wrestling / Columns

Botched!: Goldberg’s Jackhammer, Tegan vs. the Table, More

March 1, 2020 | Posted by Steve Cook
WWE Super Showdown Goldberg

Hi, hello & welcome to Botched! It’s been a wild & wooly couple of weeks in wrestling, and we’re spanning the globe to bring you some of the moments that didn’t quite go as expected. Our focus this time is on the NXT Women’s Division & WWE SmackDown. I enjoy both just fine, it’s just where the material came from.

1. The Table No-Sells Tegan Nox

Professional wrestling tables have been standing up for themselves lately. They’re not going to do the job for talent that isn’t heavy enough to break them. It’s an admirable stance, though it nearly resulted in Tegan Nox being killed at NXT TakeOver: Portland.

Yeah…let’s lay off the table bumps off the top rope for people that are coming off of injury anyway, ok? I know NXT is one of those brands where everybody goes balls to the wall all of the time, but nothing about Tegan Nox taking a bump through a table off the top rope thanks to Raquel Gonzalez seems like a good idea to me. Even if the table broke perfectly, it would have been an underwhleming finish to most discerning wrestling fans because who the heck is Raquel Gonzalez?

2. Suplex Fail

Bianca Belair is widely considered one of the best athletes on the NXT brand, if not in all of pro wrestling. She’s got legit cred. With that being said, her suplex attempt on Rhea Ripley at NXT TakeOver: Portland wasn’t the EST of anything on NXT.

If Jim Ross was on commentary he would have been talking about how many more pounds Ripley weighed than Belair.

3. Not the Brand Re-Launch They Were Hoping For

I’ve seen Chelsea Green hit her finishing move, the Unprettier, plenty of times. I have no idea what happened on the 2.19.20 episode of NXT to make this happen at the 2:41 mark of the video below.

It’s obvious that Chelsea has a lot going for her. She’s got the look. She’s shown potential in the ring. But one or two slip-ups on NXT television, and you can fall to the back of a stacked women’s division real quick. They can find somebody else to fill her slot real easy. And, let’s face it, nobody will be heartbroken if her manager gets the heave-ho, though they’d probably just stick him with the next woman like he’s Zelina Vega managing Mexican wrestlers.

4. They Weren’t False Advertising With That “Symphony Of Destruction” Name

Sometimes things sound great on paper and don’t end well in practice. On paper, Braun Strowman powerslamming Shinsuke Nakamura onto a grand piano sounds like a great idea. In practice…well…

https://twitter.com/GetDaTables/status/1231037143176359936]

I don’t blame the performers here, I blame whoever thought of the spot, and whoever didn’t think to gimmick the piano. Oh, and maybe Braun could have tried to protect Shinsuke’s head a little bit.

5. Guess He Zigged When He Should Have Zagged

I like the idea of Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode using a Zig Zag/Spinebuster combo for a finish. As Kenny Omega & Hangman Page have demonstrated in AEW with their Buckshot V-Trigger, combining two signature moves can make for a great tag team finisher.

They just need to work on it a little bit.

Last Minute Bonus Botch: New Universal Champion!

Once I saw this on Twitter I knew there was no reason to post a Botched column if I didn’t include Goldberg’s Jackhammer on The Fiend.

Yowie Wowie. What else can ya say? It could have gone a lot worse, but Goldy really could have just finished with the spear. It would have gotten the same reaction.

Thanks for reading! If you see (or hear) anything wrong in the world of wrestling, let me know via Twitter or e-mail at [email protected] See you next time!