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Y’all remember this?:

lol.

Smackdown starts with a recap of last week when The Fiend fingered Alexa. This goes directly into The Firefly Funhouse, and he’d like to address the haters that blame Bray for what happened to Bliss. If you want to blame someone, though, it’s Braun. How could he let something so horrific happen to someone Braun cares so much about. All he had to do was give Him what he wants. Bray happens to know that he’ll be here later with someone very special. He’s waiting for Bruan, and Bray advises that Braun give Him what He wants.

Bye!

Match 1: Matt Riddle vs Sheamus
Lockup and Sheamus backs Riddle into the corner with some forearm pressure. Ref breaks it and Riddle circles with a waist lock into a sleeper and a leg scissors. Sheamus to the ropes, breaking the hold. Riddle blocks Sheamus for a bit but Sheamus gets a side headlock takedown into a pin for 1. Sheamus locks the arm as Riddle ries to fight out. Sheamus with a hammer lock, Riddle with the go behind. Sheamus works the arm, Riddle flips out, shoots the leg,trips Sheamus and drps him. Riddle backs up and allows Sheamus to stand. Kick to the thigh from Riddle. Another kick but Sheamus with the headlock. Backed up against the ropes till the ref breaks it and Riddle is wanting more. Sheamus works the lef arm and hits a knee. He stomps Riddle down a bit. Riddle with a surprise arm bar in the middle of the ring. Riddle pulls apart the fingers. Riddle olls over the back and key locks, then turns into a front faced lock. Cover for 1…NO!!! Sheamus with a gutwrench, lifts him up and drops him down for a powerbomb. Sheamus tries to whip Riddle, Riddle holds the ropes, blocks the whip and hits a right. Sheamus runs, gets sent over the top rope. He hangs Riddle up on the ropes then locks him up and beats down on the chest a few times. Sheamus to the top rope. Riddle jumps up. RIGHT HAND! Sheamus falls down to the outside.

Back from a break, and Riddle turns into a hold, hitting some rights before running into The Irish Curse. Another to Riddle. Sheamus wants a third, gets it, and covers for 1..2..NO!!! Sheamus pulls Riddle up, takes some shots to the gut, then hits a kick. Riddle flips out of a suplex and kicks Sheamus in the face. Sheamus on his knees, a bit PO’d. He lifts Riddle, who comes up with some jabs and a kick, ducks under a clothesline and kicks the back of the head. Riddle kips up and runs with a forearm. Another one off the ropes. Belly to Belly. Kick to the chest and a Broton. Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Another Broton! Riddle to the top rope. Moonsault, Sheamus moves, Riddle lands on his feet. Sheamus grabs him. White Noise! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus calls for a Brogue Kick, Riddle side steps, locks the hips, DELAYED GERMAN INTO A PIN! 1..2….NO!!!! Riddle goes for a kick, Sheamus rolls him up for 1..2…NO!!!! Tilt-a-whirl and a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus goes for a shoulder, but Riddle moves. Sheamus hits the post! Riddle on the outside. Sheamus favoring his arm near the table. Riddle with a kick to the chest. Another.

Right hand, Sheamus fights back, knee to the face. Sheamus rolls into the ring. Riddle near the ramp. Chad Gable runs down the ramp and attacks Riddle from behind!

Winner: Matt Riddle
Riddle is still unique enough to put on a match that doesn’t quite come off as formulaic – yet. Putting him against the hard-hitting Sheamus lead to some fun that was kind of a one-upmanship of strength and body hits. A fun opener with an ending that was obvious and annoying.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: Approx 12:20

Riddle fights back with kicks to the chest then he sends Gable into the barricade. Superman punch off the steps. Riddle sends Gable into the steps then kicks the chest.

Sheamus is upset at the announcement that Riddle is the winner, so he grabs Gable, sends him into the ring, and hits him with a Brogue Kick.

Sheamus asks for a mic, yells at Gable. Gable took this win from him, and Shemaus is pissed. He yells for Gable to stand, so he does, and Sheamus hits another Brogue.

Last week, I expressed how asinine I said the Gable turn was, especially considering the “King’s Bounty” was never cleared. Was it Riddle’s foot? Was it to knock him out? Kill him? And what does he get? Money? Fame? To be by Corbin’s side? Why would he want any of that? Anyway, some people who defended it said it would allow for Gable to do something different. Well tonight, he got nothing. He got his ass handed to him twice. He turned for no reason.

BACKSTAGE, Corbin is talking to some chick. Sheamus comes up, says his little minion ruined his match. Sheamus says if Corbin tries that again, he’ll kick Corbin’s head off his shoulders and stick it up his royal ass. Sheamus says he’s not joking, and to try him.

