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Kevin’s Random Reviews: WWE No Way Out 2005
Loading...WWE No Way Out 2005
February 20th, 2005 | Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania | Attendance: 8,000
It’s the road to WrestleMania 21! Hot off the heels of a Royal Rumble that saw Batista earn a World Title shot for the Raw brand, Smackdown needed to set their WrestleMania stuff up. That’s where this No Way Out sits. A battle to determine the top contender for the WWE Title goes down, while the title itself is defended in WWE’s first ever Barbed Wire Steel Cage match. This was the seventh No Way Out event.
The opening video package hyped the Barbed Wire Steel Cage match. There’s “no way out.” Get it? Oh, the theme for this show is “Enemy” by Fozzy, which TNA would use in their awesome Bound for Glory 2006 PPV. Michael Cole and Tazz were on commentary.
WWE Tag Team Championship: The Basham Brothers (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio
The Bashams aren’t exactly the team I’d chose for a “hot opener.” Right from the start, Eddie and Rey showed their superiority with offense that got pops. Things looked bleak for them until they pulled twin magic on Mysterio. That led to Rey taking the heat segment. It’s not the most interesting stuff, but it’s solid heel work and the crowd was all about sympathizing with Rey. Rey got in a nice hope spot on a moonsault near fall. Eddie’s hot tag got great reaction. He was crazy over. Twin magic nearly backfired, as Eddie rolled up the fresh Basham. Eddie threw a Tag Title to Doug just as the ref turned around. It wasn’t to get Doug DQed, which would’ve been dumb. While the ref took the title and got rid of it, Rey slid the other to Eddie, who whacked a Basham with it. Rey hit the other one with the 619 and Eddie pinned the one he hit with the belt to capture the titles at 14:51. This was quality tag team wrestling. Some of the heat segment felt a bit long, but the crowd was hot and the finish was creative. [***¼]
Backstage, Carlito introduced Teddy Long to the wife of one of the Board of Directors. Basically, if he can’t sign Batista, who will be at the show since he won the Royal Rumble and may head to Smackdown, he’s out of a job.
It’s time for the Smackdown Rookie Diva Contest. Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie were the hosts and they joined commentary for the first round. Round one was the Evening Gown Contest portion. They came out to Candice Michelle’s future theme. Joy Giovanni looked the best and showed a little crack. Lauren and Rochelle did nothing, but future Women’s and Divas Champion Michelle McCool looked second best. The crowd didn’t give a damn about this. Not enough sex appeal in this section for them.
Booker T vs. Heidenreich
Heidenreich was in his “Disasterpiece” faze, so he read one before Booker came out. Booker didn’t look interested in this at all. Heidenreich started hot, but Booker started in with kicks and such to turn it around. Heidenreich slowed the pace until Booker busted out the SPINAROONIE. He missed the Scissors Kick and had the Bookend blocked. Heidenreich got sent outside, where he took a chair and hit Booker in the throat, resulting in a DQ finish at 6:49. If that’s all this was leading to, why have it go almost seven minutes? I know that’s not long, but it felt much longer. [½*]
Heidenreich attempted to cover Booker after the attack and didn’t seem to grasp the result.
Eddie and Rey got the generic babyface celebration in the back. How generic, you ask? They celebrated with Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas and Scotty 2 Hotty. John Cena came in and Eddie gave him a pep talk for his match tonight. It was pretty over the top.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship Elimination Match: Funaki (c) vs. Akio vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Paul London vs. Shannon Moore vs. Spike Dudley
They all surrounded the ring, but they drew numbers to see who competed in what order. Spike got cheap heat in a Patriots jersey. Funaki and London drew the earliest numbers. London had a strange look going. He survived a bulldog and rolled up Funaki after a Spike cheap shot to eliminate the champ at 1:38. Spike was next and he jumped London. Funaki superkicked Spike, so London pinned him at 1:58. London and Moore had a solid exchange next, which featured a fair amount of near falls. London’ shot streak continued with a 450 splash to eliminate Moore at 3:38. The future Jimmy Wang Yang jumped in and rocked London with a clothesline. Akio remained in control, taking advantage of a tired London. London blocked a superplex and hit a super swinging neckbreaker. Both men were down, but London beat the count and Akio didn’t, so he’s gone at 7:38. Odd finish. It’s rare and Akio isn’t the kind of guy you expect to be protected. Chavo enjoyed the upper hand on the tired London. All that build, just so London can lose via cheap rollup with the ropes for leverage at 9:45. It’s a tired trope in matches like this and it wasn’t executed well. [*¼]
Round two of the Smackdown Rookie Diva shit. Talent Show time. Joy’s talent was giving Torrie Wilson a massage, while her tiny skirt hiked up. Well, we have a winner already. Rochelle told horrible jokes, Lauren did a lame dance and Michelle McCool, in a Steelers sports bra, body slammed Dawn Marie.
