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Click HERE to Join 411’s LIVE WWE ROYAL RUMBLE Coverage!

January 25, 2009 | Posted by Chris Lansdell

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to the LIVE coverage of the 2009 Royal Rumble, RIGHT HERE on 411wrestling.com! I am your host and 3rd-place finisher in the Imperial Rumble, Chris Lansdell, and I am ready to RUMBLE!!!

We open with a video package featuring Orton punting Vince. King and Cole tell us that Orton will be reprimanded, but we don’t know how. Maybe he wins the Rumble, has the title shot stripped and the last 6 Raw guys end up in the Elimination Chamber at No Way Out?

We are LIVE from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit!

ECW Title Match: Jack Swagger © vs. Matt Hardy

Jerk that curtain Matt! Matt does not look too concerned about his brother. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him implicated in the Jeff attacks tonight. This is my first chance to see SWAGGA in singles action. We get the super special ring announcing and we’re off!

Swagger ducks between the ropes early to avoid beatings. Another lockup and Swagger tries a cheapshot, blocked by Hardy who comes back with a big right to floor the champ. Swagger tries again and Hardy lays into him. Swagger to the outside where Matt SMACKS him with a big right then introduces his head to the apron. Back inside and Matt with a big clothesline. Swagger bails again and smartly takes a few seconds to recover. Back in, Swagger goes for a double leg, Matt fights briefly but Sawgger ends up in control with a hammerlock. Hardy gets to his feet and turns into an arm ringer, Swagger gets a takedown and back to the hammerlock. Hardy ducks a clothesline, kick to the gut and Swagger escapes the Twist of Fate only to get both feet in his face with a basement dropkick! Bulldog out of the corner by Hardy gets 2. Whip reversed, Hardy gets an elbow up into the charging Swagger and goes up top, but Swagger throws him to the outside! Swagger follows and goes to work on the left arm. Back in and Swagger continues to apply pressure to the arm. 2 count off a shoulder by Swagger, and then into a top wristlock. Hardy to the corner for the break, Swagger uses the ropes to apply more punishment. Hardy fights out of the corner but Swagger yanks the left arm and halts the momentum. Clothesline by Hardy blocked and that hurt his arm. BIG boot by Swagger and back to the wristlock, then into move #4…arm-bar. Swagger continues the arm work but Hardy uses the right arm for a clothesline! More clotheslines! Clothesline drop gets 2. Whip by Hardy, charging clothesline and a bulldog get 2 more. Hardy still favouring the arm as he goes to the second rope and DOWN with the elbow to the back of the head! 2 more for Hardy. Hardy goes for the Twist but Swagger turn it into a belly to belly! Swagger goes for the fisherman’s suplex, Hardy fights off and tries for a vertical, reversed to an armbar DDT by Swagger for 2. Nice psychology. Swagger takes Matt up top and goes up with him, Hardy pushes him off and MOONSAULT!!! Fuck me he almost landed on his head. 1…2…2.77! Twist countered again, Side Effect blocked and Hardy is thrown shoulder-first to the ring post! Doctor Bomb! 1…2…3!!! Clean win!

Winner: Jack Swagger via pinfall (Doctor Bomb)

We see Randy Orton arriving to total silence.

WWE Women’s Title Match: Beth Phoenix © vs. Melina

Melina’s entrance needs less giant feathers and more paparazzi. Santino is out with Beth. No sign of Rosa.

Lockup and Beth shows her POWAH early. Headlock by Melina and again Beth powers out and shoves Melinaa down. “SANTINO! SANTINO!” – Detroit. Melina elbows out of a waistlock and hits a dropkick, Beth doesn’t go down. Melina charges and EATS a shoulder and goes down like a ton of bricks. Whip by Beth, tilt-a-whirl into an armbar by Melina! Impressive. HOLY…Beth stands up with Melina on one shoulder and chucks her to the corner! Beth charges into an elbow, Melina tries a victory roll but gets DROPPED backwards by Beth! SAMOAN CLAM BAKE by Beth! 1 count only! Insufficient ass. Beth applies a very painful modified half crab, pulling her leg so far forward that she makes Melina kick herself in the back of the head!!! Melina comes back with a kick, she charges and Beth catches her in a botched side slam. Beth positions Melina up top, GORILLA PRESS! Melina slips out and they botch the spot, then go for it again as Melina gets a sunset flip for 2. Drop toehold by Melina and a running double knee to the back of Beth, followed by the horsecollar bulldog for two. Beth charges into a double boot, second rope Lou Thesz press by Melina! Beth goes for the split leg drop, Beth ducks and counters the wheelbarrow into a Glam Slam…beautifully countered! Rollup! 3! New champ!

Winner: Melina via pinfall (sunset flip)

A recap of the HBK-JBL angle. JBL is in the locker room with Shawn, and tells him that if he wins, JBL will pay him everything he owes him and he can quit. Not only that, he’ll give him a shot at Mania for the title. Interesting twist to the story there. HBK turns aroung and UNDERTAKER is there! “Sometimes, it’s hell getting to heaven.” Umm, OK. Maybe that sets up the HBK-Taker match that half the IWC is drooling over.

