on, concerned, but seemingly not too much. Trent looks to Chuck, then leaves the ring and walks right past his momma. Trent leaves to the back as we go to break.
Thunder Rosa vs Mariah May
Sorry guys, I come to the match a bit late. Mariah has Thunder in powerbomb position, but Rosa is able to rana her away and scream at Toni Storm, who is at the booth. Rosa breaks the count. She rushes Mariah and hits a low crossbody into the barricade. Rosa rolls Mariah into the ring and covers for 1..2.NO!!
BaCK and both girls are trading blows! Toni hilariously says Thunder Rosa reminds her of an older Thunder Rosa. Lol. Rosa covers for `1..2.NO!!! SAITO SUPLEX FROM MARIAH! She rushes the corner, Rosa hits a shoulder, to the top rope, Mariah with an uppercut, she tries to ranan Thunder off the top rope but Rosa just shoves her. Rosa flies off the top, lands on her feet, Mriah with a knee, cover!~ 1.2…N!O!! Rosa grabs the ponytail, fireman’s, into a ROLLUP FROM ROSA! 1..2….NO!!!
HEADBUTT FROM MAY! Backstabber from Rosa! Tijuana Bomb! Cover! 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Thunder Rosa
The commercial gutted this, but the match was a foregone conclusion anyway.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:42
Rosa wants Toni right now. She doesn’t want to wait for Dynasty. She tells Toni let’s go as the ref holds her back and we get the split screen.
Penta El Zero Miedo is backstage. He tells Copeland to stop facing outsiders and defend the title against an AEW Original? They need a champion that has no fear.
Up Next….CONTRACT SIGNING
Samoa Joe and Swerve Strickland come out. Joe takes a seat, and he is quick to sign the contract. Swerve is standing tall, staring Joe down. Joe tells Schiavone to shut up. He says they are in front a lot of people who seem to care about Swerve a lot. So he’d like to give Swerve some advice. He thinks Swerve is working on bad information. Joe gets where he is coming from. His career defining blood feud with Page where he hung Page up with that chain good and proper. Then his two title shots. How else can this end but with a big victory and everyone happy and celebrating a new champ? That’s the bad information that swerve has been working on. He’s about to tell Swerve the truth. The truth is, signing this contract is doom and destruction, it’s a big mistake, a career defining mistake. He’s going to beat Swerve down so severely, it’ll leave Swerve mentally scarred like he left Diddy’s party too late. So, says Joe, now that he has the right information, do the right thing.
Swerve, not really a fan of Diddy, grabs the mic. Before he signs, he tells joe, just know that he has wanted this all his life. He has dreams about it, he didn’t think it was actually possible. His destination is filled with a long road of obstacles, but when he arrives, the feeling is sweet. The journey has took him to the main event of Dynasty. That’s what they are building, a dynasty. Signings like Okada, Mone, Ospreay. Truth be told, this championship is bigger than the both of them. He knows how dangerous Joe is, everything about Joe’s reign has been dangerous. He is a killer. But so is he. April 21st, in St. Louis, he will show Joe that he is every bit of that man. He grabs the keys and turns AEW into who’s house?
Run the fade on that, bitch!
Joe shoves him, and Swerve hits him with a hard right!
Swerve with the chain! He wraps it around Joe, but Joe no sells that shit, turns around, and hits a huge headbutt! He wraps the chain around his fist and clocks Swerve hard in the dome. Joe has busted Swerve open! He batters Swerve down in the corner over and over with hard rights. His fist, still wrapped in the chain, drips with Swerve’s blood as he beats him down till the refs come down to stop Joe and force him out of the ring.
Joe stops at the top of the ramp and turns as Swerve laughs his ass off in the ring, with blood dripping from his head.
Swerve: “I love this shit.”
He says if this is all Joe’s got, then he is taking Joe’s title from him.
Swerve scrapes blood from his face with the pen and signs the contract with blood.
Samoa Joe runs down the ramp and into the ring. Swerve holds his hands out like a sacrifice. JOE KICKS HIM IN THE NUTS!!! Hahahah. URANAGE TO SWERVE THROUGH THE TABLE!!!
Joe stands above Swerve and talks some shi.
End Show
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