wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: Clash of the Champions II: Miami Mayhem! (6.8.1988)
Loading...-What luck! Tony Schiavone just happened to cover this show on his podcast a few days ago, so I watched along with that audio first and this review is actually going to be my second time seeing it today. What jumps out at me from watching it the first time is how there’s such a visible identity crisis emerging, as Jim Crockett Promotions is devoting this show to convincing SOMEBODY that this company is prosperous, no matter how out of place their approach to that ends up being.
-Case in point, we open the show with the tuxedoed Jim Ross, who’s standing by in the arena parking lot for tonight’s entire event–an assignment that Tony says Jim Ross was particularly frosted about because it meant he couldn’t even WATCH the damn show, he just had to hang out in the parking lot during the matches and kill time. We’re here to watch the “dignitaries” emerge from their limousines. Emerging from the first limo is Lyle Alzado of the new situation comedy “Learning the Ropes,” along with Frances Crockett in formal wear and Bruce MacArthur, a dude with a 13-word job title that JR rattles off in a second and a half, in a tux. The second limo has two NWA promoters also in tuxes. Not seen emerging from the limos: WRESTLERS. As a viewer, am I supposed to clutch my sweaty taint in excitement because NWA employee Gary Juster wore his good clothes for an NWA event?
-Originally aired LIVE on Superstation TBS, June 8, 1988.
-We’re at the James L. Knight Center in Miami.
-Your hosts are the tuxedoed Tony Schiavone and the tuxedoed Bob Caudle, who get to be inside the building for this. Basically the dress code for the evening is that anybody who isn’t actually scheduled for a wrestling match is in a rented tux.
U.S. TITLE: BARRY WINDHAM (Champion, with JJ Dillon) vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG
-Crowd shot manages to lock in on the one fan in Miami who happens to be wearing a Wrestlemania III shirt. First bump of the match is apparently an armdrag, but Tommy Edwards treated us to a fan holding up a “Traitor” sign for ten seconds, so I’ll have to take Bob Caudle’s word for it. Armstrong slams Windham, and Windham walks around the ring for three full crowd shots before heading back in. Armstrong goes right back to the armdrags. Windham reverses with headscissors and Teddy Long CROWD SHOT forces a break. Windham goes to the floor for another break CROWD SHOT. Back in, they have a snapmare/headscissors exchange CROWD SHOT but Teddy Long catches the hair-pulling again.
-Windham starts getting aggressive with gloved punches, but misses a fist drop CROWD SHOT and goes out to the floor CROWD SHOT again. Iron Barry Windham heads back in and gets trapped in a side headlock. Windham gets free and Armstrong slams him down, then applies the headlock again. Armstrong goes for a bulldog back Windham turns it into a back suplex. Powerslam by Windham gets two as this match is finally coming to life.
-Windham applies the figure four, with JJ giving some extra leverage from the floor, which leads to a hilarious shot of a guy in his Easter suit that Tony called “Scatman Crothers” standing up and screaming at Teddy Long to do something. Windham throws Armstrong to the concrete and stunguns him on the barricade. Armstrong gets his second wind and just lights into Barry with everything in his arsenal. Bodypress off the top gets two. Brad comes off the top rope for a second bodypress, but Barry applies the claw at impact, and it’s enough to put Brad away. That turned into something pretty good after a slow start. 1 for 1.
-THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS RETURNS! And it doesn’t go well, as Robert Gibson almost faceplants right on the concrete and an arm has to come in from off-camera to physically jerk Ricky Morton back so the camera can see him. They promise that Rock & Roll is here to stay in the NWA! Tick…tick…tick…
-And now, we go to an incredibly weird video package about the Blackhawk, a fancy yacht that the NWA rented for today. And apparently they got a nice deal on the yacht because we get narration from Tony, telling us the entire story of the boat. Lyndon & Ladybird Johnson, Frank Sinatra, and John Denver have all rode on this boat. Now, to be clear, we’re not seeing Frank Sinatra and John Denver, which would have been impressive. We’re seeing a boat that both of them were on at some point. Ooooooooh. We do get a nice shot of some dude who looks like character actor Burt Mustin wandering around on the deck for some reason, so if you know who Burt Mustin is, you can just pretend that’s him and it’s like they got a guest star from beyond the grave.
-So now we go in the boat, where the two NWA promoters we saw earlier are enjoying wine, dressed like they’re about to get busted by Crockett & Tubbs. Frances Crockett and Lex Luger are sitting on the famous couch that John Denver may have once sat on, while Jim Crockett greets Ric Flair and invites him to have a seat in the famous wicker chair where Frank Sinatra once farted and blamed it on Dino. JJ and the rest of the Horsemen are there for back-up.
