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Dark Pegasus Video Review: In Your House 27 – St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

March 7, 2008 | Posted by J.D. Dunn
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Dark Pegasus Video Review: In Your House 27 – St. Valentine’s Day Massacre  

IYH 27 — St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
by J.D. Dunn

Random minutia:

-There are various spellings online for the WWE’s UK PPV. I assumed “Capitol Carnage” was just a play on words, but the spelling on the box definitely is “Capital,” so there you go.

-Also, yes JR did suffer an attack of Bell’s Palsy during the trip. I didn’t notice it much because it didn’t really affect his performance. As I understand it, it wasn’t severe until after the event was over.

-And finally, under the “Well, don’t I feel like the fuckin’ asshole” banner, I ordered Over the Edge 99 from a seller on E-Bay, opened up, put it my player… and watched Over the Edge 98 again. Lousy E-Bay. Anyway, I’ll review it if I can find a good copy. If not, I’ll just skip it.

It has come to this.

Austin had been a thorn in Vince McMahon’s side for over a year, and after several attempts to get rid of Austin failed, Vince is now out to physically remove Austin from the WWF. At stake is Austin’s title shot at WrestleMania

  • February 14, 1999
  • Live from Memphis, Tenn.
  • Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

  • Opening Match: Goldust vs. Bluedust.
    See, ECW’s Blue Meanie showed up in the fall of ’98 and began imitating Goldust right down to the music. He also started costing Goldust matches. Cole brings up Lawler’s political aspirations, which didn’t last long after he was trounced in the Memphis mayoral election. Goldust spinebusters the Meanie. Meanie humps Goldust’s leg for some reason before getting a spanking. The Meaniesault misses, and the Curtain Call finishes off the Bluezarre one at 3:10. Goldust gives him Shattered Dreams anyway. Not a great match by any stretch of the imagination, but it got the fans into it. 1/2*

  • Vacant Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly.
    Road Dogg was attacked in the locker room and had to vacate the title, so we get this match to crown a new champ. Holly is just starting to gain some respectability after years of trying to live down “Sparky Plugg.” Like all 1999 hardcore matches, we head out into the street early on with lots of sign shots to the head. They fight to a chain-link fence across the street where Al introduces Holly to his girlfriend “Barbie Wire.” Ha! They fall into the river. Holly grabs some chain link again and rolls up Snow in it for the win at 9:58. Holly would go on to become one of the Internet’s darlings in 1999. **1/2

  • The Big Bossman vs. Mideon.
    Mideon brings an eyeball to the ring with him, much like the crazy drifter in Friday the 13th, Part 3. Both guys are heels, and this comes about because the Undertaker is stalking Vince and his family (although not to the extremes he would later). Bossman controls early but misses a chairshot and hurts his hand. Back in, Bossman takes over again. Big “boring” chant. Nothing interesting happens until Bossman hits a Bossman Slam for the win at 6:21. No, that’s not the interesting part. After the match, the Ministry runs out and attacks the Bossman. The Undertaker stalks his way down to ringside to watch Big Daddy Viscera destroy Bossman with a series of splashes. The Ministry carries Bossman out. This would set up a HORRIBLE Hell in a Cell at WrestleMania. 1/4*

  • WWF Tag Team Titles: Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra) vs. Mark Henry & D-Lo Brown (w/Ivory).
    D-Lo was just starting to enter his peak at this point. Henry was in the midst of his “Sexual Chocolate” gimmick, which was when he was most popular. The former Nation destroys the heels early, prompting Debra to flirt with Mark Henry to provide a distraction. Jarrett hits a Divorce Court on D-Lo. Lawler and Cole take a series of potshots at Bret Hart, saying Owen stated Jarrett is the best partner he ever had and then saying he’s not “wrestling with shadows.” D-Lo hits a Sky High on Owen to shift momentum. HOT TAG TO HENRY! Henry cleans house but misses an avalanche. D-Lo recovers and spinebusters Jarrett for two. He goes up for the Lo Down, but Debra distracts him. That allows Owen to hit Henry’s bad knee with a guitar. Jarrett finishes with the figure-four at 9:33. Ivory rips Debra’s jacket for good measure. **