Corbin says Sheamus is lucky he has a match with Hardy, otherwise he’d dent his skull.

THE DIRT SHEET is next, with theme music and a Fink intro. Morrison calls himself underground. Ok.

Miz says last week, we all bared witness to an horrific tragedy.

We get to see Sonya go crazy with lipstick and a razor.

Morrison says they often focus on gossip and trivial pop culture, but sometimes life hits so hard they put things back into perspective. Tonight, they’re using their influence.

Their mics go out a little bit. Morrison says “Ok, Retribution, you’re not scheduled tonight.”

Miz says it’s brave of Mandy to be here tonight.

Miz introduces Mandy’s hair, who looks like it’s being filmed in the same blue background room as those massage videos I used to watch a lot…

We get a very blonde wig, with wiggly eyes, and a voiceover from Miz. I will not give this time. Please find it on YouTube.

After the bullshit, Miz says the real victim is Sonya Deville, and she is welcomed to the show. Out comes Sonya in all black, ready to express her disdain for her blonde friend.

Miz asks Sonya what compelled her to cut her hair in the first place. Sonya said she doesn’t get why people are upset. She said what she was going to do, and she did it. She’s a woman of her word. She enjoyed smashing her face into a table, cutting her hair off, and messing her makeup….up. Mandy was so concerned about her image, because it’s all she ever had. It’s sad. She would feel bad but she doesn’t. She broke her physically and emotionally? Sonya calls the crowd terrible and says Mandy will not come out. Sonya is right.

Miz says they haven’t heard from Mandy since the attack. Not one selfie. Nothing. Sonya says Mandy got to the WWE by winning bikini contests. She also has one other talent – she won a WWE Bumpy Award….for making out with Otis.

Sonya says there is one bright side. Her and Otis…they look like a couple now.

Tucker and Otis have had enough. They run down the ramp and attack Miz and Morrison. Tucker tosses Miz to the outside. Otis sends Morrison into the corner. Tucker with a splash. Otis for the caterpillar, but Sonya pulls him out of the way.

Gee, I wonder what will happen next…

Looks like I was wrong, as I assumed they were going to have a tag match. Instead, we get a recap of Cesaro and Shinsuke winning the tag team titles.

We are live (recorded) and your tag team champions are here. Cesaro is in action next.

Match 2: Cesaro vs Lince Dorado
Knee to Lince in the corner immediately Lince flies out of the corner with some flips, dodges a right, hits the ropes, goes for a hurricanrana, but Cesaro with a backbreaker. He huts an uppercut, sending Lince down. Lince kicks away, Cesaro flisp him up, hits an STO to send him back down hard. Cesaro locks the fingers, pulls Lince up into a fireman’s, but sends Cesaro to the outside. They head back in and Lince rolls Cesaro up for a pin. He kicks off the apron. Sptringboard but Cesaro catches him and hits another back breaker onto the knee! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Cesaro beats down Lince with some forearms to the chest. Elbow drop and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Lince goes for his trio of moonsaults, but Shinsuke distracts him after the second, and Cesaro clubs the back. He sets up for Razor’s Edge, pops up and Lince turns it into a rollup for 1..2..NO!!!!

Lince off the ropes. Cesaro with an uppercut! Neutralizer. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Cesaro
I love seeing Cesaro wrestle. I still don’t buy Lince or Grand Metalik as viable contenders. Tonight’ match didn’t change my mind. A nice four minutes without emotion.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 4:12

Ok, so I wasn’t incorrect in assuming Heavy Machinery would face Miz and Morrison, as that’s happening later tonight.

Otis is fuming backstage. He is interviewed, and asked about channeling anger into the match tonight. Otis says he likes jokes, he’s a funny guy, but Miz and Morrison are crossing the line. Tucker calls what Sonya did last week despicable. M&M just cant let it go. Otis says he can handle jokes on him, he’s had it all his life, but them disrespecting Mandy, he won’t stand for it. When Otis is angry, no one will be laughing.

The lights go out at The Performance Center, but it’s on purpose, so don’t worry.

The Fiend is here, and he’s got some stuff to do or say that we’ll have to wait for.

We come back and Alexa is in the middle of the ring. Again. The Fiend backs into the corner, goes on his haunches. The lights are red and The Fiend’s annoying music plays. The Fiend crawls towards Alexa, who is wearing an amazingly awesome shirt. He reaches out again, hands outstretched, sitting bhind Alexa, and goes for the fingers again. Alexa stops his hand, looks up to The Fiend. She rubs his face. Bray backs away.

