wrestling / TV Reports
Csonka’s TNA Impact Review 7.28.16
Image Credit: Impact Wrestling
Loading...
TNA Impact Review 7.28.16
OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Bound for Glory Playoff Semi-Final Match: EC3 defeated Matt Hardy @ 7:30 via pin [**]
– Gail Kim defeated Madison Rayne @ 5:00 via pin [**½]
– Moose defeated David Starr @ 2:07 via pin [NR]
– X-Division Title Ladder Match: Champion Lashley defeated DJ Z @ 12:36 [***¼]
– Monster’s Ball Tag Team Title Match: Champions The Decay defeated The BroMans @ 7:10 via pin [***]
– Bound for Glory Playoff Semi-Final Match: Mike Bennett defeated Drew Galloway @ 8:47 via pin [**½]
– We get a video recap of last week’s show.
Matt Hardy is Still Broken: Matt explains the he loves his wife, son, senior Benjamin and his followers; but he no longer cares for his obsolete mule, brother Nero. Brother Jeffrey Nero makes his way to the ring to his spiffy obsolete music, and Matt explained the he works for him and that tonight, Jeff needs to assure that he beats EC3. Jeff told him to get senior Benjamin of Vanguard1, or better yet, do it on his own. Matt says he is demanding his service because he controls him. EC3 then makes his way out, and Matt makes a ton of odd sounds and noises, but EC3 tells him, “Broken Matt, you knew I’d come” and then he made silly faces. He then informed Matt that Vanguard1 could fly in and drop a dilapidated boat on him and that it would not stop him. EC3 basically tried to out silly Matt, Matt threatened to eat his cat and shit was on. No seriously, this is what happened. I’ve liked a lot of the wacky Hardy stuff, but that stuff felt fun and fresh, this segment felt forced and that it was finding its end.
Bound for Glory Playoff Semi-Final Match: Matt Hardy vs. EC3: Matt was aggressive early, trying to bit off EC3’s fingers, but EC3 had enough of that and hit a dropkick off the second rope. They worked the injury angle here, selling that EC3 hurt his ankle on the landing to allow Matt to take the heat. Matt worked the leg as Josh Mathews speculated that EC3 may have an injured ankle. Well Josh, you just said he did a minute ago off the dropkick spot, make up your mind. EC3 got hope spots, but between Reby’s help and Matt biting him, Matt had control. EC3 started to make a comeback; Matt’s big counter stuff was biting and then hitting a signature more. EC3 got busted open on his nose during this, Matt kept attacking the leg with chop blocks and then removing the boot of EC3. EC3 hit a TKO, Reby and Matt wanted Jeff to help and he refused and slid in the hammer in between them. The ref took the hammer from Matt, EC3 ht him with the boot and one percenter and that was that. This did noting for me, it was way to lethargic and overbooked, which just didn’t click for me. It wasn’t bad, just bland.
– Maria meets with Madison Rayne and is very impressed with her attack on Gail Kim last week. Allie was super annoying (in a good way) here as Maria’s mousey little assistant. Rayne wanted to know what Maria would do for her if she beat Kim, and Maria said we’ll see if you win.
– Matt tried to escape with Matt jacket, and Matt caught up with him. Jeff just told him to punish him, but Matt claimed that breaking him was orgasmic. Yeah.
Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim: For the record, Rayne theme music sucks ever since she dropped her killer queen music. They worked a great pace early, going back and forth and putting together a well-done opening stretch to make me care. Kim missed a high cross, allowing Rayne to take the heat. I also appreciated that Rayne wasn’t working “insta-mega heel” here; she took advantage of a chance last week because she wants the title. She did it by a heelish attack, and is playing the heel role here, but it is muted and coming across well. Rayne got the near fall off of her sit out DDT deal, because Kim got the ropes. Rayne took too much time arguing with the ref, allowing Kim to immediately recover and hit eat defeat for the win. I thought that they were heading for a good match, but then went with the finish out of nowhere that makes Rayne look a bit too foolish. I think that they needed another minute and a better finish, but they didn’t get it. I hate that “out of nowhere, no sell finishing spot” that a lot of super faces use (Kim, Cena).