  • Earlier, The Rock attacked Mankind from behind to set him up for the “Last Man Standing” match tonight.
  • Recap of Val Venis giving Ryan Shamrock a taste of the Ivory Liquid Slurpee.
  • Intercontinental Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis (w/Ryan Shamrock).
    Billy Gunn is your special referee. Shamrock storms the ring, but Val meets him and takes control early, getting a questionably slow two-count. The intrigue here is that someone tried to pay off Billy Gunn, and then Ryan offered to bribe him with sex. Ken hits a roundhouse kick to take over. He tries to strangle Val on the ropes, prompting Billy to get in his face. Lawler: [Ken Shamrock] knows what every guy who goes out with his sister is after. Cole: What’s that? Val comes back and gets another questionable count. He works Shammy’s back with a Camel Clutch. A reverse chinlock kills more time. Remember how people used to complain about how the wrestlers didn’t get enough time during the Russo era? Well, now you see why. Shamrock comes back and plants Val with a DDT, but Gunn won’t count three. Shamrock stops to argue, so Val grabs a sleeper. Shamrock counters to a backdrop. They trade moves with Gunn playing the shit disturber. Shamrock grabs the Ankelock, but Ryan helps Val get to the ropes. Shamrock hops out and gets in her face about it. She just kind of freezes, so he says pretty blatantly, “Slap me!” She does, so Billy gets out and gets in Shamrock’s face again. Back in, Val rolls up Shamrock for the onetwothree quick count from Gunn at 15:29. This was a shocker because the big IC feud was between Gunn and Shamrock, and everyone just assumed Gunn would finally go over at WrestleMania. Instead, Road Dogg, of all people, wound up winning the IC title while Gunn won the Hardcore Title, which had previously been associated with Road Dogg. Oh, that wacky Russo! Gunn attacks Val after the match to involve him in the feud. *3/4
  • Triple H & X-Pac vs. Kane & Chyna (w/Shane McMahon).
    Cole: For the first time, a woman will be involved in a match with men. O-kay. Shane is in his “Ari Gold” phase at this point, and he is soooo obnoxious on commentary. Triple H, meanwhile, is positively scrawny compared to today. Must be the IcoPro or Stacker 2. The idea is that Kane is a reluctant member of the Corporation because they want to send him back to the asylum. Apparently, he took routine trips to the asylum in between “watching wrestling with Paul Bearer” and “partying with Katie Vick.” Maybe it was after that crazy guy started stalking him on May 19. On the plus side, he’s the only person in the match who did not fuck Chyna in the ass. Anyway, this match is pretty good. Chyna has all the physical tools to be a decent wrestler as long as she has someone to walk her through the match. Triple H is more than willing to do that. DX cleans house on the Corporation, and X-Pac suddenly nails Shane. Cole: Are you okay, Shane? Shane: What do you mean, “Are you okay?” I just got hit in the face! X-Pac gets jumped by Kane and plays face-in-peril. Hunter gets the hot tag and lays into Chyna with rights. X-Pac brawls with Kane on the outside as Hunter hits Chyna with a high knee. Kane yanks down the ropes, spilling Hunter to the floor, and they trade off. Chyna, much like Shamrock earlier, blatantly sets herself up for the Broncobuster. Shane hops in and attacks X-Pac, though. Kane returns and breaks up a Pedigree with the chokeslam. He drags Chyna on top of Hunter, and the Corporation gets the win at 14:45. Good stuff. Chyna didn’t look that out of place, and the crowd was hot for DX getting a little revenge. ***1/2

  • WWF Heavyweight Title, Last Man Standing: Mankind vs. The Rock.
    Tentative face pop for the Rock, then a HUGE “Rocky sucks” chant. Mankind turns his back on the Rock, allowing him a free shot. Rock goes after Mankind’s knee. They brawl all the way up to the entrance, and Rock gets whipped into the entrance structure. Rock DDTs Mankind through a table, and they tease a countout. A backdrop gets another near countout. Back in, Mankind sets for Mr. Elbow, but the Rock moves. To the floor, Rock drops Mankind with a few suplexes (but not of the rolling variety). Rocky joins commentary while the ref counts Mankind. Mankind jumps him in the middle of commentary and drops a Cactus Elbow on the Rock who was on the announce table. Back in, Rock avoids the steel steps and starts smashing Mankind’s knee with the chair. He misses a swing, though, and nails himself with a chairshot on the rebound. To the outside, Mankind sets up the Rock on the announce table, but Rock counters to a backdrop, prompting Cole to go into a fit. “NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!” So, Padme is dead or something? Rock then does something that is freak-out worthy by tossing the steel ring steps onto Mankind from the ring! Then, all Cole can come up with is “god darnit!” Back in, the People’s Elbow puts Mankind down, and the Rock debuts his song “Smackdown Hotel.” The fans even sing along with the Rock! Mankind suddenly jumps him with the Mandible Claw, though. Rock takes an eight count before going low on Mick. Mankind brings out Mr. Socko, but Rock counters to the Rock Bottom. They both stagger up, and both guys nail each other with chairshots! That leads to a double countout and a draw at 21:50. Nobody likes that decision, but the match was tremendously entertaining. The “I Quit” match was a little better as far as intensity, but this one had sing-along with the Rock night. By the way, this was the fourth consecutive PPV match they had, and the fourth consecutive match to end in a screwjob. That’s dedication! ***1/2

  • Recycled from my Bloodbath review.
  • Steel Cage Match: Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon.
    This was was the “blowoff” for the Austin vs. McMahon feud. BWAHAHAHA!!!! The WWF was enjoying mainstream success the likes of which it had never seen (even in the Hogan era.) Vince had a “Corporation” (a glorified stable) which consisted of The Rock, Ken Shamrock, the Big Bossman, Test, Chyna, Kane, Shane McMahon, Gerald Brisco, and Pat Patterson. A movie star, a UFC fighter, a KFC fighter, two old guys, a woman who looks like an old guy, the luckiest man on the face of the planet, a psychotic freak, and Shane winds up being the best worker out of all of them. I bet their regretting making the whole staff wear those “WWF” shirts now that they have to blur them out. Vince refuses to get in so Austin fakes a knee injury to pull him in. I believe Austin opens a can of whoop ass from there, but it might be Whoop-Ass Lite. The formula of the match basically goes: Austin beats on Vince and heads out only to have Vince flip him off drawing him back in. Austin gets the Stunner to a colossal pop. Speaking of colossal, Paul Wight bursts up through the ring making the jump from WCW to the WWF. Setting the tone for his whole career, he screws up and tosses Austin into the cage, which breaks open, giving Austin the win at around 22:00 (I didn’t actually hear an opening bell due to all of Vince’s stalling). Well, that backfired. D’oh. ***1/4
  • The 411: A better-than-usual PPV from a wrestling standpoint. The big matches that were supposed to deliver did while the undercard showed you why those people are in the undercard. Nothing was really settled here, though, despite the PPV being sold that way. McMahon/Austin would be rekindled over the summer, Mankind would finally transition the title back to Rock on Raw, and Chyna would reunite with Hunter without having a big singles match to payoff the turn. So, while the PPV got raves at the time, it didn't really mean anything in the long run because everything was either reversed or brought back in some form. Still a fun watch for the last hour and a half, though.

    Thumbs up for St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

    Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]  legend

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