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The Name on the Marquee: The 1988 Royal Rumble (1.24.1988)

May 23, 2018 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
Hacksaw Jim Duggan WWF Royal Rumble Image Credit: WWE
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The Name on the Marquee: The 1988 Royal Rumble (1.24.1988)  

-Okay, here’s the rundown of all the historical footnotes and behind-the-scenes stuff about the card I’m about to review…

-This was the second bomb dropped in the WWF/NWA pay-per-view wars. The NWA presented Bunkhouse Stampede on pay-per-view this same night, featuring an underwhelming battle royal in a cage in the main event. Now, for starters, a battle royal in a cage is a problem because of the counterintuitive nature of the battle. Getting your opponent to the top of the cage, over the top of the cage, and falling on the floor, while it sounds awesome, also requires so much cooperation from the victim that it just looks bad.

-On the undercard, Ric Flair defended his NWA Title against the #1 contender…Road Warrior Hawk. And yes, Road Warrior Hawk was pushed as an unstoppable badass, but here’s the thing. He was a tag team wrestler. And those of you who used to think this was real, like me, think about this…Even before you knew wrestling wasn’t legit, you noticed consistencies about it. You noticed faces in peril and hot tags in tag team matches. Even if you thought wrestling was real, you noticed those elements. Likewise, you noticed that tag team wrestlers who continued wrestling in a tag team didn’t accomplish much in singles matches. I truly believe that was another strike against the NWA about Bunkhouse Stampede even the densest marks in the world knew Hawk wasn’t going to win the NWA Title.

-Vince McMahon’s counterattack on this night: A free 3-hour special on USA featuring a battle royal with a better gimmick, and a segment building up to another big TV special coming in a few more weeks. Plus a weightlifting demonstration. The result: The largest audience in USA Network history, while another NWA pay-per-view comes & goes virtually unnoticed.

-If it makes a difference to you, I’m reviewing this from my DVD-R of the original broadcast, but the entire show is available on WWEClassics.com.

-Originally aired LIVE on January 24, 1988.

-We’re in the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, ONT.

-And after Gorilla making a big deal out of finding a co-host to join him for the Rumble, your hosts are…Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura. Lousy heart attack.

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. RAVISHING RICK RUDE
-Bobby Heenan is on vacation in Barbados, courtesy of Ted DiBiase, so Rick Rude is alone. I’m sure he wouldn’t have it any other way, though.

-Rude throws forearms at Steamboat. Dragon chops back and Rude goes to the eyes and tosses Steamboat over the top rope. That backfires like you’d expect and Rude hits the apron hard on his way to the floor. Back in the ring, Rude jaws with a REALLY annoying fan in the front row who brought her own megaphone. And not the plastic toy “Outshout the Mouth” megaphones they were selling, she brought an honest-go-God Jimmy Hart-style megaphone, and she will not shut up.

-Test of strength goes Rude’s way, but Steamboat does some fancy rolling and turning to reverse it into an armbar. He wrings the arm and chops the shoulder a few times to really work it over. Rude tries clotheslining him, but Steamboat ducks and armdrags him. Even your commentary team is starting to get annoying by the woman at ringside and Vince offers a less-than-subtle “Uggh” on commentary to cue somebody, ANYBODY to take the fucking megaphone away from her.

-Steamboat unleashes more chops and an armdrag, applying a wristlock and splashing the arm to continue the onslaught. Steamboat starts punching with his good arm and rams Steamboat into the turnbuckle. Steamboat ducks an attempted clothesline and armdrags Rude down, then drives knees into Rude’s shoulder over and over and over again. Rude takes Steamboat down with an elbow to the eye. He tries to pose but his arm is too hurt. Pity.

-Punches and chops are exchanged. Blown spot by Rude when he barely connects with a kneelift, and Steamboat covers nicely by staggering and falling through the ropes in mid-run. Rear chinlock by Rude and Steamboat taps out, but we’re ten years away from anybody knowing what that is, so the match goes on. Steamboat appears to pass out and fucks up the “raise your arm at three” spot, so the referee actually has to give him a fourth try at it and Steamboat miraculously revives and electric chairs out of the hold.

-Rude fights back with an atomic drop for two and goes back to the chinlock. Steamboat powers out and lobs Rude into the corner, then rams him into the turnbuckle. He gets a two-count. Rude tries a side headlock and we dual for reversals and pinfalls for a few moments. Rude goes to the eyes and clotheslines Steamboat for two. Suplex is blocked and reversed by Steamboat. Steamboat goes to the top and tries to finish with a flying bodypress, but Rude pulls the referee into harm’s way to take the blow. Rude lifts Steamboat in the body vice and the referee calls for the bell, so it looks like a submission win, but, nah, Steamboat wins by DQ. 1 for 1. Actually a lot better than I remembered it.