– Mike Bennett and Moose talked. They’re going to take over the world and stuff.
– Bram and Rosemary met in the place of secrets, or, the woods. It’s actually a farm where she grew up and was once innocent. She had a cat, it got sick and her mom promised to take care of it. Mom lied, because she found the cat in the trash. And then trees started to talk to her ad she started wearing black dresses and learning magic. Bram didn’t quite know what to make of this. But there is more because something happened in the barn, but they faded out and I guess we’ll learn more later.
Moose w/Mike Bennett vs. David Starr: Starr made the mistake of hitting Moose, who fought back and hit the dropkick in he corner to send Starr to the floor. Starr fought back with some leg slappy goodness and tried a dive, but Moose caught him and hit the apron powerbomb. Moose then hit the game breaker, which Starr sold very well, and scored the win. For the most part this was fine, but with the way they are hyping Moose and is background, they should have simply had him hit all of his shit and get out, giving Starr anything here was foolish when the goal is to set Moose as a top guy.
Lashley is Better Than All Of Us:Bennett tried to talk, but TNA World & X-Division Champion Lashley arrived. Bennett hyped the possible match, but said it won’t happen because Bennett says he needs Moose to be focused on his BFG Playoff later tonight. Lashley said one-day Moose’s mommy will allow him to play but told him he could stay a bitch for now because he knows Moose wants no part of this. Lashley gives no fucks and explains that he is great, but he wants ALL of the singles title. Anyone can try to stop him, because he will destroy them all. DZ J, who is the #1 contender for the X-Division Title, made his way to the ring. DJ Z puts over Lashley, but says he is here for a fight and to take the X-Division title from him. Lashley says that people doubt his X-Division skills, and will give DJ Z any match he wants. He picks a ladder match. Lashley gives no fucks and is a great man, I dug this and a, all for Lashley as TNA Megaweight Champion of the Galaxy.
X-Division Title Ladder Match: Champion Lashley vs. DJ Z: Lashley kept the ladder away from DJ Z early and dominated with his power as he tossed the smaller man around. Every time DJ Z tried to get a ladder; Lashley just grabbed it and tossed it away. My God I hope Lashley refuses to use the ladder and just throws DJ Z at the title. DJ Z finally was able to use his speed and then hit a dive as we took a commercial break. When we returned, Lashley was beating down DJ Z with a ladder and then using it to stand on him. DJ Z kept fighting, but Lashley was in beat mode, just keeping control and hitting the dominator and then tossing him to the floor. Lashley would climb, but he was slow at it, which allowed DJ Z to hit a missile dropkick and send him to the floor. He then followed with the high cross off of the ladder to Lashley on the floor, and then tried to climb. Lashley did return and picked the ladder completely off the ground and sent DJ Z crashing to the mat. DJ Z finally used the great equalizer, and kicked Lashley in the balls to make a comeback and climb. But Lashley climbed after him and press slammed DJ Z to the mat and retained his title. That was good, DJ Z go to show fire and never once backed down from the man he admitted was the most dominant in the company. Meanwhile, Lashley continues to thrive in his role and continues to be a highlight for the company.
– EC3 and Galloway talked backstage about fighting for the world title, not being friends right now, and possibly laughing about this years down the line over some beers. EC3 offers to watch Galloway’s back is Moose gets involved, but Galloway says that’s a bad idea and has never worked out well for him. He then says that the next time he wants to see EC3 is in the BFG Playoff finals.
