Csonka Reviews This Week’s Free WWE Summerslam Matches (Vol. III)

Csonka Reviews This Week’s WWE Free Summerslam Matches

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– From WWE Summerslam 2007: Beth Phoenix won the Divas Battle Royal @ 7:10 [DUD]
– From WWE Summerslam 2002: Kurt Angle defeated Rey Mysterio @ 9:20 via submission [****]
– From WWE Summerslam 2007: Triple H defeated Booker T @ 7:57 via pin [*½]
– From Summerslam 2005: Randy Orton defeated The Undertaker @ 17:30 via pin [***]

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Divas Battle Royal: The participants were: Beth Phoenix, Melina, Mickie James, Jillian Hall, and Maria from Raw, Michelle McCool, Torrie Wilson, Kristal Marshall, and Victoria from SmackDown, and Kelly Kelly, Layla, and Brooke from ECW.) They were all fighting for the honor to face WWE Women’s Champion Candice Michelle. Everyone sloppily brawls to begin, Jim Ross is trying to muster up some excitement for this, but it’ not working. Phoenix eliminates Adams & Maria in the first two minutes as Victoria tosses Layla. This is slow and sloppy, Victoria and Marshall get tosses as we get more attempts at wrestling, but it’s closer to stumbling around. Hall, James and Kelly Kelly get tossed, leaving up with Torrie, Melina, Phoenix and McCool. Melina gets tossed after initially failing to go over the ropes. Phoenix tosses Torrie, leaving her and McCool. Phoenix thankfully tosses her quickly to end the pain. Beth Phoenix won the Divas Battle Royal @ 7:10 [DID] This was just a giant cluster fuck. They had a lot of women in there that had no clue how to work a battle royal, which ran the risk of injury to be honest with you, and it was slow and generally bad. JR and Lawler tried to put over Beth big time, with her strength and all; but it was just horrible.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle: This was Rey’s WWE PPV debut. Rey with the sneak attack and he ran wild early, but Angle attacked the leg for the ankle lock, but Rey made the ropes only for Angle to pull him to the floor. He worked over Rey and rolled him back in, and worked him over with suplexes. Angle went for Germans, but Rey fought it off and rolled him up for 2, but then ate a clothesline. The crowd hated Angle here as he worked the heat on Rey. Rey kept fighting back, but Angle stayed a step ahead of him, countering Rey’s trademark stuff and working a half crab. Rey escapes again, tries a sunset flip and then Angle hits an overhead belly to belly. Angle drops the straps, but Rey counters the Angle slam, sending Angle to the floor. Rey attacks the knee, the ref stops a dive attempt but Rey just jumps over him to wipe out Angle with a tope. The springboard leg drop comments back in the ring and Rey covers for 2. Angle cuts off Rey, looks for an ankle lock but Rey counters and hits 619; the west coast pop hits for a great near fall. Rey back to the ropes, heads up top, jumps over Angle and hits a dropkick. They work up top but Angle counters the RANA and applies the ankle lock and Rey has to tap. Kurt Angle defeated Rey Mysterio @ 9:20 via submission [****] This was an absolutely great sprint and if Rey had to lose, it was a hell of a match to lose on. The absolute best thing about the match is that Rey took Angle out of his comfort zone, and in something many forget about, early Angle was great at adapting to his opponent’s style. It’s a forgotten aspect of his game as later in his career he was overly reliant on his formulaic matches, and while many of those were still great, Angle played the hits all too often. I really enjoyed revisiting this one.