World Title Match: John Cena © vs. JBL

HBK is wearing camo UnderArmor. If you say so. About a 60-40 split on the Cena entrance, we ARE in a smart wrestling town after all. More super-special announcing. Starting the 3rd match 45 minutes in…Hardy-Edge better be LONG. Hey Cena, your undewear is showing, pull your pants up you lout! Obama will not be impressed!

Cena with an early headlock takedown. To their feet and JBL gets one of his own. To the ropes and JBL takes down Cena with a shoulder, then Cena takes JBL down with a back elbow. JBL to the outside, he whispers something to HBK. I bet he wasn’t passing on a recipe for a really cracking lentil soup. JBL back in with some stiff shots to take control.Whip reversed, Cena crosses up on the ropes and hits the one-handed bulldog for 2. Throwback gets 2 more! Michaels has not cracked his face yet as JBL goes to the floor to recover, Cena charges and ducks a clothesline but pulls up short as he was about to run into Shawn. JBL with the shot from behind and he has control. To the steps! Back inside and JBL ets a cover for 2. Short-arm clothesline for 2 more. “Let’s go Cena!” “Cena sucks!” – Detroit. Series of elbows by JBL gets 2. Snap mare and a rear chinlock by JBL. Side slam by JBL gets 2 more. Cena rolls under the ropes, JBL pulls him to his feet and then knocks him off the apron. JBL seems content to let Cena get counted out, then changes his mind and goes out with him. Whip into the stairs and Cena looks out of it. Back in at 7, cover gets 2 more. JBL with big rights in the corner, then he positions Cena up top and lays in a couple more big rights. JBL goes up for the superplex but Cena with some rib shots to block, he powers out of the superplex grip and knocks JBL off the top! I smell the Rocker Dropper…hits! Well, he missed by JBL sold it. 1…2…2.61! Both men are groggy, Cena charges into JBL’s boot, JBL goes off the ropes but Cena tackles him and starts laying in right hands! Shoulder blocks! Ugly-ass blue thunder bomb! You are unable to visually perceive his personnage! FU try countered by JBL with an elbow! Clothesline from Hell…NO! Drop toehold! STFU! Oh sorry, STF. JBL reaching for the ropes, Michaels makes as if he is going to push the ropes closer but Cena releases the hold to kick at HBK! Cena goes back to the hold but JBL kicks him off! It looks like HBK may have opened the ropes and Cena goes to the outside!!! Cena remonstrates with an impassive Michaels, gets back into the ring and is levelled by the Clothesline from Hell! 1…2…2.88!!!!! JBL is pissed at HBK, he picks up Cena and Cena goes for the FU!!! Countered! JBL goes for a b ig boot and nails the ref! Double clothesline and both men are down, and here comes HBK! He sets for the Chin Music, both men are standing and it looks like he’s aiming for Cena! SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO JBL!!!! Detroit explodes, Cena smilesand goes to to shake Shawn’s hand…CHIN MUSIC TO CENA!!! Detroit explodes again! Michaels rolls JBL onto Cena and walks away!!!! The ref is still out though. Here comes Jack Doane! 1…2…2.9012285!!!!! Both men are totally out of it. JBL is up first, he goes for the clothesline again but Cena ducks! FU! 3!

Winner: John Cena via pinfall (FU)

They recap the Edge-Hardy saga.

WWE Title Match: Jeff Hardy © vs. Edge

Jeff comes out with pyro. See, if it was me doing the booking, I would have left that out tonight. Jeff appears to have been watching the Starrcade DVD as he is painted like Sting. EXCUSE HER! EXCUSE HER! EXCUSE HER! Don’t even think about getting out of this match by getting disqualified, because it’s a no DQ match. Smell that interference~! Edge is accompanied by Gopher Guerrero. Even more super special announcing, Edge gets a pop because Toronto is not far.

