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Alright everyone, this is it. The very last time WWE can try to sell you on WrestleMania, to vaunted “go home” show to try and increase excitement for their biggest event of the year. To that end both Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns will be here in some capacity, we’ll get a Happy Talk segment (God help us all), Ricochet and the Intercontinental title get the next best thing to being on WrestleMania. . . a triple threat on Smackdown, and we’ll get the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. There will also be something involving Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey, because of course there will be. Well with that out of the way, let’s get to the action.

Michael Cole and Pat McAfee welcome us to the show. We’re going to open with the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, so here’s a video package for how great Andre was. Everyone’s in the ring, then Dolph Ziggler gets his own entrance. That gives commentary an excuse to show Dolph winning the NXT title. Which, sadly, reminds me that I’m covering NXT Stand and Deliver tomorrow. Finn Balor gets an entrance as well, seems like the least they could do for the US champion since he’s not defending the belt on WrestleMania despite it being a two night event. Cole says, with I presume a straight face, that winning this Battle Royal can jump start your career.

Match #1: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

The usual brawl to start, then Tozawa is eliminated before Reggie follows after Damien Priest boots him. Priest dumps R-Truth, because he hates fun I guess. Erik and Ivar eliminate Jinder Mahal, then Shelton Benjamin takes out T-Bar. Commander Azeez nearly eliminates Dolph but Robert Roode saves his buddy. Madcap Moss tackles Drew Gulak then eliminates him. Happy Corbin, not in the match, shows up to cheer on Moss. Moss is nearly tossed by Finn Balor, then Tomasso Ciampa tries but Moss just wont go away. Corbin leaves, thankfully, and Apollo Crews eliminates Cedric Alexander. Benjamin nearly takes out Apollo but Azeez objects to this and tosses Benjamin out. Mansoor gets eliminated by Ciampa then Apollo is tossed by Erik and Ivar. Azeez and Shanky team up to eliminate Erik and Ivar. Shanky and Azeez stare off, grab each other by the throat, then trade strikes amounting to very little. Azeez goes to eliminate Shanky but everyone else shows up and tosses both of them out of the ring. Priest goes to take out Balor, Balor survives and they trade strikes leading to Balor landing a Pele kick then tossing Priest out of the ring. Roode and Dolph team up to eliminate Ciampa and we’re down to the final four of Balor, Dolph, Roode, and Moss. Balor with a double stomp to Roode then goes for Dolph but Roode saves him again. Dolph and Roode team up on Balor, Moss comes from behind and tosses both Dolph and Roode. Sling Blade from Balor, but Moss then avoids a charge and tosses Balor out of the ring.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Madcap Moss won

Rating: 1 star

It was a Battle Royal, if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all.

Post match Moss gets a mic, he’s happy to have done this all by himself. Ever since he was a kid he looked up to Andre the Giant, and Andre was his hero. He’s always wanted to follow in Andre’s large footsteps. For a joke, what do you call a Battle Royal named after the smartest Texans around? A Cattle Royal.

Well with that waste of time over commentary tells us the IC title match is up next. That of course means a video highlight of your IC champion losing twice in less than 4 minutes of wrestling time last week. I’m surprised they didn’t include Ricochet losing on RAW. Ricochet heads to the ring as we head to commercial break.

Post break commentary tries to tell us the IC title is prestigious, because telling is better than showing right? Los Lotharios head to the ring and we get the Kiss Cam on the way. Humberto and Angel find the plant quicker this time.

Match #2 – Intercontinental Title Triple Threat Match: (c) Ricochet vs. Humberto vs. Angel

Angel immediately rips the pants off and proceeds to double team Ricochet with Humberto. Some running knees from Angel, then he and Humberto hit a sandwich attack. Ricochet starts fighting back with strikes then hits a double hurricanrana. Running attack from Ricochet, then he goes for a springboard but Angel ties him up and Humberto then hits a top rope arm drag. Angel sneaks up behind Humberto, Humberto catches his nefarious actions but Angel offers a hug and they embrace as we head to break.

