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Hey guys, I wrote a column that’s pretty damned personal yet very therapuetic. I hope you caught it. If not, click away:

Tell Em: From Broken to Woken

It’s MONDAY NIGHT RAWW!!!!!!

Fresh out the gate, we get Kurt Angle in the ring who reminds us of last night and his ultimatum. He hasn’t heard of Brock or his representatives, so he is going to strip Brock Lesnar of the title right—-

Oh shit, Heyman’s voice carries over, and he is here at the top of the ramp! Angle cuts off his introduction and says that if Brock doesn’t come out right now, Heyman is wasting Angle’s time. Heyman is all smiles. He says that this is interesting, Kurt. His client, Brock Lesnar, is not here.

Angle says he is stripping Brock, and Heyman rushes down to the ring while the crowd chants “STRIP THE TITLE.’ Heyman says that he thinks Angle and the WWE Universe has it all wrong. It appears that everyone thinks that Brock is doing all of this on purpose.

Audio issues cause some problems for me, but we get to Heyman explaining that we want more of The Beast, and want The Network to be all Brock all the time, which is why he congratulates us all by making our voices heard through Angle, who forced their hand. It is official then, that Brock will defend his title at Summerslam, and all Angle needs to decide is who will be beaten, victimized, and conquered.

Bobby Lashley’s music hits, and out comes the man with no eyebrows. He had two goals in mind when he came here. He did one last night by beating Roman, now it’s time for the other.

Bobby goes straight to Heyman and says it’s to beat Brock and win the title.

Out comes Drew McIntyre. He wonders why they think he came back to the WWE. To stand in Dolph’s corner? He came back for change. He came back to make sure Dolph held ont othe IC Title, that was Phase 1. Now it’s time for Phase 2 – The Universal Championship.

Seth Rollins is not a fan of this, it appears, as he comes out all kinds of upset. He goes straight to Drew and gets in his face.

Seth tells Kurt that if he’s looking for an opponent for Brock, he’s right here.

The strum of a guitar signals The Drifter, and he comes out to play his way down the ramp and into the obvious match later tonight. He wants in the title match, and he also mentions that next week, his album drops.

Finn Balor is here as well, and he wants in! This crowd is hot. Finn says seeing as we are talking about what makes sense, Finn has one question: “Who was the very first Universal Champion?’ It only makes sense that it should be Finn v Brock.

And finally…..Roman Reigns makes his loser self way out here. HE says he has no excuses and doesn’t care about Brock, he just wants to fight someone…tonight.

WTF? How does that even make sense?

Angle says that we will have two triple threat matches tonight, and the winners will face each other next week. Tonight, it will be Elias v Rollins v Bobby Lashley, and the second one will be Finn v Drew v Roman Reigns.

The latter starts now.