This should be good. Jeff charges straight away and takes it to Edge, then takes him to the corner. “We want Christian!” – Detroit. Hardy with boots in the corner, to the ropes and a flying forearm. Another whip, Edge holds the ropes and ducks out, Jeff chases him and gets a chair but that backfires as Edge catches him coming in. Big shots by Edge, a whip but Jeff goes up and over and hits a clothesline. Snap mare, basement dropkick to the back of the head and a cover gets 2. Scoop slam by Hardy. Edge comes back with a kick to the gut and some clubbing forearms, whip to the ropes but Hardy slides under and flips the bird! Edge chases, Hardy slides in and then hits the baseball slide dropkick! He fakes the catapult, lands on the apron and then hits the leaping clothesline to the floor on Edge! Nice sequence. Back inside, Chavo distracts Hardy and Edge catches Jeff with a big boot as he tries to slingshot in. Edge follows to the outside, BIG whip to the barricade. Hardy gets hauled across to the announce tables where he is slammed into each one. The ref is not counting, although it’s supposed to be no DQ, not no count-out. Edge with the cover gets 2. Edge measures Jeff and hits a running kick to the ribs. Whip to the corner and a spear in the corner by Edge. Edge has slowed this match right down, making it easier to recap. Whip again, Jeff flips over the spear into a sunset flip for 2!! Clothesline by Edge corrects the momentary oversight and he gets 2. Rear waistlock by Edge now, and this just looks wrong. Jeff elbows out but Edge yanks him down. Hardy fights back and hits the mule kick, Jeff goes up top but gets caught. Edge goes up with him but gets pushed down! Hardy leaps RIGHT INTO A DROPKICK by Edge! Nice timing on that. 1…2…2.83! Crowd are really not into this. Edge goes out for 2 chairs, I wonder what’s next. Hardy charges and spears Edge off the apron! Great spot. Slingshot crossbody to the outside by Hardy! He throws Edge in but Edge catches Hardy with a kneelift. Edge and Hardy both on the apron, FUCK ME SENSELESS a Twist of Fate on the apron! Edge is taken to the Smackdown table head-first, then Jeff dismantles the Raw table. He goes under the ring and has a BIG-ASS ladder, at least 12 feet. Higher than the ring. Edge is on the table, Hardy is on the ladder and Chavo is going up the ladder! He gets knocked off and Hardy leaps on Chavo! Edge gets thrown to the post, and Hardy now puts Chavo on the table. No, don’t do that Jeff! MOTHER OF MERCY splash off the ladder onto Chavo!!!!! What a waste! Hardy is hurting but he launches himself at Edge who is still down. Back inside and a high crossbody by Jeff gets 2. Whip reversed and Edge hits a big boot to regain control. He removes the turnbuckle pad but Hardy blocks the ram and hits the Whisper in the Wind!!! 1…2…2.899!!! Kick, Twist of Fate reversed! Impaler!! 1…2…2.9004! Edge is going up top now, Hardy gets the feet up but Edge blocks the counter! Hardy kicks Edge off, cradle! 1..2…no. Gourdbuster by Hardy, he’s going up! Edge tries to crawl away so Hardy gets down and hits a basement dropkick! Edge in the corner, Hardy goes for the corner dropkick but Edge catches him and stun guns him on the exposed turnbuckle! 2 count only. Edge stalks for the spear, COUNTERED to the Twist of Fate!!! Hardy goes up, Vickie is out! Hardy kicks her off, SWANTON! 1…2…Vickie pulls the ref out! Matt Hardy is here! He has a chair and throws Vickie in the ring! Matt gives Jeff a chair and gets one of his own…WHAM!!!! Matt kills Jeff!!!!!! Everyone is shocked! Even JR is speechless! Edge with the cover! 1…2…3!!!!!

Winner: Edge via pinfall (Greasy jealous Hardy brother chairshot)

Whoever thought we’d see the day when Matt Hardy helped Edge?

The refs help Jeff to the back as JR questions why. And we have to wait until at least Tuesday to find out.

Orton is backstage and says he’s still in the Rumble until he hears otherwise. Jericho comes in and congratulates Orton for the punt. Orton is suspicious of Jericho’s motives and Jericho says he’s just being honest, because this could well be Orton’s last night as a WWE employee.

The Royal Rumble Match

Boo! No Fink.

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to the LIVE coverage of the 2009 Royal Rumble, RIGHT HERE on 411wrestling.com! I am your host and 3rd-place finisher in the Imperial Rumble, Chris Lansdell, and I am ready to RUMBLE!!!

We open with a video package featuring Orton punting Vince. King and Cole tell us that Orton will be reprimanded, but we don’t know how. Maybe he wins the Rumble, has the title shot stripped and the last 6 Raw guys end up in the Elimination Chamber at No Way Out?

We are LIVE from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit!

ECW Title Match: Jack Swagger © vs. Matt Hardy

Jerk that curtain Matt! Matt does not look too concerned about his brother. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him implicated in the Jeff attacks tonight. This is my first chance to see SWAGGA in singles action. We get the super special ring announcing and we’re off!

Swagger ducks between the ropes early to avoid beatings. Another lockup and Swagger tries a cheapshot, blocked by Hardy who comes back with a big right to floor the champ. Swagger tries again and Hardy lays into him. Swagger to the outside where Matt SMACKS him with a big right then introduces his head to the apron. Back inside and Matt with a big clothesline. Swagger bails again and smartly takes a few seconds to recover. Back in, Swagger goes for a double leg, Matt fights briefly but Sawgger ends up in control with a hammerlock. Hardy gets to his feet and turns into an arm ringer, Swagger gets a takedown and back to the hammerlock. Hardy ducks a clothesline, kick to the gut and Swagger escapes the Twist of Fate only to get both feet in his face with a basement dropkick! Bulldog out of the corner by Hardy gets 2. Whip reversed, Hardy gets an elbow up into the charging Swagger and goes up top, but Swagger throws him to the outside! Swagger follows and goes to work on the left arm. Back in and Swagger continues to apply pressure to the arm. 2 count off a shoulder by Swagger, and then into a top wristlock. Hardy to the corner for the break, Swagger uses the ropes to apply more punishment. Hardy fights out of the corner but Swagger yanks the left arm and halts the momentum. Clothesline by Hardy blocked and that hurt his arm. BIG boot by Swagger and back to the wristlock, then into move #4…arm-bar. Swagger continues the arm work but Hardy uses the right arm for a clothesline! More clotheslines! Clothesline drop gets 2. Whip by Hardy, charging clothesline and a bulldog get 2 more. Hardy still favouring the arm as he goes to the second rope and DOWN with the elbow to the back of the head! 2 more for Hardy. Hardy goes for the Twist but Swagger turn it into a belly to belly! Swagger goes for the fisherman’s suplex, Hardy fights off and tries for a vertical, reversed to an armbar DDT by Swagger for 2. Nice psychology. Swagger takes Matt up top and goes up with him, Hardy pushes him off and MOONSAULT!!! Fuck me he almost landed on his head. 1…2…2.77! Twist countered again, Side Effect blocked and Hardy is thrown shoulder-first to the ring post! Doctor Bomb! 1…2…3!!! Clean win!

