wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: Saturday Night’s Main Event (10.29.1988)
Image Credit: WWE
Loading...-Opening promos: Jake and Cheryl Roberts are horny…horny for VICTORY. Rick Rude is wearing his Cheryl tights for fun. The Big Boss Man is here to enforce the law tonight. The Hart Foundation vows to recapture the Tag Team Championship. Jimmy Hart will be in Demolition’s corner. Hulk Hogan is going to knock King Haku off the throne, with help from the lovely Elizabeth.
-We’re in Baltimore, MD, which is apparently the same as Washington, DC based on the way everyone talks about it throughout this show.
-Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura.
-We go back to April 1988, where Cheryl Roberts slapped Rick Rude and triggered a brawl. Jesse calls her “The Robin Givens of Wrestling” and calls Jake “a drunken Marine.” Rude started wearing tights with Cheryl Roberts’ portrait airbrushed on them, and Jake finally snapped one week, attacked Jake from behind, and ripped the tights right off. Bobby Heenan adds a 9.6 Olympic dive over the top rope for good measure. God, I love Bobby.
-Gene Okerlund can’t understand why Rick Rude would wear those tights again. He brags that Jake and Damien “couldn’t beat me in a three-legged race.” So…he’s talking about his dick, right? Bobby Heenan throws in a joke about “towel-headed swamis” for good measure.
-Jake offers a rebuttal, with Cheryl offering a fig leaf for Rick.
JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS (with Cheryl Roberts) vs. RAVISHING RICK RUDE (with Bobby Heenan)
-This feud finally, finally, finally dies after some of the most achingly slow-paced house show matches ever committed to videotape. Vince once again demonstrates that he doesn’t have a firm grasp on what the expression “bird’s eye view” means, noting Cheryl will have one while at ringside. Yeah, if the bird is seriously injured, I guess.
-Jake works the arm until Rude goes to the eyes. He pounds Jake down and swivels his hips at Cheryl a few times for shits and giggles. Rude makes a comeback with a clothesline and a stomachbreaker. He drags Rude over to the ropes and Cheryl slaps him across the face. This totally pisses off Bobby Heenan and Jesse Ventura, who quite correctly declare that to be outside interference. Vince tries to defend it by saying that it was just a slap in the face, and Jesse completely turns it around on him by calling him sexist for implying that a woman is weak. Vince is almost speechless.
-The referee forces Cheryl to leave as we pause for commercial. We return with a brawl on the floor. Rude wins the battle handily and goes back inside for a celebratory pose. Jake makes it back into the ring before ten and throws fists. Baaaaack bodydrop by Jake and he calls for the DDT, but he didn’t do a short clothesline yet, so you know he won’t get it.
-Sure enough, Rude backdrops out and heads to the top rope. Knee connects, but he makes a lazy cover and Jake kicks out easily. Both guys get desperate, with Jake biting Rude and Rude going to the eyes again. Jake gets the DDT out of nowhere and Rude is out cold, but instead of going for the pin, Jake starts ripping off the tights. Bobby runs in and attacks to stop him, drawing a DQ.
-Andre the Giant heads to ringside and attacks Jake, sending him out of the ring. Jake heads back in with Damien, and Andre freezes. Jake throws Damien right on him and Andre clutches his chest and passes out. EMTs head to ringside to check on him. When Andre wakes up, he’s incredibly jumpy and searches the ring for any sign of Damien. 1 for 1. Good match, which was a welcome change, though the finish was an unnecessary cop-out.
-Hart Foundation wants the tag team gold back!
-Demolition vows to retain the belts. Since we’re within a reasonable drive of Washington, DC, Ax rattles off a cute political pun, saying his opponents are “Bleeding Hart liberals.”
TAG TEAM TITLE: DEMOLITION (with Mr. Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. HART FOUNDATION
-No mention is made of the fact that this match already happened on pay-per-view two months ago. Anvil gets trapped in the wrong corner and pounded down. Things go better for Bret, getting a near-fall from a second-rope elbow. Ax tags in and there’s a REALLY sloppy edit. I get the impression that we skipped a lot because Bret is suddenly pretty sweaty.
-Ax & Smash trade off working Bret over. Hot tag to Anvil and Anvil cleans house with dropkicks and clotheslines. Powerslam by the Anvil, but Ax breaks the pin and we have a pier sixer. Demolition gets Irish whipped into each other as the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers suddenly arrive at ringside. They’re content to watch the melee until the Harts go after Jimmy Hart and they dive into action, interfering and tossing the megaphone into the ring, and we get exactly the same finish as Summerslam ’88, allowing Demolition to retain. 2 for 2. Good match, although fucking bizarre to sit through if you saw the other match.
-We look back at the injury of King Harley Race and the abdication of the throne. Heenan wants revenge.
-Hulk briefly brings up his recent ass-kicking at the hands of the Big Bossman, but promises that he’s 100% tonight. And if Bobby Heenan tries anything, Hulk will balance things out with help from Elizabeth, who is on loan from Randy Savage.
HULK HOGAN (with Miss Elizabeth) vs. KING HAKU (with Bobby Heenan)
-Elizabeth holds the rope open the way that she’s always done for Randy Savage, but Hulk will have none of that and holds the rope open for her. Hmm…
-Haku attacks from behind with kicks, eye rakes, chops, and everything else in his arsenal. Hogan gets fired up and does his own raking. Hey, at least he waited for the heel to do it first. Heenan tries to trip up Hulk near the ropes and Hulk goes to chase him, but Haku takes advantage as I’m suddenly concerned I might wear out my H key.
-Nerve hold by Haku hurts Hulk Hogan. Hogan breaks free, but Haku gets an impressive kick that sends Hulk out to the floor. Heenan orders Haku to chop Hulk from the apron, but stupidly stands next to Hulk while giving the order. Hulk pulls Heenan into harm’s way and Heenan takes the chop. Hulk celebrates by parading around the ring with the crown while help comes to ringside to take Bobby Heenan back to the locker room.
-Haku’s PISSED now and goes crazy with chops and stomps. Hulk hulks up and decides to wrap things up with the usual. 3 for 3. Pretty good Hogan formula, and actually, he carried the match, with Haku really doing nothing more than kicking for seven minutes and Hulk bumping his ass off every which way for it. Great line from Jesse while Hulk does his muscle poses: “Look at the ego! It’s never been bigger!”
-Dino Bravo promises that he will make Ken Patera salute the Fleur De Lis by the end of the night. It IS a pretty flag, honestly.
-Ken Patera cuts another awful promo, quoting Hacksaw Jim Duggan directly for his own promo and still clearly needing a cue card to do it.
KEN PATERA vs. DINO BRAVO (with Frenchy Martin)
-Shoulderblocks go nowhere, so Patera just throws fists and goes for a backdrop. Bodyslam by Patera and Bravo goes to the floor to recuperate. Back in, Bravo goes to work with choking. Patera gets a comeback, but misses a charge winds up in a side suplex for three. 3 for 4. What the fuck was with Ken Patera losing every match in exactly the same way? Was it supposed to be some bit of psychology where Patera had an obvious Achilles heel, or did he just not give a shit at this point?
BIG BOSSMAN (with Slick) vs. JIM POWERS
-Squashy squash squash squash. Bossman wins with ease and then obliterates Powers with the nightstick, leaving him for dead. 3 for 5.
-Hulk reacts to what we just saw, promising revenge for his own assault.