Match 1: Finn Balor vs Drew McIntyre vs Roman Reigns

Finn starts with drew in the corner. Drew shoves him away then gets Fireman’s by reigns. Drew floats off and eats an uppercut. Rollup by Finn for 1..2..NO! Drew is up and clotheslines both Reigns and Finn down. Chop in the corner to Reigns. Drew grabs Finn by the throat then kicks him. Finn with a dropkick to McIntyre off the ropes. Reigns clotheslines Drew over the top rope. Finn does the same to Reigns. Finn hits the ropes and dives over the top rope with a flip! Nice. Finn tosses Drew back into the ring then hits a chop in the corner. Whip to Drew and it’s reversed. Finn is bounced off the turnbuckle. Reigns is in. BELLY TO BELLY to Reigns! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Drew with a huge boot to Reigns in the corner. Suplex to Drew. Cover for 1..2.NO! Kick from Drew to Finn. Chop to Finn in the corner. Drew gives a hard right to Reigns and covers for 1..NO! Drew mounts Reigns and hits a hard right to the face then shoves Balor off the apron with a shoulder.
We are back, and Drew is sending Finn into the ring. Stomp to Finn then to Reigns. Drew grabs Finn and tosses him into the corner hard, but eats a dropkick then a hard clothesline from Reigns! Again. Off the ropes with a third! Finn rushes from the corner with a hard right. Drew rolls out of the ring. Finn gets some flurry in and hits the ropes, but Reigns hits a clothesline! Reigns goes for a drive by real quick, but Finn stops it and stomps onto Reigns. Both men on the outside now. Finn grabs Reigns and is about to send him back into the ring but Drew with a FUCKING TOPE CON HILO OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!! Holy fuck balls! Finn shoves Drew into the steps. Finn on the apron. He stomps the back of the nexk of Drew!!! Finn sends Reigns into th ring. He shoots the legs. Stomp to the gut! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Reigns goes for a hit in the corner with Finn, but Finn moves, hops over the top rope, high kick! He’s on the top rope! STEEL ChAIR smack from Drew!!! Reigns is up and punches Drew a few times in the corner. He goes to shoves Drew into the corner, but Drew reverses! He shoves Reigns into the post! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Damn this is good! We come back from a break, and Reigns is hitting clotheslines in the corner. He gets to 10 then clotheslines Drew down hard. Reigns calls for the Superman Punch. He launches upward, but Drew hits a Spinebuster!!! Pin for 1….2….NO!!! Drew sets up Reigns for a powerbomb. FINN WITH A CHAIR!!!! Finn smacks Drew and sends him to the outside! Reigns is struggling. Finn looks to him with the chair in hand. FINN ATTACKS WITH THE CHAIR!!! Over and over and over again!!!! Finn goes wild with the chiar! Reigns rolls to the outside. The crowd loves it. He heads to the outside. Running dropkick to Drew! He lifts Drew up and REIGNS FROM OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A SPEAR!!!! Reigns tands up, and turns right into a slingblade by Finn!!! Finn sends Reigns into the ring. He runs with another slingblade!!! Reigns stands again, but Finn is there for a th—NO!!! SUPERMAN PUNCH TO FINN!!!! 1….2……..NO!!!! Reigns is up. He’s pissed. He calls for the end. He turns. Finn is up. Reigns roars. KICK FROM FINN!!! Dropkick to Reigns into the corner!!!! COUP DE GRACE!!! COVER!!! 1…2…NO!!!!!!! DREW PULLS HIM OUTT!!!! Drew with the knees to Finn on the outside! He sends Finn into the ring steps back first. Finn gets sent into the ring. Drew rolsl in and stands in the corner. He calls for Finn to stand. He wants the Claymore. Drew with a – NO! Superman Punch!!!! Finn rolls up Roman!!! 1..2….NO!!!! Superman Punch to Balor! Hard right from Finn! Reigns is on his knees in the center. Drew is in one corner. Finn in the other.

Drew goes for the Claymore to Reigns. Reigns moves. Claymore to Finn!! Superman Punch to Drew! SPEAR to FINN!!!! 1…2…..3!!!

Winner: Roman Reigns
The result may never have been in question, but they all did a hell of a job of making me think it was possible to have another outcome!
Match Quality: ****
Personal Enjoyment: ****
Total Rating: ****

Bayley is backstage asking Angle where Sasha is. Of course, she isn’t here when Angle told them to be here. Bayley says the counseling didn’t go so well. Bayley really tried. She was open and honest, trying to meet her halfway, but it just didn’t work. It’s hard for Bayley to say this, but she doesn’t think Sasha and her will be together ever again.

Angle says he’s been doing this the wrong way. He is going to team Sasha and Bayley together to face Dana and Alicia. Angle says they are too valuable together, and if they can’t get along, one of them will be traded to Smackdown. Bayley gets super sad faced.

Backstage, someone is polishing the IC Title for Dolph.

After a break, Dolph cuts a promo about how great he is until he’s cut off by Bobby Roode. I think Roode’s mom is in the crowd, cuz there’s a hyped blonde that is lovin the entrance.

Roode says he knows that Dolph is trying to give credit where it’s due, but he hasn’t given any credit to Drew McIntyre. If it wasn’t for him, Dolph wouldn’t be out bragging right now. He should be on his hands and knees, thanking Drew. If it wasn’t for him, Dolph would probably be at some stand up comedy club telling some bad jokes.

Dolph says this reminds him; last night while he was headlining, how fun was it watching him from the sidelines.

Roode says that the sidelines suck, which is why he is out here right now – to challenge Dolph for the IC Title. Now. Dolph hesitates but ultimately calls for a ref and says this is going down.

Dolph then says that he agreed to a match, but didn’t say it was for the title.

Match 2: Dolph Ziggler vs Bobby Roode

Due to shitty feed issues, I miss a good 80% of the match

Come back to Roode attempting the Glorious DDT and being unable to get it. ZIggler with a Zig Zag and a pin for 1..2….NO!!! Ziggler calls for a Superkick. Roode is slow to stand. He turns, catches the boot and shoves Dolph down. Catapult to Ziggler, sending him into the corner. Spinebuster. Ziggler is on the apron. Roode grabs him. Ziggler hangs him up, goes for a Zig Zag, but Roode holds the ropes and Ziggler bounces off. Elbow to Ziggler.