JBL got interviewed backstage and called himself the WRESTLING GOD.
Luther Reigns vs. The Undertaker
Smackdown only PPVs were strange, huh? Luther came out with Mark Jindrak, who got ejected by the referee before Undertaker even came out. Taker pounded away on Luther from the opening bell. The future cameo appearance star of The Girl Next Door and Heroes nearly came back by exposing the turnbuckle, but was sent into it himself. Luther nailed a low blow, leading to a lifeless heat segment. Undertaker wrestled some of the worst of the worst in his career. Taker fought back but ate Luther’s swinging neckbreaker for two. Michael Cole acted like that was the greatest finisher in wrestling history. Taker countered a second and won via Tombstone in 11:44. This went way too long. Undertaker should’ve squashed this dude in like, five minutes. [¼*]
Dawn Marie refused to come out for the final round of the Smackdown Rookie Diva Contest, so Torrie’s hosting alone. It’s the swimsuit competition. Joy again stole the show, with the hottest bikini and making sure to show off a thong under it. At least ****¾. McCool looked good, but the other two were kind of just there. Joy won in OVERWHELMING fashion. This honestly served no purpose. No storyline, Joy went nowhere and it was just here to show off T&A. I’ll never be upset about looking at Joy, though.
Number One Contender’s Tournament Finals: WWE United States Champion John Cena vs. Kurt Angle
Cena beat Orlando Jordan and Booker T to get here, while Angle topped Mysterio and got a bye because of a double countout. Commentary brought up Cena’s debut, where he took Angle to the limit. Angle held serve on the mat inside, so Cena turned it physical by tackling him over the announce table. Angle avoided the FU and used a German into the turnbuckle to regain control. We got rolling Germans, sever near falls and Cena’s comebacks being cut short. It was clear Angle was the better man. His FU counter into the Ankle Lock was masterful. Cena slipped out and finally hit the FU from out of nowhere, but Angle got a shoulder up. Angle went to work on the leg, looking to set up the Ankle Lock and take out the FU. When put in the Ankle Lock, Cena fought hard and made it to the ropes. Angle made the mistake of going after Cena’s chain, leading to the FU, getting the win in 19:21. The best match in Cena’s career up to this point. They told a top notch story of Angle being the better veteran and Cena being the guy with raw potential who refused to quit. [***¾]
WWE Championship Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match: John “Bradshaw” Layfield (c) vs. Big Show
These aren’t my ideal candidates for this type of match. You can win via escape, but you really can’t because of the barbed wire and the door is locked. JBL went after Show, but got overpowered early and often. JBL tried climbing out like an idiot, got scared and tried a goddamn cross body, which failed. JBL rammed Show’s head into a support beam, busting him open. Show returned the favor and both guys were gushing. Cole hilariously called a slingshot a monkey flip. The Cabinet ran down to try and interfere, but Teddy Long arrived to eject them. The Bashams left behind bolt cutters, which JBL tried using on the barbed wire. He and Show fought up top, with Show delivering a SUPER CHOKESLAM that sent JBL THROUGH THE RING! JBL’s dead. Instead of dragging JBL up onto the mat and pinning him, Show used his power to rip the chain off the door. He stepped outside for the easy win, but the bell rang at 15:11 as he posed on the steel steps. JBL was announced as the winner because he crawled out of the cage from under the ring. Amazing finish. The match wasn’t anything special, but that finish was perfect for JBL’s title reign. [**¼]
Sore loser Big Show attacked JBL after the match. The Cabinet made the save and jumped Show until Batista finally showed up. IN HIS GEAR! I hate that. You’re not competing, come out in casual clothes. It looks dumb. Batista destroyed everything in his way. JBL crawled away until John Cena arrived and hit him with a spinebuster through some TV equipment. Batista and Cena jawed at one another, teasing a potential Triple Threat match at WrestleMania.
