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Another Friday, another WWE Smackdown, another chance for me to try and accurately convey physical actions with mere words. Winfree back again as WWE races full speed ahead towards WrestleMania. After a truly and utterly dismal WWE Raw on Monday (you can get my thoughts on that debacle here) I can only hope Smackdown gets a few things right. The trio of Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, and Edge is shaping up nicely with Edge becoming more deranged the less reality lines up with his self image, Bryan still trying to just get a fair shake, and Roman looking to play the both of them against each other. Big E and Apollo Crews are still going strong in their feud, the tag team scene has about as much clarity as mud though, and it feels a bit like WWE is doing everything they can do stifle excitement for Sasha Banks vs. Bianca Belair. But never fear valued consumer, Logan Paul is likely to be here in support of Sami “The Paddling of the Swollen Ass, with Paddles” Zayn as he gears up for a Mania bout with Kevin Owens. Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins is moving right along, but if they don’t pull the trigger on Cesaro now I kind of feel like they never will. Anyway that’s our backdrop for this evening, let’s see what WWE is offering up.

We open with a video package to recap the journey of Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, and Edge to the main event of WrestleMania. That Kubrick stare from Edge to close last week was really nice. Commentary welcomes us to the show after that, and then Edge’s music hits. Edge somewhat predictably follows his music and is here to unburden his mind. He says at Fastlane and last week, the chaos and mayhem didn’t need to happen. Or maybe it was inevitable, his road back to Mania had to include some bumps or road kill because that’s what Bryan is now that he’s inserted himself into this. Edge says he meant everything he said about being inspired by Bryan, and he wanted to tag with him at Fastlane. But apparently that wasn’t enough for Bryan. He should have seen Bryan coming though, manipulator to manipulator, then runs down all the proposed scenario’s from Bryan last week. He ultimately realized he got out played, and while he’s mad at Bryan he finally got to look at himself in the mirror and like what he saw. Finally, he got to see in the guy in the mirror who always comes out fighting, he finally saw the Rated R Superstar. He tosses up the graphic for their Mania match, and mocks Adam Pearce’s decision, then says he doesn’t think anyone really understands the ramifications of this decision. Last week he snapped, after being attacked by Bryan and having his title shot complicated. He finally woke up, he’s the man that Roman or Bryan aspire to be, a Hall of Fame legend and the ultimate opportunist. And finally, once again the Rated R Superstar. Last week when he got to crack Roman and Bryan with chairs it felt good, and he knows how close he was to ending them. That situation will present itself again, and when it does he wont hesitate. It felt a bit like they didn’t know what they wanted the reaction to be, they swapped from cheers to slightly disgruntled boos in the production. That said, Edge’s delivery is top notch as usual.

Later tonight Daniel Bryan will have a street fight with Jey Uso. I imagine that will be our main event, and that bit of those two preparing in the back sends us to break.

We come back and Edge is walking in the back. He runs into Kayla and she asks him about not commenting on the Bryan vs. Jey street fight. He doesn’t feel badly about Bryan possibly getting beaten senseless against Jey, and he wont feel even the slightest bit bad if Bryan gets so hurt he can’t make it to Mania.

In the ring Otis and Chad Gable are hanging out. Gable has a mic, and says he’s transformed a former human bulldozer into a force of nature through the use of his mental acumen. They’ll be out shining the tag team champions tonight even when they team with them, and next week they’ll win the tag team titles and do it “for the academy”. That’s a catchphrase I guess. Ziggler and Roode head out next for our regularly scheduled 8 man tag match. Next week will be a fatal four way tag team match for the tag team titles. Somehow Clown Fiesta doesn’t quite cover it, but it’s as close as I can get to describing the tag scene.

Match #1 – 8 Man Tag Team Match: Dolph Zigger, Robert Roode and Alpha Academy (Chad Gable and Otis) vs. Street Profits (Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins), Rey and Dominik Mysterio

Ziggler and Dominik start us off, Dominik gets a DDT quickly then we get a parade of sending the heels out of the ring then a bunch of faces diving onto the heels. That sends us to break.

