Dark Pegasus Video Review: Smack ’em, Whack ’em

Smack ’em, Whack ’em
by J.D. Dunn

Released April 21, 1993.

Your hosts are Lord Alfred Hayes and The Bushwhackers who are trying to build their “wreck room” (ha! punny!).

Crush vs. The Berzerker.

**Shudder**. Crush is Brian Adams of Kronik and Crush of Demolition. Berzerker is John Nord (from Mid-South and the AWA). Just picture Bruiser Brody with no talent. If that doesn’t help you, just picture a big Mick Foley with no talent. Gorilla Monsoon complains that Crush is too nice. Well, that weapons charge certainly helped his image, I guess. Crush no-sells a shoulderblock and drives Berzerker out with one of his own. Gorilla and Lord Alfred Hayes are so bored with the match a minute in they start making vacation plans in the Hamptons. Crush runs into a big boot to turn the tide toward the Berzerker. Berzker delivers a delayed piledriver for two but misses a kneedrop. He ties Crush in the ropes. Hayes and Monsoon speculate on his strategy. Crush gets himself out of the ropes and delivers an atomic drop. A sideslam and legdrop get two. Crush finally gets the submission with the Skullcrusher (he just squeezes your head until you pass out). If this match sucked any harder, Vince McMahon would give it a push. 1/4*

The Bushwhackers try to build a window for their rec room.

Earthquake vs. Repo Man.

Earthquake is the late John Tenta (Shark, Avalanche, Golga). Repo Man is Barry Darsow (Demoliton Smash, Blacktop Bully). If you ever needed proof that Bill Eadie came up with the great Demolition gimmick, just take a look at the gimmicks Darsow and Adams got post-Demolition. Is there any doubt where the real brain power was? The story here is sneaky little heel vs. great big babyface. Earthquake hits him with a big avalanche in the corner causing Repo to lose his mask. Oh my God! It’s BARRY DARSOW! Repo tags Earthquake with a few punches and comes off with a flying clothesline. He keeps repeating, “Now I got ‘im!” to the crowd. Not the greatest catchphrase. Repo goes up but gets caught coming off the top. Earthquake slams him and finishes with the Vertical Splash. Not much better than the first match. 1/2*

Dear Lord, the Bushwhackers are using power tools. Wackiness ensues as they hand Lord Alfred the severed electrical line.

Gene Okerlund interviews Master Fuji and Yokozuna. The subject is Yoko’s diet, which Gene lets us know consists of 15,000 calories a day. Yeah, but zero carbs. The gist is that Yokozuna eats a lot. Ichiban!

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels (w/Sensational Sherri).

You all probably know the story behind this. Bret pitched the idea of doing a ladder match with Shawn at Summerslam ’92 if it were held in North America. Instead, Summerslam was in England, so Bret faced Davey Boy Smith. This was supposed to be a demonstration to show Vince McMahon it could work. Shawn pounds away in the corner but takes a backdrop. Bret fires back and delivers a forearm uppercut. Bret goes for the ladder, but Shawn jumps him from behind. Shawn stomps him down and brings in the ladder. Bret waits for him to get the ladder to ringside and then goes out after him. Bret tries to bring the ladder in the rest of the way, but Sherri grabs it. He chases Sherri down the runway, giving Shawn the opportunity to set up the ladder and scurry up. The crowd freaks out and yells for Bret to get back to the ring. Bret catches Shawn halfway up and pulls down his trunks. Shawn puts Bret in the corner and rams the ladder into his stomach. Shawn reverses a whip and sends Bret right into the ladder. Shawn tries to go up, but Bret grabs his leg. Shawn rams Bret’s face into the ladder and goes up. Bret catches him and drags him back down. Shawn sets up the ladder in one corner and whips Bret into the other. Shawn charges right into a boot. Bret levels him with a clothesline off the second rope. BRET SLINGSHOTS SHAWN INTO THE LADDER! Bret goes up, but Shawn rocks the ladder and pulls him back down. They collide in mid-ring for a double KO. Shawn recovers first and goes up. Bret recovers and goes up the other side. They each hit each other and both men fall off. They exchange blows, and Sherri grabs Bret’s foot from the outside. This distracts Bret just enough for SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Shawn delivers the Teardrop Suplex and heads up. Bret recovers JUST in time to dropkick the ladder. The ladder tips over, sending Shawn all the way to the outside of the ring. Bret climbs up and grabs the belt at 12:53. A lot of people have maligned this match because it’s not just a series of spots, but the fact that they actually built up some suspense with the escalation toward the end makes this superior to any ladder match in the last 3 years. ****1/4

WWF Heavyweight Title: Bret Hart vs. Kamala (w/Kim Chee & Harvey Whippleman).