Winner: Jack Swagger via pinfall (Doctor Bomb)

We see Randy Orton arriving to total silence.

WWE Women’s Title Match: Beth Phoenix © vs. Melina

Melina’s entrance needs less giant feathers and more paparazzi. Santino is out with Beth. No sign of Rosa.

Lockup and Beth shows her POWAH early. Headlock by Melina and again Beth powers out and shoves Melinaa down. “SANTINO! SANTINO!” – Detroit. Melina elbows out of a waistlock and hits a dropkick, Beth doesn’t go down. Melina charges and EATS a shoulder and goes down like a ton of bricks. Whip by Beth, tilt-a-whirl into an armbar by Melina! Impressive. HOLY…Beth stands up with Melina on one shoulder and chucks her to the corner! Beth charges into an elbow, Melina tries a victory roll but gets DROPPED backwards by Beth! SAMOAN CLAM BAKE by Beth! 1 count only! Insufficient ass. Beth applies a very painful modified half crab, pulling her leg so far forward that she makes Melina kick herself in the back of the head!!! Melina comes back with a kick, she charges and Beth catches her in a botched side slam. Beth positions Melina up top, GORILLA PRESS! Melina slips out and they botch the spot, then go for it again as Melina gets a sunset flip for 2. Drop toehold by Melina and a running double knee to the back of Beth, followed by the horsecollar bulldog for two. Beth charges into a double boot, second rope Lou Thesz press by Melina! Beth goes for the split leg drop, Beth ducks and counters the wheelbarrow into a Glam Slam…beautifully countered! Rollup! 3! New champ!

Winner: Melina via pinfall (sunset flip)

A recap of the HBK-JBL angle. JBL is in the locker room with Shawn, and tells him that if he wins, JBL will pay him everything he owes him and he can quit. Not only that, he’ll give him a shot at Mania for the title. Interesting twist to the story there. HBK turns aroung and UNDERTAKER is there! “Sometimes, it’s hell getting to heaven.” Umm, OK. Maybe that sets up the HBK-Taker match that half the IWC is drooling over.

World Title Match: John Cena © vs. JBL

HBK is wearing camo UnderArmor. If you say so. About a 60-40 split on the Cena entrance, we ARE in a smart wrestling town after all. More super-special announcing. Starting the 3rd match 45 minutes in…Hardy-Edge better be LONG. Hey Cena, your undewear is showing, pull your pants up you lout! Obama will not be impressed!

Cena with an early headlock takedown. To their feet and JBL gets one of his own. To the ropes and JBL takes down Cena with a shoulder, then Cena takes JBL down with a back elbow. JBL to the outside, he whispers something to HBK. I bet he wasn’t passing on a recipe for a really cracking lentil soup. JBL back in with some stiff shots to take control.Whip reversed, Cena crosses up on the ropes and hits the one-handed bulldog for 2. Throwback gets 2 more! Michaels has not cracked his face yet as JBL goes to the floor to recover, Cena charges and ducks a clothesline but pulls up short as he was about to run into Shawn. JBL with the shot from behind and he has control. To the steps! Back inside and JBL ets a cover for 2. Short-arm clothesline for 2 more. “Let’s go Cena!” “Cena sucks!” – Detroit. Series of elbows by JBL gets 2. Snap mare and a rear chinlock by JBL. Side slam by JBL gets 2 more. Cena rolls under the ropes, JBL pulls him to his feet and then knocks him off the apron. JBL seems content to let Cena get counted out, then changes his mind and goes out with him. Whip into the stairs and Cena looks out of it. Back in at 7, cover gets 2 more. JBL with big rights in the corner, then he positions Cena up top and lays in a couple more big rights. JBL goes up for the superplex but Cena with some rib shots to block, he powers out of the superplex grip and knocks JBL off the top! I smell the Rocker Dropper…hits! Well, he missed by JBL sold it. 1…2…2.61! Both men are groggy, Cena charges into JBL’s boot, JBL goes off the ropes but Cena tackles him and starts laying in right hands! Shoulder blocks! Ugly-ass blue thunder bomb! You are unable to visually perceive his personnage! FU try countered by JBL with an elbow! Clothesline from Hell…NO! Drop toehold! STFU! Oh sorry, STF. JBL reaching for the ropes, Michaels makes as if he is going to push the ropes closer but Cena releases the hold to kick at HBK! Cena goes back to the hold but JBL kicks him off! It looks like HBK may have opened the ropes and Cena goes to the outside!!! Cena remonstrates with an impassive Michaels, gets back into the ring and is levelled by the Clothesline from Hell! 1…2…2.88!!!!! JBL is pissed at HBK, he picks up Cena and Cena goes for the FU!!! Countered! JBL goes for a b ig boot and nails the ref! Double clothesline and both men are down, and here comes HBK! He sets for the Chin Music, both men are standing and it looks like he’s aiming for Cena! SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO JBL!!!! Detroit explodes, Cena smilesand goes to to shake Shawn’s hand…CHIN MUSIC TO CENA!!! Detroit explodes again! Michaels rolls JBL onto Cena and walks away!!!! The ref is still out though. Here comes Jack Doane! 1…2…2.9012285!!!!! Both men are totally out of it. JBL is up first, he goes for the clothesline again but Cena ducks! FU! 3!

