wrestling / TV Reports

Csonka’s Smackdown Review 3.28.17

March 28, 2017 | Posted by Larry Csonka
bray wyatt pose
6.5
The 411 Rating
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Csonka’s Smackdown Review 3.28.17  

Csonka’s Smackdown Review 03.28.17

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Becky Lynch vs. Carmella went to a no contest @ 2:00 [NR]
– Carmella & Alexa Bliss defeated Becky Lynch & Mickie James @ 9:40 via pin [*]
Andre The Giant Battle Royal Invitational Tag Match: Slater, Rhyno, Mojo , Gable & Jordan defeated The Usos, Ziggler, Breeze & Fandango @ 11:05 via pin [**½]
Non-Title Match: Champion Bray Wyatt defeated Luke Harper @ 8:10 via pin [**¾]


– Still no Mauro Ranallo.

– Daniel Bryan is out to kick off the show.

SHANE AND STYLES SIGN THE DEAL SO THAT THEY CAN DO THE DEAL: Bryan hypes up the crowd, and then introduces Shane McMahon. AJ Styles is out next. Shane has a fresh tan and is looking particularly crispy this evening. They’re gentlemen to begun, taking a seat at the table. Shane waxes poetic about making Smackdown the land of opportunity, and Styles was always part of that vision, and no matter what has happened and what will happen, Shane thinks Styles is one of the greatest of all time. Styles agrees with this assessment of his talent. Shane continues to praise Styles’ accomplishments, but then says his ego took over and that Styles became arrogant and cost him the WWE title. Styles then made his own opportunity, and Shane promises to bring out Styles’ best and if he doesn’t, he won’t be that phenomenal when Shane wins. Shane signs the contract. Styles is not amused by this and reminds Shane that this is a regular match and Shane won’t have the advantages he’s had in the past. He will be in Styles’ world. In this ring he is untouchable, so if you want to wrestle or throw hands or take it to the air, Styles will embarrass him on every level. He knows Shane has faced Angle, HBK, The Rock and Austin and the Undertaker. Styles says he is the best performer to ever step into a WWE ring and Shane will find out how phenomenal he is. Styles signs. They look to get physical, but Bryan breaks them up and asks them to shake hands. Styles walks off and refuses. Good opening segment, with Styles delivering again on his promo. I like that they didn’t do anything physical here. I am still not a big fan of the match, but if anyone can make it worth it, it’s AJ Styles.

– Ellsworth comes out to introduce Carmella. Carmella is out to no reaction.

Becky Lynch vs. Carmella w/Ellsworth: Mickie James and Alexa Bliss are on commentary. V runs right away, and gives her gum to Ellsworth. Lynch lights Carmella up with uppercuts, but Carmella cuts her off with a kick. She then chokes her out in the ropes, and covers for 2. Lynch fires up with rights and an enziguri as Bliss and James argue and brawl on the floor. They worked into the ring and continued to brawl and we got a DQ as they all brawled. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella went to a no contest @ 2:00 [NR] The idea is to sell the chaos of Sunday’s title match, but what little wrestling we got wasn’t very good. Carmella is a bad professional wrestler.

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Becky Lynch & Mickie James vs. Carmella & Alexa Bliss: JIP as James worked over Bliss. Lynch tagged in and continued the attack, covering for 2. Bliss runs and tags in Carmella. They argue, and James works kicks on Carmella. James takes out Bliss, but that allows Carmella to cut her off. She works some ground and pound and chokes her out in the ropes. Bliss with a cheap shot, and they then double-team James. Bliss then grounds her with a cravat, James escapes but Bliss cuts off the tag. Bliss then works a rear chinlock, but James fights to her feet and gets a roll up for 2. Natalya’s music then hits and she makes her way out as we head to a commercial break. Post break, Bliss continues to work the heat on James as Natalya joins commentary. James fights back, hits the head scissors and finally gets the hot tag to Lynch. Lynch runs wild with clotheslines, suplex to Carmella and then the corner forearm connects. Natalya then distracts Lynch and Lynch takes her out. Ellsworth gets involved, allowing Carmella to pick up the pin. Carmella & Alexa Bliss defeated Becky Lynch & Mickie James @ 9:40 via pin [*] Unfortunately, this was a sloppy and bad match; lazily laid out and having too much bullshit for me to care. I appreciate that they got the time, but the booking and work did nothing to make me look forward to the match; Naomi’s return was really good though.

– Post match they all brawl but Naomi makes her return and runs wild on everyone and makes it known that she’s back and she’s entering the women’s title match on Sunday. Come Sunday, in her hometown, everyone will feel the glow. She got a great reaction for her return and short promo.

– “Breezy Bella” offers to be in the women’s title match. Bryan refuses and then gives he and Fandango an opportunity in the Andre Battle Royal.

Miz Buries Cena – Cena Fires Back: Miz and Maryse make their way out to the ring. They will present their season finale of “Total Bellas.” Miz welcomes us and says they will present the shocking conclusion of “Total Bellas.” We see family dinner and at the Cena home and “Cena” reading off of cue cards. We get a midget Daniel Bryan played by Miz as well. Maryse plays both Nikki & Brie, and mock Bryan being a vegan. But it’s ok because Brie brought Bryan a juice box. “Cena” reads his dinner rules, which were gloriously obnoxious. Nikki proposes to Cena and it’s back to the arena with Miz and Maryse. They take a commercial.