Roode hops off the corner, lands hard on his knee, Ziggler with a superkick to the face, Roode favors the knee and Dolph covers for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Recap of Heyman and Angle at the top of the show followed by the triple threat match that we saw at the top of the show.

Backstage, Lashley is shadow boxing. He says that The Beast has never fought anyone like ihm. He has the skills and ability to slay the beast. He WILL be the Universal Champion.

Backstage, Roode is all super sad. Someone is clapping off screen. It’s Mojo. He comes in with his sarcastic clapping, looks Roode dead in the eye, and says “And you’re supposed to be glorious?”

Does Mojo have new music again? Does anyone care? Probably not, huh….

Match 3: Mojo Rawley vs Tyler Breeze

Bell rings and Mojo is quick to lift Breeze up and drive his shoulder into the dude in the corner. Breeze floats over a suplex and clotheslines Mojo to the outside. Breeze flies to the outside, lands on his feet, and Mojo tackles him down hard. Mojo sends Tyler into the ring then covers for 1..2..NO!!! Another cover for 1…NO! From behind, Mojo locks a half nelson choke hold. This last a bit too long until Breeze tries to break out then rolls up Mojo for 1..2.NO!!! Breeze with an Enziguri. Mojo in the corner. Running right hand to Mojo in the corner.Whip and Breeze holds the ropes. Mojo runs, but he gets sent back to the outside. Mojo hops onto the apron, over the top rope, then hits a splash in the corner. Mojo hits the ropes and just trucks Breeze in the middle of the ring. Mojo hits the ropes.

Hard right hand to the face! Alabama Slamma to Breeze and a cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Mojo Rawley
Mojo’s gotta face someone that matters now before people tire of this…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Backstage, Sasha Banks and Bayley are walking side by side acting like they’re 12 and hate each other.

Match 4: Sasha Banks and Bayley vs Dana Brooke and Alicia Fox

Bayley and Alicia to start. Fox gets Bayley in the corner, hits a right, works the arm, whips to the corner, and Bayley hops under then gets a quick pin for 1. Alicia locks up in the ropes the ref backs up Bayley. Alicia with a leg lariat and a pin for 1..2.NO! Tag to Dana. Whip to Bayley, and Dana does a cartwheel into an elbow. She stomps the back and Dana does another flip, this time missing the elbow. Dana with. right to Sasha, sending her off the apron. Bayley blocks and hits some rights. She ducks a right, hits a clothesine into some punches. Another clothesline to Dana. Another. She sends Alicia off the apron. Whip to Dana and Bayley hits a back elbow. She goes for the spin, but Dana clotheslines her from out of the conrer. Dana sends Bayley o the outside. Alicia mounts and hits a few smacks to the head. Sasha saes Bayley, but Dana pulls her hair. Sasha pulls Dana over her head and slams Dana down hard!!!
Sasha drives Dana into the barricade, then sends Alicia into the apron. Crossbody off the apron onto the girls! Nice! The ref calls fro the bell.

Winners:
WTF y’all…
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Sasha seems frustrated and just leaves immediately after the match. Bayley looks confused.

Backstage, Sasha is frustrated, packing her things. Bayley wants to know whaat’s going on. Sasha says it’s one thing for her to beat Bayley up, but she’ll be damned if someone else does. Sasha loves that Bayley is a good person, tht she loves everybody and wants to be friends with everyone, that girls look up to her. She is always there for Sasha and can always tell when something is wrong, so she doesn’t understand why Bayley doesn’t get it. Sasha loves her, always have and always will. There, she said it.

Sasha walks out.

I’m turned on…

Braun is with Renee, and she wants to know if he has any regrets. Braun thinks about it for a second. He says he regrets that he didn’t have an opoortunity to congratulate Owens on his victory. He also expresses that he didn’t need to be a part of either of the Triple Threat matches because he has the briefcase. Such insight…

Here come the WWE RAW Tag Team Champions, The B-Team!

Match 5: The B-Team vs The Ascension

We come to the match already happening. Bo tags in Axel who hits a DDT to Conor. Cover for 1..2..NO! Axel with a front faced headlock in the corner. Axel hops on the back of Conor. Conor crawls towards his corner, then kicks Axel away. Tag to Viktor and tag to Bo. Chop from Vik, a few more, backing Bo int othe ocrner. Whip and an uppercut in the corner. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Axel stops the pin. Right from Conor.

Bo rushes, nearly runs into Axel, Conor flies over the top rope as well. Viktor with a hit, but tag to Axel. Double neckbreaker into a cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winners:
Meh
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Matt and Bray are on the Tron. They are upset. Bray tells them to enjoy their moment of glory, but understand that it will not last. They have disrupted the equilibrium of the heavens. Next week there will be a rematch and they will take back what is right fully theirs. The two of them will be deleted forever.