Winner: John Cena via pinfall (FU)

They recap the Edge-Hardy saga.

WWE Title Match: Jeff Hardy © vs. Edge

Jeff comes out with pyro. See, if it was me doing the booking, I would have left that out tonight. Jeff appears to have been watching the Starrcade DVD as he is painted like Sting. EXCUSE HER! EXCUSE HER! EXCUSE HER! Don’t even think about getting out of this match by getting disqualified, because it’s a no DQ match. Smell that interference~! Edge is accompanied by Gopher Guerrero. Even more super special announcing, Edge gets a pop because Toronto is not far.

This should be good. Jeff charges straight away and takes it to Edge, then takes him to the corner. “We want Christian!” – Detroit. Hardy with boots in the corner, to the ropes and a flying forearm. Another whip, Edge holds the ropes and ducks out, Jeff chases him and gets a chair but that backfires as Edge catches him coming in. Big shots by Edge, a whip but Jeff goes up and over and hits a clothesline. Snap mare, basement dropkick to the back of the head and a cover gets 2. Scoop slam by Hardy. Edge comes back with a kick to the gut and some clubbing forearms, whip to the ropes but Hardy slides under and flips the bird! Edge chases, Hardy slides in and then hits the baseball slide dropkick! He fakes the catapult, lands on the apron and then hits the leaping clothesline to the floor on Edge! Nice sequence. Back inside, Chavo distracts Hardy and Edge catches Jeff with a big boot as he tries to slingshot in. Edge follows to the outside, BIG whip to the barricade. Hardy gets hauled across to the announce tables where he is slammed into each one. The ref is not counting, although it’s supposed to be no DQ, not no count-out. Edge with the cover gets 2. Edge measures Jeff and hits a running kick to the ribs. Whip to the corner and a spear in the corner by Edge. Edge has slowed this match right down, making it easier to recap. Whip again, Jeff flips over the spear into a sunset flip for 2!! Clothesline by Edge corrects the momentary oversight and he gets 2. Rear waistlock by Edge now, and this just looks wrong. Jeff elbows out but Edge yanks him down. Hardy fights back and hits the mule kick, Jeff goes up top but gets caught. Edge goes up with him but gets pushed down! Hardy leaps RIGHT INTO A DROPKICK by Edge! Nice timing on that. 1…2…2.83! Crowd are really not into this. Edge goes out for 2 chairs, I wonder what’s next. Hardy charges and spears Edge off the apron! Great spot. Slingshot crossbody to the outside by Hardy! He throws Edge in but Edge catches Hardy with a kneelift. Edge and Hardy both on the apron, FUCK ME SENSELESS a Twist of Fate on the apron! Edge is taken to the Smackdown table head-first, then Jeff dismantles the Raw table. He goes under the ring and has a BIG-ASS ladder, at least 12 feet. Higher than the ring. Edge is on the table, Hardy is on the ladder and Chavo is going up the ladder! He gets knocked off and Hardy leaps on Chavo! Edge gets thrown to the post, and Hardy now puts Chavo on the table. No, don’t do that Jeff! MOTHER OF MERCY splash off the ladder onto Chavo!!!!! What a waste! Hardy is hurting but he launches himself at Edge who is still down. Back inside and a high crossbody by Jeff gets 2. Whip reversed and Edge hits a big boot to regain control. He removes the turnbuckle pad but Hardy blocks the ram and hits the Whisper in the Wind!!! 1…2…2.899!!! Kick, Twist of Fate reversed! Impaler!! 1…2…2.9004! Edge is going up top now, Hardy gets the feet up but Edge blocks the counter! Hardy kicks Edge off, cradle! 1..2…no. Gourdbuster by Hardy, he’s going up! Edge tries to crawl away so Hardy gets down and hits a basement dropkick! Edge in the corner, Hardy goes for the corner dropkick but Edge catches him and stun guns him on the exposed turnbuckle! 2 count only. Edge stalks for the spear, COUNTERED to the Twist of Fate!!! Hardy goes up, Vickie is out! Hardy kicks her off, SWANTON! 1…2…Vickie pulls the ref out! Matt Hardy is here! He has a chair and throws Vickie in the ring! Matt gives Jeff a chair and gets one of his own…WHAM!!!! Matt kills Jeff!!!!!! Everyone is shocked! Even JR is speechless! Edge with the cover! 1…2…3!!!!!

