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Acero’s WWE RAW Review 3.22.21

March 22, 2021 | Posted by Tony Acero
6.2
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Acero’s WWE RAW Review 3.22.21  


Time for another episode of WWE Raw TV that’s only 3/4s as long as the Snyder Cut.

It’s Monday…you know what that means.



Match 1: Bobby Lashley vs Sheamus

They lockup! Sheamus gets Bobby in the corner. Ref breaks them up. Another lockup. Sheamus grabs the left arm, elbows the back of the shoulder. Lashley gets Sheamus into the corner. Kicks to Sheamus, Hard rights to the forehead!!! Big Boot from Sheamus out of the corner, he hits the ropes, Lashley leap frogs over and Sheamus hits a clothesline! Sheamus drives a knee into the face of Lashley. Sheamus attacks the back then goes for a lift, but Lashley stops it and attacks the head. Suplex to Sheamus. Sheamus is up, they grab at each other, Lashley hooks the head. Neckbreaker and a cover for 1..NO!!! Lashley sends Sheaus over the top rope! Sheamus hangs Lashley up on the top rope! Sheamus shows tire. Out come Shelton and Cedric, who seemingly remember that they are a stable this week. This distraction allows Lashley to send Sheamus off the apron. Cedric hops on the apron to distract the ref. Benjamin clotheslines Sheamus down hard. Lashley turns towards MVP and Shelton, a little confused.

WE come back to Sheamus getting attacked from behind, but he hits the ropes and a huge kick! Lashley with a powerslam! Cedric back on the apron. Lashley tells him not now, and to get down. Sheamus tries for a surprise rollup but only gets a 2! Lashley tries for a shoulder, but Sheamus moves and Lashley eats post. Sheamus attacks, Lashley with right hands, Sheamus sends hm to the apron, attacks the back, locks Lashley up on the ropes and beats his chest in. Lashley catches one, so Sheamus headbutts Lashley off the apron. Sheamus to the top rope. He dives with a clothesline to Lashley! Sheamus sends Lashley back into the ring. Sheamus to the top rope again! Lashley turns. Another clothesline! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! MVP tries to calm Shelton on the outside. Sheamus with Lashley on the shoulders. Lashley attacks the back with. Right hand. He locks the head. Goes for a suplex. Sheamus with a surprise knee to the face! Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Sheamus up. GOES FOR A BROGUE!

Lashley moves! He rushes the corner, Cedric distracts again. SPINEBUSTER from Lashley!!! He lifts Sheamus, turns him. FULL NELSON! SHEAMUS TAPS!!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley
A bit of a shame that we’ve seen Cedric and Shelton completely ignore the fact that they are part of a faction for about a month only to remember this week by coming out to mess with a good match. Sheamus has been a godsend to RAW, as everything after the Jeff Hardy feud has been solid, and this was no different. Good stuff, great start, overbooking was annoying. How wild is it to see Sheamus tap out, though?!
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 11:34

Cedric and Shelton beat Sheamus down on the outside!

Out comes Drew. He sends Shelton into the barricade, then does the same with Cedric. Drew calls Shelton out for more, but Shelton don’t want none. Drew turns his attention to Lashley. Lashley seems concerned. Angry, almost. Drew enters the ring, Lashley holds the title up, MVP holds Lashley backe as he shouts for Drew to make a move. They argue back and forth as MVP shouts “WRESTLEMANIA!” over and over. MVP says business, no emotions. Drew puts his hands behind his back and tells Lashley to hit him, calls him a son of a bitch. MVP wins this one, sending Lashley to the outside.

WE COME BACK and Lashley is asking Cedric and Shelton what the hell was that? Lashley says tonight was a one-on-one. He didn’t want or need their help MVP calms Lashley down as MVP steps in. He says they tarnished the image of Lashley. It was an embarrassment, like when they lost the titles. MVP wants them to think about what they’re going to do to make it right.

Peyton makes her entrance without the song and dance this time around. Love that.