We come back to Humberto stomping down Ricochet. Ricochet starts fighting back with strikes to both opponents before he’s hit in the corner by Humberto. Some double team moves from Angel and Humberto follow then they pose. Ricochet again fights back, he lands kicks but Angel before Humberto hits a springboard enziguri for a near fall. Angel didn’t like that Humberto went for the pin, then sneaks over and looks to pin Ricochet as Humberto was going up top. Humberto starts arguing with Angel, then Humberto shoves Angel into Humberto. Ricochet hits a slow motion Frankensteiner but Angel breaks up the pin. Humberto rolls up Angel for a 2 count then they start yelling at each other. Ricochet interrupts that with a top rope cross body to both men. Ricochet is a house on fire as he takes out both men but when he goes to pin Humberto after a standing moonsault Angel comes in to break up the pin. Ricochet boots Angel then tosses Humberto out of the ring. A kick to Angel, then Ricochet heads up top only to get caught by Angel and drilled with a right hand. A stiff right from Ricochet lands, he wants a 630 but Humberto attacks him and climbs up there as well. Humberto wants a superplex, Ricochet fights him off then hits a gordbuster dropping Humberto on Angel. 630 from Ricochet to Angel, then he rolls through and hits Humberto with the Recoil and pins Humberto to retain.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Ricochet retained the IC title

Rating: 3 stars

A good match overall, they teased the violence between Humberto and Angel without fully committing to it and that’s probably a good idea since the tag team scene still needs them.

We head to break with a promise that when we return we’ll get a video recap of Kevin Owens antagonizing Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Post break we do indeed get a video highlight package for Kevin Owens and his recent activities.

After that here comes Naomi and Sasha Banks for their tag team match. That’ll be up after this break.

Post break Natalya and Shayna Baszler have entered the ring, along with Rhea Ripley and Liv Morgan. Mostly so they can remind us that all four of these teams will be in a tag team title match at Mania.

Match #3 – Tag Team Match: Naomi and Sasha Banks vs. Carmella and Queen Zelina

Carmella and Banks start things off. Some quick offense from Carmella then she tosses Banks out of the ring. Zelina tags in, just in time for Banks to fight back but Carmella kicks her down then Zelina hits a knee strike. Carmella tags back in and grabs a hanging triangle choke as Zelina tags in, then Zelina hits a Meteora for a 2 count. Again Carmella is back in and grabs a chin lock. Banks starts fighting back and hits a kick to floor Carmella. Zelina tags in and stops Banks from making the hot tag. Banks avoids Zelina then tags out and Naomi lands a kick to the face then a Bubba Bomb and here comes Carmella to break up the pin. Naomi with a double drop kick then tags Banks and they hit stereo kicks in the corner. Naomi back in hits the split legged moonsault on Zelina and pins to win.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Sasha Banks and Naomi won

Rating: 2 stars

Well that happened. It wasn’t bad but it was an obvious time filler.

After this break we’ll get some video on Ronda Rousey.

We come back first with another reminder that WrestleMania starts tomorrow. After that we get video from Kayla Braxton where she interviewed Ronda Rousey as Ronda was “sparring” in a healthy amount of makeup. Asked about being angry at Charlotte Flair Ronda says she’s angry but isn’t going to waste energy on that until she gets in the ring with Charlotte, at which point Charlotte can either tap out or Ronda will tear her arm off and give it to her family as a souvenir.

In case that didn’t sell you on the match, here’s a hype package for Ronda vs. Charlotte.

After that, in case you didn’t get enough of her, here’s Charlotte Flair with a mic. She calls the video package we just saw “epic”, and I’m beyond checked out. She says the pain she’s inflicted on Ronda is more beautiful, poetic, or cathartic, than Oscar winner CODA. Clearly Ronda is pissed, and Charlotte is going to destroy her. We can all see through the facade of Ronda pretending to have her anger under control. Charlotte calls herself cool, does the same tired talking points she always does, and ends with a “Bitch” so we know she’s serious. Are we really so hurt for time that this was necessary? We couldn’t have done something, anything, else?

In the back Madcap Moss buffs his trophy, then Happy Corbin walks up with Drew McIntyre’s sword to scare Moss. They share a laugh.

After this break we’ll get a prolonged video package for Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns.

We come back and do in fact get a hype package for Roman vs. Brock. It’s set in part to Metallica’s All Nightmare Long, which isn’t a bad choice.

After that here’s Rick Boogs to introduce Shinsuke Nakamura. McAfee is doing his usual hype job as Boogs plays, but here’s Austin Theory to shove him over on the announce table. McAfee then chases Theory into the back and Theory again hides in Mr. McMahon’s office. This time McAfee kicks in the door only to be met by Vince. Vince asks if McAfee wants to be fired or to lose his match. McAfee says no, and Vince sends him back to commentary. Back to the ring and here come the Usos, Jimmy will take on Boogs after the break.