Braun’s voice is heard, calling The Fiend a sadistic bastard. He’s on the screen. He wonders if The Fiend really thinks playing with his emotions would ork. He doesn’t give a damn about Alexa. All he cares about is destroying The Fiend. He knew when he walked into The Swamp, one of two things would walk out – an evil dude or a satisfied dude. Braun is incredibly close to the camera.

He says he was pushed to his breaking point. He let it out. He is more than a man, he says. He is The Monster. He says The Fiend can have whatever he wants at Summerslam. He tells The Fiend to face his fears; face The Monster.

Real life photo of The Monster:

Match 3: Jeff Hardy vs Baron Corbin
Corbin tries for a right immediately, but Jeff ducks and hits an inverted atomic drop. He works the left shoulder a few times, hits ome elbows, Corbin misses a nother right, jeff hits the head and gets another Inverted then a leg drop to the little Corbins. Dropkick to the face. Cover for 1….NO!!! Jeff waits, calls for the Twist of Fate, but Corbin attacks ther throat, runs under the ropes then back in, gets kicked, Twist-NO! Hard clothesline from Crobin. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Cole calling a move “Classic Corbin” is why, Cole. This is why. Corbin grabs jeff and sends him to the outside. Corbin with right hands onto Jeff over and over. Dunn is sure to make sure you get it from all angles. Corbin rolls Jeff back into the ring. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Elbow drop to the shoulder, another, another, another, he’s dropping big ones on either elbow. Chin lock and a half nelson from Corbin.Jeff eventually elbows out of it and Corbin sends him into the corner. Corbin tries the slide in and out again, but Jeff dropkicks his face,sending him into the barricade. He heads out, sesnds Corbin into the barricade again, then back into the ring. Jeff runs right into the Deep Six. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Corbin rolls Jeff onto his belly then lifts ihm by the hair. Jeff with a right. Another. Another. He locks the head, goes for a jawbreaker, but Corbin hits a high knee instead, and Jeff rolls to the outside.

Sheamus runs down the ramp and gives Jeff a huge Brogue Kick.

Winner: Jeff Hardy via DQ
Predictable. Not just the ending, but literally the entire match. I’d put money on any one of you writing out a five minute match between these two, and you being more than 75% right.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 5:27

Match 4: Sheamus vs Baron Corbin
Back and Sheamus vs Corbin is already going down. Sheamus hits a high knee then drops Corbin. Another knee to Corbin. Uppercut to Corbin. Sheamus sends Corbin into the ropes, Corbin kicks off of them, hits the ropes, and gets a knee. Sheamus pulls him up and goes for the beating of the chest. Corbin tries to prevent it, turns into the hit, slinks down to the mat, and the ref holds Sheamsu back. Sheamus runs to the outside and Corbin meets him with a clothesline. Corbin rolls in then out and tosses Sheamus into the barricade. Corbin with right hands to the gut. Corbin sends Sheamus into the table a few times then back into the ring only to send him back out with a clothesline. Sheamus exits and sends Corbin into the barricade. He sends him into the table then rolls in and then out of the ring. Sheamus sends Corbin into a tables a few more times then into the post. Sheamus to the top rope, Corbin ducks underneath, Side slam from Corbin. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Corbin munts with some rights. Corbin sends Sheamus into the post then drops some elbows on his back. Ref yells at Corbin to get back.

Corbin with a right hand then a chinlock/half-nelson. Sheamus is quick to stand and turn out of it, but Corbin drops Sheamus down. Sheamus turns into the hold and again, Corbin takes him down. Sheamus gets Corbin on his shoulders for White Noise, but Corbin drops to his feet and hits a clothesline.

Riddle is here to springboard over the head of Corbin. No contact is made. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick! Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Sheamus
Sheamus with a second solid performance of the night wasn’t good enough to be ok with seeing Corbin in two matches.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 5:20

Backstage, Sasha and Bayley are talking about having all the gold. Apparently, Stephanie McMahon wants a video conference with them. Yay…..

Big E is backstage with Kayla. Kayla asks what his journey looks like. Big E says he’s been a may log-roll down to the ring, pour cereal into a man’s mouth, whose popcorn gif is used around the world. He’s been an entertainer, a tag partner, and a friend. Now, he gets to answer the question what could have been if they let him run it alone. The support and cosigns from Kofi and Woods could be perceived as pressure. They are not anchors or burdens, though. They lift him up. He doesn’t know where the run will take him, but he can assure us he will give us nothing less than ALLLLL OFFF HIM! Because….

