Mid-South Wrestling (12.22.1984) Review

-Well, joke’s on us, it’s on Peacock now after all!

-Originally aired December 22, 1984.

-Your hosts are Boyd Pierce and Jim Ross. Boyd’s southern accent is just thick enough to cause a little confusion here, as he excitedly touts “Ass Man” in a match this week. Turns out he just means King Parsons.

-We go back and watch the original Kamala/Kimala introduction video AGAIN (“Arms and legs as large as trees…”) and if you’ve never seen it before, there’s a damn good reason they show this video any time Kamala’s name is mentioned in an old territory. He just looks and sounds like the most dangerous monster ever to come down the pike. And just in case you don’t buy into him after that, we go back and watch Kamala dismantling Magnum TA, Butch Reed, and The Jobber Rescue Patrol. Medical update from JR: Magnum TA has suffered serious internal injuries and we won’t see him around Mid-South for a while.

-And as long as we have the tape machines cued up, we rewatch Ted DiBiase, Steve Williams, and Hercules Hernandez’s bloodying and bruising the Rock & Roll Express. And THAT is where we decide to pick things up for this week, 11 minutes into the show…

NON-TITLE DREAM MATCH: TED DIBIASE & SHEIK HERCULES HERNANDEZ (with Skandar Akbar) vs. ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS
-This received “more mail than all other dream matches combined,” which again requires some preposterous suspension of disbelief about how fast mail can be delivered and tabulated. I mean, what are we to assume, that this is some sort of a MAGIC mail truck?

-Express clears the ring ring away. Herc and Gibson criss-cross, and we get a great spot as the Express switches members in mid-criss-cross and Herc is caught by surprise, and the heels end up on the floor again. Back in, Herc is mad and just unloads on Morton with forearms, then catches him in a stungun. Ricky works his magic, just taking and taking everything until Herc misses a fist drop, and we have your hot tag, your pier sixer, your double dropkick, your loaded glove, but Ricky blocks the glove and the Express rams DiBiase’s hand into the turnbuckle over and over to try to break the glove. Ref gets bumped and Herc does the most elegantly simple thing ever. Usually a ref bump means using a chair or some other weapon, or maybe the manager is going to get involved, but since an unconscious referee means no one is in there to count to five, Herc just chokes Ricky Morton until he passes out, and gets the win when the referee revives. Less is more sometimes. Good match.

ICEMAN KING PARSONS vs. KAMALA (with Skandar Akbar & Friday)
-JR questions the accuracy of Kamala’s weigh-in. Oh come on, don’t YOU start with that, JR.

-Chops and chokes by Kamala. Iceman throws his own chops, but the commentators note that the big “Ugandian” seems “impervolus” to pain. Iceman shouldn’t have put his John Henry on the contract in that case.

-The Ugandan Nurpilizer is clamped on, and we get a subtle touch from Kamala, as he makes a note of where the referee is in the ring and switches from hold to choke to hold depending on the referee is standing, and even though that’s cheating, the very fact that Kamala is cheating indicates that he’s learning, and the commentators point that out. Iceman starts to get something going, but he falls for distraction, and Kamala sneaks up, takes out Parsons, and splashes him for three. Pretty much a squash for Kamala, which surprised me.

-After the bell, Kamala looks to continue the path of destruction, but this time the faces anticipate that he’s going to do it and they make the save much faster for Parsons. Or maybe they liked him more than they liked Magnum, which would actually be a great way to bury him since he’s on his way out of the territory anyway. Just have the faces explain that they saved Parsons but didn’t save Magnum because Magnum never flushes in the babyface locker room and they were tired of looking at it.

TIM HORNER & TERRY TAYLOR vs. “Dr. Death” STEVE WILLIAMS & “Nature Boy” BUDDY LANDELL
-Taylor with an atomic drop right away. Funny bit as Landell tries to save face by jawing with Horner, but Taylor dropkicks Landell into the babyface corner and Landell is caught getting knocked around by both of them so quickly after running his mouth.

-Everyone tags and Horner bodypresses Williams. Dropkick and a drop toehold by Horner. Taylor comes back in and Landell yanks the hair to take control for his team. Doesn’t last, as Horner gets the hot tag and goes for flying bodypress, but Dr. Death turns it into a Stampede and gets three on Special Delivery Horner.

BRAD ARMSTRONG (with Robocop’s entire torso but they call it the North American Title) vs. DALE VEASEY
-They go to the mat and of course Armstrong has the edge there. Bodypress and an armdrag into an armbar by Armstrong. On a personal level I can understand why old school promoters were so high on Brad, but he reminds me of Jim Cornette’s knock on Tim Horner–he seems more like “the friend” than the actual star of the movie. Sleeper by Armstrong gets the win.

HACKSAW BUTCH REED & PVT. TERRY DANIELS vs. ALAMO BUSTERS
-Reed takes on both guys with ease before tagging in the guy who’s going to get pinned. The guy who’s going to get pinned gets caught in headscissors, and Hector tags in and drops a leg on him. Guerreros work over the guy who’s going to get pinned, but he hangs in there with a dropkick. Chavo goes to the eyes to stop the attempted comeback, and Reed won’t tolerate that, so it turns into a pier sixer. The guy who’s going to get pinned gets worked over while Reed gets distracted by Dr. Death, who’s wearing his helmet. Reed ducks a shot from the helmet but ends up fighting Dr. Death on the floor. Reed gets distracted with kicking Dr. Death’s ass while the Alamo Busters just whip Daniels repeatedly…for the DQ. Huh. Shut my big fat stupid mouth. Terry Daniels gets the win.

6.8

The final score: review Average

The 411

I really wish somebody would have just sat down Bill Watts, looked him square in the eye and told him, "It's DUGGAN." Because watching this ongoing search for a next-big-thing when he already has one is kind of bringing the show down.