Back from break and Ziggler is working over Rey. Rey back flips free and tags in Dawkins. Dawkins is a house on fire, running wild on everyone until Roode pulls Ziggler out of harms way and Otis clubs him from the apron. Otis tags in and starts putting the boots to Dawkins, then lands a Polish hammer. Dawkins gets abused, Roode tags in and takes over on offense. Ziggler tags back in, the heels isolating Dawkins. Otis back in and working the neck of Dawkins, but Dawkins fights back with a chin breaker, then they collide on clotheslines and both men are down. Ford and Gable tag in, Fords turn to mimic domestic arson and Ziggler has to save the match. Rey takes out Ziggler and Roode, Dominik finishes taking Ziggler out of the ring and Ford hits the step up enziguri. Ford up top, misses the splash but Otis tags in and Otis hits the second rope splash to Ford to win.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Ziggler, Roode, and Alpha Academy won

Rating: 2.5 stars

Competent, but there’s a real finite amount of permutations for these teams and we’ve more or less exhausted them.

Pearce and Sonya Deville talk, and Heyman shows up. Heyman brings up a small legality that needs to be addressed, he wants to make sure that Jey Uso will be completely free of consequences for the match tonight. Deville thinks he’s got a point and there should be a Hold Harmless agreement in place.

Back to the ring, Seth Rollins rocking a pink and purple Rorschach test of a suit. Not the best choice this week. We get a recap of Cesaro swinging Rollins and accepting the Mania match last week. Rollins and Cesaro will have a face off after this break.

Cesaro with a more traditional suit to the cloudscape on Rollins. Graves asks Cesaro about this being his first singles match at WrestleMania, which is a freaking tragedy. Cesaro says it’s the biggest match of his career, and what Rollins has said about him might be mostly true but this time he’s got to deliver. Swing is in the air, he sings a little and Rollins interrupts him. Graves asks Rollins about being humiliated by the swing, Rollins says he wont give into their attempts to shake him. It’s Mania season, and this time of year Rollins is unshakable. His track record speaks for itself, him vs. Triple H or slaying the beast Lesnar, or how his heist job should rank as an all time great moment. Back to Cesaro, asked about the pressure and he knows he can beat Rollins at Mania, and he’ll embarrass him again at that event. Rollins reiterates that he’s unshakable, Cesaro says he might be unshakable but he’s not un-swingable. Cesaro says since it’s Mania 37 he should go for 37 revolutions and Rollins finally snaps a bit. He says there are levels and he’s multiple levels above Cesaro, once he beats Cesaro there wont even be his potential to fall back on. Cesaro invites him to take a swing at him, the best double word play of the night. Rollins thinks about it, then heads out sans violence. Good stuff from both men, I really hope they don’t try to turn Cesaro into a lounge singer because of swing, but both Rollins and Cesaro did their jobs here.

Carmella is in the back, Baszler, Jax, and Reginald walk up. Jax says Carmella didn’t treat her man very well, Carmella scoffs as the tag champs head to the ring. They’ll be in the ring after the break.

We come back and Baszler is in the ring while Jax has joined commentary.

Match #2: Shayna Baszler w/ Nia Jax and Reginald vs. Natalya w/ Tamina

Heel vs. heel, what could go wrong. They tie up and Natalya gets the better of things then they start trading blows. Natalya looks for the sharpshooter, they botch a few counters and tie up in an inside cradle and after going back and forth about who’s down there’s a pin and Natalya wins.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Natalya won

Rating: DUD

Jax and Baszler jump Tamina and Natalya immediately after the match and leave them laying. The Riott Squad show up and fight, they take down Jax with a double team but Baszler takes them both down. Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke are here, everyone gets some TV time I guess. Lana and Naomi show up too, they take down everyone and stand tall for a moment then Tamina and Natalya recover and take them two of them out. Tamina and Natalya stand tall out of that Clown Fiesta.