New Day Rocks.

Big E is special.

Sasha and Bayley are in the ring.

Steph is on the tron.

She wants to congratulate them for winning all the gold. Bayley says they needed to hear that. There is a lot of negativity and jealousy. This means the world to them. They’re just trying to be role models for little girls, just like Steph’s daughter. They’re just trying to finish Steph’s job.

Steph says what a job they’ve done. Doing whatever it takes. Being a guest ref, or making a mockery of the stipulation Steph made by attacking Kairi. Steph says she isn’t sure about them being role models, but she’s got her attention.

Sasha says they know what’s best for business. They both watch HHH and Steph every day on the Network.

Steph tells them to relax. She doesn’t hold grudges. She’s a McMahon.

She will not lecture or punish, but she does want to challenge them. So at Summerslam, Sasha will defend the RAW title. As for Bayley we will have a triple brand Battle Royal with the winner facing Bayley at Summerslam.

That’s what’s Best for Business.

Backstage, Kayla comes up to S&M&M and asks if they took it too far. Miz calls their comedy high-brow. Sometimes good comedy offends. Miz and Morrison are mental giants. Shit…I zoned out.

Match 5: Heavy Machinery vs Miz and Morrison
John and Tucker to start. Kick from John, but Tucker takes him down and locks up from behind. Morrison breaks out but Tucker with a belly to back takedown. Tucker locks the waist, Morrison elbows out kicks, but Tucker blocks, ducks then hits a clothesline. Tag to Otis who whips Tucker into Morrison, then hits a shoulder, sending Morrison spinning in the air like a Flutterbye Fairy.

Tag to Miz who comes in, gets a headbutt, then trucked down by Otis. Tag to Tucker. They march around Miz then splash Miz’s head in between their guts. Tucker on the apron. He front flips into Miz and Morrison with a cannonball.

We are back from a break, and Miz hits a kick to Tucker, sending him into the corner. Tag to Morrison. Miz with a neckbreaker, Morrison with a stomp while Tucker lays prone. Morrison hits the ropes, looks fo ra kick, but Tucker kicks the knee instead. Right hand from Tucker. Right hand to the gut, kick to the face. Tag to Miz. Miz in double team Tucker then hit a DDT. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Miz kicks Tucker down in the face. Miz chokes up Tucker then gets backed up by the ref. Morrisson with a cheap shot. Miz kicks Tucker a few times. Miz locks the legs up, gets a tag from Morrison, catapults Tucker, but Tucker hits a right to Morrison! He then drops the weight onto Miz. Tucker with a tag to Otis. He clotheslines Miz down, then Morrison, then back elbow to Miz, up then down to Morrison. He sends Morrison into the corner. Body slam to Miz. Suplex to Morrison. Otis with a splash in the corner to Morrison. Otis calls for the Caterpillar. He rolls and hits it. Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Miz there to break it up. Tucker pulls Miz out and gets a drop toe hold into the barricade. Otis chases Miz on the outside and Miz sends him into the steps.

Out comes Mandy Rose with short hair, and suddenly she is unrecognizable to Cole. There’s the DQ.

Winner: No Contest
Another match wherein someone gets involved, doesn’t touch either opponent in the match, and a DQ is called. The match itself was going through the motions, meaning there was nothing really worth seeing.
Total Rating: **

Mandy and Sonya go at it wrestling all the way into the ring. The guys try to hold them back. Sonya with a spear to Mandy. Otis pulls Mandy out of the ring.

We come back to Smackdown and Mandy and Sonya are being held back from each other until the lights go out.

We head to the outside, and “Retribution” have bats and pipes. They run into the ring and hold their weapons up high. One heads to the announce booth and chases Cole and Corey ot the back.

The hooded figures cuss and hold up bats and crowbars. This is their house, now, says the shortest one. They chase a camera guy to the back.

The entire roster of rookies apparently are helpless as all they do is slam their hands against the plexiglass.

The group of hooded figures go to the crowd and beat down on some rookies. They chase one down and pull her then circle her and yell over and over till the one with boobs kicks the rookie.

The five head back to the ring and they have a black bag of something. They then go to the announce table and flip it over.

Spray paint comes into play while the short one screams that they told us.

They spray paint the barricade, which is a see through surface, making it realtively unreadable.

They spray a red WWE logo onto the barricade and put a large slash through it then spray paint the apron and the ring steps.

They scream WHO ELSE in the middle of the ring, to no one.

One of them has a chainsaw now. They cut the ropes and cheer with each one. The camera work is incredibly sporadic.

End Show.