Winner: Edge via pinfall (Greasy jealous Hardy brother chairshot)

Whoever thought we’d see the day when Matt Hardy helped Edge?

The refs help Jeff to the back as JR questions why. And we have to wait until at least Tuesday to find out.

Orton is backstage and says he’s still in the Rumble until he hears otherwise. Jericho comes in and congratulates Orton for the punt. Orton is suspicious of Jericho’s motives and Jericho says he’s just being honest, because this could well be Orton’s last night as a WWE employee.

The Royal Rumble Match

Boo! No Fink.

Entrant #1 – Rey Misterio

King and JR are providing commentary.

Entrant 2 – Morrison

They exchange shots to start. Rey goes over the top early but holds on, Morrison stamps away but Rey will not budge and hits a shoulder through the ropes, then a springboard crossbody to come back in. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors and Morrison is in trouble! Skins the cat TWICE and is safe.

Entrant 3 – Carlito.

Carlito goes after Rey, then spits apple at Morrison. Rey runs the ropes and tries a springboard DDT, Carlito catches him and hits a spinning neckbreaker! Morrison throws him over but he holds on, ducks a clothesline and a double-jump springboard moonsault by Carlito!!! Morrison has Rey and Carlito down and puts the boots to both men. Carlito takes Morrison to the corner as number 4 approaches…

Entrant 4 – MVP

Powerslam by MVP to Morrison. He goes for the Ballin elbow, Rey charges and MVP pauses long enough to give Rey a belly to belly, then elbows Morrison for fun and profit. HUGE knee to the jaw of Carlito. He takes Morrison to the turnbuckle, whip reversed and Morrison tries the springboard kick! MVP ducks and hits the Drive-By on Morrison! Rey and MVP face off, Rey lands on the apron again and springboards back in with a dropkick.

Entrant 5 – The Great Khali

Everyone looks scared. Khali levels all 4 guys. One-armed armbar slam to Morrison. Rey comes flying in with a kick, Khali steps back then kills Rey. Carlito tries the backstabber but can`t hold the shoulders and gets the Tree Slam for even trying.

Entrant 6 – Vladimir Kozlov

Oooh this could get interesting. Khali applies the Vise right away, Kozlov fights it off then hits a pump kick and a clothesline and Khali goes up and over!!!

Kozlov eliminates Khali

MVP charges and lays in some shots, he goes for the Drive-By but Kozlov ducks and tosses MVP!!! Carlito is next up, Kozlov tries to toss him but he lands on the apron! Carlito fights from the apron, springboards in and gets slammed for his troubles, and tossed!

Kozlov eliminates Carlito

Rey tries his luck, he ducks a boot and wriggles free of a slam then gets thrown down by Kozlov!

Entrant 7 – HHH

Detroit explodes again. Kozlov gives HHH the staredown and they start exchanging blows. HHH gets the upper hand until Kozlov hits the headbutt! Kozlov goes for a backdrop, HHH hits the jawjacker and tosses Kozlov!

HHH berries Kozlov

Morrison attacks HHH from behind, a whip is reversed but HHH gets the high knee.

Entrant 8 – Randall K Orton

HHH and Orton collide! Orton has the upper hand! Modified backbreaker by Orton and he sets for the RKO…countered! KICK WHAM PEDI…no! Morrison saves Orton with the springboard kick! Rey takes out Morrison! 619 connects! All 4 men are down as the countdown starts again! Cryme Time come out, JTG wins a coin toss and hits the ring!

Entrant 9 – JTG

It was a double-headed coin, allegedly. JTG goes after everyone, taking down Morrison and taking it to HHH in the corner. He tries to eliminate HHH he escapes the predicament. Orton almost has Rey out, but Rey has a headscissors on so Randy lets him go. HHH and JTG have Morrison in trouble.

Entrant 10 – Ted DiBiase

God that new music sucks. DiBiase goes after everyone not named Orton but gets dropkicked by Morrison and JTG, who then face off. HHH has Orton in trouble, DiBiase hits a clothesline to both JTG and Morrison who are both hanging from the top rope! They exchange kicks while they hang! Tremendous. They both roll back in. DiBiase takes Rey over, but Rey hauls DiBiase with him! Both men survive. Rey hits a sliding dropkick to DiBiase`s nuts!!!

Entrant 11 – Chris Jericho

Jericho goes right after Orton and gets him over but not out. He switches to JTG then hits HHH with the one-hand bulldog. Lionsault misses, HHH goes for the Pedigree but it`s countered to the Walls! HHH kicks him off! DiBiase and Orton are working over Morrison, Rey tries to eliminate Jericho.