Post break our match is about to start.

Match #4: Jimmy Uso w/ Jey vs. Rick Boogs w/ Shinsuke Nakamura

Boogs starts tossing Jimmy around then Jimmy fights back with chops but that just fires up Boogs. Jimmy hits the ropes and tries a cross body but Boogs catches him and curls him a few times before hitting the scoop slam. Jimmy tosses Boogs into the ring post and starts laying in strikes. From his knees Boogs grabs Jimmy for a military press, stands while holding Jimmy then hits a fall away slam. I’m saying it again, Boogs is a ridiculously strong man. Austin Theory shoes back up, gets a cup of ice and tosses it onto McAfee. This time McAfee doesn’t chase Theory but here comes Finn Balor from behind and he beats the crap out of Balor. They fight into the ring and the match is thrown out as we go to commercial.

OFFICIAL RESULT: No Contest

Rating: 2 stars

The rating is for the bits of the match that happened, and I assume we’ll come back to a six man tag team match (playa) once this break ends.

Match #5 – Six Man Tag Team Match: Finn Balor, Rick Boogs, and Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Austin Theory and the Usos (Jimmy and Jey)

We do in fact come back to a tag team match playa. Nakamura is working over Jey with strikes. Jey tags in Theory and he tosses Nakamura down then hits a double stomp and a suplex. Nakamura lands a knee to the body and tags in Boogs. Boogs immediately with a military press but Theory slips free and lands a few strikes. Theory is distracted by McAfee and Boogs is able to grab Theory with several gut wrenches then tosses Theory to the mat. Balor tags in and lights Theory up with chops. Balor hits the ropes and kicks Theory but Jimmy is able to cheap shot Balor. Theory starts in with stomps and Balor heads out of the ring. Jimmy tags in and sends Balor back into the ring. Jey lands a cheap shot. Balor starts fighting back but he can’t make the tag out. Jimmy tosses Balor out of the ring to send us to break.

We come back as Jimmy is still in charge. Balor avoids a Stinger Splash but Jey recovers first and super kicks Boogs. Balor back drops Jey then hits a drop kick and both men are down. Both men tag out and it’s Nakamura running wild on everyone. Nakamura lays into Theory with kicks then hits the sliding German suplex. Jimmy and Jey break up the pin, but here’s Boogs to dump both of them out of the ring. Jey sends Boogs into the ring steps. Balor wants in and Nakamura tags him in. Balor sends Theory out of the ring then dives onto the pile of humanity. Back in the ring Balor hits a Sling Blade then a shotgun drop kick. Balor wants the Coup de Grace but Jimmy and Jey distract him long enough for Theory to recover and crotch Balor. Theory hits the ATL and pins Balor.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Austin Theory and the Usos won

Rating: 2.5 stars

The commercial breaks hurt this, but it was well executed technically.

Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss head to the ring, Happy Talk will be up after this break.

Moss welcomes us to Happy Talk, and tries to put over his Andre win but Corbin cuts him off and reminds us that he won the Andre in his WWE debut a few years ago. But Corbin is still happy for Moss, and happy overall. After Mania he’s darn near going to be euphoric, then we get a recap of him stealing Drew McIntyre’s sword on RAW. Corbin says WrestleMania is his night, he won the Andre at Mania, retired Kurt Angle at Mania, and tomorrow he beats Drew McIntyre at Mania. The sword is just an insurance policy for Corbin. He wants to give it a new name, a happy name, and christens the sword “Euphoria”. Corbin asks for a joke, then interrupts Moss for a joke. “What does Drew McIntyre’s sword and his mother have in common? He’s lost them both”. That brings out Drew and he’s pissed. Moss heads out to attack him but Drew one punches him down. Drew stalks around the ring and gets a chair then heads after Corbin in the ring. Drew tosses the chair into Corbin’s head then takes the sword back and Corbin barely avoids a swing of the sword. Well that wasn’t enough for Drew, who destroys the talk show set then chops a table in half with the sword. Drew paces and stares, but Corbin and Moss got behind the invisible force field on the entrance ramp.

Commentary then runs down the WrestleMania cards. After that Drew stabs the ring to trigger some pyro and end the show.