Triple H vs. King Booker T: They brawled at the bell, with Triple H quickly taking control and dumping King Booker to the floor. Booker made it back in only to get sent right back o the floor. This led to Triple H following him out and beating him down. Booker only got control when Sharmell tripped up Triple H, Booker attacked the leg but Triple H fought right back, taking out Booker’s leg and working a figure four. Sharmell raked the eyes, allowing Booker to take control back, working the leg again. They traded strikes, with Triple H again tossing Booker to the floor and slamming him to the steps repeatedly. Back in and Triple H continued controlling and hit a spinebuster. Booker fought off a pedigree and hit the bookend for a solid near fall. Booker headed up top and missed the Harlem hangover. The pedigree finished it. Triple H defeated Booker T @ 7:57 via pin [*½] So this is what we were building to, the return of TRIPLE H. Don’t fool yourself, while there were many title matches on the show, the company and tried to make this feel like it was the main event of the show. The return of TRIPLE H. Everyone joked about it at the time, we all talked about the return, the match and we all knew that Booker would lose to TRIPLE H. That was something we all knew and accepted going into the show. Unfortunately for Booker no one told him that this would be a burial. The match was portrayed as a blow off to a feud with the totally dominating babyface victory. Triple H dominated the match; he for the most part no sold the offense of King Booker and made him his bitch, which is a shame. They could have done things much better, because what they did wasn’t fun to watch. The live crowd enjoyed it more than I did. I thought this was done completely wrong and was totally unnecessary. To me this was the TRIPLE H ego speaking, thinking his return was the main event and that he had to look super strong. Sure looking back Booker was about to be on his way out, but they could have at least had an entertaining match. Sometimes looking back on Triple H the performer makes me realize how much better I like NXT business guy Triple H.

Randy Orton vs. the Undertaker: Taker tries for some shots, but Orton bails. Lock up now and Orton tossed down. Slap to Orton and Taker misses a big right. Orton plays keep away right now, side headlock and off the ropes and Taker gets a shoulder block for 2. Headlock by Taker, off the ropes and another shoulder block to Orton. Hip toss now by Orton and then a clothesline. Orton pose…CLOTHESLINE by Taker. Taker with an arm breaker…Orton to his feet and Taker with shots to the “surgically repaired” arm and shoulder of Orton. Taker goes for Old School…Orton up and arm drags him off and covers for 2. European uppercuts by Orton in the corner. Chops and then rights to Taker. Taker grabs him and tosses Orton back to the corner. Taker jacks him and Orton is down. Irish whip to Orton, back elbow to Orton. BIG boot by Taker gets 2. Throat thrust by Taker, off the ropes…reversal and the high-flying clothesline by Taker gets 2. Rights by Taker, now body shots by Taker. Running knee by Taker and Orton is down. Vicious rights by Taker and Orton is barely on his feet. Taker chases out the ref and whip to Orton, charges and MISSES the bog boot and crotches himself in the corner. Elbow by Taker and as Taker steps through the ropes Orton gets a SICK DDT on Taker for 2. Orton goes Ric Flair on the leg of Taker in the ropes and Taker is down. Orton rams the knee off of the ring apron now and then drags him to the post and rams the knee off of the steel post. Taker can’t get to his feet and Orton kicks away at him. Shots to the knee now and then the elbow drop by Orton to the knee. He locks the leg and Taker fights for his life. Orton off the ropes with a high knee drop for 2. Thrust to the throat by Taker and another. Boot by Orton and a cover for 2. Orton works the leg more as he ties it in the ropes and pulls the knee in ways that it should NOT go. Boot by Taker, elbow now and off the ropes…SWEET powerslam by Orton gets 2. Orton back to the leg now and Taker tries to fight him off. Taker escapes and reverses it and now works Orton’s leg. Off the ropes…CHOP BLOCK by Orton and right back to the single leg lock. He now lays the leg on the rope…ass drops to the leg follow. He tries another but Taker kicks him in the ass and sends him to the floor. Taker to the floor and rams him into the steps. Back in the ring now and Taker grabs the arm…Old School try…connects but Taker’s knee buckled on him but covers for 2. Taker snatches up Orton…snake eyes. Taker off the ropes…but eats a dropkick by Orton. Orton stalks Taker…RKO try stopped. Tombstone try…escape and reversal. Another reversal Escape…3.0 back breaker by Orton gets 2. Rights by Orton on Taker. Taker down and Orton goes up top! Cross body, reversed and rolled through into the GOOZLE! CHOKE SLAM! A fan is in the ring now, and they get rid of him; Taker grabs Orton…RKO! Taker is done! Orton goes and hugs the fan, who was his father Cowboy Bob in make up. We get the double Orton pose to celebrate. Randy Orton defeated The Undertaker @ 17:30 via pin [***] This was a good match, about on the level of their Mania match. I always expected Orton to have better chemistry with Taker, but it was Batista who had that and it produced some great matches with Taker.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

5.2

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

Not the best collection of matches this time around, but Rey vs. Angle is certainly worth the watch, while Orton vs. Taker is good; you can skip the other two.