Dark Pegasus Video Review: Elimination Chamber 2010

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010 by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 Examiner.com Sidebar: I really dig Tom Morello’s work with Cypress Hill, which gave us this show’s official theme song “Rise Up.” February 21, 2010 Live from St. Louis, Mo. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker. Opening Match, WWE Heavyweight Title, Elimination Chamber: Sheamus vs. John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase vs. Kofi Kingston. Strikerism: “The Elimination Chamber can be your mansion if you’re willing to mortgage your career.” Then what would be the point? Kofi and Sheamus start. Kofi doesn’t look much smaller than Sheamus, despite that being the knock on him as a main eventer. He also kicks Sheamus’ ass pretty handily. Cool spot where Sheamus tries to hiptoss Kofi over the top to the chamber platform, but Kofi lands on his feet and hits a roundhouse kick. The hometown fans LOVE Orton. Finally, Sheamus catches Kofi with the backbreaker to quell the momentum. Triple H comes in next. Of course, he and Sheamus go at it while Kofi lays on the outside. Kofi finally erupts and hits a nice slingshot Boom Drop on Triple H. Randy Orton is next and he goes after Sheamus too. Kofi wipes out everyone in a cool spot. Ted comes in and picks over the bones. Tense moment as Ted has the choice to attack Randy or help him up, so he helps him up. They turn their aggressions on Triple H in the corner. Sick spot as they force Kofi’s head through the chain and Ted puts him in the Boston Crab while Randy stomps on him. More carnage as Randy gives HHH a rope-assisted DDT on the steel mesh. Won’t be seein’ him no more. With everyone else out of it, Legacy awaits John Cena like a pair of jackals. Of course, they’re no match for him, so Cena easily handles them. Randy saves Ted from the STF. Cody Rhodes wanders down with a pipe and sneaks it in to Ted. Dibiase nails Orton while in mid AA and then nails Cena after the move. Dibiase opts to cover Randy and eliminates him at 24:00. I know it was you, Fredo! You broke my heart! Sheamus goes after Ted but gets rana’d by Kofi. Ted pops up and walks right into Trouble in Paradise at 25:30. Kofi falls to the Irish Carbomb at 26:12. I hate it when they go for 20 minutes without eliminations and then everyone starts hitting finishers. Sheamus gives Cena a Billy Robinson backbreaker for two. He sets up for Splash Mountain, but Hunter cuts him off with the Great Equalizer. That sets up the Pedigree at 28:36. So it’s down to Cena vs. HHH… of course. Cena applies the STF, and Hunter can’t make the ropes (not that it should do any good) so he gives a meek little tapout at 30:21. Was going well for a while, but the inclusion of the younglings just felt like lip service once it boiled down to the tired matchup of Cena and HHH. ***1/2 But Vince McMahon says Cena’s night is not done. D’oh! WWE Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Batista. We know Cena is fatigued because he’s staggering around like a cartoon drunk. He gets in a weak punch, which just pisses off Batista. Spear. Demonbomb. New champ at 0:33. 1/4* The last few months have certainly lent this result some perspective as Batista the Monster Heel certainly turned out to be a giant pussy… which just made him that much more entertaining. Come on. A guy who could kill you but would rather be a weasel about it. How can you not love that? Recap of Bret Hart getting run down, thus forcing him off Raw. Bazinga! Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Kane. You cannot begin to fathom the immensity of the fuck that the crowd does not give. This is the debut of Drew’s Metallica-ish entrance music. That’s the most interesting thing about this. Well, it does have decent psychology with Drew focusing on the arm. It’s Kane, though, and it’s not even Kane in the middle of his yearly psychotic push. He’s the functional equivalent of El Matador. Kane catches Drew with an uppercut as he comes off the ropes. That sets up Kane’s FMOD, but Drew slips out of the chokeslam and runs. Kane chases him but gets “Snooki Punched” (according to Striker). Back in, Kane gets overzealous and attacks Drew near the ropes. That draws in the ref, so Drew pokes Kane in the eye and hits the Future Shock DDT at 10:10. Yes. Ten minutes of boring armwork that went nowhere, and it ends with an eyepoke and DDT? Screw this in its ear. * In the back, Maryse trashtalks Gail Kim in French and then sucks up to her in English. Psst! Maryse, Gail is Canadian and speaks French. Oh, too late. Gail doesn’t appreciate it. Vacant Diva’s Title: Gail Kim vs. Maryse. I know they’re necessary for the hair flip, but Maryse’s extensions are horrible. Anyhoo, the match never gets underway as Vickie Guerrero comes out and changes it to a Raw vs. Smackdown tag match. Gail Kim & Maryse vs. Layla & Michelle McCool. Layla is just a wonderful caramel treat, isn’t she? ::sigh:: My jaw actually drops as she busts out a modified Peterson Roll. The evil bitches isolate Gail, and Maryse is in no hurry to help out. The Stylish Clash finishes at 3:38. Meh. 1/2* Todd Grisham asks The Miz about his “rookie” trainee Daniel Bryan. Miz is unimpressed with Danielson’s indie cred. He displays his mad heat skillz by insulting the St. Louis Rams. MVP pops up and reminds everyone that he wrestled with Bryan Danielson in FIP once upon a time. Okay, no he doesn’t. He talks about how important personality is. William Regal comes out to demand respect from the rookies and the crowd. You have to respect a head of hair like that. You just have to. Unless you’re Edge, but then Edge has pretty awesome hair in his own right. Edge reminds everyone that he’s got next at WrestleMania. He also spears Regal for emphasis. You know, I think they’d have a comedy goldmine if William Regal hooked up with Vickie Guerrero. She could always be freaking out and he could run around trying to calm her down like some weird 60s sitcom. U.S. Title: The Miz (w/Big Show) vs. MVP (w/Mark Henry). This