wrestling / Columns

Botched!: Bleeding Enzo, Asuka’s Language Skills, More

January 13, 2018 | Posted by Steve Cook
Enzo Amore Survivor Series

Hi, hello & welcome to the column that nobody in the world of professional wrestling wants to be in: Botched! We’re on the road to the Royal Rumble and there will be so much action going on that we won’t be able to keep track of it all. We’ll do our best though, and I’m sure there will be plenty of material for this column. Here’s five little issues to look at as we head into the weekend!

1. Enzo Wears The Crimson Mask: Enzo Amore had a pretty rough night on Monday. He probably doesn’t want to see much more of Cedric Alexander, especially after getting his eyebrow busted open.

So how did it happen? After further review, it seems that Cedric caught Enzo with his shoulder after the kickout on the pin. One of those freak accidents that just happen sometimes. As Jim Ross used to say at least once a week, it ain’t ballet. Ballet also has freak accidents though.

2. Asuka Doesn’t Speak English? : Nia Jax wants a shot at her friend Alexa Bliss’s Raw Women’s Championship at WrestleMania. Bliss, understandably, isn’t too keen on the idea & is trying to focus Nia’s attention elsewhere. On Asuka, specifically. She tried to stir the pot by claiming that Asuka had said something mean about Nia to her, but Nia didn’t believe it. Which is fine, but Nia’s reasoning was inaccurate.

K, Asuka doesn’t speak the best English. But she does speak some English. Suggesting she doesn’t is factually inaccurate. Heck, every week she’s going on about how nobody is ready for Asuka. I have no doubt she could tell Alexa Bliss something mean about Nia Jax if she wanted to.

3. Not the best Bank Statement Ever: Sasha Banks’ finisher, the Bank Statement, is one of my current favorite moves. The transition from the Backstabber into the move is ordinarily a thing of beauty. Not so much on Monday night, even with Mandy Rose involved.

Not all bank statements are great ones. One look at my account would tell you that.

4. TJP Makes A Mark: My boy Mike in Moorhead noted how TJP really made a mark in the ring on this week’s episode of 205 Live. I wasn’t 100% sure what he meant by that, so I checked it out.

You can see some marks in the ring on areas where TJP landed during his match with Gran Metalik. (Speaking of which, remember when these guys were in the CWC finals and everybody made a big deal of it? Now it’s a throwaway match on a throwaway show.) As far as we can tell, it was most likely from TJP’s spray-on tan.

This is one area of pro wrestling that is indisputably worse today than it was thirty years ago. Did the Four Horsemen walk into arenas wearing spray-on tan? Of course not, they spent five hours out in the sun every day to get that rich people glow. Wrestlers had a dedication to their craft back then, by cracky. Not like these kids today that cut corners to try & get ahead.

5. What month is the show being held?

…Maybe they spell “March” differently in Canada? You know how people outside of America like adding random “u”s to words.

Thanks for reading! If you see (or hear) anything wrong in the world of wrestling, let me know via Twitter or e-mail at [email protected] Have a good weekend!

article topics :

Asuka, Botched!, Enzo Amore, Steve Cook