Match 2: Asuka vs Peyton Royce

Lockup to start. Short lived. Asuka trucks he with a shoulder tackle. Peyton up, sunset flip, roll through, Asuka kicks, Peyton grabs the kicks, locks it up behind Asuka, Asuka turns and kicks her away. Arm drag but Peyton gets a surprise arm bar. Peyton raises her hips, Asuka kicks her stomach in a few times. Both girls up and Peyton drop toe holds Asuka into the buckle. She grabs the head, hits a right hand, an elbow, suplex. Peyton covers. 1..2…NO!!! Asuka sends Peyton to the corner, kick out of the corner from Peyton, Asuka hops on the apron, Peyton slides under the legs into the ring. Backfist from Asuka as Peyton slinks to the apron. Asuka goes for a hip attack, but Peyton side steps and pulls the hair, sending Asuka down hard!

We are back from a break, and Asuka hits a high knee to the face of Peyton. She gets a hip attack, Peyton tries for a back fist, gets a kick in, Asuka catches her. German Suplex. Shining Wizard! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Asuka to the top rope, she flies for a dropkick, but Peyton side steps. Peyton tries for a right, German attempt from Asuka. Peyton reverses, Gory Bomb! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Asuka tries for the Asuka Lock! Peyton drops and rolls Asuka up for 1..2..NO!!! Asuka with a codebreaker! Peyton is out! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Asuka gets peyton to the top rope. She locks the head, Peyton shoves her off, Stomp from Peyton to the back! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Peyton shows frustration. She kicks the bottom rope and yells with the ref. Kick from Asuka.

Peyton shoots the legs, but Asuka pulls out and gets an arm bar!!! Peyton rolls into the hold, Asuka with the ASUKA LOCK!!! Peyton taps!

Winner: Asuka
Peyton asked for it, and Peyton got it. A shame that she asked for it at a time where she would still be an afterthought. If there is any good to come from this, it’s the hope that someone was paying attention, because Peyton showed up and showed out. Good for her.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 11:04

After the match, Rhea Ripley’s music hits. She comes down to talk about asuka being the greatest. Asuka has proven her point. Last she saw, Charlotte was out here challenging Asuka for the title while Asuka was recovering from having her teeth knocked out. Now Charlotte isn’t here. She’s recovering from Covid. So…Asuka…Rhea is going to need an answer. On her first official night here at RAW, straight up, she challenges Asuka to a championship match at Mania.

Asuka is hyped. She grabs the mic and says Rhea is not ready for Asuka. And yet…Asuka accepts.

Pearce runs into Drew down the hall. Pearce is wondering why he would help Sheamus. Drew gives some reasons, but Pearce also wants to know about a challenge for Drew. Cedric and Shelton are challenging him. Drew wants to know how to handle this. Spin it. Lashley did whatever it took to win the title and will do the same to defend it. So how about if Drew beats Shelton and Cedric tonight, they’re banned from ringside at Mania.

We come back to the news that Asuka vs Rhea is official. I mean, at that rate, give it to Peyton.

The Miz and Morrison are here. He says hes’ been goin through some thangs, and yet here he is to be ridiculed by Damian Priest and Bad Freakin Bunny. Miz wonders who they think they are. Bunny walks backstage, comes in at Rumble, stays on. It’s one thing to do special performances, but it’s another for him to hang on, walk around with Priest, and show zero respect towards Miz. Miz goes over his accolades, then over Morrison’s accolades. Yet they still get zero respect.

We see a Wrestlemania still that includes Bad Bunny and Damian, but not Miz and Morrison. This is the most significant poster of the year, and they are not shown. Miz says last week was his final straw. Bad Bunny wanted his attention, well he’s got it. We see a clip of Miz cracking Bad Bunny over the back with a guitar.

Miz wants this to be a lesson to all musicians, actors, and anyone else that thinks they can do what wrestlers do. While our guests are hiding in fear, those who love Miz and Morrison, don’t worry. Next week, on a special edition of The Dirt Sheet, it will be the world premiere of the smash hit. They keep talking, all while the drumroll continues. We get a preview of “Hey Hey Hop Hop.”

The video consists of Miz and Morrison in all white bunny suits rapping. Sort of. This is just a preview, as we’ll get the whole video next week. This is their domain, and he is challenging Bad Bunny to a match at Mania.

He will end Bad Bunny’s career, period. If you want a sneak preview, watch his match tonight against Jeff Hardy.

We return to Jeff Hardy challenging The Miz’s manhood by telling him to send John Morrison to the back, right now.