Entrant 12 – Mike Knox

Knox KILLS Morrison with a clothesline, then his beard attacks Rey. Orton and DiBiase stalk JTG, Morrison and Jericho are in a corner while Knox works on Rey in another. HHH saves Rey only to get levelled by Knox.

Entrant 13 – The Miz

Miz goes after JTG and takes him down with the Stroke, then goes after Rey with the corner clothesline. He joins up with Morrison and take on Orton. Double team gutbuster! Morrison gets pushed into an RKO! Another for Miz! And for JTG! Pedigree to Orton! HHH takes out Miz and Morrison together! Rey dangles inches from the floor!!!

Entrant 14 – Finlay

Oh God, he brought the leprechaun. Rey used the backs of Miz and Morrison to get back in the ring!!! Finlay attacks everyone with inverted atomics, then drops a senton on HHH. He attacks Jericho from behind, Rey tries to help but Jericho grabs the bottom rope. Finlay goes after Knox and clotheslines him down. Orton saves DiBiase from being eliminated by FInlay.

Entrant 15 – Cody Rhodes

All 3 of the Legacy are in now. They go after JTG then switch to HHH. FInlay tries to intervene and gets stomped down. Rhodes and DiBiase go for Knox while Orton goes for Rey. Misterio goes for a springboard and GETS CAUGHT WITH A PERFECT RKO!!! That was sweet! Rhodes and DiBiase struggle to get Knox up and over.

Entrant 16 – The Undertaker

Jesus, with 90 second intervals there will be two more people in the ring by the time Taker`s entrance is done! Oh, he`s in a hurry.Taker kills everyone. JTG is gone, one-handed toss by Taker. Taker continues his rampage with a whip to DiBiase, and another for Cody! Snake eyes and a big boot! Goozle to Knox!

Entrant 17 – Goldust

He goes after DiBiase, then faces off with Cody! BITCH SLAP! Cody goes over the top but lands on the apron! Cody back in, whip and drops his head but Goldust hits the drop-down uppercut and tries to toss Cody again! Again Cody hangs on! RKO to Goldie! Finlay has DiBiase in trouble, but Cody is too busy eliminating his brother. They then notice DiBiase and go save him.

Rhodes eliminates Goldust

Entrant 18 – CM Punk!!!!!!

Excuse me while I mark. Detroit has the chant going. Punk takes down DiBiase and Rhodes with a double clothesline, hits the high knee to Jericho and a couple of kicks to the Legacy! Another high knee to Jericho, and the bulldog! WHAT THE….GO 2 SLEEP ON HHH!!!! Excuse me while I mark some more. Now Punk is going after Taker! Taker levels Punk, Misterio is on the second rope punching Knox, he gets tossed but the steps save Rey.

Entrant 19 – Mark Henry

Here’s the beef! Henry levels the Legacy and takes down Taker for good measure. Henry stands on Punk`s chest until HHH makes the save. HHH then gets a World’s Strongest Slam for his troubles. Punk comes off the top and Henry catches him, tosses him but Punk saves himself.

Entrant 20 – Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin attacks a few people before settling on Finlay and hitting Paydirt. Jericho and Punk are slugging it out on the top rope HOLY FUCKING FUCKERY OF FUCKTASTIC FUCKS Benjamin leaps up to the top and hits a Super Paydirt on both men!!!!! Henry catches a boot from Shelton and gets the spinkick! Punk gets tossed and BARELY hangs on. Taker and Orton are slugging it out.

Entrant 21 – William Regal

Regal goes after Punk with knees and hits a sick Exploder. Finaly is trying to take out Knox. Taker is busted open! Henry charges Benjamin but Rey low-bridged him and Henry is gone! The Legacy has HHH in trouble…he survives!

Misterio eliminates Henry

Entrant 22 – Kofi Kingston

Rey backdrops Rhodes over but again he hangs on! Kofi is going nuts and hits the legdrop on Knox. Jericho then kills him. Punk is lying under the ropes. Regal is stepping on HHH. Benjamin goes after Taker but gets tossed! There goes my dark horse. Jericho has Rey in serious trouble, but he`s wrapped around the post upside down!

Taker eliminates Benjamin

Entrant 23 – Kane

Rey survives, just. Kane attacks everyone but Taker. Smart man. They face off! Double Goozle to DiBiase! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! Kane chokeslams Kofi! Taker throws Jericho into the post! Punk eliminates Regal!!! Kane has Finlay up but the Irishman hangs on.

Punk eliminates Regal

Entrant 24 – R-Truth

What’s up? He goes after Cody, Punk comes after Truth! HHH whips Truth but eats the spiral forearm! Orton and Kofi have Kane in trouble, but he grabs the ropes. Punk is trying to suplex Finlay out, Finlay blocks. Knox has HHH on his shoulder but HHH holds on!

Entrant 25 – Rob! Van! Dam!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Did he resign? Is it a one-shot deal? Kick to Kane! Cltotheslines and kicks everywhere! Jericho down, Rhodes down! Knox down! Punk down! Legdrop to R-Truth! Detroit is going nuts! RVD up top, he jumps over HHH and gives him a spinkick! Rolling Thunder to R-Truth and HHH! Hey, remember when Vince said he would not have anything to do with anyone who was on Hogan’s CCW?