-Jim Crockett announces that on July 10, Ric Flair will defend the NWA Title against Lex Luger, and they’ve all gathered for the historic contract signing. Lex is excited about the opportunity. Ric just taunts him and says he’d better be ready for Baltimore on July 10. I bet that’s going to be a great house show! I mean, I’m presuming it’s a house show because they said nothing other than “July 10 in Baltimore.” The Horsemen leave the boat as the camera slowly pans over to Tony Schiavone standing at the door and wrapping up the segment. It doesn’t sound funny, but it’s a hilarious shot because Tony was only narrating that video package; we never saw him and weren’t aware he was on that yacht until the moment the camera panned over to him. So as Tony himself aptly put it on the podcast, it makes him look like Rod Serling introducing a “Twilight Zone” story.
-We go back to JR in the parking lot as the Four Horsemen arrive. Figuring in commercials and the “Learning the Ropes” hype segment that the Network edited out, this would make them about 45 minutes late for the show.
U.S. TAG TEAM TITLE: FANTASTICS (Champions) vs. SHEEPHERDERS (with Rip Morgan)
-Another note from the podcast: Tony didn’t seem to remember a guy other than Johnny Ace being in the Sheepherders’ corner. Like, at all.
-BUT FIRST! We return to the parking lot, where Lex Luger and Jim Crockett are arriving in their limo. Lex emerges first in a dazzling pink and white tux, and the Horsemen immediately pounce, rip his suit off, and leave him a bloody mess. Also worth noting Lex doesn’t have a match tonight, so there was no reason for him to be here OTHER than to get his ass kicked by the Horsemen.
-Point of order: the Horsemen and Lex arrived in what were clearly two different limos from the ones they used in the first segment. Like, that’s where we are with the wasteful spending in this company. If anybody bothered to say “We could probably get away with re-using the two limos from the opening,” nobody listened.
-So we finally start the second match of the night with Tommy Rogers getting his eyes gouged by Butch. Luke boots him and Tommy gets outta Dodge while Bobby Fulton tags in and dropkicks Luke to the floor. Fulton gets caught in the corner and double-teamed by the Sheepherders. Match goes out to the floor and Rip Morgan attacks from beind, but accidentally clotheslines Luke. Fantastics easily take on all three men on the floor. Back in, Luke begs for mercy while the rabid crowd chants “USA,” a sign of the well-remembered US/New Zealand tensions that defined ’80s.
-Luke wipes out Tommy with a headbutt and Butch goes to work with fistdrops. But the Fantastics clear the ring again. Luke cones back in and rallies with an abdominal stretch, but Tommy hiptosses out. Sheepherders collide on an attempted double team and Bobby Fulton tags in, getting caught in the wrong corner again and booted down. Fulton and Luke collide on a shoulderblock and Butch tags in. We get a weird spot were Fulton is clearly able to make the tag but chooses not to and just gets pounded on by his opponents. Comedy spot follows where the Fantastics take turns trying to pin both Sheepherders at once. Referee gets distracted and Tommy gets thrown over the top. Butch drills him in the back with a title belt for good measure.
-Back in, we go to the chinlock. Sheepherders try to do the chair spot that JJ tried to do at Clash I and Luke’s head goes into the chair this time. We get like the fourth hot tag of the night to Fulton, who just comes in and rolls up Luke for a three-count. Weird finish. This was a strange match in a lot of ways, as the Sheepherders never really looked like a threat and the Fantastics weren’t in any real trouble until we were in minute 13 or so of a 16-minute match. 1 for 2.
-And now, the whole “everyone wears tuxedos” theme reaches peak ridiculousness as Tony Schiavone interviews “Dr. Death” Steve Williams, who’s wearing a white tuxedo with tails and gloves, like he drove to the arena straight from playing Bobby in the Miami regional theater production of “A Chorus Line.” Steve wishes Lex Luger a quick recovery and a reasonable dry-cleaning bill for the white tux that he ruined by blading.
GORGEOUS JIMMY & RON GARVIN (with Precious) vs. VARSITY CLUB (with Kevin Sullivan)
-The introductory graphic for the match suggests that this is for the TV Title, but I have a feeling it’s not. Kevin Sullivan has to be locked in a cage at ringside.
-We go to JR in the parking lot for an update: JR shows us the tape of the attack on Lex Luger and says that he has no updates. Super.
-Back to the ring, the Garvins attack right away and it becomes clear pretty early that the match is the backdrop for a soap opera at ringside, as Kevin Sullivan has something concealed in his robe, pulls out a folded piece of paper, and starts beckoning for “Patty” to come over to him. Steve Williams is sticking around for guest commentary to amortize the cost of his tuxedo. Fireman’s carry takedown by the already-shiny Mike Rotundo. Jimmy comes back with one of his own and works the arm. Ron tags in and Rotunda uses the hair to take him down to the mat. Rick Steiner tags in to work the arm as Precious starts inching over toward Sullivan’s cage.