Match 3: The Miz vs Jeff Hardy

Kick from The Miz, then a right hand. Another to the face. Miz sends Jeff to the corner. But Jeff stops and hits a right hand. He sends Miz nito the corner, the other corner, the third, and a final corner head first. Jeff with a jawbreaker. Jeff hits the ropes, and eats a boot from The Miz. The Miz turns, stomps Jeff on the mat. Miz chokes jeff up on the second rope then runs with a knee to the back of the head. The Miz hits the ropes and kicks Jeff in the face. Cover for 1…2…NO! Miz with a right, Jeff blocks, whip to the ropes, knee from Miz. The Miz whips Jeff into the corner. Kick from Jeff. He heads to the 2nd rope and hits a splash. Cover for 1..2.NO!

Kick from jeff, goes for Twist of Fate, Miz escapes and sends jeff into the post. Skull Crushing Finale. Pin for 1..2…3!!

Winner: The Miz
Jeff is just…slow now. A so-so match that wasa made to give Miz a win.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 4:19

Miz stands tall, yelling that he is The Miz, and is a champion, until Bad Bunny comes from behind to break a guitar over the back of The Miz. Bunny, what the hell are you wearin. Lol.

The Miz is fuming. Bad Bunny has the mic. He smiles, says he accepts The Miz’s challenge, and calls him a bitch. He will see Miz at Mania.

WE COME BACK TO AJ STYLES AND OMOS IN THE RING.

AJ cant wait for Mania. It’ll be Omos debut, and they’re going for the tag team titles. AJ says they can’t lose.

New Day has heard enough. They come out with mics and a grin. Kofi takes offense to AJ thinking he’ll beat Kofi and Woods. Woods goes over what they just heard, and Kofi says that in order for them to become an unstoppable tag team, they msut become a team, and in front of them is not a team. What they see is a small man trying to overcompensate for his size.

Kofi uses a voice akin to a Game of Thrones parody.

Woods tries to talk to Omos about how bad it is to be a team with AJ. He dosent even know Omos. What’s his favorite color? AJ doesn’t know. It’s mauve.

Favorite ice cream? AJ says Vanilla Bean. Peanut butter caramel.
Who is his favorite WWE Superstar of all time? AJ says himself, obviously. Omos says Andre the Giant.

AJ telsl Kofi to get into the ring so he can get his butt kicked.


Match 4: Kofi Kingston vs AJ Styles

Missed the opening here, but come back to AJ eating a kick from Kofi on the apron. Kofi rushes the corner, and hits AJ with a monkey flip. Cover for 1…NO! Kofi get sAJ in the corner, whip to Kofi, he lfies off the 2nd rope with a dropkick and a pin for 1..2.nO!!! Another dropkick to AJ, sending him to the outside. AJ pulls Kofi to the outside. Right hand from kofi. He stares at OMos, then back to AJ. Throat thrust to Kofi, then AJ sends Kofi into the steps hard. Damn. Woods goes to check on Kofi, but there’s Omos to stop him as we go to commercial.

Back from a break, and Kofi is hittin the boom drop. He goes for Trouble in Paradise, but AJ telegraphs it with a huge kick to the side of the head! Kofi rushes the corner with a kick!! AJ trips Kofi up on the top rope. AJ heads to the top. Locks the head of Kofi, grabs the arm, tries for a superplex, but kofi attacks the side and drops AJ off the corner! Kofi with a splash! COVER! 1..2….NO!!! CALF CRUSHER FROM AJ!!! Kofi reaches the bottom rope! AJ tries to pin, but Kofi rolls him up for 1..2..NO!!! Dropkick to the knee from AJ! AJ to the apron.

AJ flies for a forearm, but Woods blows the horn, fully distracting AJ! Here comes Omos. He walks over to Woods. AJ tries for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Kofi with the SOS. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Kofi Kingston
Ok, so this is one of those distractions that I’m perfectly ok with being a distraction, as anyone blowing a horn randomly during a match is for sure going to cause a pause. But for Woods to do it, just seems relatively heelish. I can’t properly rate the match, as I missed the opening, but it’s AJ vs Kofi, so that’s AT LEAST 2.5, right?
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: NR

Sheamus is stopped backstage, and asked why he accepted the challenge from Lashley. Sheamus says he lives for a fight, and if this guy has to ask this question, this guy doesn’t know who Sheamus is. New guy asks about Drew, and Sheamus says it’s called respect – this world needs more of it. Did he ask for Drew’s help? No. He cant stand Drew.