-Wrestlemania IV…March 27.

DINO BRAVO’S WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT
-Gene Okerlund & Jesse Ventura are at the interview platform with a weightlifting bench and weights. Jesse explains that Dino has asked him to be a spotter and explains the spotter’s function. In standard weightlifting exhibitions, it’s for safety purposes, but for this exhibition, it’s so somebody with actual mic skills can carry the segment.

-Dino Bravo & Frenchy arrive. Frenchy says stuff in French. Dino is confident. The goal tonight is breaking the world record, 705 pounds. Dino puts powder on his hands and puts on gloves. Jesse explains the importance of preventing hand slippage. So let’s go for the record…Dino is now going to lift…415 pounds. Oh. Okay. Dino starts to lift it, but demands total silence first. The problem is he already had it, which isn’t exactly a good thing. And of course, the crowd boos and he gets angry. Dino successfully completes the lift.

-So now Dino asks Jesse to add 90 pounds, for a total of 505, a phenomenal, breathtaking 200 pounds less than the record. Jesse hollers at Vince McMahon for some reason while Gene just says, “No, no” over and over again. Dino completes the 505-pound lift. Gene reminds us that this program is live.

-Dino is now attempting to lift 555 pounds. The crowd is dying, so Gene does the “he needs total silence” thing, which Jesse really should be doing, but Jesse ain’t done shit except add weights to the bar, so Gene basically has to function as a heel every few seconds to revive the crowd. Jesse finally takes the hint and demands respect for Dino’s efforts. Dino completes the lift.

-Dino takes time out to cut a promo and demand continuing silence from the crowd. We add more weight to the bar, bringing it to 595. Dino starts to lift, then gets all pissy about the booing again. Frenchy starts complaining in French. Dino completes the lift.

-We go to 655 pounds on the bar as Gene tries to explain that Dino has to work his way up to the record-setting weight, which again should be Jesse’s job. Jesse starts yelling at Vince McMahon and they basically reveal that Vince is signaling the crowd to boo and jeer.

-Gene talks to Jesse Ventura, who says he’s never bench-pressed 655. Frenchy talks in French again, and they add more weights. They add more weights, and Gene has to ask “How much more weight?” five or six times before finally getting an answer. It’s 715 pounds, so THIS will be the world record lift.

-Dino gets mad about all the booing and walks out, which Gene declares to be a travesty (Again, JESSE should be doing that). Jesse takes the crowd to task for their rudeness. Frenchy talks Dino into returning. Dino tries to complete the lift, but he can’t do it and looks like he’s about to choke himself with the bar, so Jesse (out of Gene’s view) helps him lift it back up. Gene declares it a new world record, and Vince basically rattles off “Wait a minute he cheated, that’s not a world record, we’ll be right back” as fast as he can, cutting off Dino & Jesse and fading to black as they start cutting a post-lift promo. 1 for 2. God almighty, what a horrible misuse of the largest audience in USA history.

LADIES TAG TEAM TITLE, 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS: GLAMOUR GIRLS (Champions, with Jimmy Hart) vs. JUMPING BOMB ANGELS
-I’m just going to flat-out admit that I can’t tell the difference between the Bomb Angels, which makes me a terrible person and possibly a racist, so we’ll just go with Pink and Red for classifying them.

-FALL ONE: Kai beels Pink across the ring and rams her into Martin’s boot. She slams Pink and goes for the pin, but Pink just slides on her back to get out from underneath. Red tags in and does a tumbling headbutt thingy into Martin’s gut. Gutwrench suplex gets one. Front facelock by Red as Jesse asks Vince point-blank, “What are the Bomb Angel’s names?” And then, honest-to-God, Vince says, “Let’s call the one in the ring Pink and the other one Red.” It’s been forever since I watched this show, I can’t believe that. So here we are, Adam, Vince, and Jesse, three American white guys admitting we’re in over our heads.

-Red dropkicks Kai and the Bomb Angels pinball her in the corner. Jawdropping abdominal stretch by Red that leads to a melee, and the Bomb Angels apply figure fours on both opponents. The referee clears out the illegal women and Red eventually just releases her hold and drops a leg on Kai. Pink works the legs, Red does likewise. Martin tries to intervene but falls on her face. Martin charges in the corner and Red raises her boots, but Martin catches her by the ankles and London bridges her from the top rope. Martin does a powerbomb variation that causes Red to land on her face, and that’s good enough for the three-count to take the fall.

