Be A Man, Otis!

As much as pro wrestling fans claim to be into this stuff for the electrifying promos, the incredible moves and epic matches, let’s face the facts: We all love a good story.

We especially love a story about love. You don’t believe me? Look how every half-assed storyline that has to do with who’s sleeping with who gets over in the TV ratings, YouTube views and whatever other metrics we’re harping on this week. Whether it’s a soap opera, drama, sitcom or pro wrestling show, viewers love them some romance. They always have, and they always will.

Two male wrestlers fighting over the same girl? Sign us up! It really doesn’t matter whether the girl can wrestle, or even if the men can wrestle, to be honest. There’s nothing that stirs up a good fight between men like the love of a woman. Give us some drama & some emotion, and we’re here for it.

WWE’s been doing some of it lately. Raw has certainly dabbled in it with the love rectangle with Rusev, Lana, Bobby Lashley & Liv Morgan. It’s been a thing. It hasn’t really been my cup of tea, but there’s been a love story over on SmackDown that I’ve been more into.

Based off of physical appearance, Mandy Rose & Otis aren’t exactly what most people would think of as a couple. Let’s be honest: Mandy’s hot, and Otis’s not. However, Otis brings plenty of other things to the table other than physical appearance. He’s a nice guy from all indications. He’s caring, sensitive, and is the kind of guy you want to see get the girl.

We don’t think it’s very likely, since Mandy calls herself “God’s Greatest Creation” and previously seemed to be way too full of herself to go for a guy like Otis. We picture her more with a guy like Dolph Ziggler. You know, a good looking guy that has tons of self-confidence and tends to treat everybody else like crap.

It’s a classic story. Sure, we’ve seen it before, but it never gets old. Sensitive guy falls in love with girl. Jerk guy steps in and woos the girl. Sensitive guy snaps and beats the crap out of jerk guy. Classic pro wrestling, right?

Well…this is what we got on the Valentine’s Day edition of SmackDown.

Sensitive Guy walked off like Sad Charlie Brown

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with Otis’s reaction here from a realistic perspective. This is generally how these things go in real life. Jerk guy gets the girl, sensitive guy slinks off into the darkness to listen to Dashboard Confessional while crying into his pillow.

There’s one major problem that I have with this, and it kind of goes along with something I was talking about a couple of weeks ago. You know, when the politician guy talked about wrestling being fake and people got up in arms about it. People want to give WWE credit here for having a realistic storyline about love. Otis’s reaction is how most of us would react. Me, I would probably walk off sadly…but keep the flowers in case I needed them for something else.

What? Good flowers cost good money! I’m not going to waste them by leaving them on the floor of a restaurant!

At any rate, I am not here to give WWE credit for having Otis act like a regular human being who just had his heart stomped upon by Dolph Ziggler & Mandy Rose. (Well, we know that Mandy didn’t really do the stomping. Otis doesn’t know that.) Why not? One very simple reason:

We don’t watch pro wrestling to see wrestlers act like regular people.

We don’t want to see Otis walking off like Sad Charlie Brown like a regular person would. Otis should have been mad as hell and charged at Dolph in the middle of the crowded restaurant. He should have been drug off by the staff while swearing revenge. That’s not what a regular person would do, sure. But…that’s what a regular person would want to do.

Wrestling fans live vicariously through their heroes.

When Stone Cold Steve Austin beat up Mr. McMahon back in the day, it was like we were beating up our overbearing boss. When Dusty Rhodes beat up Ric Flair, it was the average working man beating up the rich Wall Street fat cat. When Hulk Hogan conquered the latest beast/foreign menace, he was standing up for all of us. Hell, when Daniel Bryan rose to the top of WWE a few years back, we lived vicariously through the underdog overcoming all of the assumed odds against him.

None of these men would have ever allowed Dolph Ziggler to steal their girl without an immediate fight. Imagine Stone Cold ever crying. Not gonna happen, right? Remember when other WWE Superstars tried to take AJ Lee from Bryan? The dude completely lost his mind and was eventually ordered to go to counseling. He didn’t mope around like big Otis did on Friday night.

What about George “The Animal” Steele? He’s fairly comparable to Otis because, well, you’ve seen pictures of George “The Animal” Steele. George fell in love with Miss Elizabeth, and the big sensitive lug didn’t get anywhere because Randy “Jerk Guy” Savage already had Liz on lockdown. These things happen, but you damn sure didn’t see Animal crying about it! The guy kept trying & trying. Even if he was ultimately unsuccessful in his pursuit, he gave it his best effort. He didn’t slink away like Sad Charlie Brown and fall into a state of depression, no sir. Maybe that would have been more realistic, but fans wouldn’t have wanted to see it.

I think one of the main reasons WWE has a constant need to bring back stars from the past is the fact that they’ve been booking more storylines with their Superstars acting like regular people. They think fans will connect with them better that way, and there might something to be said for that. Maybe I’m completely off-base here, but I like watching pro wrestlers on television that don’t act like regular people. The ones that don’t act like regular people become bigger stars. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Look at some of these part-timers. Edge. Batista. You know damn well these men wouldn’t walk off like simpering little weenies while one of their co-workers got with their girl.

Hell, they were usually the ones getting with peoples’ girls!

That’s why they’re still stars now. They don’t act like regular people. They act like crazy pro wrestlers that do ridiculous things and don’t cry about them. Name me a top star in the wrestling business that acted like a regular, normal, well-adjusted person.

“Mick Foley!”

OK, fair point. In many ways, the tail end of Foley’s run paved the way for WWE Superstars acting like regular people. However…could you imagine any of Mick Foley’s personalities ever exiting a situation like the one on Friday night without raising some kind of ruckus? He probably would have gotten knocked out by Ziggler at the end of it, but at least he would have done something.

Sure, Otis could do something this Friday. Then you’ll tell me that my whinging and complaining was all for naught. My response: What kind of a pussy waits a week to get revenge on Mr. Steal Yo Girl? Not the kind of man that wins professional wrestling championships.

Come on, Otis. You’re a pro wrestler. You have freaking amateur credentials out the yin yang. There’s no need for you to act like an emo kid. Look at you!

Maybe that isn’t the guy that winds up with the ridiculously hot blonde at the end of the show. But it damn sure isn’t the guy that takes this kind of humiliation like Sad Charlie Brown. WWE wants us to emphasize with him…we don’t need to feel sorry for him to emphasize with him. The more sorry we’re told to feel for Otis, the less we’ll emphasize with him in the long run.

The bottom line: Otis needs to nut up or shut up. Otis needs to step up. He needs to man up. All Otis needs to do is quit belly-aching and do something about it. And hell, it’s not like the guy even showed up for his date on time anyway. We’re only going to have so much sympathy for people that are perpetually late.

Hopefully, for Otis’s sake, his reaction to all of this isn’t too late.