In comes Riddle, scoot scooting in, asking if Sheamus has ever seen the Lochness Monster, if he believes in leprechauns. Sheamus has a question, wonders if his scooter is easy to ride. Sheamus grabs the scooter, holds it in his arms, then asks how to ride it. Sheamus then hits Riddle with the scooter. Hahaha.


Match 5: Drew McIntyre vs Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander

Drew and Shelton to start. He drops Drew hard and fast, then DEADLIFT SUPLEXES SHELTON! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Drew grabs Cedric off the apron and brings him into the ring the hard way. Chop to the chest, then a whip and a back body drop to Cedric. Shelton locks up from behind, lifts and drops Drew. Drew tries to break the hold. Shelton breaks the lock after some time, and is able to hit a clothesline to Shelton. Drew stomps the hand of Shelton. Drew sends Shelton into the corner. Whip to an elbow. Right hand to Drew, another, another. Drew is able to send Shelton towards the ropes, looks for The Claymore, but Cedric is there to pull Shelton out of the ring! Drew leaves the ring, he waits for Shelton to turn, hit a hard right to the dome, then sends Shelton into the ringpost. Drew gets Shelton back into the ring. Kick from Shelton. Tag from Cedric. He comes in, chops the left knee, running knee from Shleton, and Drew falls to the outside. Cedric hits the ropes. He flies. Suicide dive to Drew!!!! Both men grab Drew and send him into the barricade back-first.

WE come back and Cedric kicks the leg, then Shelton hits a running knee to the head! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Shelton grabs the hair and tags in edric. Cedric hits a running knee to Drew, then Shelton kicks him. Cover from Cedric. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Shelton with a beat down of fists in the middle of the ring. Kick to Drew! GLASGOW KISS! Both men down.

Drew is up first. Cedric runs in, gets hit with a clothesline. Whip. BELLY TO BELLY! Another one out of the corner! Shelton re-enters. Future Shock DDT! Drew kips up. He waits in the corner. Shelton up.

CLAYMORE TO SHELTON! Cedric spin kicks, hits the ropes, CLAYMORE TO CEDRIC! Alexander is dead. Cover for 1…2…3!!!!

Winner:
Not a shock that this is around the time where those in the main event get the wins, and those who aren’t simply…don’t. Cedric eating that claymore the way he did was a thing of beauty.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 13:08

Backstage, MVP is admonishing Cedric and Shelton. Before he can finish, Lashley storms in and says since they couldn’t get the job done, he’s going to go find someone that will.

He enters another section of the locker room where LHP, Drew, Akira, Humberto, and Ricochet are talking, randomly. He offers any of them an opportunity, but they must first take out Drew McIntyre.

Ok….

Mandy makes her entrance, and we find out Naomi and Lana are on commentary. Nia and Shayna make their entrance with Reggie. He…um…flips down the ramp to the ring.


Match 6: Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke vs Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax

Mandy gets the upperhand with Shayna, then tags in Dana, who flips into a splash and a pin for 1…NO!!! Shayna drives her back onto the knee and tries to tag in Nia. Nia is distracted. Dana rolls Shayna up for 1..2.NO!!! Dana gets shoved into Nia. Mandy comes in to stop a submission. Nia tags herself i. Nia with a springboard elbo,w but Nia no-sells and hits a clothesline. Nia headbutts Dana. Reginald enters the ring and spins for no fucking reason. Dan slinks behind Nia, clips the leg, tags in Mandy, bulldog to Nia, she gives a eight to the entering Shayna. Cover to Nia for 1..2..NO!!! Stomps to Nia. Tag to Dana. Shayna grabs the boot of Mandy and pulls her down.

Dana hits Shayna with a right. Reggie on the apron, Nia crotches her. Mandy tries to trip him, but Reginald flips away. Samoan Drop in the ring. 1..2….3!!!

Winners: No One
What was this bullshit? WHAT reason would Reginald have to enter the ring and…spin? This entire thing. No.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:42

Backstage, Alexa is in her playground. She knows Orton wants her out of his life, but she is still here, and so is he. Ya can’t always get what ya want, Randy. But tonight, be careful what you wish for.