– Back with Bram and Rosemary at the farm. Bram wants to be a good listener, and so Rosemary continues on with her tale, where the tree explains that her true love will come. This Johnny character never showed, so she wrote him a love letter and signed it in blood. When he did not answer, she did her spells and then Johnny came. She proclaimed her love for him, but Johnny was not the man she thought he was, and she then tells him they have to go to the exact spot for proper story telling with the assistance of the ghosts. TO BE CONTINUED…
Eli Drake’s Fact of Life: Drake is seemingly joined in progress as he explains he was robbed last week. He claims that he is the KOTM champion, and Lashley hasn’t beaten him and he won’t be collecting his title. Drake will accept his challenge because he wants all of the titles. James Storm interrupted, but Drake said he wanted contenders and not a drunk. Storm says he’d be whooping that ass if he was sober. Storm said they both got beat last week, but Storm sees the KOTM as a golden ticket that can get him a title shot. Storm even brought him a beer, but Drake drinks his water and Storm takes it and punts it from the ring. Storm puts Drake over as a great athlete, but then mocks his sleeveless suit and asks for one more title shot since Drake got DQ’d the last time. Drake refuses, and tells Storm to take his beer and leave. Storm then claimed his dad banged Drake’s mom, so Drake said he’d give him a shot, but if Storm loses, he can’t drink or drive his cooler ever again. He also made fun of his theme song. Storm drank some beer and accepts. Drake tried to attack and that led to a brawl, where Drake low blowed Storm and hit blunt force trauma to stand tall. And that sets up our title match, presumably for next week.
– We get a promo for Tyrus, the Fixer.
– We see Grado and Shera calling Tyrus, they don’t have the money for his help. Shera gets fired up, and it sounds like they are facing the Tribunal next week
– Backstage the Decay and BroMans brawl before the official start of their match.
Monster’s Ball Tag Team Title Match: Champions The Decay vs. The BroMans: JIP as the Decay is in control and weapons are already in the ring. The thumbtacks are out at a minute in as the Decay continues to dominate. The Decay were rolling until Jessie hit a springboard clothesline to both Abyss and Steve and the BroMans worked them over with weapon shots. Jessie dropkicked a chair into Abyss’ face and Robbie hit the boom drop on Steve onto a chair. Abyss fought back, but got speared into a barbed wire board. BroDown onto the tacks onto Steve followed, and then Jessie got the crab with Steve face down in the tacks. Abyss made the save, he and Jessie brawled and went to the corner and was then knocked off the top through the table. Abyss got a barbed wire board and Janice, but Raquel hit a low blow on Abyss and Robbie got Janice. Abyss managed a chokeslam onto the barbed wire board and Steve covered for the pin. I really feel that the part they failed at is really building to the “Monster’s Ball” as something special, because it felt a bit random to be honest with you. That’s where the company still lacks at times. But they all worked hard, and the match was exactly what it needed to be.
– Moose attacked Galloway as he made his entrance, and gave Galloway the apron bomb before the match started.
Bound for Glory Playoff Semi-Final: Drew Galloway vs. Mike Bennett w/Maria: Bennett rolled Galloway in and demanded the ref ring the bell, he then repeatedly went for pins. Galloway would keep fighting back as Bennett dominated the action. Galloway got some run, went up top but jumped into a cutter for the near fall. The action went to the floor, where Galloway was able to send Bennett into the steel under the ring with a catapult spot. Back in they traded strikes, and then Galloway scored a near fall off of the reverse Alabama slam. Bennett fought off the future shock, and then we got a ref bump. Galloway hit the future shock, but the ref is down. Moose arrived and attacked Galloway again and hit a sky high, and Bennett covered but the ref was slow to count and Galloway survived. EC3 then ran down to take out Moose, and Moose ate the steps when EC3 sidestepped a spear. EC3 took a kendo stick from Bennett, but accidentally hit Galloway. Moose pulled him to the floor and hit the game breaker. Bennett hit the miracle in progress to pick up the win. I get what they’re going for, but the match was going along well and then the overbooking took me out of it. The pre-match angle and way the finish was done allows Galloway to lose without losing any credibility, and also solidifies Bennett as a guy that looks for any short cut to get a title shot (this, the X-Title win). But the final minute of all of the extras felt like way too much to me.
* End scene.
* Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”