-Varsity Club switches off on Ron to work his arm over. Funny note: Bob Caudle is sitting this match out and apparently left ringside altogether because they apparently only have two microphones down there. So that’s where JCP decided to tighten the purse strings tonight. We go to the floor as we see that Precious is the one who has the key for Sullivan’s cage. Why you’d give it to her in this situation I have no idea, but I don’t think I’ll get anywhere if I try to nitpick details in a “Satan worshipping cult leader who manages two college jocks and uses them to terrorize a guy’s wife while plotting to build a large cage” storyline.
-Jimmy has a front facelock applied on Steiner as Precious starts to drift over to the cage again. Ron comes in and throws the chop of the night at Rotunda. Ron gets thrown out to the concrete and we have a brawl on the floor. Brawl spills into the ring while Precious finally drifts over. Sullivan snatches the key out of her hand and unlocks himself while the match ends somehow with the Garvins getting a pinfall. Precious tries to get her hands on the paper that Kevin was waving around, but she can’t find it, and Sullivan starts choking her until Dr. Death makes the save. After the match, Jimmy tries to check on her, but Precious shoves him away and walks off in a rage for some reason. 1 for 3. Everyone actually wrestling seemed to be aware that they were of secondary importance and was visibly not giving their best effort.
-Bob Caudle’s back to announce The Road Warriors vs. Powers of Pain in a scaffold match for July 10 in Baltimore, at which point the Powers of Pain said “lol nope” and jumped to the WWF. It’s actually pretty funny because that marks the second straight year that Vince McMahon called the Road Warriors’ bluff about jumping ship. The Warriors spent 1987 making noise about a promotion that was supposedly starting up in California and getting a million dollar a year guarantee from the company and trying to get either Vince or Jim Crockett to top that offer. Vince basically laughed and hung up the phone on him because Vince, not being an idiot, was smart enough to know “Here in 1987, if someone offers you a guaranteed million a year to wrestle, you’d take that offer instead of reaching out to me to see if I’ll offer $1,000,001.” So here we are in 1988, where the Road Warriors gave an interview to somebody where they said they wanted to “keep their options open” if Vince wanted to negotiate with them, at which point Vince snatched the Powers of Pain to make them his own Road Warriors, and suddenly the option wasn’t open.
-Next, we cover the Tower of Doom, part of that big event on July 10 in Baltimore. We’re shown a blueprint for the Tower of Doom, and we crank the Stupid up to 11 as Bob Caudle whips out a Sacred Ancient Parchment showing what Kevin Sullivan claims is the original tower of doom, and it just looks like a three-tiered Punjabi Prison. We’re told the original tower of doom is “somewhere in Japan or maybe China.”
NIKITA KOLOFF vs. AL PEREZ (with Gary Hart)
-Good for anybody for getting off the steroids, but with a full head of hair, half the body mass he had a year ago, and a feud against Al Perez, Nikita Koloff really is just “some guy” at this point.
-Nikita reverses an Irish whip and Perez looks concerned. Perez tries an arm wringer but Nikita turns it into an armdrag. Nikita stays on the arm. Corner charge by Nikita misses and Perez boots him out to the floor, where Gary Hart rams him into a table. Perez assaults him on the floor to look like a heel for the first time in his entire NWA run. Perez tries to suplex him back in but collapses and Nikita lands on top for two. They bungle an attempted roll-up so badly that both men are barred for life from working at the Fruit Roll-Ups factory because of the potential they’d screw those roll-ups up just as badly.
-Nikita reverses a suplex and makes a big comeback. Hard elbow propels Perez over the top rope. Larry Zbyszko runs in and Nikita lays him out with the sickle, but even though the interference didn’t really affect the match, the referee calls the bell because he’s just ready to move on after 12 minutes. 2 for 4. I gave this a point because I’m just delighted that these guys finally have an actual issue to discuss for promos now.
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: ARN ANDERSON & TULLY BLANCHARD (Champions, with JJ Dillon) vs. DUSTY RHODES & STING
-Arn takes the fight to the floor early, but Sting ducks a punch and Arn’s arm goes right into the post. Sting stays on the arm until Tully tags in and gets thrown around. Dusty tags in to a mega-pop since we’re in Florida and takes on both Horsemen. JJ interferes to turn the tide, but back in, Dusty just drills Tully with a flying lariat because Dusty’s never seen a finisher that he didn’t borrow for his own shit. Sting tags in with a Stinger splash on Tully and it looks like he’s going to finish this right now, but Arn gets him on the floor and drives him into the barricade.
-Horsemen double-team Sting but can’t quite put him away. Arn takes it back out to the floor and DDTs Sting on the concrete. Sting survives and they slug it out. Hot tag Dusty, and Dusty lays out Arn with a DDT (case in point…). All four men end up in the ring and we wrap up with a shit finish, as Sting and Dusty both push Teddy Long for no reason to get themselves DQed. Windham attacks after the match and lays Dusty out with the claw. It was fine while it lasted but it was more of a TV feature bout than a “main event.” 3 for 5.