WE COME BACK to Shane and Elias in the ring. Shane says as soon as he is healed up, that match will happen. He then says Elias didn’t get the job done. Elias says he didn’t have time to prepare. Shane says not to interrupt him again. He says he had plenty of time today, and this is why he gets a rematch. They’ve also got a song together. It’s called “Braun is Stupid.”

Elais starts strumming and Shane gets ready like he’s at a karaoke bar.

Braun comes out ,saying he doesn’t care if Shane has a peg-leg, nothing will stop the ass-whoopin coming to him. As for Elias, he’s got a song for him called, “The Man Who Got These Hands.”


Match 7: Elais vs Braun Strowman

Strowman goes for the choke into the corner, then sends Elias headfirst into the opposite corner. Another toss into the corner. Braun grabs Elias by the hair and chops him hard in the corner. Headbutt to Elias. Boot to the chin. Braun sends Elias to the outside, sending Shane walking away on a crutch. Braun sends Elias back into the ring and follows. Gets in at 6. Elias runs with a knee that barely grazes. He attacks in the corner with right hands over and over again. Elias hits the corner, flies, and Braun hits a dropkick to the chest. Braun swipes at the air on the apron. Braun leaves the ring. He’s ready to truck everyone outside.

OMG….they play the sound of a fucking train while he runs and hits Elias with a shoulder tackle. Powerslam in the ring. Cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: Braun Strowman
Wow…just…wow
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 3:05

Shane enters the ring and smcks the back of braun with the crutch. It bends across his back, but Braun no-sells it. Braun calls Shane stupid, but that’s not the story they’re telling, so that’s odd. Shane runs out of the ring with haste, not hurting at all.

Braun grabs a mic, points out the knee. Braun says he’s had enough games. He will end this Shane. Braun wants a match at Mania.

ORTON IS BACKSTAGE.

He is now in the ring, saying it feels like just yesterday he watched The Fiend being burned alive, but apparently, he didn’t finish the job. Last night, he smelled it. Burnt flesh. He doesn’t know what he saw last night, exactly, but it was an abomination. Tonight, he finishes the job. No more bliss. No more Fiend. No more bullshit.

Alexa is here with her jack in the box. She told him to be careful. She spins the handle. A toy version of The Fiend pops out. The lights go off. The flames pop out of the corner, and The Fiend is behind Orton. Orton turns to see what he saw last night. Orton has a gas can with him. He smells it to assure that we know it’s gas, because, you know, he must not have filled it himself.

Orton pours some at the feet of The Fiend. He continues to drench The Fiend with gas as he stands there. Orton wipes the gas off his hands and grabs a box of matches. He sneaks closer and closer. THEN HITS AN RKO!!!

Alexa is on the apron. She enters the ring, Orton turns. They stare each other down. The Fiend stands up like nothing and locks on The Mandible Claw. SISTER ABIGAIL with The Claw still on.

Alexa skips around the ring. She stands next to The Fiend and points towards the Mania sign. Her and Jason Voorhees stand tall.

End Show.

6.2
The final score: review Average
The 411
Yet again, the length of RAW is its detriment, as the entire first hour was incredibly strong. I'll even incorporate The Miz/Morrison/Bad Bunny segment into that because, even though it's not "for me," it has its place on the show. But after that, it quickly went off the rails, and never readjusted. In fact, shave off the entire final hour, and you have a show that just makes it past average. But, we can't do that. Instead, we get a nonsensical Elias vs Braun rematch, complete with train sound effects. We get Lashley putting a bounty on Drew's head, which will lead to three weeks of squash matches up till Mania for Drew. We get New Day cheating to win and calling AJ out on not knowing how to be a team, just so he could face one of them in a Single's match, and you get an ending that, although I truly don't care about either way, is super divisive in terms of crowd reception. This isn't even a mixed bag, either. Imagine a trail mix, take out all the good stuff, and whatever you decide is left in the bag, is essentially RAW tonight. The opener was great, the match with Asuka and Peyton was great, as well, and with Charlotte out, could have very much led to something, but instead, Peyton will likely be an afterthought, as the other other Aussie will be at Mania. And even if they did take this Peyton newfound love somewhere, no one would buy it due to the lack of trust in her to begin with. The Hurt Business shows signs of breaking up, again, after seemingly weeks of not knowing who each other was, to be honest. The show had promise, but ended with the same whimper it always does.
legend

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