Recap of what happened during Nia and Alexa’s match.

Alexa comes out with Mickie. She says that kendo sticks, trash cans, overrated rookies, and she is still champion. What an upset, right? She knows what they’re thinking; there’s no way poor little Alexa Bliss could beat big bad Nia Jax, especially in an Extreme Rules match. Wrong. This story is over, and it ended how all great stories should end. The one true goddess stands victorious. She has dominated this entire division for so long because her strongest muscle is her brain. Outsmarting Nia last night wasn’t that hard. She has beaten every single woman in that entire locker room, and she can now officially say this.

Mickie’s shorts are quite nice.

There is a weak attempt at a Ronda chant. Alexa says Ronda doesn’t count. She isn’t even in the locker room, she’s suspended. After last night, she should be suspended indefinitely. Last night, she was supposed to be just a fan, sitting right there, front row…

And lookie here, Ronda is in the crowd behind Alexa. Alexa says she hopes we have a nice day. Ronda has done something to her hair that is just…not appealing. Ronda meets Alexa and Mickie at the top of the ramp. She removes her jacket and chases Alexa and Mickie back into the ring. Ronda grabs Mickie and hits the same moe she hit last night. She then goes for an arm bar, but refs and Alexa pull Mickie out of the ring. Ronda rushes up the ramp and jumps over th refs and on top of everyone! She looks down on Alexa and Mickie, then grabs Alexa. She drags her to the ring nd looks to lock in the arm bar until Kurt Angle finally comes out.

He tells her that she needs to calm down. Angle tells Ronda to go home and wait out her suspension.

Here comes Corbin. Go home? He suggest that Angle puts his foot down and does his job. Angle says he is right. He’ll have to add another week onto her suspension. Corbin is flustered. A week? That’s it? Steph will not be happy about this. In fact, He’s going to call Steph right now…

But Corbin cannot find his phone. He left it in the office. He tells Angle to stay in the ring and he’ll be right back.

Angle has Corbin’s phone in his pocket. He tells Ronda that when her suspension is up, he’ll give Ronda a match with Bliss, but if she pulls another stunt like she did last night, she’ll kiss the match goodbye. The match will be a title match at Summerslam. Now go home…

So much wrong. So little time…

Backstage, Charley has some new lips. She is with Seth Rollins and wonders how confident he is after last night’s grueling match.

Seth says tonight is his night. Next Monday will be his night. Summerslam will be his night. He will be the next champion. As for Reigns, he has all the respect, he’s his brother, but if Seth’s road to Summerslam goes through Reigns ,then Seth has got to do what he’s gotta do and he thinks Roman would say the same about him.

Match 6: AOP vs Titus O’Neil and Apollo Crews

Akam and Apollo to start. Razar distracts and Akam with a hard clothesline from behind. He turns to Titus and hits a knee while Titus is on the apron! Akam sends Titus into the ring post then heads to the outside and hits a hard clothesline to titus. Back in the ring, Apollo with a hard enziguri to the back of the head. Dropkick to Akam. He sends Apollo into the corner and tags in Razar. Full Nelson Slam. Razar says some Albanian stuff. He hits shoulder tackles in the corner to Apollo. He sends Apollo to the corner then tags in Akam. Inverted Atomic Drop by Razar and Akam hits a big boot. He turns Apollo, tags in Razar. They both lift Apollo up then drops his gut on the knees. Razar talks more shit. Tag to Akam.
Corey says we are watching in “Shocked Silence.” Haha. The Last Chapter is hit, and we get. pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winners:
Lol “Shocked Silence.” Sure.
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Match 7: Sarah Logan vs Ember Moon