FALL TWO: Martin faceplants Red and chokes her. Kai stomps away and boots Red down. Slam by Kai, but a splash misses and Pink bolts in with a dropkick and a high clothesline. Vince is now attempting to identify the Bomb Angels by name and it doesn’t go well.

-Red comes back in and gets clotheslined down. Kai tries a powerbomb, but Red slips out and sunset flips her for an abrupt three-count.

-We take a commercial break, and according to Dave Meltzer, if you had the live satellite feed of the show without commercials, you heard this during the break:

VINCE: Hey, how do you pronounce the Bomb Angels’ names again?…Really?…Wow, I butchered the shit out of those names.

FALL THREE: Angels attack and double-team at the bell. Kai boots Red down. Pink tags in and gets kneelifted. Martin stomps Pink and tries to finish with a double-underhook suplex for two. Glamour Girls double-team Red and Kai armdrags her for two. Red suddenly throws some punches before Heimliching Kai, lifting her, and dropping her straight down on her ass a few times. She slams Kai into position for a knee off the top from Pink. Slam gets two. Double underhook into a bridge gets two. Bodypress by Red gets two. Slam by Red, but a second rope splash misses and Kai gets two. Bomb Angels both come off the top rope and connect with double-missile dropkicks on Martin, and that gets the three-count and the titles to an electrifying pop, which somehow Vince didn’t learn anything from. 2 for 3. A forgotten classic from that wonderful year of 1988.

-We go back to Wrestlemania III. Vince & Jesse argue about the false three-count. We move onto the arrival of The Million Dollar Man and his announcement that he wants to buy the WWF Championship. Next, we look at Saturday Night’s Main Event and Andre’s attempted murder on the Hulkster.

FEBRUARY 5 CONTRACT SIGNING
-Gene Okerlund is in the ring, along with President Jack Tunney, Andre the Giant, Ted DiBiase, and Virgil. Hulk, of course, gets his own entrance, and he shows up in a t-shirt & jeans so he doesn’t look like a jackass like he did at the last contract signing. Hogan & Andre sit at the table and Hulk hesitates while DiBiase screams at him. Andre sits back and re-reads his entire contract, discussing it with DiBiase.

-After an hour or so of this, they finally sign the contract, and DiBiase orders Andre to put a “stamp of approval” on it. Andre rams Hulk’s face into the table, then flips the whole thing over and on top of Hogan. Hulk is left laying as Andre leaves, quite pleased with himself. I could have watched this segment all day, and for a minute, I thought we were going to. 2 for 4.

-Wrestlemania IV…March 27.

THE 1988 ROYAL RUMBLE
-Only twenty men for the first year. For those who are new to the party, a random drawing is held before the show. Every wrestler draws a number from 1-20. The wrestlers who drew 1 and 2 start the match. Two minutes later, 3 enters the match. Two minutes later, 4 enters the match, etc., until all 20 men have entered. You’re eliminated by going over the top rope and hitting the floor. Last man in the ring after all twenty have entered is the winner.

-Here’s how I’m going to score this. Normally it’s just straightforward thumbs-up or thumbs-down from me, but the thing about a Royal Rumble match is that, like a handjob, even a bad one is okay, so obviously, it gets a point. The thing about the Rumble is it’s a long match it’s pretty much the entire reason for the existence of the show, so it gets scored differently. The match is worth four points total, and I’ll give it 1, 2, 3, or 4 points. Now, at this time, those of you who hate my score system may be saying, “Hey, Adam, that sounds like a star rating! Why don’t you just start doing goddamn star ratings if you’re going to do that?” And to that, I can only say, “Uh…hey, look over there!”

-Are they gone?…

-Tito Santana is #1, Bret Hart is #2. How convenient. Bret goes on the assault with headbutts and stomps. Tito rams Bret into the turnbuckles and punches him down. Series of fists follows. He tries to toss Bret, but Bret fights him off and gives him the inverted atomic drop. Elbow from the second rope by Bret. He tries to roll Tito over the top.

-Butch Reed is #3. Tito fights Bret off but Reed hammers him down. He tries to eliminate Tito, but Tito attacks the knee to get Reed to back off. He noggin-knocks Bret & Butch. Bret attacks Tito from behind and Tito gets double-teamed for a spell.