has only slightly more heat than Drew vs. Kane. Lots of nothing early. The announcers get bored and start talking about NXT and how Miz thinks Daniel Bryan is not a star and looks like an accountant. Hey, IRS was an accountant. More meandering commentary as Striker mentions that Mark Henry holds records in both the “snatch” and “clean & jerk” before telling King not to comment. Haha! Show starts trashtalking MVP and pulls the old George Bluth “No touching!” gesture out of mothballs. Miz goes up but gets belly-to-belly superplexed for two. Miz headbutts MVP and busts himself open. STOOOOP THEEEEE FIIIIIIIGHT! Don’t you know what it will do to the children?! WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!! Show and Henry get into it on the outside, and Show tosses Henry through the barricade. The ref tries to back Miz off, so Show punches MVP in the back of the head to give Miz the win at 13:00. Got pretty good in the last five minutes. The first eight were dull as hell, though. **1/4 World Heavyweight Title, Elimination Chamber: The Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk (w/Luke Gallows & Serena) vs. John Morrison vs. Chris Jericho vs. R-Truth. Striker talks about “chamber virgins.” Sylvia Kristel was great in that. Punk stops before the match to cut a promo about how addicts are locked in metaphorical chambers. Deep, yo. He busts out Rorschach’s line about being locked in there with him and not the other way around. He’s interrupted by Truth and his rendition of “What’s Up?” Punk and Truth start out. Truth hits a flying kick and catapults Punk into the chain. A cannonball puts Punk on the mesh. Back in, he misses the Scissors Kick and the Lie Detector. That sets up the Go2Sleep at 3:34. THAT’S WHAT’S UP, MOTHERFUCKER! Punk has time to kill, so he gets on the mic and talks trash to Undertaker and Morrison. Awesome! Mysterio is in next, and he shuts Punk up good. Punk surprises him by cutting off the 619 with a powerslam. Sick spot that presages the barber chair spot at Over the Limit – Punk just haphazardly slings Rey facefirst into the glass. Great sequence between Punk and Rey on the top rope as they reverse each other until Rey ranas Punk to the outside platform. Ouch! That sets up the springboard splash at 9:57. Jericho is in next. Great booking there, as Jericho and Rey had a classic last year. Then again, Rey had great matches with Undertaker and Morrison too. Jericho ducks a springboard and yanks Rey off the chain, slamming him on the platform. Back in, Rey hits the quebrada for two and then locks in the front guillotine – which Striker calls a Dragon Sleeper. At any rate, Jericho reverses to the Walls of Jericho. Morrison comes in next and saves Rey from elimination. Rey tries to slingshot in, but Morrison kicks him right off the top rope. Rey returns the favor by slinging Morrison into the chamber door. Striker: “It’s almost like everyone in the arena knows who’s coming next.” Uh… they do. There’s only one guy left. Think before you say these things, Mitch. Rey picks up Jericho only to have Morrison launch himself over the corner and wipe both of them out. Rey tries a top-rope rana, but Morrison blocks and finishes him with Starship Pain at 20:00. Undertaker looks a little antsy as his time nears. Jericho puts Morrison in the Walls, but Undertaker gets out in time to lay waste to him. Morrison and Jericho team up against him and clothesline him over the top. Jericho turns on Morrison with the Codebreaker attempt, but Morrison counters to La Majestral for two. Jericho slaps Taker around and then tries to lock himself into one of the pods for protection. Instead, he just corners himself for Undertaker’s fury. That’s awesome. Taker turns his attention to Morrison with a corner clothesline, but Morrison rebounds off the Snake Eyes with the Flying Chuck. Great spot there, especially since Morrison reaggravates his leg injury on the move. Morrison goes for Starship Pain, but Taker gets his knees up. Jericho thinks about attacking but darts back into the pod when Undertaker sits up. Undertaker grabs Morrison for the Last Ride on the platform, but Jericho spears him to save. Morrison is left hanging from the chains. Taker charges Jericho but gets tossed into pod door. Morrison wipes out Jericho and hits a low kick for two. Taker is pissed now. He grabs Morrison and chokeslams him from the ring to the steel platform. Morrison is a quivering mass of jelly, so Taker pulls him back in and pins him at 28:33. Taker beats Jericho from pillar to post, but Jericho crotches him and hits a superplex. He gets cocky (of course), and Taker grabs him for the chokeslam – countered to the rolling clutch into the Walls of Jericho – countered to Hell’s Gate – countered back to the Walls of Jericho. That sequence alone is a great argument for a Jericho vs. Undertaker feud. Taker counters back to Hell’s Gate, but Jericho gets his feet on the ropes, not to break, but to alleviate the pressure. I will assume the physics of that are valid. Back in, Jericho hits the Codebreaker out of nowhere. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! He mounts the Undertaker in the corner… oh, well, that’s just stupid. Taker counters to the Last Ride. He can’t capitalize immediately, though, so when he gets up he signals for the Tombstone. Suddenly, Shawn Michaels pops up from under the platform and superkicks the Undertaker! A shocked Chris Jericho crawls into the pin at 35:36. Sure, the finish was predictable, given where the Shawn/Taker storyline was going, but that doesn’t make it any less great. Jericho was a good choice for the temporary beneficiary too. This held together much better than the Raw match, which probably isn’t surprising, given the aggregate talent level. ****1/4

The 411: Hmm. How much crap are you willing to wade through to get to a great main event? In this case, at least all the booking worked well for getting from the Royal Rumble to WrestleMania. Plus, the two good matches take up nearly half the show's running time. Mild thumbs up.
Final Score:  7.0   [ Good ]