While Cole and Corey try and describe Sarah as a Viking, she lifts up Ember and drops her right back down. Front faced lock is reersed by Sarah with a roll out. Ember clips the legs and rolls up for 1..NO! Ember locks up the midsection and Ember tries to float over then locks up from behind. Elbow from Sarah while Cole repeats Corey’s lines word for word. Ember hops to the 2nd rope and Sarah hits a hard right hand, sending her to the mat outside. Liv is all smiles. Sarah sends Ember back into the ring and covers for 1..2..NO! Sarah drags an elbow across the face then hits a right and drops her head har into the mat. Another. Sarah sends Ember into the ropes and kicks the back. Logan distracts and Liv hits a right hand. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Logan locks the head, goes for a suplex, but Ember turns it into a roll up for 1..2..NO!!! Ember misses a superkick and Logan lifts up from behind into a suplex pin and gets 1..2..NO!!! Logan crosses the neck of Ember with her arm then locks the hands from the side. Ember turns this into a pin but Logan kicks out, still having the hold. Logan drops Ember onto her knees then to the mat, still holding in the choke. Ember tries to escape but can’t. Ember is finally able to escape and hits a hard right hand to the face. Ember with a kick. Knee to the gut. Another. Athird. A final fourth one that hits hard! Ember hits the ropes, then drops down and plants Sarah’s face into the mat. Ember knocks Liv off the apron then gets rolled up for 1..2..NO!!! Ember ith a kick to the face off the pin for 1..2..NO!!! Ember with a dropkick, sending Sarah to the outside. Ember hits the ropes. Suicide Dive to Logan, sending her into the barricade! Ember sends Sarah back into the ring. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Ember goes to the top rope. Sarah turns an is on her hands and knees. Ember to the top. Liv distracts, and Logan knees the ropes, causing a tumble from Ember. Logan pins for 1..2….3!!!

Winners:
So she’s a Viking/Farmer now.
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *1/2
Total Rating: *½

Backstage, Elias is tuning up his guitar while someone helps him with the earphone. Elias asks for it to be fixed as we go to break.

Before the official bell ring, Elias attacks Seth from behind and gets some good stomps in. Lashley rushes in to stare Elias down, but the ref is there to back Bobby up and check on Seth.

Match 8: Elias vs Seth Rollins vs Bobby Lashley

The bell officially rings, and Bobby has Elias in the corner. He whips Eli, but Eli holds the roeps and rolls to the outside. Seth is there waiting for him, though, and hits him with a hard clothesline. Seth enters the ring and locks up with Lashley. Side headlock takedown to Lashley. Lashley takes over and gets a takedown of his own. He cinches in a hold and rolls over into a pin for 1. Seth gets the shoulder up. Both men turn and stand into the hold. Seth backs Lashley up into the ropes. Lashley hops over then eats a dropkick from Lashley. Seth chops Lashley. Whip to Lashley. Seth with a springboard but Lashley with a kick. Lock up but Elias is in with a knee to Lashley, and he rolls to the outside. Rollup from Seth for 1…2…NO!!! Elias goes for a powerbomb, but Seth turns it into a move and Elias hits a huge knee and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!

Back from a break, and Lashley hops onto the apron to give Elias a right hand. Seth gets one too. ANother form Lashley. Jawbreaker from Elias to Seth. Lashley is there to attack, then hits a neckbreaker to Seth. Lashley with a shoulder to Elias. He goes for a stalling suplex, but Seth kicks. Lashley sets up for a powerbomb, but Seth flips out of it. Powerslam from Lashley to Seth! Spinebuster type move to Elias. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Elias sends Lashley into the ringpost on the outside. Seth with a suicide dive, but Elias side steps and Seth dies. Elias grabs Lashley and sends him into the ringpost then into the ring. Elbow drop and a pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Seth with a surprise frog splash!! Elias grabs Seth and tosses him to the outside! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! OOoooo, almost took advantage of Seth’s move. Nice. Elias with a back elbow to Seth. Seth with a boot out of the corner. Blockbuster from the 2nd rope. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Seth grabs Elias who is on the apron. He climbs up the corner. Elias works the back with some right hands. Seth locks up for a superplex, but Elias blocks and sends Seth down to the mat, face first. Lashley shoots up to the top and hooks the ams. We get a belly to belly attempt, but Rollins is here to stand under Lashley. Buckle Bomb to Lashley. Then Seth runs to the corner and hits a Superplex into a Falcon Arrow and a pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Seth with a suicide dive to Elais on the outside. He sends Elias into the ring. Suicide Dive to Lashley! Seth rolls in. Enziguri to ELias. Slingblade. Seth calls for a stomp! He back kicks. STOMP!!! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Lashley there to stop the pin!

Seth and Lashley up. They trade right hands. Seth gets the upperhand with a lot of elbows to the face until he hits the ropes and runs right into a hard clothesline from Lashley. Lashley with a stalled suplex to Seth. Lashley wants the spear. He waits for Seth, runs, Seth hops over and Lashley hits the corner Rollup for 1..2..NO!!! Superkick to the face of Lashley!

Seth hits the ropes for the stomp, but Elias pulls Seth out of the ring! SPEAR to Elias from Lashley! Pin for 1..2…..3!!!

Winners:
Awwww a rematch that nobody wanted…
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **¾

End Show