Hart avoids locking up, frustrating Kamala. Bret finally gets a go-behind, but Kamala just rams him into the corner. Bret goes after Kamala’s arm, but Kamala drags him over to the ropes and calls for a test of strength. Bret is cautious and decides to try shoulderblocking the big guy down instead. Kamala blocks him and chops him in the chest. Kamala grabs a nerve pinch to the pectorals. Bret fights out of it and actually hits a monkeyflip! The second-rope elbow sets up a Sharpshooter attempt, but Kim Chee and Harvey hop up on the apron. Bret goes after Kim Chee but sees Kamala coming and rolls him up for the win at 8:49. *

WWF Heavyweight Title: Ric Flair (w/Mr. Perfect) vs. Bret Hart.
Here it is. This was that match that took everyone by surprise, making Bret into a real superstar and signaling the possibility of a new era. For whatever reason — some say Flair having an injury problem, some say Vince being an asshole — Vince decided to take the title off Flair. They were in Bret’s father’s hometown, so he got the nod. No one really considered Bret on that level, largely because no one had really been elevated in that way…well, ever. Lots of jockeying for the upper hand to start. They trade hammerlocks, and Bret gets a stomp to the gut. Flair bails for a breather. Bret tenaciously goes after Flair’s arm with an armbar, refusing to let go of the hold even when in the ropes. Flair blocks a sunset flip by backing up all the way across the ring. Bret tries it again, this time yanking Flair’s tights down. Eww! Bret opens up with clotheslines, forcing the Flair flop. Flair quells the momentum with a thumb to the eye and sends Bret into the corner for the “Bret Bump”…twice. Flair goes to work, arguing with Dave Hebner the whole time. Bret avoids a kneedrop and goes for the figure-four, but Flair shoves him away. Bret gets a kneebreaker and locks in that figure-four. Gorilla says Flair’s not used to being in the figure-four. Well, maybe in the WWF. Flair makes the ropes. Bret grabs a sleeper, but Flair counters to a backdrop. Flair gets his own kneebreaker and figure-four. Bret rolls out of it, but Flair attacks the knee and reapplies it. Bret escapes again and fires back, but Flair blocks a charge with his boot. Flair gets caught going up, of course, and Bret slams him to the mat. Bret opens up with the usual. Flair begs off and chops Bret in the chest. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Bret fires back and superplexes Flair off the top rope! SHARPSHOOTER! That’s enough for the submission, the win, and Bret’s first title at 26:30. Great old school match with a great back-and-forth story with few insane bumps. This kind of match is a dead art. Minus a bit for the slow early part, but the rest is spectacular. ****1/4

The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Razor Ramon.
Ramon scuttles his butt right out of the ring to start. Taker gives chase but gets pounded back on the inside. He no-sells and does the Ropewalk Forearm thing. Ramon sends Taker to the floor but gets his neck snapped on the top rope. Ramon hits a bodyslam and sideslam, but the Taker keeps sitting up. Even a chair is useless against the power of the undead. Ramon starts dropping elbows like there’s no tomorrow and hits Taker with urn. That only gets two. Taker shrugs off Ramon’s offense and hits a chokeslam, but Ramon was still a future star, so he gets to roll outside and live to fight another day. (7:30) Zombie no-selling = good. Semi-undead biker no-selling = bad. *

The 411: Thankfully, they included a Bret profile and a lot of him. Four of the six matches are worthless filler, but the ladder match and the title switch are gifts from the wrestling gods (thxjblkbye). Finding gems like these on a Coliseum tape is a real rarity, and you should definitely check this one out, especially when they haven't been included on any DVD releases.
Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]