-Jim Neidhart is #4. Tito nearly gets a fluke elimination on Bret. It turns into a 3-on-1 assault on Tito. Decapitator on Tito. They’re just toying with him and they get ready to toss him, but before they can…

-Jake “The Snake” Roberts is #5. He dumps Butch Reed onto the floor immediately for the first elimination of the night. Jake punches the Foundation and Irish whips them into each other. Tito starts to recover and they Irish whip the Harts into each other again. Jake tries to DDT Bret, but the Anvil takes his head off with a clothesline. Bret piledrives Tito.

-King Harley Race is #6. He drops elbows on the prone Snake. Jesse wonders about the possibility of cheating by entering the match too early. Vince assures us that there’s an official backstage to prevent such an occurrence, but I’d say the real preventative measure there is asking, “Why would you?” Race headbutts Jake, and Tito gets triple teamed by the King and the Harts.

-Jumping Jim Brunzell is #7. He kicks both Harts’ asses and tries to dump Bret, and we have a multiple-car pile-up against the ropes with attempted eliminations and people trying to prevent them. Brunzell tries to eliminate the King, but his highness won’t release the ropes.

-Sam Houston is #8. Harts try to destroy him, but Houston fights both of them off. Brunzell is still trying to dump Race and gets help from Houston to attempt it. The Foundation finally manages to toss Tito.

-Danny Davis is #9. He attacks Houston, obviously. Houston punches Danny into a quivering pile of goo. Anvil tries to do something about it as Harley Race weeble-wobbles between the red & white ropes, courtesy of Jake Roberts. Jake decides he wants to have fun with Danny too and suplexes him. He goes for the DDT but Danny fights him off.

-Boris Zhukov is #10. He attacks Houston while Race & Davis double-team Brunzell. Jake battles the Anvil in the corner. The heel/face boundaries are finally crossed by Harley Race as he attacks Boris Zhukov. Davis puts the boots to a weakened Houston. Bret helps Danny do some double-teaming. Backbreaker on Houston.

#11 is Don Muraco. Nikolai Volkoff, noted moron, tries to enter the match early, having ignored my inquiry from earlier. Don punches him out before entering the ring, and the referees force Volkoff to stand outside and wait his turn as Boris gets eliminated. Muraco brawls with the Anvil while Houston attempts to unload the King. Bret gets into fisticuffs with Brunzell.

#12, obviously, is Nikolai Volkoff. He sprints right in while Don Muraco gets rid of Harley Race. There’s a brawl going in every corner while Race refuses to leave. Harts & Danny Davis go to work on Sam Houston until Don Muraco breaks it up.

#13 is Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Race attacks him on his way into the ring. Duggan starts to chase Race, but thinks better of it and just marches to the ring instead. He attacks the Anvil. He turns his attention to Bret while Nikolai and Muraco go at it.

-#14 is Outlaw Ron Bass. He attacks Hacksaw. Jake Roberts chokes Danny Davis. Volkoff manages to toss Brunzell onto the floor. Muraco gets hung upside down on the top rope and Bass tries to take advantage of that situation. Danny Davis tries to take advantage, too, but just gets pounded down.

#15 is B. Brian Blair. Blair attacks Bret, but Anvil is there for his partner. Houston & Bass battle for Texas pride. Everyone mills around for a little while.

#16 is Hillbilly Jim. Anvil attacks him right away, but Hillbilly is fresh, so he sends Neidhart over the top without any trouble. Hillbilly beats on Danny Davis for a while. Danny seems so lost without being able to go to the floor and walk around. Houston beats on him for a while. Volkoff & Muraco are still brawling. Duggan finally realizes there’s a Russian in the ring and that triggers a natural brawl.

#17 is Dino Bravo. Hillbilly is practically waiting for him and attacks. Bass lifts Houston into an electric chair position and tosses him waaaaayyyyy the hell down to the floor to eliminate him. Bret & Bass try to dump Jake Roberts but can’t quite do it.

#18 is Ultimate Warrior. Muraco eliminates Bret Hart. Blair & Roberts double-team Danny Davis. Bravo gets into fisticuffs with Warrior.

#19 is One Man Gang. He clubs away at Jake, then tosses Brian Blair. Gang is on a roll, so he dumps Jake Roberts, too.

#20 is Junkyard Dog. He brawls with Dino Bravo. Duggan pounds away at Volkoff again. Davis & Bass double-team the Warrior. Dog brawls with Gang. Hillbilly joins in that beating. Duggan eliminates Volkoff. Gang tosses Hillbilly Jim in the meantime. Warrior chops and punches the Gang. Muraco helps him. Three-point stance by Duggan eliminates Danny Davis. Dino tosses the Warrior. Headbutts and punches on the Gang by the Dog, but Bass sneaks up and eliminates him. Muraco tosses Bass.