Post break, we get Cena’s reaction, which is no because it will damage his brand. Cena hustles the fans, is loyal to himself and respects money. Cena doesn’t want to give up his spot to a more talented and deserving wrestler. My God the burials. “You can’t see me because there’s nothing here worth seeing. Miz and Maryse then say they know John and Nikki are watching and will make Mania their curtain call. Miz calls Cena a circus animal, a big dumb animal wondering the streets. Maryse then says the Kid’s choice awards were the closest she’ll ever be to having kids. Straight fucking fire; Miz closes by saying Cena’s whole life is nothing but bullshit. Sweet baby Christ, give the Miz an Emmy, this shit was hilarious. John and Nikki then make their way to the ring, acting WAY TOO HAPPY after all of that. Cena then laughs it all off, and says it’s one of the few good things Miz has done there. But then Miz started acting like himself, and while he can laugh off a parody, but says Miz is full of shit and Maryse wasn’t asked back because when she was there before, she didn’t do shit. Go search the “best of Maryse on the WWE Network” and you won’t find anything. Cena is as brand loyal as Vince McMahon, everyone knows, half want him to go but can’t get rid of him. Cena says a ton of guys have gone and made movies and came back, including Miz. Cena mocks Miz for making shitty bootlegs of movies he already made. But at least Miz does something; but he has no idea what Maryse does. Hr claims there is a women’s revolution and that Maryse shows up and steals a paycheck. The only reason Maryse is back is because Miz begged WWE to bring her back so he could be on Total Divas. Cena then takes a shot noting that they don’t have kids either and asks if Miz is shooting blanks. Cena says all Miz & Maryse do is talk, and blame others when they fail. On Sunday, he will punch Mike right in the mouth. Cena then strips away everything Mia thinks makes Cena, Cena and they promises to destroy them at Mania. In 10-years in WWE, Miz is nothing but a pussy. Cena calls then the shit couple and dares them to change his mind, daring Miz to take a shot. They all stare down, but Miz & Maryse bail. Nikki promised an ass kicking on Sunday. This was gloriously entertaining as they absolutely torched the fuck out of each other. I laughed at times, I was entertained and this worked as a great final segment to hype the match on Sunday. I know some people are worried about Miz, but after the great year he had, I have faith that he’ll be fine and keep his heat; he’s been great and is a great heel.

Slater, Rhyno, Mojo , Gable & Jordan vs. The usos, Ziggler, Breeze & Fandango: This is battle on “Andre The Giant Battle Royal” participants. Jordan and Ziggler did some amateur wrestling to begin, they battled back and forth and gable tagged in and took control. The faces worked quick tags, working over Ziggler until Fandango pulled him to the floor. Post break, gable worked with the Usos and then the heels cut him off. They then worked the heat on Gable, solid work with better selling by Gable. Jimmy Uso ended up posting himself but Jey cut off the hot tag. Gable finally hit a suplex and Mojo then got the hot tag, he ran wild and did well off the hot tag. It broke down, bodies flying to the floor and there were superkicks. GORE to Ziggler, Fandango tossed to the floor onto the pile as Breeze sent Rhino to the floor. Mojo then finished him off with the big forearm. Slater, Rhyno, Mojo , Gable & Jordan defeated The Usos, Ziggler, Breeze & Fandango @ 11:05 via pin [**½] This was a perfectly solid match with a hot ending 90-seconds or so that made it feel a lot more fun overall.

– Luke Harper was pissed that Wyatt tossed aside like trash, but now he is free and Wyatt should be the one that runs.

– Commentary runs down the Mania card.

Champion Bray Wyatt vs. Luke Harper: Harper has new, and presumably clean, gear. Harper controlled early, taking the fight to the floor and easily controlling Wyatt as we went to a commercial break. Post break, Wyatt had taken control and started to pick up momentum until he ran into a black hole slam. They kept the pacing brisk as Wyatt came back and hit the uranage and senton; Harper teased Sister Abigail but Wyatt bailed. Harper hit a pair of suicide dives, the slingshot senton and big boot for the near fall. They went back and forth, Harper hit a lariat for a near fall but Wyatt got the ropes. Wyatt then posed and looked into Harper’s eyes and then hit sister Abigail for the win. Champion Bray Wyatt defeated Luke Harper @ 8:10 via pin [**¾] I was not a fan of doing this match here, as it felt like a throwaway. With the whole Wyatt family implosion, Harper could have been a post Mania feud (and the title doesn’t even need to be a factor then). The match was pretty good, with a flat ending to show that Harper is still able to be controlled by Wyatt.

– Orton is on the site of Abigail’s grave, cuts a promo and tries to mind fuck Wyatt and has the wacky paddle Wyatt used on hi last week, jammed it into her grave and proclaimed he would be at Wyatt on Sunday.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

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“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

6.5
The final score: review Average
The 411
This was an overall average go home show, with the opening promo and Miz/Cena segment being the best thing on the show with ease. Unfortunately the ladies didn’t deliver, and really weren’t put into a place to shine. But even if they were, the wrestling was bad. One thing they missed on was building to the IC Title match, a promo or something would have been nice to have one last focus on that match. What you have to see: The opening promo, Naomi’s return, the Cena/Miz segment.
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