Billie Kay approaches Carmella, Carmella does accept the headshot/resume but doesn’t say anything to Kay.

Earlier today Logan Paul arrived and was greeted by a tux wearing Sami Zayn. Zayn and Logan will premier the trailer for Zayn’s documentary after the break.

We come back, and here’s Sami “The Paddling of the Swollen Ass, with Paddles” Zayn in his tux and shimmying his way to the ring. Zayn gets a mic, and says this is a night the world has been waiting for. This will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there’s a conspiracy to humiliate him and undercut his career at every possible level. Tonight is doubly sweet because his special guest, a very busy actor, writer, podcaster, (stunt) boxer, and social media influencer, Logan Paul. Paul is in fact still present and heads to the ring where Zayn insists on a hug and they sit. Zayn commends Paul for standing in solidarity with the oppressed, and that this isn’t a theory but a real conspiracy. Logan thanks Zayn for the invite, he’s excited to be in a WWE ring for the first time, and he can’t wait to see the evidence. Zayn says he and Logan are fast becoming friends, and invites him to be his guest at WrestleMania. Logan accepts the invitation. Zayn is ecstatic, and then calls up the drum roll for the trailer, and tosses us to it. It’s about as comical, both intentionally and unintentionally, as you’d expect. Zayn says this was a gem, then asks Logan for his thoughts. Logan says it’s a lot to take in, it was compelling, but he did talk with Kevin Owens in the locker room. Owens said there was no conspiracy, even calling Zayn neurotic. Zayn asks Logan what he’s doing, he’s Zayn’s guest not Owens’ and he’s here to help him. Zayn says he knows what Owens thinks, and doesn’t care. He cares what Paul thinks, and Paul can see all the effort Zayn put into this, and here comes Owens with a stunner. Owens says he’ll stun Zayn as much as necessary to get him back to reality. Owens then just pushes past a somewhat befuddled Paul. That wasn’t as bad as the Miz and Morrison music video from Monday but I wouldn’t call it good.

Edge walks up to Pearce and Deville last week, he says Pearce’s decision last week was the worst in the history of WWE which is saying something. But the street fight tonight is actually a good idea, and he wanted to make sure they know Edge will be on commentary for that match.

Carmella heads to the ring for her match, right after this break she’ll take on Bianca Belair.

Back from break, a recap of Owens stunning Zayn and ignoring Paul. Owens is walking the back, an interviewer I don’t recognize asks him about what he just did. I think it was Alyse Ashton but don’t quote me as I couldn’t hear Owens address her when he said her name. He says he does enjoy stunning people, anyone at any time. Zayn ambushes him from behind and stomps him down in the boxes screaming that he’ll see him at Mania.

There’s a video recap of the Belair and Banks saga to this point. Kayla is hanging out in gorilla, and brings in Bianca Belair. Belair was just wondering when Banks would show her true colors, and it was right after Belair smacked the soul out of her body last week. But that’s OK, because she wants to beat the ruthless Banks so there are no excuses after she wins at Mania. She hasn’t forgotten about Carmella though, and blames Carmella for all the Reginald drama, she plans on running through Carmella tonight on the road to WrestleMania. Belair isn’t bad in these spots but it comes across as very generic most of the time.

Carmella jumps Belair before the match and beats her around the ringside area. She tosses Belair into the steel steps, Belair is down selling her leg as we get another commercial break.

Match #3: Carmella vs. Bianca Belair

We come back to Carmella working a chinlock on Belair. Belair fights free but Carmella grabs a reverse triangle over the ropes but Belair powers her up only to eat a hurricanrana then a bronco buster. Carmella runs into a clothesline, Belair starts running wild, hits an ugly drop kick then lays in more strikes. Belair misses a handspring moonsault and eats a seated super kick for a near fall. Carmella talks trash, Belair then hits the Kiss of Death out of nowhere to end things.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Bianca Belair won

Rating: 1.5 stars

Not a great match.