Your final four are Don Muraco, One Man Gang, Dino Bravo, and Jim Duggan. Gang avalanches Duggan. Muraco manages to fight off both heels with dropkicks and elbows. Frenchy tries to interfere but gets dropkicked off the apron. Dino stands against the ropes and holds up Muraco for a clothesline by the Gang. For the only time in heel wrestler history, it WORKS, and Muraco is eliminated. Duggan tries to fight off both opponents. They double-team him. Gang & Bravo try the clothesline spot again, but this time it backfires and Bravo is eliminated. Duggan throws punches at the Gang but gets pounded down. Gang chokes him on the top rope. Duggan is hanging there limp, so Gang charges at him, but Duggan ducks down and pulls down the top rope, so Gang falls over the top rope and crashes to the floor. Your winner is Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

-I give it 2 points. It was really just a long battle royal for the first go-round. They didn’t start doing things like building angles and telling stories until the following year. 4 for 8.

-We take a look at earlier tonight, when Hulk Hogan went headfirst into a table.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW WITH CRAIG DEGEORGE
-Craig talks to Hulk Hogan, which a big “HULKAMANIA IS DEAD!!!” sign in the background. Hulk has Wrestlemania III flashbacks He tells Andre that he might be able to break a table, but he can’t break Hulkamania!

2 OUT OF 3 FALLS: YOUNG STALLIONS vs. ISLANDERS
-For the life of me, I don’t know why this is three falls.

FALL ONE: Tama dodges Powers a few times and then attacks with chops. He tries a backdrop, but Powers leapfrogs him and slams him down. Tama offers a handshake. But fuck that, the commentary is the most interesting part. Vince turns things into a total shoot and takes Jesse to task for how boring and awful the weightlifting segment was. Speaking boring, the crowd isn’t feeling this match at all and you can watch people heading for the exits as this progresses.

-Back to the ring, Haku armdrags Paul Roma. Roma catches him with a bodypress for two. Stallions work the arm and double-team Haku. Tama tags in and goes to work on Jim Powers, but he misses an elbow and Powers tries to work his arm, too. Elbow by Haku for two. Double headbutts by the Islanders. Haku charges in the corner but takes a knee to the jaw. Double-clothesline wipes out both men. Double tags bring in Tama & Roma. Roma whiffs on a clothesline and gets a two-count. Tama tosses him hard to the floor and Roma writhes in pain, indicating he injured his knee on the way down. He can’t get back up, so the Islanders take the fall by count-out.

-We take a look at earlier tonight, when Hulk Hogan went headfirst into a table.

-We go ahead and have an interview segment while Paul recovers on the floor. Craig talks to Andre the Giant & Ted DiBiase. The only reason it’s interesting at all is a moment where Craig thinks Andre is done and starts to wrap it up, Andre hits him in the stomach and yells, “I’m not finished yet!” Craig almost breaks up on-camera and bows his head for the rest of the segment to hide his laughter.

FALL TWO: And a whopping eleven minutes after fall one, fall two begins. Roma has his knee all taped up now, and Tama destroys him with kicks and a slam. He goes for a splash and Roma stupidly counters by raising a knee, injuring himself more. Powers tags in and backdrops Haku for two. He rams Haku into the top turnbuckle and clotheslines him down. Elbow for two. Suplex by Powers for two. Elbow for another two. Haku gives him a HARD shot to the abs and Tama tags in to unleash a series of chops and kicks. Islanders double-team Powers. Powers gets a cradle for two. Haku comes back with a backbreaker for two. Elbow by Tama gets two. Hiptoss gets two. Islanders double-team Powers and Haku drops him with a gutwrench suplex for two. Abdominal stretch by Haku, and since Gorilla is in the hospital, he’ll be safe. Powers hiptosses free.

-For some reason, he tags in Paul Roma, and the Islanders just squash him without mercy. Half-crab by Haku gets the win by submission. 4 for 9. Boring, boring match.

-Vince & Jesse have the unenviable task of having to gobble up a full seven minutes at the end of the show and talk about what a memorable night it’s been. We take a look at earlier tonight, when Hulk Hogan went headfirst into a table. It’s weird how the building is just completely empty by the time they finally sign off.

5.0
The final score: review Not So Good
The 411
Better than the Bunkhouse Stampede but honestly not by much. The NWA had NO filler material, this show was loaded with enough filler for both events and most of it was dreadful.
legend

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Royal Rumble, WWE, WWF, Adam Nedeff