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Csonka’s Impact Review 5.12.20

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– We get our opening video, wonderfully hijacked by Moose; it was beautiful.

Mad Man Fulton vs. Hernandez: Dave & Jake are at ringside. Fulton overpowers Hernandez to begin, they work to the ropes and Fulton follows with a tackle. Hernandez counters back, hits a head butt and follows with clotheslines, but Futon won’t go down and after counters, Fulton delivers strikes. Hernandez hits a tackle, follows with chops and Fulton stops that and hits the dead lift suplex, rolls and hits another. The standing slash gets 2. He chokes out Hernandez, maintaining control and covering for 2. Fulton grounds things, Hernandez fights to his feet and gets slammed back down. Fulton follows with strikes, Dave joins in for double teams and Hernandez is down on the floor. Back in and Fulton covers for 2. The side slam follows by Fulton but he misses the flying head butt. Hernandez hits the slingshot shoulder tackle, clotheslines and a running senton. The spinebuster follows for 2 as Dave puts Fulton’s leg on the ropes. Hernandez looks for the dive, but he’s cut off and distracted. He beats down Jake & Dave, tosses Jake into Fulton and covers for 2. Fulton fires back, but Hernandez heads up top and Fulton follows him up. Hernandez knocks him to the mat and the splash follows for the win. Hernandez defeated Mad Man Fulton @ 9:00 via pin

– Elgin cuts a promo, claiming he will become the #1 contender and then go onto win the Impact World Title.

– oVe argues as Crazzy Steve walks through, being crazzy, and mocking oVe for being over. Jake says Dave will kick Steve’s ass next week. Joseph P Ryan then appears and says using the word crazy is offensive to crazy people.

Kylie Rae vs. Tasha Steelz: Kylie is very nice but Tasha wants no part of this as the work into counters and Kylie takes control of the arm. Tasha counters back, Kylie takes control with heed scissors until Tasha escapes. Lockup and Kylie grounds things again. Tasha counters but Kylie escapes and frustrates Tasha. Kylie follows with tackles, arm drags and a dropkick. Tasha cuts her off and mocks Kylie as she lays the boots to her. She follows with clotheslines, covering for 2. Tasha grounds things, Kylie fights to her feet and slams Tasha to the buckle and again. One more time to escape. She follows with kicks and then clotheslines. Kylie follows with strikes, and the Kylie special for 2. The STF follows, but Tasha fights and makes the ropes. she fires back, follows with an enziguri and high cross for 2. Kylie counters back and the STF finishes it. Kylie Rae defeated Tasha Steelz @ 7:00 via submission

– Raju cuts a promo about the #1 contender’s tournament, he wants opportunities, t-shirts and will no longer be a joke; it all changes tonight.

– Kylie meets with Suzie and they are buddies.

Havok vs. Kimber Lee: Havok charges, Kimber follows with strikes and get cut off. Havok tosses her around, controlling with ease until she misses a charge. Havok stops that, delivers strikes until Kimber hits an enziguri, but Havok counters the RANA into a powerbomb for 2. Kimber fires back with kicks, chokes out Havok in the ropes and has control. Post break and Kimber controls with strikes, more choking until Havok fires back. Kimber counter into a tarantula, takes out the knee as Neveah watches on. Kimber follows with the swanton and that gets 2. Kimber heads back to the ropes, but Havok catches the high cross and the catatonic follows for 2. Havok sees Neveah, but Kimber hits Havok with knux and pins her. Kimber lee defeated Havok @ 5:20 via pin

– We get a Kiera Hogan video package.

– Locker room talk time with Madison Rayne & Johnny Swinger hosting Ken Shamrock. Shamrock tells Swinger to go away and get him some water. Shamrock says Moose was good competition as well as Sami, but not Joey Ryan. But Sami will get himself hurt with his actions. Shamrock is focused on the world title, Elgin arrives and lays out Shamrock. He then lays a chair on his face and conchairtos him.

– Sami promos on Big Mike, claiming he’s been trying to ride his coattails. But Big Mike always fails, he beat him to the championship and next week they face off in tournament action.

Trey vs. Rohit Raju: They lockup and work into counters, as Trey grounds things. Raju counters out, we get more counters as they battle for control. Trey hits the springboard arm drag, tackles follow and after a hiccup, Raju cuts him off. They trade, Raju takes control until Trey picks up the pace and Raju powders. He cuts off Trey and follows with kicks, covering for 2. Raju grounds Trey, follows with a slam and covers for 2. Trey fires back, they trade and Raju stops that, covering for 2. He stomps on Trey’s hand, and follows with a suplex for 2. He chokes out Trey, and the fisherman’s suplex gets 2. They trade, Trey makes the comeback and both men are now down. Back to the feet, they trade again and Trey follows with kicks for 2. Raju fires back, takes control and the inverted suplex follows for 2. he follows with strikes, whips Trey to the buckles and Trey counters back into Cheeky nandos and the 619. Meteora is countered by a flying knee and the rolling neck breakers follow until Trey cradles him for the win. Trey defeated Rohit Raju @ 10:30 via pin

– We get another Cody Deaner quarantine video.

Champions The North vs. Two More Super Geeks: More fun with our tag team champions. Josh still wants no part of this, and so Page paid someone to find them real competition for tonight. Josh is not impressed with these super geeks. Page gets the most glorious over the top ring announcement. Page knocks out a geek with a superkick, and then literally carries him around because this is a title match and he wants to please the fans. Josh then kills this young geek, helicoptering him around as they have fun murdering these lads, and finally win after an epic struggle. Champions The North defeated Two More Super Geeks @ 2:22 via pin [NR]

– Rosemary is still at the bar and talking to herself, and a stuffed Dog (for Taya) and a Bunny (for Allie). John E. Bravo arrives, they both miss Taya and he leaves. Rosemary’s cards apparently lead to Bravo, and she’s not thrilled.

– The Impact throwback is AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy from Victory Road 2011, which is featured on this week’s XPLOSION, and is really good.

– Chris Bey meets with Johnny Swinger and says he’s been a fan for a long time. Bey starts shit between Swinger & Mack. Swinger finds Mack, they argue and Swinger challenges him to a match next week. Mack says ok.

– NEXT WEEK: Willie Mack vs. Swinger, Michael Elgin vs. Sami Callihan, XXXL vs. TJP & Fallah Bahh, & Rhino vs. Ken Shamrock (if he survived Elgin’s beating).

Champion Moose vs. Suicide: Suicide attacks, looking for near falls right away and running wild as Moose powders. Post break and Moose complains to the ref as Suicide follows with chops. Suicide follows with a RANA, dumps Moose and follows with chops. Moose finally cuts him off, rolls him back in and follows with a press slam off of the top. He k9cks him to the floor, slams Suicide to the barricades and follows with an apron bomb. Moose celebrates, Suicide rolls back in and Moose kicks his ass some more. Moose follows him out and talks shit, rolls him back in and Suicide follows with a suicide dive. Back in and Suicide unloads with strikes, dumps Moose and follows with the apron cannonball. Back in and Suicide heads up top and follows with a head scissors. He follows with chops, Moose fires back and Suicide cuts him off, covering for 2. Suicide heads up top, Moose cuts him off but Suicide counters with a RANA. The Finlay roll and lionsault connects for 2. Moose attacks, fires back and argues with the ref, ref bump and Suicide hits superkick and enziguri. They trade, Suicide catches him with the code breaker and Suicide checks on the ref and sunset flips Moose for 2. Moose low blows Suicide and the spear finishes it. Champion Moose defeated Suicide @ 16:20 via pin