Sasha Banks attacks from behind, Belair halts the attempt and tells her to wait for Mania.

In the back Roman and Jey Uso talk, the main event will get started after this break.

We come back and get a recap of the closing segment from Raw this week. I’d just about purged that from my mind, so thanks for nothing production. They mention that on Raw Drew will wrestle King Corbin. Man, that’s just not good.

In the back Corbin talks into the camera, he says he’s tired of being disrespected on Smackdown and realized when he heard Lashley’s offer he had to take him up on that. He says he carried Drew’s career for a year or so, this Monday he’ll take him out then take out Lashley.

Apollo Crews in the back talking to the camera as well. None of his ancestors ever faced the level of disrespect he has, but at Mania he’ll meet Big E in a Nigerian Drum Fight. A match without rules, where all of his family and the spirits of his ancestors can celebrate with him winning the title.

Edge’s turn to talk, Heyman walks up to him. Heyman says they both see this the same way, this should have been Edge and Roman before that little bastard Daniel Bryan got involved. He says the triple threat mathematically hurts both Edge and Roman, Edge says he doesn’t know what Heyman has planned but he’s heading out for commentary. Edge’s music hits and he heads down to join commentary, our main event will start after this break.

Edge has joined commentary when we come back from break. And here comes Jey Uso so we should get at least one objectively good match on this card as they’ve got some time to work.

Match #4 – Street Fight: Daniel Bryan vs. Jey Uso

They jump each other right away, good way to sell the animosity. Jey gets the better of things with a back elbow and tosses Bryan out of the ring. Bryan with strikes and starts tossing Jey around the ringside area. Jey sends Bryan into the barricade. Back in the ring, Jey gets a chair but Bryan kicks him out of the ring then tires the suicide dive but he runs into a chair shot from Jey. That’s the closest we’ll get to a chair to the head. Jey starts landing chair shots in the ring then tries to pillmanize the leg. Bryan rolls out of the way at the last second, then starts smacking Jey with the chair. Jey rolls out of the ring, and then we get Roman’s music. Here comes the champion, Heyman wheeling a chair behind him. Roman gets seated at the top of the ramp as we head to commercial break.

We come back as Bryan is laying in kicks in the corner. Running drop kicks from Bryan but he runs into a super kick on the second attempt. Jey lodges the chair between the ropes and slams Bryan head first into the chair then starts laying in elbows on the ground. Jey heads out of the ring, and gets a length of chain from a tool box. Back in the ring Jey clotheslines Bryan with the chain. Jey wraps the chain around his fist and clobbers Bryan with it. Jey up top, wants the splash and gets it but only gets 2 on the cover. They move out of the ring and Jey tosses Bryan into the steps again. Jey separates a pair of steps and sets to suplex Bryan on the bottom half but Bryan blocks that with body blows then suplexes Jey off the steps to the ground. Bryan gets a chair from under the ring and starts laying into Jey with it. Jey gets bounced off the announce table, Bryan and Edge are staring holes in each other the whole time. Back in the ring, Bryan hits a drop kick. The Yes kicks follow, concluding with the buzzsaw kick to the head. Bryan gets the chain now and wraps his arm, he unloads with the trapped chain assisted elbows, transitions to the Yes Lock and Jey has to tap.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Daniel Bryan won

Rating: 3.5 stars

I might be giving this match the benefit of a rounding error, but Jey and Bryan also work incredibly well together. The only gripe I have is that the match was a touch short and overshadowed (understandably) by the build to Roman and Edge and Bryan.

Bryan jumps out of the ring and kills Edge with a Knee plus. Bryan slams Edge into a ring post repeatedly and leaves him slumped against the post. Roman hands the belt to Heyman but remains seated. Bryan marches up, Roman stands, dodges a chair throw from Roman and hits Roman with the Knee plus. Yes Lock from Bryan to Roman on the ramp, Roman tries to fight out but the refs and other officials have to come down and break things up. Bryan back into the ring and stands tall to close the show.