Entrant 26 – THE Brian Kendrick

Kendrick charges in and pushes Kofi off the top, over and out! HHH grabs him and throws HIM out! Warlord Award! The ring is full of talent, and the only chant you can here is for RVD. This is EPIC. Bring on the comments! RVD has Punk dangling, but Punk kicks him off. Rey escapes another near call.

HHH eliminates THE Brian Kendrick

Entrant 27 – Dolph Ziggler

Well there goes the lucky number. Kane appears to know who he is. He tosses him anyway. Jericho attacks Kane from behind, Rey has a headscissors on Punk but Punk manages to get Rey over…no! RVD in trouble at the hands of Orton! Taker is laying into HHH. Jesus this is hard to follow.

Kane eliminates Dolph Ziggler

Entrant 28 – Santino Marella

Pop of the night! He charges and Kane KNOCKS HIM RIGHT OUT AGAIN! NEW RECORD!!!!! Kane has Punk up on his shoulders…and drops him with a snake eyes. Jericho attacks Taker, and a gang try to take out Kane. The Legacy are on RVD and have him doing the splits. Kane has HHH in trouble!

Kane eliminates Santino (Warlord Award)

Entrant 29 – Hacksaw Jim Duggan

For the love of God, why? Rights for Punk, Rhodes and DiBiase! Kane and Taker take some shots! Finlay and RVD are not immune! HOOOOOOOOOOOO! Orton saves Rhodes by attacking Finlay.

Entrant 30 – The Big Show

No Christian? Wow. Take that, IWC! Everyone has stopped to stare at Show, and he doesn’t seem to care. He shoves Punk down, and Taker steps up! KANE out of nowhere!!! Kane and Show exchange shots, Show wins that exchange and Duggan takes over! Duggan goes for a slam? Dumb. Bye bye Hacksaw.

Show eliminates Hacksaw

Jericho jumps on the back of Show with a sleeper. Taker launches Punk but he hangs on AGAIN! RVD tries to suplex Jericho over, Kane is stomping DiBiase. Taker has Orton in peril, Rhodes saves him. Show military presses Truth over!

Show eliminates R-Truth

Rhodes skins the cat! Show tosses Punk, he hangs on AGAIN and goes after Show! Again he gets tossed, and again he comes back! Tossed again! DAMN the knockout punch by Big Show and Punk is gone. Boooo-urns.

Show eliminates Punk

RVD blocks a DDT from Orton, and we missed a double elimination of Rey and Knox.

Show eliminates Misterio and Knox. That’s 5 for Show.

Hornswaggle is in, briefly, and Kane tosses Finlay. We see that it was Big Show who tossed Rey and Knox. RVD fights off Show, Jericho hit the Codebreaker on Kane. All 3 Legacy are alive. Orton has HHH in trouble, rope-assisted DDT to HHH!!!

Kane eliminates Finlay. Four for Kane.

Taker and Show face off again! Taker ducks the right and hits back, he keeps blocking Show`s shots! RVD hit the Five-Star! Jericho tosses RVD! Taker is right behind him, Jericho stands his ground! Codebreaker! Taker is reeling, Jericho charges…and is taken out! The Legacy takes out Kane!

Jericho eliminates RVD
Taker eliminates Jericho
Legacy eliminate Kane

It`s Show, HHH, Taker and Legacy. Why do I see HHH being left with the Legacy and taking them all outÉ Show goes for HHH, Legacy attack Taker. CHOKESLAM to HHH. Taker is getting beaten down in the corner, he gets whipped but comes out of the corner with clotheslines! Chokeslams for all 3! Show and Taker face down again. They exchange rights, whip by Show, Taker ducks under the attack and hits a big clothesline! Show is tossed but HANGS ON! Holy shit! Show is teetering on the apron, Orton sneaks up on Taker but the RKO is blocked. Show goozles Taker! Taker goozles Show! They exchange blows on the apron, Orton eliminates Show!

Orton eliminates Show

Taker goozles Rhodes and DiBiase, and Show drags him out!!! As I dreaded, it’s HHH and the Legacy. It`s a mugging! Orton holds him while the other two lay in the boots. Now Orton is laying stiff right hands to the head of HHH. I’m feeling ill, HHH has no right winning this.

Show eliminates Taker 6 for Show.

Rhodes and Orton drag HHH up, but he counters the RKO! DiBiase checks on Orton while HHH hits the jawjacker and spinebuster on Rhodes and DiBiase! Pedigreesetup to Rhodes, Orton charges and HHH backdrops him! Orton is on the apron! Pedigree to Rhodes! DiBiase is gone! HHH eliminates Rhodes…and Orton takes out HHH from behind!

HHH eliminates Rhodes and DiBiase
Orton eliminates HHH

Winner: Randy Orton last eliminating HHH.

The Legacy pose as we go off the air.

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Chris Lansdell
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